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The cyclone of uncomfortable feelings

I am upset this morning. Really upset.

I’m going to try to use the Un-Sticking Station to help myself feel better.

Hey, upset feeling, can we talk?

Upset feeling is a cyclone. Spinning behind my forehead, in my jaw. I start crying.

I’d like to help you.

Cyclone pauses. How?  I thought I would have to just blow and blown until I got winded.

I think we have other options. It’s hard for me to have you cycling around inside me. How is it for you?

I feel completely out of control. This isn’t what I want.

OK. Ummm, I don’t know how to slow down a cyclone. I would like to offer you love, how can I do that? How do you want to be loved?

Cyclone starts crying. I don’t think anyone has ever tried to love me. I don’t know how to be loved.

OK, I am going to hung you then.

I imagine that I am hugging the cyclone. I start crying for this part of me who doesn’t know how to be loved.

Cyclone, I love you. Can you feel that? I feel for you, spinning out of control and not knowing how to stop, not knowing how to get what you want. You are precious and lovable.

The cyclone stops (!)

Now it’s a worm.

This feels like progress… but then the worm is just lying there. Like going from being stuck in a flight response to being stuck in a frozen response.

I offer the worm love through warming… I put a blanket on it, I bring in a fireplace and light it, I make a cozy little den. I put out some plates of snacks and a pot of tea.

I pet the worm, now it’s the size of my cat. I sit down beside it.

I don’t think I am frozen, I am resting.

Oh. That’s good.

How do you feel?

Well, like a cyclone has gone through me, I guess. I feel like my edges are frayed. My head hurts a little.

What do you want?

I want to make a drink, get on my bike, and go to the park with my tablet and draw and write and listen to music. I just worry I am too sensitive for the world right now.  I am still crying a little, so…

You feel stuck?

Yeah.

What if there is no rush? What if you work towards that plan?

Oh wow that feels like relief.

What would you do, to help yourself get ready to do what you want?

Ice pack on my eyes. Meditation. Have breakfast. I can see myself feeling better then.

OK then let’s do it!

Cyclone/worm - thank you, I love that I started out trying to help you and then you ended up helping me. This is beautiful.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

The cyclone of uncomfortable feelings Read More »

Why has structure been so difficult for me since the pandemic?

Last week in my dream status report my dream pointed to me needing to explore structure. Then during our Monday meditation, again, structure.

Yesterday my dream said: Have more fun! Having more structure will help you have more fun!

And that's true, structure helps me feel less overwhelmed in general. Good structure also helps me do more with less effort. So let's explore...

It's hard to think about structure and not think about 2020 swooping in and destroying all of the structure I had.

It's hard to think back to the details of that, because it feels so uncomfortable, but at the same time I do feel happy where I am as my 2023 self, who wouldn't exist in this way if 2020 hadn't gone the way it did. So it's like all these conflicting feelings come up as I think back to then.

And I think that's why I've just "kind of muddled through" and not gotten really specific and intention about how I want to re-create structure now, because just thinking about it sparks so many conflicted feelings which feels overwhelming.

For some reason, probably the magic of time is a big part of it, having conflicting feelings about this feels ok this morning.

Do I want to try and re-build the structure I had, as well as I can, making adjustments for the ways I have changed?

Or do I want to focus on where I am now, and build something totally new?

So interesting!

I definitely want to build something new.

AND I definitely don't want to leave behind all the things I learned - pre-pandemic, I had spent YEARS working on  creating the routines and habits that would serve me the best.

Ummmm, sitting with these conflicting thoughts, making space for the feelings that come out each one, the answer starts to feel really obvious.

List the things that were working for me in 2019.

For each one of these, write about how my 2023 self would do this.

early wake up

bike ride or walk (I already know where I am going when I wake up, I am usually packed, so I just get up and get going)

long morning in a coffee shop: journaling for the first hour, then laptop productivity time

everything I am doing planned is out in project management app

Monday morning is about planning for the week and checking in with all projects. I had lots of lists.

the details of my admin tasks were mapped out more clearly

Hmmmm, this is weird.

This is mostly stuff I am still doing. I mean, not the LONG mornings in coffee shops and not the same "productivity time". I have fewer lists, etc, but in a general, slower sense, I am doing these things.

Why has it felt like I have NONE of the structure I used to have?

(sitting with this)

Oh. It's my RELATIONSHIP to structure.

It just hit me.

The way an external event came in and destroyed all the structure I had. I still feel in a bit of a freeze response about that.

