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And then ALL the fears and doubts come out to play

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Yesterday I had that gorgeous magical morning where everything came together. I really got INTO my creative flow and got so much done and felt so good!

Today is the exact opposite.

During our New Moon Intention Setting call last week, I was feeling the magic of our alchemy meditation and my inner wisdom came in with this new advice about holding a bigger dream MORE FIRMLY this morning. Like really BEING ALL ABOUT IT.

This felt so good and expansive and like "YEAH I AM READY!"

It can be easy to feel that way during our group calls - I mean that's why I do them!

But then, as you work out what actually needs doing in order to BE ALL ABOUT IT, the shitty little voices start to speak up.

Because yesterday I worked on getting REALLY SPECIFIC about the Inner Work that I need to do, it's like I opened the door to those shitty little voices.

 

This will never work.

You are just not good enough.

No one cares.

This idea is so stupid why did you think you could do it?

OMG this is so COMPLICATED and HARD and I just don't want to!!

 

And then something stressful happened with my condo board and it was like my feelings were already at 100% full capacity but they just kept on coming.

Side note: we are doing the Sitting With Uncomfortable Feelings call this Friday! 

So, I had a lot of uncomfortable feelings to sit with in preparation for Friday, lol.

This is how it works.

When we get that real DETERMINATION to move forward with something often all of our inner stuff gets activated.

Your Creative Dream Practice needs to be able to hold space for this. To not brush it aside and also to not let it take over and make your plans smaller.

The voice/feeling that is most activated for me right now is: this will never work. It comes with a sense of hopelessness with rivers of anger and frustration flowing through it.

For my practice today I'm sitting with it, using the Un-Sticking Station practice and also doing a drawing of this part of me. I mean drawing like a 5 year old to EXPRESS MYSELF (which is so healing!) not trying to "make a pretty picture" (which is great, but it's not inner work).

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

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I am having a downright MAGICAL morning

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Let's talk about how hard it is to get into good routines sometimes, and how much they help!

Before the pandemic, I had SUCH sturdy routines. I had spent years fine-tuning what, exactly, I need to feel inspired, creative, motivated and productive. I could reliably and consistently (I mean not EVERY day but much more often than not) get myself into my creative flow with my morning routines.

Then that all came crashing down in March 2020.

And re-building has been.... interesting.

But this morning here we are:

I’m having such a magical morning!

It is STUPID HOT like I wasn’t sure I wanted to go for a bike ride at all, and I definitely didn’t want to go journal in the park (as is my routine lately) because it’s already too hot and humid at 7 am. Plus super windy.

I did want to leave the house though, I knew it would be the best thing for my mood and energy and creativity. Get a coffee, put on noise canceling headphones, do some journaling. Key parts of my morning routine.

But I don't have a consistent "summer coffee shop" right now and every single coffee shop I could think of felt like UGH NO for one reason or another. (My consistent winter coffee shop has a bakery with a wood-fired oven and it's heavenly all winter! Sunny windows, loads of plants and the heat from the oven creates such a beautiful atmosphere. But in the summer it's just too hot for me. These details matter, my creativity doesn't function in the heat.)

Then I remembered a Starbucks that’s a 10 min bike ride away closed in the pandemic and a new place opened. 

I always feel like - you never know what you’re getting with a new place. Will the vibes be off? It’s funny but also it’s real, like I need to FEEL RIGHT in a place to do my journaling. And how can I know how I will feel if I've never been there? So I took a change.

And OMG this is my new coffee shop!

They have EVERYTHING BAGEL flavoured croissants! I had a filling smoothie and wasn’t hungry but just so happy to know this exists here, lol.

Then I noticed - they have lavender syrup for coffee! Heaven!

I got an iced coffee and sat down at the bar, the chair and bar are the exact right height to be comfy for journaling. And the air conditioning is working well on this hot day.

A woman came over to me to compliment my shoes "These are the best Crocs I've ever seen!" (I got these zebra with leopard heel strap Crocs this spring and I am just loving them, so that was nice!)

It just feels so good. It’s like it’s easier to tap into my Dream Self here. 

On our new moon intention-setting call last week I didn’t get time to list the dream work, inner work and outer work practices that will help with my intention this month, so I made lists of those.

It feels so supportive to have that list of specific things that will help me most right now.

Everything feels flowy.

This is what a good morning routine does.

I don't wake up feeling clear-headed enough to just do the things that I want to do. Even after my first-thing-in-the-morning meditation!

Through experimenting I learned that I do need to get out of the house (and in the pandemic lockdowns I really learned how depressing it can get to never do that!) and having my clothes ready and bag packed and location chosen all makes it easier to do that.

If I get up and then have to decide on clothing and what to bring (I do have a lot of journals I am working in in any given moment) and where I am going I can start to risk not doing anything. And I know that staying home, without at least a walk or bike ride, will mean a lower energy and lower mood day, all day.

When I get it all right - like a meditation and then a beautiful bike ride or a walk with just the right music, and then a great shady picnic table in a park or the right kind of feel-good coffee shop for journaling, then it's like I open the doors to my creative flow.

After journaling I feel clear headed enough to get to work. Then on the bike ride or walk home I get my brain focused on what I want to do that day.

Then it's creative flow time.

This is just what works for me, as I said - discovered through much trial and error. But notice how it includes THINGS I LOVE! Meditation, bike rides through parks with beautiful gardens, coffee shops I enjoy, great snacks.

And it includes the things I NEED - I didn't mention these above, but I make a smoothie with loads of protein, fibre and greens. I take supplements for peri-menopause and my post-concussion syndrome, all things I have experimented with to find what works best for me. I have routines around the tasks that must be done in my business.

All the "must do" stuff combined with the "love to do" stuff keeps me engaged.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts (what are your morning routines like?) or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

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My “Slow the fuck down” mug broke :(

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On the new moon, my husband broke my “Slow the fuck down! BE as powerful, creative + magnetic as you are” mug.

Of course he didn't mean to, I had left it on a dresser and he bumped against it as he walked by. I was already having a frustrating day. And a few hours before I had thought to myself - maybe I should lay down on the floor (I’ve got pillows there, it’s very comfy) and cry. Just release some of this. But then I had decided to just go on with my day…

When the mug broke, I lay down on the floor to cry.

Bear came over, I pulled him in for a hug and he let me bury my face in his silky soft belly while Joseph got out the vacuum and cleaned up the mug shards.

That mug was precious because it was a message from my dream.

It was a message my dream sent repeatedly last summer. It felt so important: Slow the fuck down! BE as powerful, creative and magnetic as you ARE (which is what is written on the other side of the mug)

It was a message full of medicine.

I worked with it on my own. We had three group calls about it in Dream Book. I made the mugs. It was this whole thing… (Dream Book members - those calls are here)

But as I cried it out I realized - maybe it’s done. Maybe the lesson is learned. Maybe it’s time to put it down.

I mean, interestedly, it was just in the last few days that I was speeding back up again. Not to speedy speeds, but finding a pace that feels like progress, it feels interesting and creative without feeling overwhelming or exhausting.

And I do feel all of the gifts of Slow the fuck down! BE we powerful, creative and magnetic as you ARE helped me find this pace.

So, I am going to take this as a sign that this lesson is learned. I can enjoy my new pace now.

AND this feels connected to another question that has been coming to me in my practice... who is my post-pandemic self?

So far I know that my ideal post Pandemic self has processed the upheaval, lessons and grief of the last three years and is using it all to choose WHO and HOW to be next.

She's no longer IN the turmoil and overwhelm of it all. She's on the other side of all of that, with the lessons learned and integrated.

I mean maybe I will spend the rest of my life learning how to be this post-pandemic self. I don't know.

I just know that right now, in my practice, this is the version of me who feels more present, like the part of me I want to lean into next.

So, I am going to make a page about her in my Dream Book - using the Dream Self practice.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

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Co-Dreaming Call 1: Introduction to Creative Dreaming As A Practice

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We had our first Co-Dreaming call today!

I lead Zoom group calls all the time inside Dream Book, but I hadn't done one in a public way like this in some time. It felt vulnerable, I was nervous and it showed - for the first part of the call. Definitely not my best introduction to a call.

But I did get into it as we got into the meditation.

And then we had a really beautiful and rich discussion about listening to our dreams and getting into a PRACTICE with our dreams.

A Creative Dream Practice is so deep, rich and transformative.

And it's immediately generative. It doesn't TAKE energy, it GIVES energy because it's making space for YOU.

Watching these videos all summer WILL get you seeing, and feeling, your dreams in new ways.

I'll be doing this every Monday until Aug 28.

The replays will all be on my blog. If you want to attend live, register here to get the Zoom details.

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Creative Dreaming as a Practice: A Guide

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This is how dreams begin:

Drawing: Jumping into the impossible chasm

When you look to where you want to be, there is no path.

