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New Video: I don’t have to know what I’m doing I can show up anyway

August 31, 2018

Last week I started a new weekly video series for dreamers. My goal with this project is to create space to show up wholeheartedly and authentically with your dreams.

The response so far has been AMAZING and I am excited to see where we go with this :) Something special happens when dreamers unite!

Want to share your thoughts? Come find us on Facebook.

Last week’s question was: How can I show up more authentically and wholeheartedly for my dreams?

This week’s question is: How can I create supports in my life to help me show up more authentically and wholeheartedly for my dreams?

COME HANG OUT WITH ME LIVE!

Tuesday, September 4 I’m going live with my creative colleages Effy Wild and Chris Zydel to talk about doing business from the HEART. We’re not selling or teaching anything, just wanting to have a conversation.

>>>Details are here.

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So much is changing over here. How about over there?

August 28, 2018

All the things that are on my mind right now.. in the order they came to me as I was drinking my coffee this morning.

My furniture situation is hurting my heart.

Fifteen years ago I bought my first house, and nice, well-made furniture for it. And now that furniture really needs to be replaced.

What kind of world are we creating where a person needs to replace this stuff every 15 years? I mean we’re replacing everything faster and faster – computers, clothes, home appliances, cars. Everything.

We’re throwing out enough stuff to literally destroy the only planet we’ve got AND we’re distracting ourselves from dreams, joy and meaning by devoting so much energy to this cycle of consumption. I mean it takes time to earn the money to keep buying stuff.

All of this is hurting my heart right now as I look at my worn-out stuff. I don’t want to keep furniture that isn’t comfy anymore AND I don’t want to keep buying new stuff.

Me buying second-hand (which is what I intend to do from now on) means I stop being as much a part of the problem but it sure doesn’t solve the problem.

I’m tired of talking about the condo sale and new house.

The condo market is absolutely flooded. It’s going to take some time to find a buyer for the loft. We are doing everything we can do. We’ve accepted this, we are happy living here until we find a buyer.

But I am really tired of having this same discussion repeatedly.

I think people get kind of freaked out hearing about it –  like OMG what if I need to sell my house one day and I can’t? Surely that can’t happen! Surely Andrea is doing something wrong to block the sale of her home. I need to find out what she is doing wrong so I can feel safe knowing that I will never make that mistake.

No, this just happens sometimes – more often with more unique homes of course.

Then there’s the second conversation that happens around the choice we’ve made to buy a duplex or triplex and live in one suite and rent the other(s). My first house was a duplex. I have seven years of experience of being that kind of landlord and I am actually really good at it, in that I can create a nurturing atmosphere for everyone in the home. It works. But, repeatedly, people with no years of experience doing that want to tell me all about why they think it’s a bad idea.

Each conversation means engaging with that person’s reaction about the situation, and all of the unsolicited advice that comes with that, and I’m just tired of it. I know what I’m doing. I trust myself and I trust the process of life – we’ll find the right buyer at the right time.

Something big is changing in HOW I do my work.

I am coming up on my eight year anniversary of doing the Creative Dream Incubator full time and a LOT has been changing. Seven is a magic number for me, so I knew my seventh year with the CDI would be magical though it has really exceeded my hopes about that. This year I re-structured the work itself in creating the Creative Dream Alchemy framework.

What’s happening now is that the WAY I work is changing. When I first started doing this full time – it was scary! Like suddenly having every day just wide open for you and your dreams sounds amazing at first but then you have to figure out how to structure everything!

I needed routines to help ground me in my workdays, so I started working out of coffee shops. Over the years this has helped me *so much*.  This routine of waking up early and going out for coffee with my journals and laptop has definitely helped me be consistently productive over the years.

But now that’s changing.

It’s starting to feel off to be working outside of my own creative space – like before having the background din of the coffee shop helped force me to focus on what I wanted to do. Now it’s feeling like I need to be more immersed in my own energy.

Not that either way is better than the other just that what fits me best right now is changing. And change is often awkward to navigate.