I'm going to stop here for today and let this sink in a little.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Why has structure been so difficult for me since the pandemic? Read More »

Creative Dream Check In And Intention Setting: Journaling + Meditation Class

I'll be doing these live Co-Dreaming calls every Monday until Aug 28.

Watching these videos all summer WILL get you seeing, and feeling, your dreams in new ways.

The replays will all be on my blog. If you want to attend live, register here to get the Zoom details.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Creative Dream Check In And Intention Setting: Journaling + Meditation Class Read More »

The magic of STRUCTURE [Weekly Dream Status Report]

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

On Fridays I do my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path. You can do them with me (Dream Book members: come post yours in the forum!)!

Over the year I've gotten a lot of push-back from people who don't want to do the same prompts every week. I know it's annoying somethings but I promise - this is magically clarifying. The repetition helps you go deeper into the process.

Here are the prompts:

PART ONE: (sometimes these can stay the same for months at time, sometimes they change often)

My dream is:  

I want it because: 

When I have it I will feel:

 

PART TWO:

Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

 

PART THREE:

My goal/wish/intention for this New Moon is:

Last week’s focus was:

What happened in the last week?

What am I learning/How do I feel about this?

What do I need now?

What does my dream need now?

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is:

My Dream Status Report for this week:

PART ONE: 

My dream is: BEING the artist + writer I want to be and everything this entails. Having a less dramatic creative process (like less battling self doubt and more happily humming to myself while I write and draw). And how I feel in my life in perimenopuase and beyond.

I want it because: This is what feels most enticing and interesting to me. I'm also noticing how BEING who I feel I AM is important for my mental health. I feel so strongly - a better world is possible and our dreams show us the way there.

When I have it I will feel: Just a little more ME, more energized. More stable/sturdy. Excited about the new work I am doing.

My new moon intention: My intuition sent me an almost-scary message about being more clear about something. LOL that was vaguely written, but I am being more clear with myself, it's not something I'm ready to share about.

 

PART TWO: Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

My dream shows up as a big star in the sky with rainbows shooting out from it.

And it feels like CLARITY and CERTAINTY, things I have not been feeling so much lately.

I sit down and ask the star to shine its light on me. I feel like clarity and certainty exist, my dream is holding them for me, and it’s fine that I don’t feel that way right now. I feel tired and foggy and tired of feeling foggy!

I wonder if this light can clear fog and resistance, which is what I think is feeding the fog?

Suddenly the star has a hand, and it’s holding its hand over my head, shining every colour of the rainbow onto me. The threads of rainbow colours beam down, and then move around and hug me. I feel a big “It’s ok to feel how you feel, sweetheart"

 

PART THREE:

Last week’s focus was: Take good care of myself, honour my capacity, and stay present with my dreams. I know how I feel when I am ALIGNED. Focus on feeling this way more often.

What happened in the last week? 

This week I started to feel grounded about the free weekly calls I am doing! This is a total “follow your dream’s advice and do the thing, you don’t have to feel ready” kind of situation. It’s not even like I haven’t done tons of free classes it just feels like the landscape has changed and it’s felt awkward to get into it.

I am so wildly immensely grateful for everyone who has shown up and participated on these calls. It’s the community that makes them magic and I wasn’t sure how that would be without our safe private container.

Though in all honesty, it’s not like a lot of people will watch these - getting people’s attention online is soooo hard so it’s just the people who really align with what I’m talking about who will even begin to be curious about watching. But it feels different to have a thing be “out there” and I am so grateful to not be out there alone on this one.

I am crying as I write this, mostly from allergies which are really bad today and I am sitting outside but it also feels really emotional. I am so grateful for the people that the Creative Dream Incubator has drawn in. And the last… umm 6 years (yikes!) I have felt so conflicted about calling new people in and this is the thing I need to work on now and I can remember to draw on the magic of what we already have going on.

Arghugh! I see why I feel so foggy, I am in an uncomfortable part. I am moving through it, I do see an end in sight, but it’s uncomfortable and so the resistance/fog does creep in.

What am I learning/How do I feel about this?

I do feel uncomfortable and being uncomfortable, lol! But I also feel proud of myself, for making the commitment that my dream asked me to make, and sticking to it. I know the discomfort, and the things that happen as I work through it, are a part of the process and I do feel good about the whole thing. I do feel like by the end of summer I will have a whole new relationship with how I put my work out there. One that feels grounded and stable in an unstable world. That’s the dream anyway 🙂

What do I need now? Permission to BE IN THE PROCESS and not have it all figured out, to not be exactly where I want to be in terms of my habits and work flow and celebrate the little steps I am taking.

What does my dream need now?

It’s smiling and raining down rainbows on me. Just stay with it, honey. And do keep working on organization and structure, like we’ve been exploring.