Just an impossible chasm and no way to cross it.

When you're not engaging with your dreams, it's easy for them to feel impossible.

Once you are engaged, the magic happens and possibilities begin to emerge.

drawing: The dream is impossible so you don't engage >< You don't engage so the dream is impossible.

It is so difficult to be caught in this cycle!

And it's easy to believe that something outside of you has to change before you'll have any other options.

But there are loads of ways you can engage with your dream, right now. It all begins with seeing creative dreaming as a practice instead of a thing to accomplish.

Approaching creative dreams as things that you accomplish (or try to):

- You believe that you need to know how to do it all before you can start. Which makes it impossible to do anything.
- It feels inspiring and exciting but then it also feels risky, scary and stressful. It's hard to do anything with so many feelings colliding.
- Thinking about it can spark deep fears like "Am I good enough?"

Approaching creative dreaming as a practice:

- You have ways to engage with your dreams no matter what is happening in your life
- You can take little steps even when you can't see the path
- You can be in the process, receiving the medicine and magic of your dream any time you choose to
- Your dream will help you heal and grow right now, before you make any changes in your life
- Magical and restorative, your practice helps you grow into the version of you who can overcome the obstacles and get to where you want to be.

Having a practice:

Means to do something regularly or repeatedly. In the most practical sense, practicing improves skill.

So once you are practicing, anything is possible because you keep improving. You show up, do a thing, make mistakes, get inspired to try new things, learn and grow.

Once you are practicing a thing it will transform you. You get better at the thing, become more confident, and then see new options for what you can do next.

To the people watching it can look like you are making quantum leaps, but you know you're just taking a lot of little steps.

It is a container for: Healing Creativity Transformation Magic

It holds space for new possibilities to emerge.

Your creative dream practice is space to show up for your dreams, practice, ponder, heal, grow, face the obstacles, make mistakes, follow inspiration, try new things and ultimately become the version of you who can do the thing you are dreaming of.

A Creative Dream Practice is a creative practice and a spiritual practice.

Because your creative dreams are calling you towards inner and outer growth, your practice encompasses both.

Every single thing that you will need to make your dream happen will come to you in your practice, because you already have the wisdom, creativity, courage and strength that you need. Your practice is where you access it.

The ideal time to begin your creative dream practice is now!

You don't have to feel ready! (Waiting to feel ready is one of the biggest dream killers out there. We all do it, all the time, pushing of big and small joys to "focus on more important things".)

Your Creative Dream Practice does not depend on you having the ideal circumstances for your dream.

It only depends on you showing up.

You and your dream are so powerful that once you are showing up for this dream, things will change.

Your Creative Dream Practice will make magic in your life.

Your Creative Dream Practice (noun) is filled with different practices (verb).

Generally it includes:visioning practices, meditation practices, creative practices, planning, healing practices, journaling practices, growth practices and transformational practices.

The shape of your Creative Dream Practice can look however you want it to and it will change from day to day.

One of my students described it as: "Touching my dream every day"

She says it doesn't matter how she touches her dream, as long as she does something, she is bringing the magic of it into her life.

The more focus and consistency you can bring to your Creative Dream Practice, the deeper you can go into it, so you can get more out of it. But during the busy times, having a quick and simple way to touch your dream can be a real boost.

What, exactly, you do in your Creative Dream Practice will change from day to day.

Since the goal is to meet yourself where you are and move towards where you want to be - ideally you will have loads of different practices to choose from that make up your larger practice.

Practices for when you’re scared, practices for when you feel brave, practices for when you’re inspired… your Creative Dream Practice needs to hold space for ALL OF IT.

Because this is a LOT of practices, it helps to organize them into three categories:

  1. Dream Work
  2. Inner Work
  3. Outer Work

Triangle Dream Compass

They go in a triangle because each one supports the other two.

I made this "Dream Compass" with arrows pointing from each point to the other two points, because each one of these also leads to the other two.

For example:

Most of the time when "we feel stuck" with our dreams, it's just that we want to do Outer Work and we can't. Often, feeling stuck is a sign that we need Inner Work, and so instead of waiting to not be stuck with the Outer Work, actually doing the Inner Work will lead us to getting un-stuck with the Outer Work.

You can always do Dream Work practices, so they should make up the foundation of your Creative Dream Practice.

From there, it’s about meeting yourself where you are, so in the most general sense:

  • If you feel stuck or you’re procrastinating or something is just not working right: go to Inner Work
  • If you feel inspired, motivated and ready to get to work: go to Outer Work

Let's do this!

You may be wondering "OK but how do I actually DO this?”

Because Creative Dreaming as a PRACTICE is the kind of thing that you usually don't understand until you experience it.

So - I am offering free (on zoom) Co-Dreaming calls where we can practice together.

Come to the Co-Dreaming calls (or watch the replays)

There are no “3 simple steps” or quick answers here. This work is deep and expansive.

But once you are IN your creative dream practice - everything becomes possible and I want to share this magic with you.

If you're already registered, check your inbox, I sent you this blog with a link at the bottom to the call details.

if you're not registered, do that here.

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Rest, Presence + Connection [Weekly Dream Status Report]

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Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

On Fridays I do my Dream Status Report which is a series of prompts I use every week to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path. You can do them with me (Dream Book members: come post yours in the forum!)!

I get a lot of plush-back from people who don't want to do the same prompts every week. I know it's annoying somethings but I promise - this is magically clarifying.

Here are the prompts:

PART ONE: (sometimes these can stay the same for months at time, sometimes they change often)

My dream is:  

I want it because: 

When I have it I will feel:

 

PART TWO:

Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

 

PART THREE:

My goal/wish/intention for this New Moon is:

Last week’s focus was:

What happened in the last week?

What am I learning/How do I feel about this?

What do I need now?

What does my dream need now?

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is:

My Dream Status Report for this week:

PART ONE: 

My dream is: BEING the artist + writer I want to be. This is the "big picture" dream - this includes lots of big + small inner + outer things that I am detailing and exploring in my Dream Book. And how I feel in my life in perimenopuase and beyond.

I want it because: This is what feels most enticing and interesting to me. I'm also noticing how BEING who I feel I AM is important for my mental health. I feel so strongly - a better world is possible and our dreams show us the way there.

When I have it I will feel: Just a little more ME, more energized. More stable/sturdy. Excited about the new work I am doing.

My new moon intention: Focus on the book project - all the practices and routines that support my mental health which supports my creative process. (Dream Book members we have a New Moon intention setting call today! Hope to see you there!)

 

PART TWO: Invite your dream in (using the Dream Lab practice) to help you with the rest of the prompts.

My dream shows up as a GIANT, made of light, standing tall with arms raised at her sides. I feel a little tired in comparison to her, lol.

I sit at her feet and notice that her arms aren't just held up, she is holding open space. Like, tearing the space-time continue and holding open a portal for me. This feels so reassuring and hopeful.

 

PART THREE:

Last week’s focus was: Set up my new dream altar and get this new "free weekly Co-Dreaming calls" thing organized.

What happened in the last week? I did not get my dream altar set up but I did get ready for the new free Co-Dreaming calls! I feel completely ready to do the free calls, but all of the back-end organizing stuff felt daunting because I haven't done anything like it in a while. It's just a lot of details to sort out. And I sorted them out!

I had a fantastic week of SHOWING UP for myself, giving myself lots of time for meditation, journaling and writing every morning. This really helped me sort out the tricky parts and take the steps I wanted to take.

What am I learning/How do I feel about this? Being present, really present with myself and my dreams and wishes and my gifts and creativity and power and also with whatever I am feeling in the moment - this is the magic. I know this, but I keep learning it more.

What do I need now? The answer that comes to me is REST even though I feel like... haven't I rested enough? lol Remembering the magic of the Slow The Fuck Down BE as powerful, creative and magnetic as you ARE calls I think I will just... rest.

What does my dream need now? My dream is holding that portal open for me. It feels patient and loving and like it doesn't need anything from me, I can work out how I move towards it and through the portal in my own time.

Taking all of this into account, my focus for the next week is: Set up my new dream altar. Explore this portal that my dream is holding space for (via daily Dream Meetings)

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

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There is a version of you that already knows how to do all of the things you are dreaming of.

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It works this way because your dreams, your inner desires, are your soul calling you towards your true self, your most authentic way of living. 

You are born with the capacity to be your true self. It’s who you’re here to be. But then as life marches on, things get muddled. You retain that capacity, but it goes kind of underground, into your inner world, while other parts of you take over as your external self.

Your dreams, the external things you want, are all pointing you towards that version of you. 

