Hello New Week!
We're doing the New Moon call on Friday this week. I hope to see you there!
Share your intentions/plans for the week in the comments below! Share your wishes for what you want to have happen! Or ask for help or advice or cheering on.
The comments of weekly HELLO WEEK posts are a great place to come in and say hello and ask anything and everything. (If you're reading this in your email, come here to do that)
(Remember there are lots of different Creative Genius Planning videos to help you get your week going)
I'm not planning this week right now! I am in my "creative cave" working on these new options for Dream Book and want to stay focused there. The above is my overall plan for the new Space-Making option.
When this happens, usually I do my planning on Wednesday or whenever it fits in my schedule, just to check in with everything and make sure nothing is getting forgotten. Or when I do next week's planning I look back at this week to check in with everything.
There is usually a certain amount of "juggling" when you have multiple projects, and this "new Dream Book versions" is at the point where it's taking over everything - and I LOVE this part. Really being in the creative flow and making visible progress.
BUT I woke up anxious this morning. So my practice today is meeting my anxiety.
It's rare for me to feel anxious at home, when there is nothing I have to do. During the pandemic I started feeling anxious while out in the world AND anxiety is one of my peri-menopause PMS symptoms and when those two collide - watch out!
But just feeling anxious in the morning here alone with projects I love? What's up? So I am using the Un-Sticking Station to meet with this part of me.
Anxiety shows up as a black + white version of me:
Ummmmm. You could stop JUDGING. GEEEEZ!
What right do you have to decide WHEN and IF I get to exist? I'm here. Deal with it.
[Oh wow, this is my junior high/early high school self. (Interesting, as I am dealing with a lot with my 16yo step-kid, maybe my inner pouty teenager has been activated)]
Oh sweetie, of course. Yes. You exist. And your feelings are valid.
I'm not feeling it. You don't think I am valid!!!!
Well, I just feel curious I guess. I don't understand why you're anxious.
I don't need a reason!!!!!
No, that's true.
God! You always look for a reason. Can't I just BE WHO I AM?!?! You don't understand me!
OK. You're right. I'm sorry. I only want to understand in order to help you.
You can't help. No one can help.
Well I don't believe that. And I have a lot of experience that says otherwise. I'm sorry, but it feels like you are trying to grab the driver's seat from me and I am going to stay in it.
[Oh wow something just shifted the anxiety in my body just lessened, it's taking up less space and doesn't feel as intense.]
OK listen. I want to take care of you. What do you need?
My anxious self is now a younger teen.
I don't know. I'm scared. Everything is changing so fast! I don't know what to do! I don't know how to fit in.
All of that resistance/rebellious energy is gone. Feels like we are starting to get into the truth.
Yeah! This does have a "I just started junior high and found out I am really not cool, I don't know how to fit in, I don't understand what is happening" kind of vibe.
I am remembering feeling like "Who are all these cool girls with the very long feathered hair? Why didn't I know I was supposed to grow my hair and learn how to feather it? How come everyone makes fun of these pink floral print jeans I got? I thought they were amazing!" Just lost in a hostile world with no way out.
OK sweetheart. Listen to me. I am so sorry things are hard for you and your feelings of anxiety are absolutely valid and completely understandable.
I wish you'd had someone to help guide you through this strange time. But I want you to look at me. Look at me! Look at my life! I DO get to wear pink floral print jeans if I want to, I get to decide what's cool for me, and no one gets in the way of that. I think your jeans ARE amazing, I'm almost 48 and I still remember them! As I look back to where you are now, this is really one of the big times when you showed up as yourself and then was squashed for it. Oh sweetheart.
I want you to know that your creative spirit survived. This wasn't the last time it got squashed but sweetheart we overcame it. I get to live as my true self WITH my creative spirit. You will grow and become me.
This won't last forever?
No. Even in a few years it all gets better when you find the right friends for you. In grade 10 you're going to make a friend who is STILL my best friend! (Now I'm crying)
But what do I do now?
Listen sweetheart. This is just a shit time for you. So let's load up on self care. You've got your pink ghetto blaster, let's turn the radio on. I'm going to give you a journal - I know you don't start doing this for a few more years, but I'd like you to know that you can write your feelings in here and then you can destroy it if you want but you can have this place to put things. You don't have to hold it all. You can also just lay on your bed and listen to music and look at magazines and I'm going to fill your whole room with LOVE. It's all pink and sparkly. You can skip the next few years of school and just chill out here until life out there gets better.
OK the anxiety is gone.
I definitely feel a "shit got stirred up" feeling but it's settling.
I feel ready to get to work. I feel SO INSPIRED about my work right now, because I think we're all getting triggered, we're all feeling stretched in this "new world" and I want to put my ideas out there to help us navigate it.
I am so grateful for this conversation with anxiety. I am appreciating seeing the comparison: going into the "post-pandemic world" to the first day of junior high when I felt so lost and scared and like I didn't even know who I was.
It doesn't change anything but somehow just feels good to name it, and sit with it, and offer the triggered part of me some compassion. And now there is more SPACE.