And – further complicating my feeling about how quickly things get replaced in our world – I replaced my 4 year old MacBook Air with a new MacBook Pro and I am really really glad I did.

And I got a PURPLE GALAXY cover for it! (in the photo above) I also got wireless noise cancelling headphones which are made of magic. As a highly sensitive person with highly sensitive hearing I can’t believe I didn’t get these sooner. They even stay tight on my head so I can wear them while doing yin yoga or meditating.

Bear keeps blossoming.

About a month ago he developed separation anxiety, he would cry for 10 minutes whenever I would leave the house. I got him a pheromone collar which helped almost immediately.

He keeps becoming more playful and affectionate. Often when I hold him like a baby he’ll put his paw up onto my cheek. So sweet! I am so grateful for his presence in my life.

I feel like I have so much to say but when I sit here to write nothing comes out.

The weekly videos are helping, I think. I mean I feel like I want to do daily videos to talk about all the things I want to talk about. But I think getting into the practice/habit of doing a weekly video is the right pace for opening up that communication channel for me. And I think the weekly videos will lead to other things.

My dreams always come to me as BLUE winged beings right now. Dragonflies, butterflies, other flying bugs, dragons.

Blue is the colour of the throat chakra – communication and creativity. This has always been my weakest chakra.

Surprising, right?

But I think life set me up that way so I had to really work on it to overcome a lot of resistance to using my voice and trusting my creativity so that I would be able to do the kind of work I do. Until the blue winged beings started showing up I had forgotten about how shut down my throat chakra used to be.

And right now it feels blocked again – even though I am actually speaking + creating quite a bit inside the Creative Dream Circle, I just haven’t been doing it in public as much lately.

And this block feels related to the shift in working more from home. Like something new is ready to come and I need different routines to be able to bring it to life.

Navigating all of this is equal parts exciting and awkward.

I’ve been in similar places before, where it feels like everything is shifting. I can’t always see or understand what’s happening while it’s happening. I can just notice what’s falling away and what’s coming in. Pay attention to my feelings. Give myself space.

Right now I can’t say with any clarity or certainty what my next dreams are.

In the greater sense my dream is what it always is: to move towards my true self. I believe as I grow towards my true self my potential grows as well, so this is a continual process of growth and evolution, it’s not a destination to arrive at.

Sometimes I lose sight of what I want it to look like in the Outer World and that is really, really good. It means I’m allowing things to shift, I’m letting my dreams show me new possibilities instead of being so controlling about wanting it all to look how I want it to look.

Oh that reminds me of the other thing that is changing: my marriage.

We are 1 1/2 years in now. Guess what? It turns out I can’t make it look like how I wanted it to look like ;)

I mean I am shifting from looking at the things he does that I want to change (like washing dishes on his timetable instead of on mine, leaving clothes where he wants to leave them instead of where I think they should be) I am starting to turn my focus around and look at me.

I mean hallelujah yes it’s about time.

What if there is a golf shirt on the floor in my bedroom right now? Does that really need to irritate me?

If so, why?

I mean it can get pretty juicy to explore our internal reactions to things. This is where growth comes from. So instead of focusing on getting him on board with my vision of what the house should look like, what if I focus on this juicy exploration of my own internal reactions?

You know what the first thing I noticed was?  That I, too, leave clothes on the floor sometimes. And I, too, don’t always wash dishes immediately after using them.

I mean how fascinating is it that I am irritated by my husband’s actions which are the exact same as my own actions?

The magic of living with a living mirror.

I feel uncomfortable talking about people-who-are-not-me. So since I mentioned a few of my husband’s less-than-ideal habits I want to add that he’s actually very considerate. This morning when I woke up all the dishes were done (last night he was cooking his lunches for the week to take to work).

And last week he surprised me with the cookie sheets I wanted. He’d been stopping into second hand stores for weeks to see if they had them, and finally found exactly the old-school-will-actually-last cookie sheets I wanted.

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New! Weekly video for Dreamers. What might happen if you show up more wholeheartedly for your dreams?