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is:

Explore structure more deeply. What kinds of structure would be helpful now: for my ongoing journey of putting my work out there, and for the journal project (I did get great advice about that last week, keep exploring where that leads) and what else in my life needs more structure?

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

The magic of STRUCTURE [Weekly Dream Status Report] Read More »

You can fail, financially, with your dreams and still be a success.

I know we all know this.

And I know we ALSO can feel like… but if a thing is REALLY GOOD it will find its audience, it will find commercial success.

Our culture tells us that the people who have really big financial success are actually more gifted than those who don’t have it.

It’s called meritocracy. It’s a way of justifying the huge gaps between the ultra rich and everyone else. It’s a way of keeping us obedient to capitalist values.

The truth is, we’re all gifted. We’re all unique. And one person having more commercial success than another person does not make them more gifted. It makes them more celebrated by capitalism.

And people use that “celebrated by capitalism” as evidence of being exceptionally gifted.

It happens ALL THE TIME in the life coaching and wellness industries. You think the people who are the most famous and make the most money are the best healers. 

They’re not.

And that’s a fucked up measurement system. Especially when you’ve been in this business long enough to know what happens behind the scenes of those businesses that make all that money.

We need to find all the places, in us, where we allow money to determine worth, and clear them.

We need to root more deeply into our own values, and not the capitalist values that the world wants us to live by.

And the next time you see someone telling you their huge income as a way of saying that their work and ideas are more valuable than everyone else’s, you need to think about not listening to them. We don’t have to keep holding this system up.

And when you stop believing that “because so and so makes money money it means they are better” then you can stop believe that you are not good enough. 

How celebrated by capitalism your work is is NOT an accurate measurement of how valuable and needed your work is.

Capitalism allows millions of people to starve while a few use billions of dollars to blast themselves off into space. It’s a fucked up system. I know we all need money, but is being celebrated by this fucked up system really a good goal to aim for?

This post is inspired by the inner work I’ve been doing for the last year - starting with the Slow the fuck down! BE as powerful, creative + magnetic as you are class. And then using the Un-Sticking Station process on ALL of the different thoughts and feelings that were unearthed in that class. It’s been a long journey but I love how clear I feel right now, that I have unearthed big chunks of these things from my inner world.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

You can fail, financially, with your dreams and still be a success. Read More »

Getting next-level advice from the soul of my project

(The project is to create journals/guides/workbooks out of all of the classes I’ve made. Like an entire library of journals for creative dreamers.)

This is a huge project, and I feel huge excitement about it. AND it’s a huge project and there are a million different ways to start so where do I want to start?

So I need a meeting with the project, to work out a plan.

(Using the Dream Lab meditation to call in the soul of the project)

The project appears as… well a whole library of journals for creative dreamers. The completed project, with light radiating out from it.

So, hey! Thanks for meeting me. I feel a bit… overwhelmed I guess. Disorganized?

I love what you’re doing!

Thank you!

I see how dedicated you are. I see how you love the project. I see the care you are taking with every detail.

I’m beaming. It’s so nice to be seen and appreciated.

One note though: you can’t take THAT MUCH care with EVERY SINGLE detail, if we want to finish this project in your lifetime.

Well, yeah, I was thinking that.

Some of that is over-thinking coming out of self doubt and if you could work on clearing that energy more quickly you could be more in the flow. And I want to stress that there isn’t anything WRONG with the amount of attention you pay to these things, you are so thoughtful about it and that’s great, it’s just that you are going way beyond what is necessary to serve the purpose of the project. Remember to trust the magic of the project itself, and trust the magic of the people using the journals. These journals are containers, and the people who work with them will use the containers to create their own magic. You don’t have to get into the details like that.

I absolutely understand what you mean. I can zoom out like three layers, at least.

Yes, exactly.

OK that feels so helpful. The other thing is - well where do I even start? What I am doing now is working with what I have, and giving myself all this “free space” to explore, ideate, let the ideas evolve… this is so important for the creative process but I feel like I also need more structure.

I think you’re right on both counts, the way you started this project giving yourself all this space was genius. And yes, you need more structure now to let these things take form. Also, I’m not sure you are seeing this, but I think you are working on multiple books at once. I think you are trying to get one book finished, but I think you’ll end up finishing multiple books at once, or close to each other.

So, do you think that I still don’t have a handle on the specific topics of the different books? That that will continue to change as I work on this?

Right.

(The soul of the project is no longer the books themselves, it’s this woman who seems like she’s wearing a toga, older and wise and glowing)

(Then I realize that by “older” I might mean the same age as me, lol)

Would it be helpful for me to work on a list of the different books? Like try to map out what this will look like?

You have done this so many times. You have lists in every list app you have. And in your project management app. And in multiple journals. I don’t say this to shame you, I say this to remind you that you’ve been exploring this for a long time, and that it’s FABULOUS that you are letting your explorations meander rather than trying to force them into some kind of deadline. Do YOU think it would be helpful to make another list at this time?

Well, I guess I like my lists! It feels soothing. But really, I was thinking that this list would be the structure we were talking about that I need now. Do you know of a different way to bring some structure in?

She just smiles at me and leans forward. I feel like she DOES have an idea that I can’t see, but I can’t hear her on this.

Oh, then this idea flies in - not to make another list but to create a folder for each of these books in my drawing app. Give them a place for my ideas to land.

She smiles. Well yes that would be the way to really SEE what you have for each one. And that can teach you more - like HOW you see the books now could change. Maybe what you think of as 3 different books is actually 1. Or what you see as 1 is actually 3. You don’t know this until you really see it, and the lists of ideas aren’t helping you with that part.

So I can take my list of ideas, and create folders from that list, and then in my “free creative/exploration time” I have all of this to draw from. This means I have structure AND freedom.

Ah hah! See that?!

She’s pointing to the little spark of self doubt that just popped up.

Yeah.

Yeah, that’s a huge part of the work. You DO need to step up into your next-level self to do this project. And doing all of this creative work WITHOUT the structure is a way of NOT stepping up. Creating these folders, giving things more form and detail, requires you to work through the self doubt and get aligned with your next level self, the version of you who is at the next level with this project. The version of you who starts to complete and share these books is even more aligned - you don’t have to go all the way there right now. Just be on that journey. Be doing the Dream Self exercises often. Create a page in your Dream Book just for your Dream Self who is doing these books.

Oh that’s another great form of structure!

Yup! OK do those two things, and keep going. You are doing AMAZING and I am so proud of you!!

I am beaming.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Getting next-level advice from the soul of my project Read More »

Getting stuck + feeling like a failure

Two weeks ago at the New Moon Intention-Setting call I had this burst of clarity about what to focus on for this month.

It felt powerful and magical and inspiring.

But two weeks later, it feels impossible. It’s depressing, how far away it feels. It’s activating all of my self doubt.

I woke up feeling like a failure, with this inner voice insisting that I will never be successful.

And I was like “Wow, this is interesting. Why don’t you think I am already successful?”

The voice was stumped for a minute and then said “Because if you are successful then you save money every single month with never any exceptions.”

I was like “That’s a really interesting definition of success! Like, do you understand that sometimes there are unexpected bills or any number of reasons why you might dig into savings?”

But beyond that - what a weird way to define success. It’s fascinating that there is a part of me who feels this way!

And then I realize - I actually DO save money every month, there’s an automatic transfer to my retirement savings.

But this little voice is like “No, I mean more than that” but already the voice is getting quieter because it is realizing that constantly increasing your wealth with no exceptions is really more a sign of hoarding and greed than it is a sign of success.

I sit down beside the little voice, who seems to be sitting in the grass outside somewhere.

“I think you’re worried about that big expense, hey?”

“Yeah, it was big!”

“It was big! But we had the money to handle it. We’re actually good at saving and planning! Money isn’t how I define success, but it is a tool I use and I do know how to use it.”

“But also all of the expenses are going up. It’s so stressful! Like, when will it stop?”

“Yeah it IS stressful and your feelings, all of them, are absolutely valid, especially as reactions to all of this scary stuff that is out of our control… but one thing that IS in our control is how we see ourself. I think we deserve to FEEL successful.”

This little voice beams. It started out so mean and harsh with ME but then it turns out that it was the one feeling like a failure and was projecting it at me.

I give it a hug.

“Sweetheart, we have a beautiful life and we deserve this, just like everyone does.”

And now I feel settled.

So, bringing my attention back to that intention. It’s hard to hold it because it’s a shift in energy, focus, intention and self-belief.

It is THE shift in energy, focus, intention and self-belief that I need right now.

And it is FINE if I slip and fall along the way. It’s expected actually. THIS IS A PRACTICE NOT A PERFECT. Setting an intention like this calls in all the reasons why this is hard. These are the things I need to work through.

And I know that to hold this intention more firmly, I need to do the inner work more consistently. This little nagging discomfort had been growing all weekend and I was ignoring it, it wasn’t until this morning when it’s like RIGHT IN MY WAY and stopping me from doing anything that I faced it.

