A conversation with my Super Confident Self, who has been on permanent vacation in Saint-Tropez.
I have a part of me who doubts, a part of me who is afraid, and a part of me who is, right now, hiding under the covers with Netflix and ice cream.
I also have a part of me who is SURE. 100% confident. But this Super Confident part of me is not as helpful as might think, when it comes to working with my dreams:
You can't try new things AND be 100% sure.
You can't experiment and explore AND be 100% sure.
So this part of me has been away on vacation for a long time, and this morning I am trying to call her back. This is not going well.
Me: Ummm... hello? Are you there?
SCM (Super Confident Me): Peering out from a pair of huge fancy sunglasses... Oh, dahhhhling. What's that? Where are you? What's this?
Me: Ummmm, I was hoping we could talk? I was thinking maybe you could come back and help me out with this project.
SCM: Help with a project?! Are you joking? I live on the beach in Saint-Tropez now. I'm done with projects.
Me: Really? But you loved projects! You love making stuff!
SCM: Hmmm, what? Wait. (She sits and thinks) Why have I been on this super long vacation anyway?
Me: Well, I needed to do some stuff without you - exploring and NOT knowing and... well... I needed to lose some of the confidence in order to grow.
Me: Yeah, I'm sorry. I mean..
SCM: No, I get it. I've mellowed out a bit on this beach, I see it now. 100% CONFIDENCE ALL THE TIME isn't aways the most helpful approach.
Me: Oh thank God.
SCM: So what's the project? Maybe I could play a role in helping but not 100% take over?
Me: Well, I have all of these plans + ideas and I keep getting lost in them. I need to map it all out, but I also need to FEEL CONFIDENT about my vision. So I guess I'd like you to help me hold the vision.
SCM: (looks over the vision I've got drawn out in my journal)
Me: It's just that when I try to hold it - it's hard. The creative flow is so strong I get knocked off balance.
SCM: Yup, you'd need to be more grounded, more present, more connected to your power, and have studier boundaries, structures and routines before you'd be able to hold this. But you CAN do it.
Me: There it is! There's that confidence!
SCM: Confidence tempered with reality. Grounded confidence. I can see that you can do it AND I can see the obstacles AND I can see how you can work with the obstacles. (claps and jumps up and down) Oh we are going to DO THIS!!!
Me: Perfect. So can you hold this vision up high above your head and it can be like a North Star for me? Then I can use that light to map it all out and figure out what my next steps are.