August 24, 2018

I am starting a new weekly video series for dreamers! (Eventually I want to publish it as a podcast too so it’s easier for podcast-people to listen – but one step at a time)

My goal with this project is to create space to show up wholeheartedly and authentically with your dreams.

Like – space to share the REAL stories as they unfold and get the magic + support that come from connecting authentically with like-minded kindred spirits.

I think there is too much “inauthentic connecting” happening online and this is what am doing to try to change that.

I would love to hear what you think may change if you show up for your dream more authentically and wholeheartedly. Come let me know on Facebook.

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You don’t have to feel enthusiastic and ready to “make it happen”

August 20, 2018

I write a blog post every day (Monday-Friday) in the Creative Dream Circle just to share what I’m up to in my own Dream Work and to create space for everyone else to share what they’re up to because we grow best in community. Today’s post wanted to be shared out here:

It’s Monday morning. I’m sitting in a coffee shop, playing with the new Year of Dreams journaling prompts but feeling a little unsure as I write out all of my ideas for what I do to move towards my dreams this week.

I have great ideas but the thought of implementing them was making me feel a little tired and unsure.

Also I had a nightmare last night which is rare for me, and it was making it harder for me to just jump into the day.

I sat with that for a bit, just making space for what I was feeling:

  • a little tired
  • a little foggy from the nightmare
  • overwhelmed at the thought of everything I want to do next
  • unsure that I can really DO all of the things I want to do

As I just accepted all of these feelings and sat with them without trying to change them – they changed. Like a little door opened that showed me possibility and magic. Suddenly all these new feelings wooshed in:

  • a sense of spaciousness and delight about having this whole week free for my new creative projects
  • deep deep gratitude for having that space to pursue my creative ideas and build my dreams
  • inspiration with a sense of trust that I can follow through on it, remembering that it usually only feels impossible before I get started, once I start taking baby steps moments starts to build
  • a feeling of being energized and ready to get to work

Now I’ve got all of these feelings floating around. I feel perked up and ready to either:

  1. pick a project and start working on it
  2. journal about all of the projects I want to work on this week and see what this tells about when to do what

I’ll start with #1 and if that doesn’t work I’ll do #2.

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So how DO I want to show up?

August 17, 2018

So my post about not knowing how to show up lately really struck a chord!

I got a lot of feedback and it was pretty much split 50/50 between people saying that leaving Facebook is the best thing that’s ever happened to them and people saying that if I leave they will really miss me and not to discount the value of showing up with your light!

I spent a lot of time thinking about how I DO want to show up and I wrote a long blog post which I just deleted because it just circles around and around and around. And we NEED to circle around and around and around to explore things, but we don’t need to put all of that out there for the world to read.

When you have a lot of conflicting feelings and wishes you need to be able to sit with ALL of them before you’re going to find clarity. So it get messier before it gets cleaner.

This is where I’m at now:

It’s not really about Facebook, it’s about the bigger picture of how I want to show up. I mean I discovered that after really exploring all of my conflicting feelings about Facebook which are too boring to share here. (And I have been spending a lot less time on Facebook these last few weeks which is working for me)

My work changed this year.

Creative Dream Alchemy is different from the other things I have taught. It’s more expansive and liberating. Like, instead of “teaching a class” I am “making space + sharing tools for libration and magic”.

I am so thrilled for this shift inside my classes and I want this shift to ripple out into how I show up online.

In the meantime, while I have been busy changing, the internet has been busy changing and the world has been busy changing.

So – where do I fit now? I don’t know.

With so much change swirling around, how could I know this? But I have some ideas I can explore.

Monday night I saw Micheal Franti in concert. I love Micheal Franti so much, especially live. I mean I am highly introverted and get super cranky if I am not in bed by 10 but I happily went to his concert that started at 10 – and I jumped around for 2 hours.

I feel like he is performing group healings during his concerts, but I think it’s just that he is fully present and sharing his gifts with absolutely open heart and that is always a magical thing to experience.

