So there you are.
Cruising along the path to your creative dream.
It’s not all unicorns and rainbows, there are tough times and challenges but overall it’s pretty great.
But then it happens.
Someone zips right past you!
They zip right past you and they get to the prize.
They get IT. The book deal or the solo show at the really hard-to-get-into gallery or they have a shiny new e-course or they were featured on etsy or whatever.
They got IT and you didn’t.
And it feels like crap.
And it becomes so easy to start thinking…
it’s so easy for her
everything is just handed to her
it’s not fair
It becomes easy to start comparing. To start freaking out. To start wondering if you really are good enough to make this happen.
And if you are good enough, why is it happening for other people but not for you?
Ouch.
Jealousy can let loose a massive tidal wave of energy and “Stuff”.
And when you’re in it, it’s anything but pleasant.
But it’s also pretty unavoidable. Hello! There are billions of us on this planet. Others are bound to have what you want. Just like you are bound to have, and to continue to get, things that other people want.
And it can be turned into a really super use~full tool for Creative Dreaming, if you’re willing to be with it.
That’s the rub, there.
Being willing to be with it.
Jealousy, like any other feeling, has a lot to teach us, if we are willing to learn.
It can show you what you want.
Sometimes jealousy can be a great big surprise. Sometimes you didn’t even know you wanted something until you saw someone else get it. Sometimes you kinda knew, but were keeping it a buried just beneath the surface. Until so-and-so got it. And now it’s not so beneath the surface anymore. It’s right up in your face that you want this thing that someone else just got.
This is good because the odds of you getting what you want raise dramatically when you are willing to admit you want it.
But looking deeper than that… jealousy can steer you towards where your own stuff is getting in the way of your success.
This is the part where it gets Really Uncomfortable
When you start really exploring it, your jealousy shines a light on your limiting beliefs. The places where you hold yourself back. To start really exploring it, ask yourself:
Who are you jealous of? Why?
How does it feel? What does it say about you?
And by ask yourself I mean really ask yourself. Spend some time with the questions and the answers and the feelings they spark.
Who are you jealous of? Why? Of course this shows you more about what you really want.
How does it feel? What does that say about you? Now this is where it starts to get interesting.
I’m jealous of so-and-so because she just got such-and-such and it makes me feel like I am never going to get it for myself.
I’m jealous of so-and-so because she just got such-and-such and now there is less for me.
I’m jealous of so-and-so because she just got such-and-such and now if I get it people will think I am copying her.
I’m jealous of so-and-so because she just got such-and-such and it makes me feel like I must be stupid and hopeless because I haven’t figured out how to get it yet.
I’m jealous of so-and-so because she just got such-and-such so she must be better at it than I am.
The way the jealousy makes you feel shows you something about where you are stuck.
If you think someone else getting what you want makes it less likely that you will ever get it – this is showing you that you hold a belief in lack. There isn’t enough to go around. Working on shifting this belief will help you be less stuck with your dreams.
If you think someone else getting what you want is a sign that you are stupid or hopeless or anything – this is showing you that you don’t really believe that you are good enough. Working on shifting this belief will help you be less stuck with your dreams.
You may or may not be aware of these beliefs, they may be sub-conscious or not – doesn’t really matter. Jealousy is bringing them to light. You see them now. One you see them, they are ready to be healed and shifted into beliefs that are going to nurture and support you.
Whatever it is, it is holding you back.
Invisibly and beneath the surface, it trips you up and keeps you from shining your brightest light.
And it only pops up above the surface when it gets stirred up by something like jealousy.
So having it be up here on the surface where you can see it is actually a huge gift. Because you can learn about it and change it and heal it. When you do, you open up more space inside you for your creative genius.
This is a big part of what we do in the Creative Dream Incubator – learn about, heal and transform the places where we’re stuck.
When I do these things, the beliefs start to shift and change. I move into a space of being able to choose a new belief. One that will be more nurturing and supportive of me and my Creative Dreams.
It doesn’t happen overnight.
Not even close.
But it does happen, if you do the work.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Laura S. Fisher and Lauren Rosenfeld, Andrea Schroeder. Andrea Schroeder said: They got what you wanted and you're jealous. How to turn jealousy into a tool for Creative Dreaming: http://bit.ly/fLHUSY [...]
