And then the stories BLEW UP.
During a coaching call with the Creative Dream Circle this week, I led us in a Creative Dream Alchemy experiment and everything changed.
A new story landed and it's so big and bright, it doesn't leave space for that old nonsense.
Looking through my journal this morning I'm seeing how I've been exploring this for longer than I thought ;) I've been making space for my most...
I remain uncomfortable about writing these posts but still willing to show up ;) And the process is speeding up so I'm not waiting a whole week in between anymore.
I feel like I'm going deeper into the two stories I'm working with:
- the story of self doubt and how it cases me to want to PROVE MYSELF
- the story of my purpose and potential and how I align best with them with I am ENJOYING myself
I haven't been living 100% in either story.
I'm wishing I hadn't started this.
This is the nature of working with self doubt. I'm REALLY doubting the decision to keep sharing these posts.
But that's also why I decided to keep sharing them, to encourage myself to stay in the process.
I've created HUGE shifts in my inner world and in my outer life, by continuing to work with something like this over time.
It's hard to stay in the process because it's both uncomfortable and boring. Most of the time I'm just being...
I am challenging myself to:
- explore this foggy layer of self-doubt that I am starting to see around me and noticing that it's holding me back a lot more than I realise
- share this process in weekly blog posts until it feels complete
My tool: the Self Doubt Relief process
This is a 20 minute alchemy process I created for bringing in healing and then transforming your pattern of self doubt - creating a new relationship with the part of you who doubts you.
This doesn't all happen in 20 minutes...
I have a part of me who doubts, a part of me who is afraid, and a part of me who is, right now, hiding under the covers with Netflix and ice cream.
I also have a part of me who is SURE. 100% confident. But this Super Confident part of me is not as helpful as might think, when it comes to working with my dreams:
You can't try new things AND be 100% sure.
You can't experiment and explore AND be 100% sure.
So this part of me has been away on vacation for a long time, and this morning I am...
Since that blog post about Show Up. Tell The Truth I have been thinking about this thing I've got where I can't claim the title of WRITER for myself.
I make art for ME. Most of the art I make I never share. Even when I do share it, it's usually not because I want to share the art itself, it's more about sharing the inspiration behind the art.
And yet I easily claim the title of ARTIST.
I write for myself in my journal all the time. I can claim the title of journaler.
Writing, like the kind...
I'm stuck! Like stucker than stuck.
For some reason I do not know what to do today, even though I have all of these clear lists mapped out in my project management software and I've had a really beautifully productive week, until this morning anyway. Hey stuck, what's happening? Oh I don't feel stuck, I feel contorted. Reaching out in too many different directions. Stretched thin and weird. I hate this. Wow. OK. I've been feeling so good lately, I'm so sorry I didn't notice how uncomfortable...
This morning I woke up feeling overwhelmed. Yesterday I was sooooo happy because the End The Year on a High Note Creative Dream Obstacle Release Ceremony went soooo well. (You can still watch the recording right here - the recording is available until Jan 9)
So it somehow felt extra-disorienting to wake up this morning feeling overwhelmed and like everything is wrong.
But after a bit of journaling though I saw it from a different perspective: Actually I am seeing things more clearly...
Obstacle release is brave work.It's impossible to release something that you can't face, so facing the thing is always the first step. It takes more work than you think to really face your obstacle, to sit with it for long enough that you actually start to see it clearly. Because we don't see our own obstacles clearly. Ever.
Your obstacles live in your blind spots.For many years I thought that the obstacle to me having the life I wanted (to be creatively and sustainably and happily...
I am feeling debilitating self-doubt today. This is never comfortable, but since I have not felt this way in so long, I feel extra un-prepared to handle it. So I have mostly been trying to avoid it, which has resulted in me walking around with this pit in my stomach all day while I just get crankier and want to eat everything in sight. It finally started to ease once I finally started journaling about how I was feeling which quickly led to me connecting the dots on what really had me feeling...