From my journal this morning, a conversation with panic.
Why are you panicking right now?
Because I don’t know how to do this! Any of it! OMG! I have to do it but I don’t know how!
Ok. Wow that’s hard. Is it ok if I ask you to take a few deep breaths with me?
Yeah I guess so, I don’t know what else to do.
How do you feel now?
A bit better, like there is some space between me and the panic.
Oh that’s great!
Except I do have to get to work which means going close to it again.
Oh, that’s interesting - is there no way for you to get to work without going back to the panic?
The panic is this big grey cloud of moving parts and it’s right on the path that leads to finishing my work, so…. well I don’t know actually. Maybe there’s another route I could take? The cloud is REALLY BIG though I’m not sure how I could get around it.
Let’s sit down here for a minute and observe the cloud.
Observe the cloud? That sound weird but I guess, as long as I don’t go closer to it I’m ok.
Great! So what I’m seeing is that there’s a LOT of cool stuff in this cloud, it’s kind of a steampunk cloud, hey? Lots of the stuff in it is really cool it’s just that it gets jumbled at places, there’s too much cool stuff.
Wow! As I look closer at the stuff in the cloud - I love a LOT of it. These are my ideas! I think they’re amazing!
Yeah, this is an amazing cloud.
OK but there is this little tightness in my chest right now because I really want to find the RIGHT WAY to organize this all.
Of course you do! You love these ideas and want to honour them. That’s a very good thing. You care enough that your heart is worried about doing it wrong, that’s beautiful.
Actually I could just try some things - I mean nothing is set in stone. I could try some ways to organize them and then keep making changes until it feels right.
That’s a great plan.
Except - that’s what I’ve been doing. That kind of led to me being here.
Well, is here really such a bad place? You have amazing ideas you love and you want to give them the best possible home to live in.
Yeah that’s true. It’s just the worry that is a problem - I mean of course the worry is valid, I see that, but it’s making it hard for me to get to work.
What helps you not worry?
Trusting myself, trusting the ideas, being in a creative flow state. But none of these things feel accessible right now.
I see that. So here’s an idea. You keep trying to work from point a to point b. What if you try working from point b to point a? Or even point z to point a?
Oh! Point z is too far away but point b is interesting, because I actually do know a LOT about point b. Yeah I feel inspired about that - there is light and space and I can get to work.
That’s great! And if it gets overwhelming and you start to panic, just meet me back here.