OF COURSE some dreams can get corrupted by the external world. A simple desire to offer your ideas and inspiration in a way that helps others can be transformed into a dream of being the hottest new age guru when insecurities take over. Because our dreams are leading us towards our true selves, they are rarely actually about being “the best” or “the most” because they are not about competing with everyone else! Our true selves understand that we are all connected and our dreams work best PLAYING together not competing with each other.

Fear can also corrupt our dreams to be smaller than they are. There are a million unconscious ways our culture teaches fear and self doubt in the name of conformity.

But none of the many ways our dreams get corrupted really matter. Our souls continue to hold the uncorrupted blueprint for us and we can always come back to it.

The Dream Self is the version of you who helps you do this.

This morning I had a meeting with my Dream Self and she showed me how she trusts her dreams and her self more than I do and then it feels like she send trust my way and now I have that trust too.

It can feel nonsensical and imaginary to play with your inner world in this way.

But it absolutely changes things.

 

Come dream with us!Dream Book members:

Check out the Dream Self practice here.

Come to the forum to share your thoughts about this or start a conversation about whatever is on your mind.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

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Getting some help from my Dream Self

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First, a little housekeeping: I am making some changes! I added a forum to the Dream Book website where members can start their own conversations. The forum replaces the old private blog where we could only have conversations in the comments of my blog posts.

Which means: I am going to use my public blog much more, to share what's happening in my Creative Dream Practice. Though some days I may opt to only post in the forum instead, if I want to keep some things more private.

In these posts, I will link to the practices I use - these links will only work for Dream Book members.

I feel happy about this change AND ALSO like it's a change and so there is an adjustment period where I will still be figuring out how this will all work.

But here is today's post...

Today I added to yesterday’s page

Yesterday I had done the treasure map leading to where I want to be (from fuzzy and distracted to present, creative and focused) and today I added: a drawing of my Dream Self.

This is something that can be fun to do after you’ve done the Dream Self meditation a few times (or more!) and have a good sense of connecting with this part of you. I like to just… draw without thinking and see what comes out.

These are not like the more careful kinds of drawings I do on the Dream Book printables or things like that. This is just expressing in the moment, and it feels so much more satisfying.

She wanted a butterfly behind her neck and her arms up and then I wrote out the things I noticed about how she is different from me:

She trusts her mission (I woke up with a lot of self doubt)
Believes in herself and her ideas
Loooooooves being in the process
Does not judge her dreams or her creative output (I keep having self doubt wonder if the new journals I am making are really any good)

Writing this out I think…. Maybe I need to make a journal about self doubt! Which is one of the things on my list of “journal ideas” but maybe start making notes with my ideas for it.

I think one of the projects - figuring out how my post-pandemic self wants to do marketing consistently in a way that is energizing and not depleting and also is actually effective at making my work visible for the people that it’s for - is taking a lot of mental space, and once this is figured out I will have more space for the journals.

It feels like I have been working at this for so long, I mean it’s really an extension of everything I have been trying to figure out since 2020. A lot of ways I used to do things either don’t work or don’t feel like a fit for me anymore. And then all of my own stuff with peri-menopause has made it harder for me to be consistent about working through it, so it’s like I work through a bunch of things, then drop the thread, then work through different things, then drop that thread, etc.

This is fine!!! I am not judging myself because I was always doing my best to keep showing up. I mean some days eating chips, laying in bed watching Netflix IS our best. That’s fine.

I am just noticing how this resulted in a feeling that I have just moved in circles when really I think I figured out a whole bunch of things and just need to pick up all those threads and weave them together.

And I am noticing that I am ready for a new way of doing things.

And maybe this is just another thread I am picking up that I will eventually drop… but even still, this is progress. As long as I keep showing up it will all come together.

I have that trust. My Dream Self is sending me trust. That feels like enough for today.

Come dream with us!Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts about this or start a conversation about whatever is on your mind.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls.

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Vulnerability: Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice

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Our next Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice call will be June 8 and the theme will be vulnerability. (These calls happen every month inside Dream Book)

When I first announced this theme, one person asked something like “But can’t we just show up and say hi? Do we really have to get vulnerable in our marketing?” And I realised I needed more of an explanation.

NO you absolutely do not have to “get vulnerable” in your marketing!

But for a lot of us, ANY kind of marketing, ANY kind of visibility FEELS vulnerable. And that discomfort with feeling that vulnerable can keep us from wanting our work to be more visible in the world.

So how do we handle it?

There are actually a lot of things you can do - from the practical to the esoteric, which we will explore on the call on June 8.

Approaching marketing as a creative and spiritual practices gives you space to really explore this, understand your own feelings and needs and get creative about what to do with it all.

I’ve been doing Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice call every month since November. This has helped me shift my inner relationship with marketing.

I’m 2010 when I decided to turn this work, which I had been doing evenings and weekends while working a “real job” lol, into my livelihood, I did take a lot of business classes to help me figure out how to do this.

Most of these were through a spiritual and/or creative lens. So - learning conventional marketing and sales tactics but through a lens of “how do we do this in a way that in in alignment with our values and feels creatively alive?”

But still - starting with a conventional approach to marketing and sales and then making adjustments to make it fit better.

And I won’t pretend like that didn’t help me, of course it did. And I still have my class available - the Creative Business Incubator - where I share how I set up my business in the first year.

But now I’m wondering - what if don’t need to start with that conventional approach to marketing and sales?

What if we start from a place of trusting our gifts? And trusting ourselves with our gifts? And trusting our own creative instincts about how to share those gifts?

That stirs up a lot of stuff. It definitely feels VULNERABLE AF.

Starting from conventional sales and marketing tactics can feel like a bit of a safety net. “Well this works for people so it should work for me”

Except we all know things that used to work don’t work as more anymore.

The market has changed. The economy has changed. The world has changed.

And I don’t believe we should be taking huge risks with our livelihoods. But I also believe that we need to make space to explore this. While things are changing so much - what else could change?

I believe you are a trustworthy steward of your gifts and that a part of HAVING those gifts is HAVING the ability to offer them in a way that they can be received.

AND I believe that this is a skill that takes time to develop. You took time to develop other aspects of your gifts, this one needs time too.

Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual practice asks you to sit with all of this. To listen to your own values about how you put your work out there. To get creative about how to share all of magic that you have to offer.

I’m having such a great time on these calls. I hope to see you at the next one.

(If you join now, you can still get the replays from past calls! I suggest watching at least the first one before attending this class)

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I’m 49 today. Welcome to my birthday journaling.

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I woke up feeling so grateful for my life.

The older I get, the trippier life gets and I am so here for this.

I've been reflecting on this last year but also this last decade, since this is my last year in my 40s. And then looking ahead to this new year but also this new decade I'll be starting. My 40s were so different from my 30s and I look forward to my 50s being completely different again.

I sincerely hope that this is my mid-point and I have 50 more years here. The older I get, the more attached I am to this life, and this world. I don't believe that death is THE end, but it is the end of this particular experience and I am just really attached to this one. This whole world is such a miracle.

I can't even explain how grateful I am to past-me for all of the hard work and risks she took to build the life I get to enjoy today.

I don't think of myself as a business owner or creative entrepreneur anymore.

Since I was 20 my art was about encouraging all of us to believe in our ourselves and our dreams because I desperately wanted to find a way to believe in myself and my dreams. I felt called, strongly, to be my most authentic self but I had no map showing me how to do this. Following this calling lead me to become a spiritual teacher, and develop my skills as a facilitator and healer. Bringing this all together into a business that could support me meant I could further deeper and expand my gifts because it was my full time thing.

And at this point, after over 12 years of doing this as my full time thing, it feels like the Creative Dream Incubator is less a business I run and more a sturdy supportive foundation for me to live my life as my true self, which is what's at the core of all creative dreams.

So going forward, I think of myself as an artist, writer and mentor.

This changes how I see myself, how I create routines, set goals, and move projects forward.

All in, I spent four years developing my Dream Book program and the Creative Dream Alchemy processes that it draws from to navigate the inner and outer work of following our inner callings. I created that map I needed when I was younger.

Online business people talk about building programs like this in order to scale up, but for me it's not about that. It's about having a study container, and not having to re-build it each time with each group. The people who have been with me in Dream Book for years keep going deeper and deeper. It's such a beautiful space - not so much for me to "scale up my business" but for people to go deeper and be braver with their dreams and to navigate all of the healing and growth this entails.

I don't have the words to explain how grateful I am to have this container to help me with what I want to do in my 50s.

(If you're not in Dream Book yet, join us here! You deserve this magic and support too)

The last few years have been hard. But here, today, turning 49, I feel like I have come back to myself, and I have come back to my strengths, and I just want to live the fuck out of whatever years I have ahead of me.

