I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling ? but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, I?m not interested in the numbers. I?ve been more interested in exploring how to grow my capacity to serve more creatives in bringing their dreams to life. And I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I?ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

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Update TWENTY EIGHT.? I’ve been writing an update every week for twenty-eight weeks.? That’s kind of amazing.

This week I am struck by what is happening inside the Creative Dream Circle.? Huge shifts, deep healing, new openings: the kind of stuff that is really hard to talk about.? But I am so happy to have created this space where this stuff can happen.

Almost everyone has an idea in mind of what it would mean, to be fully engaged with their dream.? And it almost never turns out the way they thought it would.

Instead, they find something softer, richer, more beautiful.

I love that I have created this space for these miracles to happen.? And I love how CONSISTENTLY the miracles happen, as long as people show up for them.

I really believe in what I’m doing and I’m really appreciating how good it feels to have that congruence between my soul, my purpose and my work.

Onto the creative dream update questions:

What happened in the last week?

I’ve been writing a LOT.? I’ve been working on the Love your Life Creative Journal Class. Here I am working on the colouring book/guided journal part, in a cafe on across the street from my favourite park.

PLUS! I made a video for the Love your Life Creative Journal Class. which I am totally in love with, but how can you not be in love with something that is all about loving your wonderful life?

I’ve been drawing a LOT. (Note purple-stained thumb, you’ll see why in the next photo) I started a new journal of mandalas and am filling it up like crazy.

I dyed my hair purple.

(This is me against a purple pillow which matches my hair perfectly)

I’m still growing out my grey, but got tired of the faded-brown-dyed hair, which is just going to keep fading since I’m not colouring it anymore.? So I am having some fun with it while it grows out.? I didn’t colour my roots at all.? Brown/grey roots with purple hair is kind of cool!

This is from am older page in my journal that I flipped through and landed on this week.? Remembering how I felt then, and how I feel now was such a relief.? The work I’ve been doing for the Love your Life Creative Journal Class is really exactly what I need right now.

How do I feel about this?

I’m super happy, but something feels a little off.? Like I wish there was more to report in my update.

Sitting with that, I get: I want to be more structured.? Like I probably don’t need to be doing anything differently from how I’m doing it, but I’d like to be approaching my work in a more structured way.

Looking back to my Monday Morning Creative Genius Planning Session for this week, I see I had FREEDOM, EXPRESSION and DELIGHT working on my team.

I definitely had that.? And now when I look back on my week, a tiny inner critic is agitated about not working enough and not being organised enough and blah blah blah.

So, I take the little guy into the Un-Sticking Station and unravel everything until I get to the truth.

Healing the Inner Critic:

EVERY inner critic or fear or doubt holds a part of your truth, so if you just ignore it or fight with it you never get access to that piece of your soul.

That’s why I’m always using the Un-Sticking Station in the Creative Dream Circle.? It dissolves the parts that are not true and heals the wound so you can access the truth.? It’s all about healing the inner critic, fears and doubts that we all have so that we are more free to do what we want to do (this things are holding you back more than you think).

In this case, putting my inner critic into the Un-Sticking Stationg transformed it into a kitten who likes to nap in the sun.

The kitten needs to be cared for.? It does need structure and routine.? Not in a harsh “you have to do this exactly like THIS or else you fail” way, but in a supportive “let me take the best possible care of you because you are the sweetest thing ever and I loooooooooove you” way.

OK, I see what this needs.? A structure adjustment!

What do I need now?

To keep working with healing the inner critic.? And a structure adjustment!? But before I explore this more I want to find out what my dream needs…

What does my dream need now?

When I checked in with it, my dream reminded me that it needed to bounce and zoom this week.? Purple hair! Lots of bike rides! Drawing mandalas! Colouring! BRING IT!

It seems that my tiny inner critic is not that happy BUT my dream got what it needed.

My dream says that bouncing and zooming broke some STUFF loose.

My dream is sorry, but yes I have to deal with that STUFF – noticing old stories and ways of being that need to be healed and transformed.

