Ugh.

So I asked the knot “Why are you here? What message do you have for me?”

And the knot said “You need to shut down your business.”

And I said “Really, why?

And the knot said “Because you have a KNOT in your STOMACH!”

And I was all huh I guess I shouldn’t talk to knots first thing in the morning.  This makes no sense.

So I took my knot in my stomach and my giant creative journal and some markers and went to the Starbucks drive-thru and then went to a beautiful, quiet out-of-the-way park.

(Unfortunately everything with damp with dew and lousy with mosquito so I stayed in my car.)

This knot came to me after about a week of pretty heavy stuff.

As I settle into this amazing new workspace of mine so much is changing!

My art has changed.  My journals are changing.  My business is changing.

Everything is getting deeper and truer and brighter.

Beautiful.  Infused with the qualities of the Dream Loft: Creativity, Sustainability, Luxury, Innovation, Simplicity, Spaciousness, Light.

Well, beautiful for me.

Terrifying for the small scared selves within because all change terrifies them.

So, I’ve been having daily Creative Alchemy Sessions with myself to transform the fear into something more helpful.

On this day, I started the session with a drawing of the knot.

And to make a long story short I turned the knot into yarn and used it to knit up a security blanket – with Safety, Calm and Peace knitted right in – to wrap the small scared selves in which created enough space for The Magic Of Purpose to be there.

Of course, The Magic Of Purpose makes everything easier.

One of the big things I learned in that is that there is a physical component to the security blanket.  Something that I have to do for my frightened little inner children so they can keep feeling safe.

Well, a bunch of things, like:

• more meditation
• more yoga
• more art
• more journaling
• more Creative Alchemy Sessions

And this surprising thing:

• less sharing of this personal process stuff on the blog
• more sharing of this personal process stuff in Advanced Creative Badassery
  
• and a re-structuring of both my blog and Advanced Creative Badassery to make this work
  

So, basically my inner children would feel much safer if I only shared the “really strange” (but creative! and CRAZY EFFECTIVE!) ways that I deal with my inner critics and fears and stretch my comfort zones and bring my dreams to life with the people who appreciate my work the most – the people who choose to work with me on an ongoing basis.

It means when I do share these stories I can actually dive into much fuller richer detail than I do now because when I’m writing stuff for my blog I am censoring myself somewhat, keeping in mind that this is public.

So the stories will become more inspiring!

And people can discuss and explore and ask questions in the privacy with other Advanced Creative Badasses – which just has a different feel to it than a public blog because it’s not a public blog - it’s a container for living your magic.

So I immediately recorded a video showing the creative journal page I made during that Creative Alchemy Session in my car in the park and telling the whole story and sent it out only to the Advanced Creative Badassery group.  And it felt Just Right.

It also opens up space for me to turn this blog into a Steady Stream of Inspiration.

With lighter, easier-to-digest posts.

Like the blog will be the fun appetizers and Advanced Creative Badassery will be the complete meal.

So. Lots of change in store over the next while and all of it is good and fun and creative and exciting.

If you like this post, you may also like:

• Why is it so uncomfortable for me to share this part?
• Daring Dares Me To Say No
• A visit from the “I Don’t Have Enough Time” monster
• Conversation With My Inner Critic: Not Believing In Yourself Is The Worst Feeling In The World
• Talking to a Creative Block