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Self Doubt Challenge: update

Self Doubt Challenge #2

I'm wishing I hadn't started this.

This is the nature of working with self doubt. I'm REALLY doubting the decision to keep sharing these posts.

But that's also why I decided to keep sharing them, to encourage myself to stay in the process.

I've created HUGE shifts in my inner world and in my outer life, by continuing to work with something like this over time.

It's hard to stay in the process because it's both uncomfortable and boring. Most of the time I'm just being with it... I'm not having interesting insights or anything.

Just letting things settle.

I'm trying to notice that little voice of Self Doubt more in my daily life.

Who do you think you are, writing these blog posts? 

Why do you even have a business? What makes you think anyone cares about what you have to offer?

Just noticing the messages, being curious about them. 

It IS curious why there's such a loud chorus of them right now when I've never felt better about my work.

Oh, ha! That's why.

I've reached a new place with my dreams, I'm looking ahead at my next journey with my dreams and so of course the voices of self doubt want to make their thoughts known.

I'm also tending to the new creative fire that is burning in me.

This is what happened at the end of the Self Doubt Relief process I shared last week - there was this new creative FIRE in me. I felt this cosmic creative womb in me that I've never quite felt before.

And I'm meditating with self doubt, repeating the Self Doubt Relief process when needed, and also meditating about what happened in that process to integrate everything I am learning about my relationship with self doubt, to make space for a new relationship with this part of myself.

Basically just making time/space for my process with this.

Now, when I put self doubt into the jar of love and healing, the jar turns into an office space and he's sitting at his desk, hard at work. He's not an executive anyone though - now he's my business partner and he really wants to help me succeed. It's like the relationship is shifting to something more co-operative.

Do NOT try to make this make sense.

I have to keep reminding myself: your logical mind is NOT helpful for deep inner work. Trying to understand from your logical mind part of you slows down the process.

Stay in the evolving flowing feelings of it.

It feels so supportive to have self doubt working in this office. Taking care of things for me and the Creative Dream Incubator.

I'm also remembering the big truth of I am learning: when the part of me who doubts myself is rooted in love I am FREE.

I am free to reach toward my potential.

I am free to dream bigger.

I am free to really put my all into my new projects.

This feeling of freedom. I wish I could bottle it.

But this all feels shaky still.

I need to keep making time to be with this process, to keep putting the part of me who doubts myself into love and healing and give this new relationship with self doubt time and space to take root in my inner work.

This is the work that grows dreams.

I'll keep doing a weekly update on my blog as long as it feels relevant - and I write daily posts about my dream practice in the Creative Dream Circle, in a private space where we can share and explore together, with TONS of alchemy tools to play with.