I was looking through my Instagrams from last year and I found this:
Those are my shoes, and socks I knitted myself, and my favourite scarf from Istanbul.
And it sung out to me. Pay attention! This is important!
I don’t remember where this is but this photo is bursting with promise.
The first steps of a brave new adventure.
See, the next photos on my Instagram reel are of a day I remember very well. A magical day. It was early spring, the leaves were just barely out and So Bright Green and I went to visit the fairies in the forest.
The fairies spoke to me about possibility and magic.
And on the way back home they insisted that I take a different route.
Which lead me right past the construction site of what is now My Dream Loft.
I went home and googled the construction site and called the real estate agent and got very excited when I realised that the new dream seeds I’d planted about living and working in an amazing loft, seeds I thought were a few years away from growing, just might be coming to life right now.
And the only thing in the way was money.
Obviously, if you read my blog you already know how it all turned out. The Dream Loft is mine now.
But this was not an easy decision to come to.
The pieces did not fall into place all on their own. The fairies were trying to fill me up with enough magic and possibility that day to see me through the financial aspects of this. And I was still terrified.
I had left my job only six months before and was still not 100% rooted in my new life.
I was definitely not 100% rooted in trusting my ability to generate the money I need for whatever I want. I did fully trust that I was headed in that direction and would be there soon, but was still in that vulnerable state of settling into my new dream.
I was not feeling ready to take any kind of financial risk.
I was still in the process of un-plugging from the money beliefs I’d held while I was working for someone else. Beliefs about how security and stability and about how you can trust external sources to provide for you.
It was beliefs about money holding me back – not money itself.
And, of course, the fears which are created by those beliefs.
I did TONS and TONS of inner critic work untangling my beliefs around money and security and possibility.
I did TONS and TONS of getting in touch with me-who-lives-the-dream (a very cool exercise from the end of the Creative Dream Incuabtor) and learning from her how she does money.
And I came to a place of understanding that this Dream Loft was what I needed for the next step in living in my dreams. (Not that dreams have to keep growing BIGGER, but they do have to keep growing TRUER. Your purpose evolves as you evolve so your dreams must evolve too.)
So there I was with a choice to make:
1. EXPAND and EVOLVE in INTEGRITY. Do what is in alignment with purpose and spirit and dreams.
2. CONTRACT and STAY SMALL in FEAR. Listen to your limiting beliefs and accept that false sense of security.
A part of me definitely wanted to contract and stay small. Staying small can feel very safe. And risks are scary!
But all of the wisest parts of me wanted to move forward.
AND the wisest parts of me were very clear: the You-Who-Lives-In-The-Dream Loft can easily pay for the Dream Loft.
Which is a difficult thing to explain to mortgage broker.
But once I got really clear – that stuff did work itself out, with help from my superfantastic sister.
Because I wasn’t choosing between loft or no loft. I was choosing between expanding or contracting. Integrity or fear.
Getting at what is really happening beneath the surface makes financial decisions easier and opens up sparkling, magical new possibilities.
I AM NOT SUGGESTING YOU TAKE INAPPROPRIATE RISKS WITH YOUR FINANCES.
Money is important and it buys important things like food and shelter and medicine and glitter glue. You need that stuff. You need to have enough money to buy that stuff.
I am suggesting that circumstances can be re-arranged. And that money, and life, are much more fluid than they seem.
And that when you really explore a situation you can find a lot of magic and opportunity that you can’t see from the surface.
And as you know – progress on my Dream Loft has been anything but dreamy.
We are currently 6 months behind schedule. And yes I moved my things in but no I still can’t live there.
And you know what has happened in these 6 months?
I went to Portland twice for life-and-business-changing retreats with the best teacher I’ve ever had.
I did a batshitcrazyinsane amount of inner work and intense processing around growing into the me-who-lives-a-much-bigger dream.
Those two things inspired ideas for changes in my business. Not having the expense of a home meant I could take some risks in implementing those changes.
They also sparked changes in how I relate to myself, to my creativity, to my potential and to how I approach my work.
And here I am: feeling solid and rooted in my life and in my work, with steadily increasing income and very long list ways to really rock my business, and my life, once I have settled in.
Because I said yes to what my heart was calling me to do, the obstacles shifted and changed and worked themselves out.
Within the dream is the mechanism for it’s fulfillment.
This is always true.
But often, when you don’t already see the money there – you put the brakes on.
You squash your dreams. You let money be more important than dreams – as though money and dreams aren’t friends and partners.
But money and dreams are friends and partners.
They will work together. And support each other.
It’s all about relationships.
Your relationship with your dreams and your relationship with money will determine what relationship your dreams and your money can have with each other.
We’ll spend a day playing with money, and playing with our beliefs about money.
And then we’ll spend all summer integrating that magic into how we do money.
Opening up new possibilities.
Creating spaces were obstacles can shift and change and work themselves out.
I’ll do everything I can to help you find that space where you feel solid and sure and grounded in your relationship with money.