So how DO I want to show up?

So my post about not knowing how to show up lately really struck a chord! I got a lot of feedback and it was pretty much split 50/50 between people saying that leaving Facebook is the best thing that's ever happened to them and people saying that if I leave they will really miss me and not to discount the value of showing up with your light! I spent a lot of time thinking about how I DO want to show up and I wrote a long blog post which I just deleted because it just circles around and around and around. And we NEED to circle around and around and around to explore things, but we don't need to put all of that out there for the world to read. When you have a lot of conflicting feelings and wishes you need to be able to sit with ALL of them before you're going to find clarity. So it get messier before it gets cleaner.

This is where I'm at now:

It's not really about Facebook, it's about the bigger picture of how I want to show up. I mean I discovered that after really exploring all of my conflicting feelings about Facebook which are too boring to share here. (And I have been spending a lot less time on Facebook these last few weeks which is working for me) My work changed this year. Creative Dream Alchemy is different from the other things I have taught. It's more expansive and liberating. Like, instead of "teaching a class" I am "making space + sharing tools for libration and magic". I am so thrilled for this shift inside my classes and I want this shift to ripple out into how I show up online. In the meantime, while I have been busy changing, the internet has been busy changing and the world has been busy changing.

So - where do I fit now? I don't know.

With so much change swirling around, how could I know this? But I have some ideas I can explore. Monday night I saw Micheal Franti in concert. I love Micheal Franti so much, especially live. I mean I am highly introverted and get super cranky if I am not in bed by 10 but I happily went to his concert that started at 10 - and I jumped around for 2 hours. I feel like he is performing group healings during his concerts, but I think it's just that he is fully present and sharing his gifts with absolutely open heart and that is always a magical thing to experience. Over the next few days I realised: I want Micheal Franti to be my role model for how to do business online. (Which isn't about Micheal Franti himself, it's about the qualities I see in him) I know that there are a lot of creative people doing cool things online. But there are more people being kind of sleazy and making a lot of money from that sleazy shit. Manipulative copy, pain-point marketing, etc. And I think, unconsciously, we pick that up. We develop the belief that this is how you're supposed to be, if you want to be successful. We do tend to pick up on the belief systems of the culture around us. In order to not pick that up, we have to really work on choosing and nurturing the beliefs we want to hold. So, I got this idea to take on Micheal Franti as my role model as a way of pushing those other ideas out. To me, Micheal Franti represents:

  • alignment with creativity, purpose and integrity
  • deep emotional range
  • growing the possibility of making the world a better place in a grounded way (no spiritual by-pass)
  • the power of showing up with a wildly open heart - and how this draws people in (the people who resonate with your message)

I know this is what I do too. But I want to do it in a more open way. Like I am so sensitive and introverted I know I put up all sorts of walls just to feel safe. Micheal Franti is just open. He seems to just TRUST bigger.

What if I trusted my mission so much that I trusted that it is safe to show up for it in bigger ways?

Which is a funny question to explore in light of the other thing that happened this week. I got a massage! The day of the Micheal Franti concert (Monday) I got a deep tissue massage. It was supposed to be this special treat day. But I reacted really strongly to the massage. I had the massage in the morning and the rest of the day I was exhausted and sore. Then I remained exhausted and sore for the next two whole days! And fuzzy-headed and unable to do the work I had wanted to do this week. Thursday morning I sat down to write my weekly reflection + visioning post - I do these once a week in the Creative Dream Circle and invite everyone to work with the same prompts with me. Repeating these prompts every week really helps you stay moving in the right direction. So as I wrote this week's update I looked at what I had written the week before and I saw it - my dream was asking me for deep rest and renewal. I thought that meant - take it easy on the weekend and then let's jump back in next week. But really my dream was asking for the kind of deep rest that the massage forced me to do. Like after 2.5 days of bring frustrated by needing so much recovery time, I suddenly saw the purpose in it.

And I saw how those days gave me the space to start to see things differently.

I saw that instead of looking for ways to show up online brighter - I need to look for ways to create spaces where I feel safe showing up brighter. So it's like the answer to the question about how to show up more open and whole-hearted is about boundaries and creating spaces where I feel safe and nourished in showing up more open and whole-heartedly. Like yes - I am a highly sensitive person so I need to do things differently. It doesn't mean I can't do thing at all! Ah! As I wrote that out something came to me: it's not about creating boundaries in the outer world. It's about my own practices + self-care. Building myself up to be grounded and strong to stand taller. And now that it's all here in black and white it seems so obvious. Which is the best kind of insight - when we journal our all of our thoughts and follow our feelings and go around in circles for a few weeks and then suddenly land on something that feels solid and true.

So here I am.

Now I'm exploring how to create this container for myself and all the ways I WANT to show up differently right now. The ideas that are most inspiring at this point is to do a weekly video for dreamers and to start a new journal just for the Creative Dream Incubator where I can not only gather, explore and process all of my ideas for what to do next but have space to reflect on the process of implementing it all. But now that I feel that the inner part feels aligned, I trust that the outer stuff will work itself out as long as I keep experimenting and exploring.


1. On Tuesday, September 4 I am doing a Facebook LIVE video about doing business from the heart because I think this is an important conversation to have in public. I am doing this with my friends and colleagues Effy Wild and Chris Zydel. Find out what time this is in your time zone and sign up for a optional reminder email right here. 2. Last week I was a part of a series of conversations about making a career transition that works for you, hosted by Keren Brown of The Awakened Midlife. If you're looking at making a transition in your life you're going to love it! You can still access the recordings over the weekend and into next week: sign up here.