I was in a Starbucks, working on the Creative with Money Playdate materials and I was having one of the biggest Inner Critic attacks I’ve had in some time.
The women sitting beside me were not helping, with their conversation about how they’ve given up all of their hopes and dreams to get married. So I was turning up the volume on my headphones partly to block them out and partly to distract myself from my Inner Critic.
But he got through anyway.
IC: What are you doing? This is stupid! There is Way Too Much Stuff Here to teach this properly in FOUR HOURS. YOU ONLY MADE THIS FOUR HOURS LONG?! YOU ARE INSANE.
Me: OK I hear you. And I agree that this is much too much for four hours. Which is why I am creating the post-playdate implementation + transformation workbook and adding the group coaching/Q+A videos throughout the summer. The Playdate itself is just the start. See?
IC: Hmmm Ok yeah. But I get so overwhelmed when we have to teach something HUGE like this! And, more importantly, I hate everything you’ve done so far. HATE!
Me: Well rough drafts are rough. I’m just playing with how to put the pieces together.
IC: But it’s happening in TWO WEEKS! You have NEVER not been ready in advance before. THIS IS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE DOOM.
Me: I hear you. Can you remember that this is based on the past few months of Creativity + Money Coaching I’ve been doing? Can you remember that I already KNOW WHAT I AM DOING?
IC: You have a funny way of showing that you can do it. You’re still not doing it!
Me: Hey – Me Who Has Done This Already, are you there?
MWHDTA: Yes, I’m here. (smiling gently, she kind of glows) What do you need, sweetie?
Me: Well I wanted to ask you to tell the Inner Critic to shut up but just seeing you reminds me that that isn’t the way to talk to him.
MWHDTA: You’re right. How about we give the Inner Critic a hug then?
[group hug]
Inner Critic starts to cry.
IC: I’m just so scared! This is so important! This could change so many people’s lives! You have to Get This Right. This! Is! So! (sob!) Important!
MWHDTA: Ahh sweetie. It is important. But that kind of pressure doesn’t work. It doesn’t fit.
We can’t fill a beautiful thing with pressure and then hope for it to be anything but pressure-filled.
IC: Oh, of course.
MWHDTA: So what do we want to fill it with?
Me: All of the qualities that I wrote out this morning, the qualities that represent the different parts of the play date:
Grounding
Opening
Possibility
Freedom
Exploration
Discovery
Insight
Transformation
Distilling
Possibility
Abundance
Creativity
Magic
Forward Movement
Transformation
Integration
And also:
Sparkling Brilliance
Glowing with Possibility
Healing
Harmony
Empowerment
Me Who Has Done This Already has each of these qualities, each one in different brightly coloured cup.
We all mix them together in this beautiful sparkling crystal bowl.
It turns into magic sparkles (of course).
The magic sparkles kind of float up out of the bowl.
And take the shape of a circle of people, holding hands and dancing. I can hear their tiny laughter and feel the joy and delight emanating from their dance.
Every so often a HUGE spark goes off from the center of the circle (each time someone discovers something big and amazing about their money story).
Me-Who-Has-Done-This-Already puts her arms around me and the Inner Critic and says:
We can do this. But it has to be a party and a celebration. No bickering! No pressure. No forcing the pieces together.
Don’t work on the playdate. Celebrate the playdate. Play the playdate.
I love how I always get The Best Advice from the characters in my inner world.
The Playdate is, after all, a playdate.
“Working on it” like it was a work doesn’t make sense – of course I was getting frustrated and stuck.
So I scrapped all the work I’d done and started fresh.
And you can probably guess what happened next.
My work celebratory playdate preparations flowed like magic.
Before this conversation, it was like I had a million puzzle pieces and not enough space to spread out to put the puzzle together.
And now – I’ve got creative flow.
Flow! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
This party is going to rock.
You’re coming to the Playdate, right?
We’re going to play!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!
And explore! And discover!
And have Crazy-Smart Insights about money!
I love how open you are to sharing those inner critic conversations! Have to share an OLD journal entry (from 1987) with you (have been doing some time traveling). My inner critics were not so “inner” when I was a teen! :)
http://wendybooks.weebly.com/2/post/2012/05/my-life-as-an-actor.html