It would be easier to get to where I want to be if I would face the little uncomfortable feelings faster.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Getting stuck + feeling like a failure Read More »

Obstacle Release Ceremony: Meditation + Journaling Class

Every dream comes with obstacles. Really! If your dream didn't have obstacles it wouldn't really be a DREAM.

There are a lot of different ways to work with obstacles, this Obstacle Release Ceremony is a the way to work obstacles when you're just ready to let them go.

We originally did this on the full moon, which is a fantastic time for an obstacle release ceremony, but the best time to do this work is when you feel like you want to release your obstacle!

(This is from a series of live, free calls I did in the summer and fall of 2023 called Co-Dreaming)

Obstacle Release Ceremony: Meditation + Journaling Class Read More »

The magic of ALIGNMENT [Weekly Dream Status Report]

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

On Fridays I do my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path. You can do them with me (Dream Book members: come post yours in the forum!)!

Over the year I've gotten a lot of push-back from people who don't want to do the same prompts every week. I know it's annoying somethings but I promise - this is magically clarifying. The repetition helps you go deeper into the process.

Here are the prompts:

PART ONE: (sometimes these can stay the same for months at time, sometimes they change often)

My dream is:  

I want it because: 

When I have it I will feel:

 

PART TWO:

Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

 

PART THREE:

My goal/wish/intention for this New Moon is:

Last week’s focus was:

What happened in the last week?

What am I learning/How do I feel about this?

What do I need now?

What does my dream need now?

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is:

My Dream Status Report for this week:

PART ONE: 

My dream is: BEING the artist + writer I want to be and everything this entails. Having a less dramatic creative process (like less battling self doubt and more happily humming to myself while I write and draw). And how I feel in my life in perimenopuase and beyond.

I want it because: This is what feels most enticing and interesting to me. I'm also noticing how BEING who I feel I AM is important for my mental health. I feel so strongly - a better world is possible and our dreams show us the way there.

When I have it I will feel: Just a little more ME, more energized. More stable/sturdy. Excited about the new work I am doing.

My new moon intention: My intuition sent me an almost-scary message about being more clear about something. LOL that was vaguely written, but I am being more clear with myself, it's not something I'm ready to share about.

 

PART TWO: Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

My dream shows up as a powerful beam of light, that goes right through me and extends as far as I can see. No, not a beam a pillar. And so powerful it almost feels solid. Solid, strong, powerful energy saying "I AM HERE"

 

PART THREE:

Last week’s focus was: I had been recommitting to a one hour minimum Creative Dream Practice in the mornings and it feels like it would be good to push that longer.

 

What happened in the last week? After two weeks of "Set up my new dream altar." as my focus and not doing it, this week I didn't make it my focus and I did do it! There are some construction-type things that still need to be done - I'm using this little cupboard Joseph made when he put a closet upstairs for me last fall and I still haven't done the finishing work. But I can do that in the fall when I can have windows open for paint fumes. And the altar is soooo good! Space to hold space for my dreams and the version of me I become as I pursue these next steps.

I had a lot of ups and downs - A VERY DRAMATIC WEEK, creatively. Also, PMS is just wild for me in peri-menopause. But for the most part, I kept up with the one-hour-PLUS of Creative Dream Practice time and this really served me. This SPACE to process my thoughts and feelings is really everything, it helps me feel more connected to my dreams and MY REAL SELF.

What am I learning/How do I feel about this? This morning I feel a lot of peace. I am enjoying summer. I am writing this in the park, drinking iced coffee I brought.

I have been learning (and re-learning!) about my post-pandmeic/peri-menopausal self's actual capacity. I am "going hard" when I have focus and clarity and backing right off when my mind starts to get fuzzy. This helps the next day be better, clarity/focus/productivity wise. (As opposed to trying to get myself to just do "one more thing" even when my mind is clearly now up to it anymore and I am just getting lost in distraction)

I am feeling less pressure to be my pre-pandemic self (which feels like a miracle!) and starting to accept where I am now.

What do I need now? My answer from last week still feels applicable: The answer that comes to me is PRESENCE. Remembering how magic and powerful I am when I am present. Giving myself more and more time for my practices.

Oh! Also, one evening this week I felt totally burned out and didn't want to make dinner But I had just picked up our box of veggies from our local farm subscription and felt pressure to start using them right away because it's a LOT of veggies and I don't want anything to do bad. I made dinner, felt overwhelmed, depleted and resentful about it, which send me on a train to a really bad mood all evening. So I need to HONOUR MY ACTUAL CAPACITY. I didn't have the capacity to make dinner that night, and I would have been better off if I had just honoured that.

