Ever since I put a limit on the number of people who can be in the Creative Journal Magic class I. Feel. So. Relieved.
Soooooooo relieved.
Like a weight I had no idea I was carrying has been lifted.
And I am giddy happy today. Yay!
The trees outside my bedroom window. I am lying in bed and reading and enjoying this beautiful day.
I’m lucky to have so many amazing tools – creative journal magic, maps that lead to my dreams and creative meditation. But even with these amazing magical tools:
Things are not always going to go exactly like I want them to.
This is a part of having a business. Oh! And it’s part of being alive.
And when that happens, if you look at it and explore and it openly and honestly there is always something interesting to learn about yourself, and about your relationship to what you want.
I do want this fantastically large number of students, all in one class, one day. Yes that is a genuine want and a legitimate creative dream.
I didn’t want a lot of people in this class just to have a lot of people in the class. Or just to make a bunch of money. Or to say “Look at me! I have soooooo many people in my class!” I want it because I want to spread more magic to more people.
But I also want to honour the parts of me who say – no. I don’t want that big a class right now. There are so many things about it that feel overwhelming. I want to stay far away from overwhelm.
Here is where flexibility comes in handy.
Maybe you can’t have what you want in the way you want it right now – but probably you can have it in a different way.
So as I said – I feel like a weight I had no idea I was carrying has been lifted.
The parts of me that were trying to avoid overwhelm live so far beneath the surface that I didn’t know they were there. But, unconsciously, this part of me had been putting all this energy into trying to hold things back and keep things slow so that I didn’t get overwhelmed.
Putting a cap on the number of students in this class, and making a commitment to keep looking at that for each of my future classes, means that part of me can relax. It’s safe now.
So all that energy that was going into trying to keep overwhelm at bay has been freed up.
And new amazing creative ideas are coming to me like crazy.
All of a sudden it seems so easy and obvious to see how I can amplify the magic without having larger classes.
Also handy – patience.
Because I think do still want that fantastically big class. Even though I’ve accepted that yes – now is not the time. I’d be too overwhelmed.
But this is something for me to grow into.
When I said in my first post about this that “You can be a marketing superstar but you’ll still only get as many people as your inner capacity will allow” I didn’t mean that this is my capacity so I am stuck here.
I have every intention of stretching that inner capacity.
But doing it with gentleness and creativity and compassion. And most of all trust. And letting it take however long it takes.
Years ago, when I started doing my creativity workshops, sometimes no one showed up.
Sometimes a few people showed up. Sometimes no one.
And each time, I explored what was happening on the inside and on the outside – to the best of my abilities.
(One side benefit of not getting what I want has been getting much better at this exploring stuff and learning how to find the treasure much faster)
And then I took what I learned and tried again.
And again and again and again and again.
And now here I am.
Enough people do show up that I don’t need to have a job anymore.
My inner capacity has stretched a lot.
And it will keep stretching.
As long as you stay in the process – there’s no way you won’t get what you want.
It may take a lot longer than you want it to.
By the time you get there it might look totally different than you thought it would.
But you will get there.
Unless, when things don’t go the way you want them to, you just give up.
Of course, if you just give up – you won’t get there.
in these most recent posts and videos you have spoken aloud so much of what I have been experiencing this year with my courses and thoughts around them.
that has meant a lot to me and i’ve been thinking about these posts a lot.
thank you for so bravely sharing.
I’ve liked these posts. I’m about to launch my summer art journaling workshop after some bad experiences with my workshops this year. And it seems that past experience — the wildly successful workshops from last year, the tons of articles I’ve written or been interviewed for this year — isn’t “good enough.” And as I think about it, I think 20-30 students would be perfect. But I like how honest you’ve been, because you’re saying what I feel except I’d sound really whiny while you’re so self-reflective and positive….it’s been SO helpful to me!
<3, kira
i love your thinking & stretching & being.
you are InspirationIsland.
xoxox
“inner capacity” that’s such a good way to think about it and something I’ve been reflecting on in my own life. Yay for weights lifted and stretching! (wow sounds like a physical workout! It’s an energetic/spirit workout I suppose…) Have a happy day of lightness and light!
This is such a timely series of posts for me! I think I’ve been running into the same inner capacity issue that you faced when you were starting out. Launching a class for the first time is such a big deal…but sometimes I wonder if I actually felt ready to have people come.
Even when NO ONE came, there was a teeny part of me that felt relieved… Hmmm…
Thank you so much for sharing your process so openly, Andrea. Your work and your story have contributed SO MUCH to the courage I’m finding as I pick myself up and try again.
xoxox
Meg
I am so grateful that I have such amazing people reading and sending me just the right comments at just the right time :)
I am glad I shared all of this.
You are a brave cookie, Andrea! “As long as you stay in the process – there’s no way you won’t get what you want.” This has me thinking a lot. A big decision I had to make last week had me down for a day or so, as at first I seemed to think that this was going to de-rail my dream. But I got to thinking, and the more I remained open to ideas, the more I realized it could be like you said, that I could still have what I want, but in a slightly different way. The doors aren’t closed, and only I can keep opening them anyway. So picking up the pieces, so to speak, and shuffling about to see what’s next now. All that inner capacity you were talking about is really coming up front & center for me too, and loving my own potential. Thank you for the inspiration! Happy Week, Andrea! :o)
That is one gorgeous pair of wings
you’ve got there:)
Inspired I am…..wonderful share!
-Jennifer