Show up. Tell the truth.
I struggle to call myself a writer.
This is especially interesting considering the fact that I have made my living for the last 8.5 years primarily though writing.
I have a huge inner critic about it who says: Who am I to say I am a writer? There is this sense that there is something beyond the fact that I write that needs to happen before I can call myself a writer.
And yet I'm a gardener because I had a garden. Even in the times when I was a super lazy gardener and the weeds were running wild, I was still a gardener.
And I'm an artist no matter how long it's been since I did anything creative...
I claim those titles easily.
The fact that it is difficult to claim the title of writer MEANS SOMETHING. I know this. AND I avoid exploring it more deeply.
I know this is kind of funny to say in light of the fact that I just made a new remedy for inner critics - I know it works and yet I am avoiding the remedy.
Actually I am avoiding the remedy BECAUSE I know it works.
Because healing, transformation and growth are scary sometimes.
So here's the truth: I miss writing. I want to do more of it.
I write a blog post every day (Monday - Friday) in the Creative Dream Circle. But those tend to be short, quick updates to share: this is what I am working on today in my Dream Work, Inner Work and Outer Work. Over time these short posts show the story of staying wildly committed to a dream even when it feels impossible and they help my members find their way to their impossible dreams too.
I love those blog posts. AND they are not the same as writing longer posts out here in public.
Show up. Tell the truth.
Those are the words that come to me to describe this practice of writing on my blog. It's how I felt on Sunday night when I was upset and decided to write about it.
Also, there is something about writing publicly than I miss. My inner critic cringes that I am admitting this "What? You just want attention? OMG I am horrified." but there is a feeling there that I want more of.
And I know that following those feelings always leads us to more of our truth.
So what am I saying?
I would like to make a bold public promise that I am going to USE that Inner Critic Remedy and get this sorted out today and start blogging regularly again.
But in all honestly I don't feel ready. Healing and transformation are terrifying sometimes and I need to give myself space to GET ready.
During all of the hacking with my blog last month, and then the issues with moving it this month, I was looking through old blog posts - which I don't usually do. I remembered how much I used to blog! How I used to love sharing my stories.
I got quieter on my blog when I got married 2 years ago.
I needed time to adjust... I LOVE my new life, and to go from living alone forever to being a wife and step-mom is a big adjustment for a highly sensitive introvert.
Suddenly my stories weren't just mine to share. And I don't want to share marriage stories or step-mom stories. Those are TOTALLY VALID STORIES but I don't have a any creative juice around sharing them.
My creative juice is all for sharing my stories of my ongoing relationship with my dream and how it grows me.
Also two years ago is when I was re-evaluating my work and trying to create new structures and processes for engaging with your dream. It took a LOT of energy to create Creative Dream Alchemy which is the framework I use now. I needed to pull back in other areas to give that work the energy and attention it needed.
And now I am feeling that call to come back.
Now that I have written this out, I don't know why I felt tangled up about it. I'm being called to MAKE MORE SPACE for writing on my blog so I'm just going to start working on that... one baby step at a time.
THAT is the magic of writing for me!
Show up. Tell the truth. Find a totally new truth.
PS: My next coaching group is starting May 6. It's called: Upgrade your Creative Engine. Generating momentum for Artists, World-Changers and Dreamers.