What does my dream need now? Coming back into that meditation, my dream is this WILDLY POWERFUL pillar of light, it just needs to shine. And it has more pace to shine when I tend to myself well, so that I can then tend to it.

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is: Take good care of myself, honour my capacity, and stay present with my dreams. I know how I feel when I am ALIGNED. Focus on feeling this way more often.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

The magic of ALIGNMENT [Weekly Dream Status Report] Read More »

Finding my way through

Yesterday I realised why I am getting stuck so much right now. During our full moon intention setting call, I set a really clear and bold intention. Or, it felt bold to me but during that meditation I felt so connected to intuition and so clear and sure that this is what came out.

It’s easy-ish to feel that clear and sure during those kinds of meditations.

It’s much less easy to HOLD that clarity and certainty throughout the rest of the month.

One reason for this is that having a clear intention to shift something will bring up all the places in you that need healing, attention or transformation in order for you to be able to make that shift.

So that’s why I’ve been getting stuck so much. I called this in because my wisest self said I was ready.

The rest of me is not so sure.

And here we are, battling it out.

So, how can I help my wisest self win?

So far I’ve got: my laziest self, my most scared self, my most exhausted self and my most filled with self doubt self arguing that we should really slow this whole thing down.

So how about calling in: my most creative self, my most enthusiastic self, my most joyful self, my most filled-her-well-with-exquisite-self-care self, and my most trusting self? What would they say?

I imagine this group gathering together and coming up with a plan to take over.

And this is what they say:

Make a list of the things that other group wants to do - like playing dumb games on your phone, scrolling social media, staying in instead of going for a bike ride in the morning, etc.

AND THEN DON’T DO THOSE THINGS. Notice when you’re doing them, which is easier to do when you are paying attention to your ENERGY. Your energy tanks when you do these things. It doesn’t meant you can’t goof off or rest, it means be more intentional about what actually refuels you and makes you feel good and what’s just… checking out.

Also let’s note that acting out of fears, etc is not the same as tending to fears, etc. Spending time really BEING WITH these parts of you are always ok! Journal and meditate and lay on the floor and just feel your feelings. That’s all good! All parts of you are part of you, it’s just that you have to be more intentional about who’s leader.

And then have really solid patterns about Dream Work practices. You need to get more intentional about this. I know you’re already doing it! DO IT HARDER. You know exactly what I mean.

OK yeah I know exactly what they mean.

It feels like I am crawling out of the pit of the last few years and most (?) (some?) of the time I am doing fine and then sometimes I slide back in. Sometimes overwhelm just takes over.

And so I see it - it’s fine for the FEELING of overwhelm to take over. I just have to keep my more wise, creative and brave parts of me IN THE LEAD, in terms of choosing what to do with the overwhelm.

I just felt this wave of trust and congruence go through me.

It’s like - I have been teaching this for how many years???! And yet I still need to keep practicing. It IS like yoga, you don’t stretch your legs once and you’re done for the rest of your life. No matter how good you are at it, you’ve got to keep practicing.

So, trying to have some patience with myself and my process today.

(And, for accountability sake, yesterday I shared that I was STILL NOT working on that Dream Book Projects Page even though that was the intuitive nudge I kept getting. Well yesterday I did work on it! And that really did help me with clarity.)

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Finding my way through Read More »

IT FEELS TERRIFYING TO PUT NEW WORK OUT INTO THE WORLD AS IT IS RIGHT NOW.

For context: the spot I shared yesterday I wrote last week. In the end, my practice encouraged me to pick a project and STICK WITH IT, finish it. I picked a project and have been really enjoying it.

BUT I will out myself here: at the end of that post I wrote that I knew I had to make a new Dream Book Projects Page and I didn't actually do that. I keep skipping out on some of these things, because I think "I've done this already" but the point is to KEEP DOING IT which is what a practice is.

++++

So I've been in a creative flow, and have really been enjoying the process....

Until now.

In a meditation I suddenly saw it - basically started over with a new thing... and I keep doing this. Starting over with a new thing when the thing gets hard.

BECAUSE (and I just realized this) IT FEELS TERRIFYING TO PUT NEW WORK OUT INTO THE WORLD AS IT IS RIGHT NOW.

So I'm just sitting with the terror of it.

