Every Sunday in December I am writing about Visionary Visioning. I’m creating this space for myself to step out of what’s happening around me, so I can explore what my greater vision is and how I can align my world with it. Post one is here, post two is here.
So, even before I heard the horrible news, this past week was complete crap - full of inner critic attacks on a scale I have not experienced before.
And now that I see that in words – inner critic attacks on a scale I have not experienced before – it’s really clear. I’m stirring things up more than I realise in committing to explore my greater vision this month.
Inner critics are naturally afraid of us stepping into our greater vision. It would have been good to remember that ahead of time! Maybe then I wouldn’t have been so totally knocked out by them. But, as it is I didn’t remember that and I did get totally knocked out by them.
Not to be overly dramatic, but looking back to last week’s post feels like looking back on another lifetime.
I am so grateful to me-from-then for listening to the messages and acting on them. Moving things around and giving things away and creating new space even though she could only see the teenytiny tip of the iceberg about why she was doing that.
I have to share this kind of ridiculous in hindsight quote from last week’s post:
Surprising discovery as I connect to Heart-Centered Richness + Fullness: I want to make less money
It felt surprising at the time but is really a natural extension of it’s not about about having lots of stuff. It’s more about having what’s right and trusting your needs will be met.
It started to become clear that the only reason I want to make more money is to have more money socked away in case of an emergency.
And then, of course, this week presented a financial emergency on a scale I had not really considered possible. Which then turned into a series of financial emergencies.
Ahhhhh thank you universe you are so funny! And you’re right. I DO like having what I call cushions of money. Cushions feel entirely different from having money socked away in case of emergency. Cushions can cushion emergencies, they can also create space for adventure and exploration and joy and anything else.
This is where visioning is kind of confusing.
When I set out to connect with the greater vision, of course I can only see what I can see.
Each Sunday, I sit with it and a new aspect of it gets clearer. Then each week I do what I can to align myself with what I’ve learned about the vision, which makes it clearer still.
The process of getting clearer can be confusing.
It’s like cleaning off a painting that is covered in whipped cream (the painting is safely under glass). You start by clearing off one part and you see gorgeous flowers. You’re all… oh yes! My vision is flowers! I want to be the greatest floral designer in the world!
If you run off and go with it and don’t keep coming back to get more clarity and wipe more whipped cream off, you’ll never discover that the flowers you uncovered were just a small part of the greater picture. In the greater picture, which of course includes your love of flowers, the gorgeous bouquet is sitting on your desk where you are happily working away as the director of some superamazing world changing charity.
Last week what I was seeing is how important it is that I not be driven by money. There is a part of me that feels strongly about that and wanted to assert that.
There is also the greater part of me that understands and knows that money is my friend and partner in making my dreams real. Money doesn’t want to overshadow the dream, it wants to protect it. This part of me trusts that I can easily grow my business without becoming driven by money. This part of me remembers the years I spent working on developing my relationship with money and filling it with trust and support.
This part of me loves having extra cushions of money around. More for in case of desire, than for in case of emergency.
So, even though this week it feels like I am going in the opposite direction from where I was with this last week, it’s actually a perfect continuation.
Sometimes, some parts of us need to assert certain things before allowing us to go in a certain direction.
This part of me who felt afraid that I would become driven by money if I tried to grow my business too quickly has made its case known, and has been assured that this will not happen. And now there is more space to more forward.
And in conclusion: I don’t want to make less money, that’s ridiculous.
But it’s important to remember that I don’t want to let money drive me. I don’t want to do things that aren’t in keeping with my greater vision and purpose just to get more money. I don’t want to let money get more important than the mission.
Money is a beautiful friend and supporter of my dream and that is not going to change.
Because this week what I see when I sit with my vision is EXPANSION.
EXPANSION in all directions though.
It’s the most beautiful thing.
I see how amazing my work is now and how it has deepened over the past 2 years. What we do in the monthly playdates in the Creative Dream Circle is nothing short of miraculous.
As a participant in the Circle: I am learning so much about myself and my dream, so quickly, and with so much FUN.
As the creator of the Circle: I am so proud of what I have created and how it can support dreamers and their dreams.
I’m seeing a deepening that sparks, holds and informs the expansion.
My JOB is the deepening.
My VISION is the expansion.
That’s where things are starting to come together and paint a clearer picture for me.
It’s not that I didn’t want my business to grow, it’s that I didn’t want growing my business to be my JOB.
There is a push and a strain and an energy of striving to that that doesn’t work for me.
What does work for me: grace and trust and a strong clear sense of purpose. (With a solid understanding of business as one part of my foundation – it’s not that I want to leave the practicalities out of it.)
My next steps:
Last week I fell into a hole. Then I dug myself out. In the digging out I became stronger, surer and magically obtained a shovel. Now I can use that shovel to start working on the deepening.
This week I’m going to explore the deepening. I’m going to draw it out and journal about it and talk to it every day and see what it has to teach me.
And I’m going to read inspiring books about success – different approaches to success and stories of people who succeeded.
You + Me + Your Dream = Magic. Let’s play together: