This morning I opened my journal to a blank page.
So – back up a bit – I am doing the Year of Dreams 2017 diligently in my journal, but even still I do not use all of the prompts each week. And that’s ok! It’s meant to give you lots of material to work with, so when I made it I figured everyone wouldn’t do every prompt.
So when I don’t do all of the prompts for one week, I tuck them into the little pocket in the back of my Moleskine journal (I use this one but for the 2018 Year of Dreams I want to go bigger so I just ordered this one)
So this morning I reached into that little pocked and pulled out a sacred geometry drawing filled with the quality of calm.
“Awwww shit” I thought “Calm? Really?” And I rolled my eyes as I glued the calm into my journal.
See I didn’t want calm. I wanted a miracle.
But I have learned to stay in the process even when I don’t like it so I didn’t throw out the calm and pick again like I wanted to.
I started to colour in the calm and do the energy alchemy work to invite it in. (The Year of Dreams program comes with the printable and with energy alchemy processes for working with them)
And then I saw it: of course if calm was my co-worker for today that would probably fix everything.
And as I started to journal about that I realised that if calm was my co-worker every day that would REALLY fix everything.
Calm was the doorway to the miracle I was looking for.
The doorway rarely looks the way the we think it should or the way we want it to.
I kept inviting in the quality of calm, letting it fill me and my schedule and my dreams and goals and plans.
I kept exploring how calm would change things.
At first calm was saying things like I could be more productive if I slowed down and enjoyed the work more.
But as we explored deeper calm showed me that if I would remove all of the deadlines I had assigned my projects and just let things take the time they take (revolutionary!!) not only could I do much better work but I could enjoy the work more AND I could do more to share my process along the way – which is where I have been really stuck lately (although this is my 5th blog post this week so that stuck may be resolved now).
Calm feels that it was inevitable that I would realise that all of the deadlines I am giving myself right now are just ridiculous.
That’s probably right. I usually don’t do deadlines but right now I am feeling pressure from my own muse and dreams.
I don’t usually have this pressure so I am just doing the best I can to work with it.
I do feel like I am moving through some heavy fog and can’t really see where I’m going. So I just re-assess every day, learn a teeny bit more each time I do that, and then carry on. I know I won’t be on the fog forever and that this is an important part of healing, growth and transformation.
You can’t get anywhere new if you stay in territory you already know.
It’s like calm is showing me that I can use this pressure in other ways – like to expand and deepen and not to quicken.
Because pressure can be a helpful energy if you are deliberate and conscious about how you apply it.
I still have to explore exactly what that means and what it looks like in terms of my day to day schedule but holy hell it feels amazing right now.
I mean – I suddenly feel like there is space for everything. Like all of my projects can breathe.
After months of having way more ideas and dreams than I do time and energy this is a miracle.