Over the next few days I realised: I want Micheal Franti to be my role model for how to do business online.

(Which isn’t about Micheal Franti himself, it’s about the qualities I see in him)

I know that there are a lot of creative people doing cool things online. But there are more people being kind of sleazy and making a lot of money from that sleazy shit. Manipulative copy, pain-point marketing, etc. And I think, unconsciously, we pick that up. We develop the belief that this is how you’re supposed to be, if you want to be successful. We do tend to pick up on the belief systems of the culture around us.

In order to not pick that up, we have to really work on choosing and nurturing the beliefs we want to hold. So, I got this idea to take on Micheal Franti as my role model as a way of pushing those other ideas out.

To me, Micheal Franti represents:

  • alignment with creativity, purpose and integrity
  • deep emotional range
  • growing the possibility of making the world a better place in a grounded way (no spiritual by-pass)
  • the power of showing up with a wildly open heart – and how this draws people in (the people who resonate with your message)

I know this is what I do too.

But I want to do it in a more open way. Like I am so sensitive and introverted I know I put up all sorts of walls just to feel safe.

Micheal Franti is just open. He seems to just TRUST bigger.

What if I trusted my mission so much that I trusted that it is safe to show up for it in bigger ways?

Which is a funny question to explore in light of the other thing that happened this week.

I got a massage! The day of the Micheal Franti concert (Monday) I got a deep tissue massage. It was supposed to be this special treat day.

But I reacted really strongly to the massage. I had the massage in the morning and the rest of the day I was exhausted and sore. Then I remained exhausted and sore for the next two whole days! And fuzzy-headed and unable to do the work I had wanted to do this week.

Thursday morning I sat down to write my weekly reflection + visioning post – I do these once a week in the Creative Dream Circle and invite everyone to work with the same prompts with me. Repeating these prompts every week really helps you stay moving in the right direction.

So as I wrote this week’s update I looked at what I had written the week before and I saw it – my dream was asking me for deep rest and renewal.

I thought that meant – take it easy on the weekend and then let’s jump back in next week. But really my dream was asking for the kind of deep rest that the massage forced me to do.

Like after 2.5 days of bring frustrated by needing so much recovery time, I suddenly saw the purpose in it.

And I saw how those days gave me the space to start to see things differently.

I saw that instead of looking for ways to show up online brighter – I need to look for ways to create spaces where I feel safe showing up brighter.

So it’s like the answer to the question about how to show up more open and whole-hearted is about boundaries and creating spaces where I feel safe and nourished in showing up more open and whole-heartedly.

Like yes – I am a highly sensitive person so I need to do things differently. It doesn’t mean I can’t do thing at all!

Ah! As I wrote that out something came to me: it’s not about creating boundaries in the outer world. It’s about my own practices + self-care.

Building myself up to be grounded and strong to stand taller.

And now that it’s all here in black and white it seems so obvious. Which is the best kind of insight – when we journal our all of our thoughts and follow our feelings and go around in circles for a few weeks and then suddenly land on something that feels solid and true.

So here I am.

Now I’m exploring how to create this container for myself and all the ways I WANT to show up differently right now.

The ideas that are most inspiring at this point is to do a weekly video for dreamers and to start a new journal just for the Creative Dream Incubator where I can not only gather, explore and process all of my ideas for what to do next but have space to reflect on the process of implementing it all.

But now that I feel that the inner part feels aligned, I trust that the outer stuff will work itself out as long as I keep experimenting and exploring.

TWO THINGS:

1. On Tuesday, September 4 I am doing a Facebook LIVE video about doing business from the heart because I think this is an important conversation to have in public. I am doing this with my friends and colleagues Effy Wild and Chris Zydel. Find out what time this is in your time zone and sign up for a optional reminder email right here.

2. Last week I was a part of a series of conversations about making a career transition that works for you, hosted by Keren Brown of The Awakened Midlife. If you’re looking at making a transition in your life you’re going to love it! You can still access the recordings over the weekend and into next week: sign up here.

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