Taking all this into account, my next mission is:

Deal with the STUFF that got knocked loose.? Work with these old stories and create some new ones.? Healing the inner critic.

Plus a structure adjustment.

OK, kind of in love with how this is working.

I actually AM working within a structure I just kind of forgot!? I made a schedule of classes for 2014.? These classes are what I wanted to bring to the Circle in 2014.

These specific classes hold the qualities of what I need on the path with this dream.? So I can trust this schedule as my structure.? Now, suddenly, all the playing and zooming and bouncing actually does fit in with the structure.? This is how I am working with the energies of the Love your Life Creative Journal Class? and how I’m getting set for the next classes I am creating, the SUPERHERO class and the MANDALA class and the MAGIC JOURNAL class.

This is how I am doing the ongoing work of healing the inner critic and the fear and the doubt that keep me from my dreams.? This is how I’m activating my superpowers and growing the Circle.

It’s all coming together so perfectly and sometimes I forget to trust that.

Writing this update felt like a huge healing.

PS: There is still ONE spot left in my small group coaching for teachers/healers/coaches/helper-people who want to help more people. Is it yours?? Get it here.

Last week I did a really lovely live video playdate as a part of 21 Secrets Live art journal class. It was a really lovely group, and I was sharing how I use my journal to work with my dreams, which led to a really lovely discussion of the obstacles to dreaming.

A lot of people attending were feeling conflicted about their dream. Like: I want this, but I also want that. And this and that are not compatible!

Feeling conflicted leaves people feel frustrated and powerless and never knowing what to be giving their energy and attention to.

The most universal example of this is women feeling like they need to choose between motherhood and career. Or choosing to have both and then always feeling like they’ve got too many things to juggle.

But feeling conflicted about what you REALLY want is super common and comes into play in a myriad of big and small ways every day.

• I want to have nachos for lunch but I like how I feel energized and nourished when I eat the kale salad.
• I long for a clean, minimalist space to work in my but art is just inherently messy, there are tools and supplies everywhere.
• I want to live in a tiny cabin in the woods but I’d miss my friends and fun city social life.
• I want to travel but I also want to create my dream home and can only afford to do one.

We are complex multi-dimensional beings. We have a lot of wants, needs and desires. It makes sense that they’re not always going to jive perfectly together.

Or does it?

It’s important to remember that all dreams come from the same place: your soul.

ALL dreams move you towards purpose, authenticity, joy, wholeness by bringing you into richer alignment with your soul.

And all of your dreams are connected to each other through that soul connection.

Since they’re all connected they CAN and DO jive perfectly together. On a soul level, your desires are singing this gorgeous symphony together – the symphony of your unique self.

But sometimes you need to expand your perspective in order to see and experience that.

No one EVER likes when I talk about this next part. But bear with me…

The teachings behind the popular Law of Attraction include many other spiritual laws. Laws which are nowhere near as fun as imagining that the universe is a giant vending machine, so they don’t get as much air time.

One of them is the Law of Sacrifice. See? Not fun at all.

You can do/be/have anything but you can’t do/be/have everything.

People hate this and so they go back to… well they go back to juggling, frustration and powerlessness.

Most people don’t spend enough time exploring sacrifice to find the magic in it. There is this immediate “oh hell no I’m not sacrificing anything” and an unwillingness to really look at this any deeper.? But sacrifice will actually get you somewhere, whereas juggling will not.

Underneath this pattern of feeling conflicted is a lack of clarity.

Sacrifice demands CLARITY. You can’t sacrifice something unless you are super clear on what is going on: why you are sacrificing what and how and for how long and what result you expect this to bring you.

This is true clarity about what you are bringing to life, in your life.

A lack of clarity is a sign that you’ve got some fears/doubts/inner-critics/limiting-beliefs/old patterns-which-no-longer-serves-you that are in need of your attention.

Clarity terrifies us because it demands that we deal with the exact thing we’re afraid to face. That’s why people would rather just stay in that place of “my dreams are conflicted, I’ll just stand here and juggle with them”.

But not you, you are committed to your dreams so you’re going to follow the Law of Sacrifice.

Which does not mean that a sacrifice is ALWAYS needed. The really cool thing is that being willing to look at your shit, and I mean REALLY look at your shit, often opens up new possibilities for how it can all jive together.

At the very least, it gets you in tune with the soul symphony of dreams you’ve got going on so you can see and appreciate how it all fits together and how that does not mean you necessarily get to have it all, right now. Because time and space are a bitch! But we have to work with them. It’s part of the deliciousness of being alive.

But there is always a way to get what you REALLY want.

Underneath the physical aspect of your dream is its essence: the heart and soul of your dream. You can always integrate the heart and soul of your dream into whatever is happening in your physical reality.

This is when your perception shifts and either new doors of possibility open up for you or you see a way that your conflicting dreams can nest together perfectly, with a few small shifts.

All the conflicts are happening on the surface level. You need to be working with your dream soul to soul. (here‘s a video on that)

So if you’re feeling conflicted, know that this doesn’t mean you have to keep juggling and being frustrated about feeling conflicted. It just means that working out your inner conflict is your next step on your path.

HINT: Often what needs to be sacrificed is an old way of thinking/being/seeing.

I teach this in detail in the Un-Sticking Station in the Creative Dream Circle. Using the superpowers of CREATIVITY and LOVE you can work out the conflict and get back to smooth sailing with your dreams.

Because often what you think you want often isn’t what you actually want.

Other people’s expectations and society’s unspoken rules can dance around in your head and make you think you want this when really you want that.

Plus, your own limiting beliefs will distort how well you can see your dream.

This can happen in a million different ways.? For example, if you have an un-healed inner child who is crying out for external approval, that part of you is going to twist your dream into something that will turn you into someone who gets loads of external approval.? Meanwhile, no matter how well you do with you YOU are not going to feel satisfied because your dream is all twisted up.

And having this inner conflict is OK!

Working through your conflict is the path to your dream, it clears space for you to know, unequivocally, what you want and how you want it.

I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, I’m not interested in the numbers. I’ve been more interested in exploring how to grow my capacity serve dreamers in bringing their dreams to life. And now I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

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This week has been amazing.? It feels like summer is in full bloom, I’ve been having so much fun riding my bike and spending lots of time outside.? I was also ridiculously productive!? Yay week!

What happened in the last week?

Last week I shared:

I?d like to have a stream of MIRACULOUS PRODUCTIVITY happen so I can get my stuff done quick and make some time to explore a new idea that came to me this week, about doing some small group coaching program, working only with teachers/coaches/healers/helper-peoples to strengthen their superpowers and help them help more people.

And it happened! I put it out there!

I’m so thrilled with the response to this.? I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to go ahead with it, given how complicated it seems to get a group of international people together at the same time but I’ve (already!) got a fantastic small group of people coming together.? Plus we may be able to create a second group at a different time – most likely in the evening.

(So if you want to play but the times I listed don’t work – do get in touch with me!)

And this is more related to my goal with the Circle than I realised.

The more I get to know the essence (heart and soul) of the Circle and how it’s here to support people the more I learn about how the Circle wants to grow.? This is something it wants – having a small group doing more of a deep dive with weekly coaching benefits the whole – this creates a more solid foundation for the magic.

It’s like putting down deeper roots so the branches can sprout out taller.

Plus I’m getting the Love your Life Creative Journal Class ready.? I’m filling the playbook with mandalas to colour and juicy journaling prompts and healing energy processes.? I’m having so much fun with this!? (It starts June 12 in the Circle)

And I re-wrote the page for the Creative Dream Circle.? (I shared the process of writing the sales page here.)

I’m really thrilled with it.? It can be so awkward to know what I want to say to introduce people to the Circle, this version of the page feels the way I want it to feel, which I love.

Also: the weekly updates inside the Circle.

I am so in love with this!? Now that we’ve been doing this for a few weeks and people are starting to settle into the routine of it, the conversations and insights that are coming out of this are amazing.? It makes my heart so happy to see how the Circle members support and encourage each other.

Also, Circle members keep telling me how helpful it is to get these reminders to check in with their dream every week.? I am so glad that I started doing this.

And I often go back in to update my update which I find super helpful and super grounding as the process of learning more about what my dreams need is so non-linear it can be easy to get lost in it, or feel like I’m making less progress than I am.

How do I feel about this?

Really amazing.? My dream feels sturdy and strong.? All the work I’ve been doing recently on expanding capacity is really paying off.? Everything feels so much sturdier and capable of supporting more action.

A few weeks back I shared how my dream was a stream and there was this boulder which then turned into a smaller stone that I’ve been exploring for the past few weeks.? I learned some really cool things in exploring it (I’ve been sharing that mostly in the weekly updates that I post inside the circle, where I do go into more detail on the things I don’t want to share publicly) and then when I finished re-writing the sales page, the stone was gone.? Now the stream sparkles and flows.

What do I need now?

Self-care to stay strong to keep the flow flowing.

Daily bike rides.? Time in nature.? Quiet time for journaling.? Getting lots of sleep.? Being really present in the process of growing into who I am becoming as I grow my dream.? TRUSTING MYSELF TO HAVE THIS.

Space to settle into my newly stretched capacity inside my newly defined boundaries, of being able to hold space for more dreams to come to life.

What does my dream need now?

Right now, my dream is a bouncy ball!? It sparkles with delight.? It wants to ZOOM and BOUNCE.

Watching this sparkle ball ZOOM and BOUNCE in my imagination makes me very happy.? I have so much love for this dream.

I’ll keep exploring what this means, but what it feels like is that ZOOMING and BOUNCING are about being seen in new ways.? Moving into new spaces.? Attracting more attention.? It feels like promotion.? Not promoting the Circle, just promoting the Creative Dream Incubator website and letting people find their way to the magic.

What comes to mind is maybe advertising and some more work with SEO.? I have this one post that get 2,500 NEW people every month coming to it from Google. I’d like to have a few more posts like that.

Taking all this into account, my next mission is:

Keep preparing for the Love your Life Creative Journal Class.? Creating the most amazing classes for the Circle feeds the Circle.

Get the new small group coaching for teachers/healers/coaches/helper-people ready to go.

Explore the bouncing sparkle ball and find out how I can help it ZOOM and BOUNCE.

In December 2013 I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.

At this point though, the Circle is steadily growing and I’m not interested in the numbers. I’ve been more interested in exploring how to grow my capacity serve dreamers in bringing their dreams to life. And I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

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Yesterday I wrote about how JOY is a SUPERPOWER.

This is really the sweet spot for me – using what I teach to stretch and grow in new ways.? I am committed to my Circle member’s growth and so I need to be even more committed to my own growth.? If I’m not walking my talk my energy containers don’t work and the magic dries up.? That’s not an option for me.

So in last week’s update I was delighted to find that I already have what I really want, which is 1-2 new members in the Circle most days.? I do want to just marinate in the magic of that, but at the same time the universe is always expanding and we are a part of the universe so if we attempt to stop expanding it gets uncomfortable.? So I want to be fully present in the delight of being where I am while looking forward at what I am growing into next.

I’m going to use the Creative Dream Check-In Journal Prompts from last week for my update.

What happened in the last week?

I’ve been exceptionally happy thanks to my Love Your Life Project, as I prepare for the Love Your Life Creative Journal class.

And I remembered how quickly I grow into things and become comfortable with them.

Two weeks ago I got my bike (!) and everything was new.? I didn’t really know how to lock it.? I didn’t know where to find the best bike paths.? I wasn’t sure about riding in traffic.? I didn’t know how far I can ride – what if I get too tired to make it back home?? I didn’t know that if I rode in the rain while wearing my brand new jacket I just made, that I’d get home with a stripe of rain and gravel up my back.? I didn’t know how to install fenders or a basket.? I didn’t know what to do when I got my first flat.

And now: I know all of those things.? Holy crap!? I’m surprised at how quickly I’ve acclimated to being a cyclist but really – this is what happens when you do something every day and ask questions about the parts you don’t know about.

So I’m thinking about that, and about welcoming 1-2 new members into the Circle every day.? I’m going to acclimate to this and want to increase the flow.

2-3 sounds ok.? 3-4 sounds ok.? 4-5 makes me take a deep breath.? I’m probably not ready for 4-5? new members every single day.

Some quick math shows that 5 per day gets me to well over 1,000 by the end of this year, which is more than what I want.? So no wonder that feels uncomfortable.

It’s not that 4-5 people in a day is too much, when I’m running a class I can get 10 or more in a day.? And I like that!? It’s that 4-5 new people every single day, day after day, feels like too much, energy wise.? It’s too much continual shifting for me to be able to hold the container sturdy and steady.

More math shows that 3 new people a day, from now until the end of the year, would get me to 800.? And 3 is only 1 more than 2 so that’s really not much of a stretch and it feels perfectly comfortable.

Isn’t that funny?? Letting go of the goal brought me closer to the goal.

Last week’s update was all about surrender.? I was feeling so happy about where I am, and letting go of reaching for 800 felt like a relief.?? Now it feels like the 800 are flowing to me with ease and delight!

STICKING WITH IT IS THE BEST.? So much magic happens if you just don’t give up!? Last week I felt like I wanted to let go of my goal but I didn’t stop being in the process – that’s the important part, staying in the process.

Next question: How do I feel about this?

Pretty fucking great!

Except… except something feels kind of off about what I just wrote, the part about how “It’s too much continual shifting for me to be able to hold the container sturdy and steady.”

I do believe I am lying to myself!

Telling the whole truth about how you feel feels different than telling yourself stories that come from your limiting beliefs and fears and doubts and inner critics.

But those stories are so familiar it is SO EASY to go along with them.? Oh yes – I am easily overwhelmed and must hold back on my dreams in order to be safe.

Yes, that’s a lie.? I do know that safety is not created by holding back or playing small.? That kind of safety is an illusion your inner critic tries to fool you into.

So, it’s not true that 4-5 new people in the Circle every day is too much for me.? What does that mean?

When I feel into this story, I can see that its roots are being nourished by my inner critic – desperately trying to hold me back so I can have what it thinks is safe.

So I take this whole scenario and put it into a bubble of love.

And my inner critic puts down her gardening tools and lies down to take a nap.? The gardening tools sparkle and disappear.? The roots shrink up, the story breaks down.? This story can’t live in a bubble of love because it’s not true or loving.

All that remains is the kernel of truth: my inner critic is a worry-wart and she would worry less if I was playing small so she’s always going to encourage me to be smaller because she doesn’t like worrying, even though she is basically an Olympic gold winner at worrying.

And I am left with the truth: Right now I’d prefer 1-3 new members each day.? I don’t need to make up a story about why this is better than 4-5 new members, I can simply love my preference.

This is what I want and I get to have it! I don’t have to have a reason!

Next question: What do I need now?

As I said, I am ridiculously happy thanks to my Love Your Life Project, as I prepare for the Love Your Life Creative Journal class.? It feels like things are flowing.? I need continued permission to relax and enjoy the process.

What does my dream need now?

Well this is interesting.? Last week I shared this:

My dream is a sparkling stream running through a forest.? It?s happy and bubbling.? But it?s got this one boulder it would like to be removed.? Hmmm. What is the boulder?? (that part I?m just going to share in my update inside the Circle)

I’m still exploring that boulder.? What I’ve learned so far is that I don’t need to remove it from the stream.? I just need to move it to somewhere where it would be more useful.? I’m not sure if this means putting it into deeper water, or using it as a stepping stone.? Trusting the complete answer to come in time, but some really helpful ideas have come to me as I’ve been exploring so far.

Taking all of this into account, my next mission is:

Keep doing what I’ve been doing!

And keep exploring this stream/boulder thing to learn more about what this emerging story wants to tell me.

I’d like to have a stream of MIRACULOUS PRODUCTIVITY happen so I can get my stuff done quick and make some time to explore a new idea that came to me this week, about doing some small group coaching program, working only with teachers/coaches/healers/helper-peoples to strengthen their superpowers and help them help more people.

We’ll see what happens there.