ABSOLUTELY AMAZINGLY POWERFUL!! Thank you Andrea!!
Great post! When I’m aware of being jealous of someone else I shift my attitude to “Lucky (whoever)! I want that! I’m going to have that too.” It changes the perception from negative to positive: (a) being glad for whoever and (b) recognising you want something and will get it too. The ideal is to be sure of what you need, why you need it, and certain you’ll have it one day. Then you can let it take care of itself and concentrate on something else, knowing that it will happen in its own time.
I struggle with this a lot. Especially the “They’ll think I’m copying so-and-so…”
It feels super icky…then I beat myself up for being a terrible person! This is definitely something I need to work on.
Wonderful post .. love this.. it’s true, we all admire things about others… it’s best to stop being jealous and work together to make us all succeed… I think supporting one another genuinely is the key.. not for what u yourself are gonna get out of it, but just because it would make u happy to see someone else succeed! Too many negative ppl out there, I choose my close friends wisely. xo thks for this Andrea. Love all you do xo
Thank you Robbin!
Jackie that is so wise! And that is actually where I meant to go with this post, but once I started writing it just went in a different direction. I love that “Lucky (whoever)! I want that! I’m going to have that too.” It is super transformations.
Lee Ann… what is beneath that reaction? It seems like it’s saying that what other people think is more important than your own happiness. Or more important than you being able to do whatever you want. And you are so definitely not a terrible person! These reactions are all completely normal.
Bonnie supporting each other is awesome! Sometimes we do feel jealous – I think it’s always ok to feel how we feel, but then choose what we’re doing to do with/about it. If you work through your own reaction, that frees you up to choose to be truly supportive.
Great post and how true. I recently got into a discussion about this with someone experiencing this very thing. I am now going to hop over to the site and see if I can find her and give her your link! Thanks Andrea
Really, really, enjoyed reading this. It struck a lot of chords – thank you, Andrea.
Thanks Rona!
And thanks Jeanette!
Andrea, I have thought a lot about this since I read your article. I struggle with jealousy -BIG TIME, so your words really struck a chord. I think that jealousy is part of my inner critic (the dark fairy ). We keep fighting one another. DF just won’t let me settle a nd be productive.
I’m still mulling this over. I might have to draw and paint the dark fairy so I can chat with her.
Thank you :)
Oh Janet drawing and painting the dark fairy is BRILLIANT! I’d love to hear how it goes.
Hi Andrea,
Thanks for sharing your site on DWYL, I’m glad to find you! I love this post on jealousy. I’ve always thought it’s just something “i have to work on” and get better about. I never really thought of it as maybe a key to more information. It’s so hard not to get competitive. I’m so glad others get jealous too. Makes me feel like I’m not alone!! Best wishes from germany, tj
I suppose I wish that my first reaction would be to be happy for the other person…truly and deeply right down to my toes…without feeling the jealousy at all! Not sure if that will ever happen though…
[...] are you jealous of? Jealousy is a really useful tool for figuring out what you DO want. Andrea from ABC Creativity wrote an excellent post about working with jealousy, and I highly recomme… Share the love:FacebookStumbleUponPrintEmail This entry was posted in Everyday magic and tagged [...]
Jealousy is something I’m seemingly incapable of, though I didn’t realise this was unusual until fairly recently.
So this post was pretty enlightening to read, darling.
It’s a topic that I confess is still confusing to me though. I would love to understand it more fully.
Perhaps you could write more about it sometime?
Like, what’s the gap between ‘so and so got or did something’ and ‘I’m not happy about it’?
Because it seems the gap is a big one. I can identify with most of those reasons/feelings behind jealousy – so I get that – but without actually feeling any jealousy.
Hmm. I should probably ask myself more questions about that! :)
xo
Hi Andrea,
People have been jealous of me all of my life and honestly, I run like a mad dog when I sense that someone is jealous of me. I get freaked out if I’m around jealous people and the extent of the meanness that they can go to because of their negative toxic feelings. I’ve never been jealous of anyone my entire life. I get really happy when anyone achieves success. Anyhoos…. this was a positive post to help those that deal with jealousy turn that around.
xoxo,
Eren