Day Two: setting out to find the new dreams that are calling me

So I’m still kind of in a haze from yesterday’s dream.

I mean it feels like one of those big dreams that came to guide me and it will impact me for some time.

I’ve missed having these kinds of dreams. I used to have them more often when my dreams felt further away. Like my sleep-dreams wanted to help me find my real-dreams.

There is a lot of magic in going after a dream and going from not-having to having. Like when I graduated from University with all these creative dreams and no clue how to make them happen and a shitty job that barely paid the bills.

And then when you’re more a place of living with a lot of your dreams, going after new dreams real can feel less dramatic and exciting.  Like where I am now.

After I’d been doing the Creative Dream Incubator full time for a few years, I started wanting to shift more of my business to the Creative Dream Circle.

At that time, the Circle was called Advanced Creative Badassery and was only available to people to had already taken classes with me.

It’s much easier to sell individual classes than a year-long membership. And it’s easier to make more money selling more classes to the same people, than offering them all for one price.

But making a dream real – from the inside out – involves so much inner and outer work I didn’t want to offer small pieces of the solution. I wanted to put it all together and then create a community of people doing the work together.

So I knew I wasn’t doing this because this was the easiest way for me to make a living. I was doing it because it felt true – it was how my work wanted to grow.

And even though it was really hard sometimes – I had so much love and passion for growing the Circle into something stable.

That was a huge dream and it wasn’t easy to get it to where it is now. But for the past few years, the Creative Dream Circle has been stable.

Stable as in – I don’t feel like I am working on growing it.  I am taking care of it and keeping it thriving but that takes a really different, much less intense, kind of energy to do.

So I’m in a good place with my work and that feels amazing.

And I don’t want to just stay here. I mean I’m 43 I have lots of good years left still!

But, and this is part of why the 6-7-8 figure online biz cult has been on my mind lately, I don’t want to take this and make it bigger. Which is why I resent all these messages I feel bombarded with about how this is the only way to grow.

The Creative Dream Circle is thriving and beautiful. I am in LOVE with it. I am happy with the income I get for the time and energy I put in.

Everything feels good exactly how it is.

Not everything needs to scale.

So that reminds me of the World Domination Summit which I went to in like 2012 or 2013. It was the first year that it was 1,000 people instead of 500.

And I remember Danielle LaPorte spoke and addressed how some people were concerned that the event would lose some of the magic by growing like that and she said “Love scales”.

And I’m sure she believed it. I don’t know her, but it seems like empire-building is a part of her truth and that growing a larger business is a part of how she lives her truth.

I just don’t think everyone needs to grow bigger in order to shine brighter, which is the message we are getting online right now.

Anyway, when she said that, “Love scales” I was like WTF?

Because I was sitting there totally overwhelmed by the crowds and wishing for something smaller where I would feel more comfortable.

Love didn’t scale for me in that way.

Which didn’t mean that the World Domination Summit should stay small because that’s my preference, of course. It doesn’t mean they sold out or did anything wrong at all.

It means that I get to choose to attend smaller events. I can also choose to grow smaller things.

Frankly I think that once you’ve got a thing, focusing on growing it bigger bigger bigger is boring.

Maybe that’s just a part of my own quiet nature.

Like – one of the big perks of self-employment for me is that I can go do things on “off times”. Grocery shopping, going to the park – anything where there are lots of people, I do on the off times when there are not a lot of other people there.

So it would be really weird for me to go against my nature and want to turn my business into something big and loud.

And I think we can be more creative about how we live with and grow our dreams.

And that’s what my dream the other night was pushing me towards.

Take all that energy and drama  – being vulnerable, taking risks, trying new things – to finding my next things.

Because I’m not as hungry as I used to be – that’s for sure. And I am not desperate to get out of my day job.

And I’m doing a lot of quiet experimenting on my own and not sharing it. In that dream, the really intense part that wouldn’t leave me was that fear of sharing my shaky experiments with others.

I used to do that with my dreams. Because I was so excited about them and wanted to put them out into the world.

I haven’t been doing that lately. I’m holding my dreams closer.

So – and this feels so weird to admit – I have to work at being just as excited and passionate about my new dreams.

Right now I have so many ideas swirling around me. I’m experimenting and exploring and really unsure about which path(s) I want to pursue.

And I don’t really want to share anything until I know where I’m going with it.

And my dream is saying: NO. Those first tentative steps need to be shared.

I mean – do not misread me OMG this is not a general rule that everyone should do this!

A lot of dreams need safe, sheltered, quiet space to grow.

But as a teacher, I think the rules are different for me. I think teachers are only as effective to the degree to which they walk their talk.

Well, I have been WALKING my talk I just haven’t been talking about it. Honestly – I don’t want to appear flaky by trying a bunch of things and not necessarily going anywhere with them.

I mean one of my strengths as a teacher is that I am grounded and stable and you can count on me to do what I say I will do.

But another one of my strengths as a teacher is sharing my own stories – helping people feel less alone in those places where they stumble with their dreams.

And this isn’t so complicated, I mean I can share those stories while saying “I am experimenting with this – I’m not making a promise about this”.

So. That’s where I am today: grateful for being shock up by this dream.

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