Last week we did a Zoom on Sitting With Uncomfortable Feelings where we did just that - hold space for our own feelings without trying to change them. Just giving them space to express, which was brutal but then also led to some really good stuff. (And I am so glad to have that replay available for those moments when you really need it, that you don't have to sit with those feelings on your own)

Right now, this terror is:

A headache behind my eyes
Tension in my shoulders and the base of my neck
An increasing sense of frustration
A wish that I could stop feeling any of this
Swirls of helplessness swirling in my head
That feeling like I want to cry, but I can't

And then a "OK seriously though you're being too dramatic just stop this, turn your feelings off"

The more I pay attention to my uncomfortable feelings, the more uncomfortable feelings I seem to have but I know this won't continue like this forever.

I set up some pillows and lay on the floor.

Sadness settles in my heart and belly.
A bit of a sharp pain behind my right eye.

My arms are buzzing with frustration.

But slowly, it all fades and, without trying to, I start to notice the part of me that trusts my work and understands that this work won't save/change the world but it can be a good thing to add to it.

And that feels like enough for today.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

IT FEELS TERRIFYING TO PUT NEW WORK OUT INTO THE WORLD AS IT IS RIGHT NOW. Read More »

Exploring my stuck + the healing power of RAGE

Last week I spent so much time in the Un-Sticking Station.

I wanted to share this one experience which is so interesting to me now, that I am through it:

My stuck is this slithering kind of of being slithering around in me. It’s filled with grief, sadness, fear, little sparks of rage.

Oh! This brings to mind my situation with the condo board. I have been trying to “not let it get to me” and “just take care of things like a grown up” but I feel so much rage. And so much frustration that the person responsible will never be held accountable.

Also: I try so hard to do the right thing all the time while this person can just so blatantly be so selfish and greedy and there is no way to hold them accountable. WTF?

Back in my meditation, this slithering being has more rage sparks in her belly and I decide to light a match and throw it in.

Pouf!

Let’s absolutely BURN with rage!

The slithering being is almost dancing. Happy to be expressing.

And it says: “Listen, I don’t want to be held back by self doubt anymore. I mean, in this world? Where people can lie and steal and take advantage and face no consequences?n When all I want to do is share my creative work in the hopes of helping people? Why should I hold back? This is so ridiculous. Please Andrea, let this all burn up in this fire”

The dancing becomes more joyful and fast.

……

I don’t know if this feels complete but I feel ready to move on for now.

......

A few hours later something new occurs to me: I am juggling too many projects/project ideas and in the judging there is too much room for self doubt to weasel in.

So: Get more focused. Use the Projects page! And the new project prompts from the Dream Plan Kit for processing ideas to decide THE ONE you're going to focus on. Put the others into "potential projects" and just COMMIT TO ONE THING and get it done.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Exploring my stuck + the healing power of RAGE Read More »

Co-Dreaming Call 2: Meeting the soul of your dream

We had a fantastic call today!

I'm feeling all the things - healing, magic, inspiration and "let's get out there and make it happen" magic.

Thanks so much to everyone who was there live to help me create such a great recording, and replay people -send me your questions for the next call!

(If you don't see the video here, watch it on You Tube)

Watching these videos all summer WILL get you seeing, and feeling, your dreams in new ways.

I'll be doing this every Monday until Aug 28.

The replays will all be on my blog. If you want to attend live, register here to get the Zoom details.

Co-Dreaming Call 2: Meeting the soul of your dream Read More »

Trying to honour the process as it is [Weekly Dream Status Report]

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

On Fridays I do my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path. You can do them with me (Dream Book members: come post yours in the forum!)!

Over the year I've gotten a lot of push-back from people who don't want to do the same prompts every week. I know it's annoying somethings but I promise - this is magically clarifying. The repetition helps you go deeper into the process.

Here are the prompts:

PART ONE: (sometimes these can stay the same for months at time, sometimes they change often)

My dream is:  

I want it because: 

When I have it I will feel:

 

PART TWO:

Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

 

PART THREE:

My goal/wish/intention for this New Moon is:

Last week’s focus was:

What happened in the last week?

What am I learning/How do I feel about this?

What do I need now?

What does my dream need now?

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is:

My Dream Status Report for this week:

PART ONE: 

My dream is: BEING the artist + writer I want to be and everything this entails. Having a less dramatic creative process (like less battling self doubt and more happily humming to myself while I write and draw). And how I feel in my life in perimenopuase and beyond.

I want it because: This is what feels most enticing and interesting to me. I'm also noticing how BEING who I feel I AM is important for my mental health. I feel so strongly - a better world is possible and our dreams show us the way there.

When I have it I will feel: Just a little more ME, more energized. More stable/sturdy. Excited about the new work I am doing.

My new moon intention: My intuition sent me an almost-scary message about being more clear about something. LOL that was vaguely written, but I am being more clear with myself, it's not something I'm ready to share about.

 

PART TWO: Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

OK the meditation went really different. I couldn't focus on my dream, because I was changing so dramatically as it appeared. I became a sad mermaid. Crying and swimming.

Yeah, this hits home. Parts of this week were difficult and I'm not relating to my dreams in the ways I want to be. But the fact that the mermaid is still swimming - it feels like a reminder that I WAS DOING MY BEST.  And also a reminder to lean in more deeply to the things that help.

 

PART THREE:

Last week’s focus was:Set up my new dream altar. Explore this portal that my dream is holding space for (via daily Dream Meetings)

What happened in the last week? Again - no action on the new altar this week, other than I did talk to my husband about the construction parts of it and made a plan to go shopping with him this weekend to get what we need, so that's something.

I am embarrassed but I forgot all about exploring the portal. It didn't come up in my meditations this week and I forgot all about it. This was a difficult week and remembering and doing this stuff would have been so helpful AND I am doing my best. And it's not like I did nothing in terms of my practices I was just doing other things.

This is why it's good to do this week after week, to check back in and pick up the threads.

But this one doesn't feel like it needs picking up. I think the portal stuff that coming to me in my meditations that week is where I was that week and this week it was more about tending to self doubt and setting things up for new projects. Maybe I move through the portal - I mean I did get a really exciting new idea for a project that I've been pursuing.

What am I learning/How do I feel about this? Starting new projects always sparks self doubt for me. That moment of "I am going to take this more seriously" naturally invites in all the inner reasons to NOT take it more seriously. (I didn't technically start a NEW project but came back to one that had been on hold for a bit)

Looking back I wish I'd handled it all better somehow, I wish the process didn't get so messy but this is a direct violation (!) of one of the principles of Creative Dream Alchemy - to honour your process as it is.

If I try looking back and HONOURING my process as it is - well I think I very bravely moved through very big self doubt and insecurities. I didn't stay standing the whole time but that's to be expected.

Also - I feel really excited about this new idea. It's a new way to approach the project that I think will make a big difference.

What do I need now? The answer that comes to me is PRESENCE. Remembering how magic and powerful I am when I am present. Giving myself more and more time for my practices.

What does my dream need now? Coming back into that meditation, I am the sad mermaid, my dream is the sun shining down on me, loving me. As I look at it, some of it's rays turn into a path and it invites me to get on it. As I walk (I guess I am not a mermaid now) up the path I feel more and more grounded and connected to myself and trusting myself to do the things I feel inspired to do. My dream says: you need to do the things that help you feel this way. Give yourself more time for these things.

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is: I had been recommitting to a one hour minimum Creative Dream Practice in the mornings and it feels like it would be good to push that longer.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Trying to honour the process as it is [Weekly Dream Status Report] Read More »

And then ALL the fears and doubts come out to play

Yesterday I had that gorgeous magical morning where everything came together. I really got INTO my creative flow and got so much done and felt so good!

Today is the exact opposite.

During our New Moon Intention Setting call last week, I was feeling the magic of our alchemy meditation and my inner wisdom came in with this new advice about holding a bigger dream MORE FIRMLY this morning. Like really BEING ALL ABOUT IT.

This felt so good and expansive and like "YEAH I AM READY!"

It can be easy to feel that way during our group calls - I mean that's why I do them!

But then, as you work out what actually needs doing in order to BE ALL ABOUT IT, the shitty little voices start to speak up.

Because yesterday I worked on getting REALLY SPECIFIC about the Inner Work that I need to do, it's like I opened the door to those shitty little voices.

 

This will never work.

You are just not good enough.

No one cares.

This idea is so stupid why did you think you could do it?

OMG this is so COMPLICATED and HARD and I just don't want to!!

 

And then something stressful happened with my condo board and it was like my feelings were already at 100% full capacity but they just kept on coming.

Side note: we are doing the Sitting With Uncomfortable Feelings call this Friday! 

So, I had a lot of uncomfortable feelings to sit with in preparation for Friday, lol.

This is how it works.

When we get that real DETERMINATION to move forward with something often all of our inner stuff gets activated.

Your Creative Dream Practice needs to be able to hold space for this. To not brush it aside and also to not let it take over and make your plans smaller.

The voice/feeling that is most activated for me right now is: this will never work. It comes with a sense of hopelessness with rivers of anger and frustration flowing through it.

For my practice today I'm sitting with it, using the Un-Sticking Station practice and also doing a drawing of this part of me. I mean drawing like a 5 year old to EXPRESS MYSELF (which is so healing!) not trying to "make a pretty picture" (which is great, but it's not inner work).

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

And then ALL the fears and doubts come out to play Read More »