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The creative process is HEALING and TRANSFORMATIVE and so I have to let it change things

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(These updates will slow down now, my husband and I are going away for a few days next week to celebrate our anniversary, and I find there's always a burst of creative energy at the start of doing something new, and then I settle into a routine with it and everything settles down, which is what I feel happening here. I assume I'll be updating a few times a week.)

That love for my project (from the last update) starts to drip into my heart. Warm sticky light.

And then I know:

I know what I want it to be ABOUT.

But I need to get more clear on what I want it to DO.

Later in the day I am thinking about how TRANSFORMATIVE and HEALING the creative process is.

And how we push back against transformation and healing when we push through to get the outer results/timing that we want.

And how I want to be here for the transformation and healing, not only for myself, but to pour those qualities into the book so they can be received by anyone who works with it.

I’m not writing a book/journal, I am creating a container. It’s what I’ve been doing with my courses for over a dozen years and I know I can do it in book/journal format, too.

So all this means that I need to not try to control the outcome.

I need to LISTEN. To the soul of the project but also to all of my own thoughts and feelings.

And here’s a thought I’d rather ignore:

I think all the pages I’ve shared so far from this book (including the pages ready to go in my Instagram drafts) aren’t actually pages for the book. I think this might just be the writing + artwork that gets me to a place of being ready to begin.

I hope not, but I am willing for it to be true because I want to follow this process where it leads and not try to control it.

So I go back to letting the love I have for the project drop into my heart.

And the knowing that this brings that I need to focus on what I want this book/journal to DO...

This immediately feels uncomfortable because I think I am trying to DO too many things.

And I think this means what I really need to do is break this down into a series of books. Which is always what I was doing, this was the first in a series, but what feels like it is changing is that I need to break it down much more than I was thinking. Like each book is maybe three books.

The idea that is asserting itself the most strongly is: a guidebook for engaging with impossible dreams.

If I make it more specific like this, then it’s easier to create the container.

My next steps: revisit all of the writing, look at it through this lens, see what happens.

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I love the pages I have written but I am struggling to put them all together.

By / /

Dream Book

This is a common theme for me, because the process of Creative Dreaming is entirely non-linear.

And even when we say we know it’s non-linear, we all tend to approach it looking for a linear path.

I mean the metaphor most people use is the spiral path.

But the spiral path is both linear AND directional. The line goes in a smooth, calm spiral.

Creative Dreaming is more an explosion than a spiral.

And that explosion creates new possibilities and destroys others and it’s disorienting but also life-giving. It’s like the creation of our galaxy.

Really beautiful things can come out of the messiest places. And also - sometimes things die, sometimes things are hard. It’s messy.

It feels like there is this whole industry out there trying to convince us that we don’t need to be messy. We can just manifest everything we want without ever knowing how we actually feel about anything. Which I think is a manifestation of our deep collective fears of being in the mess of life.

But I can’t make a book that is in the shape of an explosion.

I need to have pages, and the pages need to be in some kind of order.

I can encourage you to just open it up to a random page and work through it that way.

But I still have to put them into an order. Unless I print them out and pile them up and pick pages, like picking oracle cards, and put them into order that way?

That’s interesting.

I could also make little maps that guide you through in different ways.

The thing about a Creative Dream Practice is that it’s ALIVE. Once you’re in it, you can follow it and it won’t steer you wrong.

BUT

Getting into and then staying in it when things are hard, that’s the challenge.

That’s what I help people do in Dream Book. I know this book can’t do everything I do in Dream Book, but I want it to offer a way in, a new way of connecting with your dreams and navigating possibilities.

Because I have been doing this work for so long, and I’ve gone so deep into it, it can be hard for me to just keep things simple. I mean, Dream Book is a two year program and that’s if you’re going as fast as possible for two whole years. Most people take much longer, but by the time they get there, they’ve grown so much and so much has changed that it makes sense to start again at the beginning with their new dreams.

But this can’t be that!

  • I need this book to stay simple. A beginning book/journal about Creative Dreaming as a Practice.
  • How do I put this book into order, and give it some shape, and keep it simple?
  • Or am I not at that part yet? Should I just keep making pages and exploring my ideas?

Sometimes I end my practice with a few new questions and no new answers.

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Your voice deserves to be heard

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I started blogging and sharing my work online around 2008. I turned that into a full time business in 2010.

It was easier then. There is no question about that.

There were enough people blogging and being on social media that there were opportunities for online business… but not so many people that it was hard to be seen in the crowd.

And the algorithms were just babies then. Not the full grown monsters they are today. I could go on and on about that so I’ll just say that I feel pretty UGH about social media a lot of the time… 

But this is a place where people connect. This is a place where ideas are shared and your ideas deserve to be a part of the conversation.

Your voice deserves to be heard. Your ideas matter. Your work is important. 

If you just stop sharing them in these places… that’s no good. It means these places become even more filled with even more of the inane nonsense that the algorithm likes to uplift.

+++++

I am offering Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual practice as a monthly call for this for all of 2023. Together, we are practicing listening to our deepest inspiration about how to put ourselves out there in a way that serves the soul of our work.

This is available to all members of Dream Book. Join us here. 

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Making changes along the way

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Last week I said I was going to start sharing the book I am writing, as I go. I said I would post it on my social media and blog.

I did that last week, I did two posts and both times I wasn’t happy with the process of putting it on my blog.

Posting on Instagram felt great. I have a bunch of drafts ready to go in there, and the process of getting those drafts ready felt flowy and fun. Posting the drafts felt great.

But then going over to my blog, to share the same thing there, didn’t feel great. My body felt heavy. The work felt annoying. Even though it was the same work! Which is fascinating to me.

So I sat with that feeling and asked “Is this a sign I shouldn’t do this? Not share these things on my blog?”

And in the grand scheme of things, who even cares?

But, I care. I wanted to share it on my blog to have it on MY website and not just out in the social media ethers. And I always like to do what I said I would do, and I said I would do this.

But when I check in with how this feels in my body, my body does not care about either of these things. It cares about how uncomfortable it has been to get these blogs together, and how much it would rather be doing other things. It’s just giving a big NO.

That was the first post. I decided to try again for the second post, and see how that went. It went the same, and now here I am.

My head says: OMG this takes like two minutes, just do it. In all the work you’ve done to build your business this is hardly the most annoying thing! And you always ENJOYED doing even the annoying admin tasks because you’re doing it in service to your work! Where’s that attitude now?

I say: I don’t appreciate the attitude or you trying to boss me into doing it, but that is a good question. Why don’t I want to do this in service to this project?

The thing about approaching Creative Dreaming as a PRACTICE is that there is space to explore all of this, there is space for ALL thoughts and feelings.

You don’t just push through and focus on the outer work and getting things done, making visible progress. You make space to find YOUR way of creating YOUR path.

You try your ideas to find out how they fit and work for you!

This idea is not working for me.

If I stop doing it, that’s not a “I tried to do it, got uncomfortable, and gave up, and I am sure I will never get my dream now” kind of thing.

If I stop doing it, it’s a “I tried my idea, I processed my thoughts and feelings about it, I listened to my intuition and the soul of my dream, together we learned from these steps I took and used that learning to map out different steps to try next” kind of thing.

And THAT is how you make the magic happen.

THAT is how you practice your way there.

So, when I do all of this, here is the next idea that emerges:

I’m going to stop posting the little-book-blurbs-in process on my blog. I will keep posting them on Instagram. On my blog, I will write about the process of writing the book.

Write about the writing!

This feels curious and inspiring. My body feels open, light and sparkly. No part of me is against this idea. The soul of my dream is cheering for it.

So this is what I’ll do next.

And maybe I’ll do this two times and be all “oh wow this sucks” again or maybe this will be a really great thing for me. The outcome of any particular step doesn’t matter because I know I will stay in the process long enough to get to where I want to go.

It’s so much easier to stay in the process when you embrace and make space for all feelings and reactions. And it’s kind of ironic that pushing yourself to get to the finish line often pushes the finish line to far away it gets impossible to get there.

PS: I just posted the next blurb.

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Having a practice

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Having a practice means to do something regularly or repeatedly.

In the most practical sense practicing improves skills.

So once you are practicing, anything is possible because you keep improving.

You show up, do a thing, make mistakes, get inspired to try new things, learn and grow.

A Creative Dream Practice is all this and more.

It is a container for:

✨Healing
✨Creativity
✨Transformation
✨Magic

It holds space for new possibilities to emerge.

++++++++

I am writing a book/journal about how we need to PRACTICE our creative dreams. Which includes practicing the healing and growth and creativity that gets us there. And then how once we have a practice, that practice becomes a CONTAINER for healing, growth, creativity and magic. Once we have a practice, that practices helps us access everything we need.

When I say I've been writing a book - I mean by hand, drawing each page. It's a slow process but I am having so much fun. As I do this, I'll be sharing posts on Instagram and here on my blog. 

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