Self Doubt Challenge: Update #2
I remain uncomfortable about writing these posts but still willing to show up ;) And the process is speeding up so I'm not waiting a whole week in between anymore.
I feel like I'm going deeper into the two stories I'm working with:
- the story of self doubt and how it cases me to want to PROVE MYSELF
- the story of my purpose and potential and how I align best with them with I am ENJOYING myself
I haven't been living 100% in either story.
There is this DEEP down unconscious place where I choose to prove myself instead of enjoy myself. Where I feel that the only way to try to be safe in the world is by receiving external approval.
(We pretty much ALL have this pattern, somewhere inside us, and there are *so many things* in our culture that actively encourage this)
And I have this place where I trust myself and my gifts completely. Where I understand how powerful my JOY is.
And each story has given the other space, like this ongoing compromise to ensure their mutual survival.
Until now. Not I want to obliterate the first story. It's just not serving me.
I mean, it's one thing to say "this pattern doesn't serve me" and it's another thing entirely to do the inner work needed to be able to release the story.
And it's important to underrate the difference between obliterating the story and obliteration the part of you who wants to feel safe.
Destroying any part of you will never bring you the healing and wholeness you want.
So what I need to do is make this part of me who feels unsafe FEEL SO SAFE that she willingly lets go of the story.
When I do this work with people on their stuff, they usually say something like "Holy crap that's like the secret back door to healing the thing that's been holding me back my whole life!!!"
Yup, that's exactly how it feels when you hit upon the right thing to heal and understand exactly what it needs. But the right thing to heal is usually about 7 layers beneath the thing you think you want to heal ;)
So I am connecting with this part of me whose only mission in life is to KEEP ME SAFE.
I CAN'T connect with her if I am focused on changing her.
She'll only let me connect with her if I respect her sovereignty ;)
And when I sit with her, and get to know her, THEN I can learn more about how to bring her the love, healing and sense of safety she so deeply needs.
And then she can stop trying to create the sense of safety by seeking external approval.
So my focus with this work is shifting away from working with self doubt to working with this part of me.
If you're curious about this kind of deep inner work, I do have a free course where I lead you through the process.
It's a 90 minute video class, and then you get a series of follow-up emails to help you process what happened in the class.
Sign up here: