I used to idolize my heroes, teachers, mentors and role models.
I would make up whole stories about them... how they handle certain situations, what their daily lives look like, how they get that amazing work done...
And in a lot of ways it was helpful! Like, when I felt stuck I would turn to these stories to help me find a way through. Just like WWJD? I could ask myself what my heroes would do and it really did help.
But a lot of the time this idolizing was NOT helpful.
I've been stuck about writing this page for about a month.
After 13 years of teaching this stuff and 9 years of successful online creative entrepreneurship - it's been humbling and frustrating to not be able to write a sales page for the program I have made that I am the most proud of.
Dream Book is the best thing I've ever made. So of course I got all tangled up trying to figure out how to talk about it. I mean it took me 2.5 years to make Dream Book - why would I think making the sales...
Why are you panicking right now?
Because I don’t know how to do this! Any of it! OMG! I have to do it but I don’t know how!
Ok. Wow that’s hard. Is it ok if I ask you to take a few deep breaths with me?
Yeah I guess so, I don’t know what else to do.
How do you feel now?
A bit better, like there is some space between me and the panic.
Oh that’s great!
Except I do have to get to work which means going close to it again.
And then the stories BLEW UP.
During a coaching call with the Creative Dream Circle this week, I led us in a Creative Dream Alchemy experiment and everything changed.
A new story landed and it's so big and bright, it doesn't leave space for that old nonsense.
Looking through my journal this morning I'm seeing how I've been exploring this for longer than I thought ;) I've been making space for my most...
I remain uncomfortable about writing these posts but still willing to show up ;) And the process is speeding up so I'm not waiting a whole week in between anymore.
I feel like I'm going deeper into the two stories I'm working with:
- the story of self doubt and how it cases me to want to PROVE MYSELF
- the story of my purpose and potential and how I align best with them with I am ENJOYING myself
I haven't been living 100% in either story.
I'm wishing I hadn't started this.
This is the nature of working with self doubt. I'm REALLY doubting the decision to keep sharing these posts.
But that's also why I decided to keep sharing them, to encourage myself to stay in the process.
I've created HUGE shifts in my inner world and in my outer life, by continuing to work with something like this over time.
It's hard to stay in the process because it's both uncomfortable and boring. Most of the time I'm just being...
I am challenging myself to:
- explore this foggy layer of self-doubt that I am starting to see around me and noticing that it's holding me back a lot more than I realise
- share this process in weekly blog posts until it feels complete
My tool: the Self Doubt Relief process
This is a 20 minute alchemy process I created for bringing in healing and then transforming your pattern of self doubt - creating a new relationship with the part of you who doubts you.
This doesn't all happen in 20 minutes...
I have a part of me who doubts, a part of me who is afraid, and a part of me who is, right now, hiding under the covers with Netflix and ice cream.
I also have a part of me who is SURE. 100% confident. But this Super Confident part of me is not as helpful as might think, when it comes to working with my dreams:
You can't try new things AND be 100% sure.
You can't experiment and explore AND be 100% sure.
So this part of me has been away on vacation for a long time, and this morning I am...
Since that blog post about Show Up. Tell The Truth I have been thinking about this thing I've got where I can't claim the title of WRITER for myself.
I make art for ME. Most of the art I make I never share. Even when I do share it, it's usually not because I want to share the art itself, it's more about sharing the inspiration behind the art.
And yet I easily claim the title of ARTIST.
I write for myself in my journal all the time. I can claim the title of journaler.
Writing, like the kind...
I'm stuck! Like stucker than stuck.
For some reason I do not know what to do today, even though I have all of these clear lists mapped out in my project management software and I've had a really beautifully productive week, until this morning anyway. Hey stuck, what's happening? Oh I don't feel stuck, I feel contorted. Reaching out in too many different directions. Stretched thin and weird. I hate this. Wow. OK. I've been feeling so good lately, I'm so sorry I didn't notice how uncomfortable...