Healing

Showing up for your dreams when life is hard

I’m thinking a lot about what it means to show up for your dreams, and keep showing up for your dreams, no matter what is happening in your life.

Of course the easier your life is, the easier this is to do.

But life isn’t always easy.

You know how much I loved my husband. But things happened that were beyond our control and our marriage fell apart very quickly in August. As much as I know that this is the right thing, as much as I still feel really good about my future, the separation has been brutal.

On top of that, one of my step kids has been in the hospital for almost three weeks and it’s looking like they are in for a VERY long and difficult road. The stress of this isn’t like anything I’ve experienced before.

I don’t mean to keep repeating my sad story. It’s just where I am.

This morning I’m in my favourite coffee shop. They are a bakery with a wood fired oven and I just had a fresh quiche tart. I’m in my favourite spot, at the bar by the window where I can see the world go by. There are plants everywhere and they’ve decorated the windowsill with little pumpkins. This is also where I am.

Showing up for your dreams no matter what is happening in your life isn’t hustle culture or “make it happen no matter what” or spiritual bypass or any of that nonsense.

Our creative dreams always ask us to be more present with where we are and what we’ve got going on. Our power and magic are always in the present moment.

So right now my creative dreams need me to honour this difficult season I suddenly find myself in. They need me to acknowledge how hard this all is so that I take care of myself appropriately.

Every step you take builds the path. Showing up is the only way to build the path. 

Otherwise you just go with what this toxic culture we live in tells you about who you are and what is possible for you and how you should show up. And that path will never lead to anything good because it leads you away from yourself.

And through all of this, I know I’m moving towards myself.

Some days don’t feel like it, of course, but no one step defines the whole path.

And, I think, that’s the big thing to remember when you’re creative dreaming through the hard times.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

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Meeting the soul of my project to find out how to proceed

There is still A LOT happening for me. The family member in the hospital is up and down and it’s a scary, stressful situation on top of the upheaval of my marriage ending…

AND

Some days I wake up feeling good. Trusting life. Excited about my future.

Isn’t life amazing?

Today I’m focused on the guided journal project.

The artwork is done-ish (probably edits to come once I see it all together) and I have to get the details nailed down. Title, subtitle, description, etc.

I’ve given this project SO MANY NAMES. I’ve described it SO MANY WAYS.

I always try to write descriptions that are as accurate as possible.

I remember this one negative review I had about a guided journal I put out years ago. It was the “hello day” journal. And the description said that it was “one of my favourite practices” and this one person was SO ANGRY that it was all one practice! In the review they said “this was described as “your favourite practices” but it’s only one practice!” like they literally cut off part of my sentence to change the meaning and then got mad that my work didn’t match their description of it??

People can be pretty determined to see what they want to see.

And I think about all of this when it comes time to name and describe things.

And that can make it harder to just… do the thing in the way that feels right.

So how do I want to do this today?

If I don't meditate on it, if I don't get as aligned as possible with the soul of the thing and my purpose for doing it, then I am working from my feelings about all of this, unconscious fears and doubts, ways I try to "fit it" with the market - all that garbage really does infiltrate our minds and severely impact HOW we do the thing.

So I’m using the Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice meditation, but focused on this journal instead of my work in general. Seeing that light landing in front of the person the journal is for.

I pause the meditations A LOT when I use them. I can get SO frustrated hearing me talk, lol! I use the guided mediation to get into the meditation and then I really want to be free to explore on my own and not keep following the prompts. But then other times the things I say in the mediation are so helpful I want to listen. So I pause to give myself space to explore on my own, then come back to the recording.

[post meditation]

That was so good. I am seeing this in a whole new way and feeling really inspired.

The title I was thinking of does not feel resonant for the people the book is for. I have new ideas and I am excited to play with them today.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

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Feel worthy and receptive of your biggest dreams.

FEEL worthy and receptive of your dreams is message I got from my dream in the Dream Lab some time ago.

I worked with it for a while and then did two calls: Feeling worthy and Being open + receptive.

Now I have it as a “to do item” in my project management app (Notion). So I see it there every day, and then move it into the next day.

I’m really sitting with it today.

Where is worthiness in my body?

How is worthiness operating in my inner world?

Where am I open?

I have, at times, experienced the quality of receptive as this sparkling, electric sensation in my whole body. Where is that now?

I love the way all of my inquiries into worthiness begin with me, as an individual… am I worthy?… but quickly sink deeper into a sense of collective worthiness and what we all deserve as humans.

Holding space for the fact that we ALL deserve it makes it easier for me to hold a sense of worthiness for myself.

But I am not super receptive right now. I am in that healing cocoon that I was dreaming about yesterday,  I feel a bit pulled in, withdrawn, and this feels appropriate.

What DO I want to be receptive to?

Soothing. Nurturing. Anything that helps hold my nervous system stay calm and steady. Spaciousness. Creativity. Lightness. Forgiveness. Optimism. Naps.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

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This is too vulnerable

I talk a lot about how Creative Dreaming is sooo vulnerable.

Today I would like it to not be.

Today maybe it's too vulnerable, for where I'm at?

Creative Dreaming needs us to work from our wholeness, we can't compartmentalize and avoid parts of ourselves. We can't we don't have certain thoughts or feelings. We need to be really present with all of us to engage with this work.

So how do I do this when my marriage just fell apart and now there's this medical emergency in the family that keeps getting worse?

The first thing about Creative Dream Alchemy is: Meet yourself where you are and move towards where you want to be.

To meet myself where I am: I just want to hide under the covers today.

To move towards where I want to be: I do want to keep working on this guided journal.

And these things feel so much at odds with each other that I just can't. I CAN go lie down but I'll be thinking about the journal. I CAN sit here with the journal but I'll just be wishing I was in bed.

Where I am this morning, it's very easy to say "I can't do either, I'm just stuck" and burst into tears.

Which is a completely valid way to proceed. Some days crying IS the next step to take.

And there is also the option of going deeper.

Sitting with the feelings (The Working With Conflicting Feelings Call last week was SO good!) to see what new possibilities emerge.

So here it went today:

When I started, this felt too vulnerable, too hard, there was no way through.

Now it all feels fine. Now, there is SPACE for everything.

I'm going to work on the creative project now, knowing I have loads of time in my day for "healing cocoon" too.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

This is too vulnerable Read More »

Calling in soothing

I don’t know what to do today.

But I AM having a lot of feelings, so I went to the Inner Work section of the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy.

I noticed the practice for working with disappointment and knew that is something I need AND I am not ready. I felt a definite full body NO. That’s a deep practice which will be helpful when I’m not feeling so raw.

The thing that called me for today was: Qualities

I haven’t been using the weekly kits (though I want to start using them again) so I just picked the quality I want:

soothing

And did the Qualities Activator meditation with it. I stopped at the journaling part, I just did the short meditation with the quality.

Soothing came in as tears. My body shaking. Intense crying.

And I was like “No this isn’t what I wanted”

But then also “Oh yeah tears are healing. This IS soothing. This IS a release”

So I sat with it and started to feel soothed.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Calling in soothing Read More »

Letting it be a mess sometimes

Sometimes life is messy and hard.

One of my step-children has been in the hospital for the last week. We had to delay the end of moving my husband's stuff out of my place. We had to delay giving each other space away from each other. It's a mess.

And my first reaction is to want to create space for myself to protect my dreams, protect the things that are important to me. Like - section off my life and keep this mess isolated.

And trying to do that, today in my Creative Dream Practice, has been so frustrating.

My frustration is a sign with flashing lights saying "NO! THIS IS NOT THE WAY!"

The flashing lights are pointing me down a path where I let everything be a mess right now. And let MYSELF be a mess.

So, how do I practice my dreams when I'm a mess?

Oh wow, as soon as I asked that question I had the answer:

  • Ride my bike to the park with my tablet.
  • Get a coffee and something delicious like a chocolate croissant. (I have been eating SO nutrient dense which is important and supportive and also a treat would be so nice!)
  • Just focus on the drawings for the guided journal project - I know what I'm doing with that, I don't need to use a lot of mental focus to figure anything out right now. JUST ENJOY IT

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

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When where you are is not where you want to be [which is what all creative dreaming is]

Last week's Dream Status Report brought me the following focus: BE where you ARE while appreciating the new possibilities that are opening up"

Two things about that:

  1. This is what ALL creative dreaming is! Staying present in your current life WHILE building the path to what's next. Sometimes this is easier, sometimes this is harder.
  2. When doing meditation + journaling, especially in a dedicated Creative Dream Practice, it becomes easier to find the answers you need. Knowing the answer and ACTING ON IT are two really different things.

So here I am figuring out how to do this thing.

On top of the things I have shared about what's happening in my life, another big thing happened which I do not want to share. I'll just say it adds a layer of stress and complication to a stressful and complicated situation.

OF COURSE the more turbulent your life is, the harder it is to stay present in it, especially at the depth of emotional presence needed to do creative dreaming. And OF COURSE this means that this stuff is wayyyy easier for some people that others. The more intersections of privilege you have, the easier it is.

I am where I am. How do I want to do this this week?

Starting with meditation: Sitting With Uncomfortable Feelings (using that technique from the 1 hour class we did)

And then whoa...

I don't need to figure out how to focus on what I want, because those feelings are there too. Underneath the feelings I don't don't want to feel - which means I can't access them if I am avoiding my feelings - are my dreams and desires.

The big dreams are still there but there is a new more immediate dream:

Healing Fall and Healing Winter.

Two seasons of focusing inward, creativity, healing, space, rest, quiet. Acclimating to my new life.

Collecting ideas for things I want to do when spring comes.

Every book I have read about divorce says it's at least 1-2 years to "feel normal" again (NOT that "feeling normal" is a goal for me, lol) and I accept that this will be a long process. So I don't mean I'll be HEALED by spring, and of course when spring comes I may decide I want healing spring and healing summer too as far as that goes.

Just that right now I want to focus on these next two seasons as healing time, which just makes me thing/feel different about this time.

And it leads to one important thing:

MORE CREATIVE PROJECTS. Art journaling but also embroidery, painting, just... MAKE STUFF. Would be good to brainstorm some projects, and get materials. Like I know I want to do embroidery but, what? Get patterns and colours picked, get all the threads I need, so I am ready to go.

I am really inspired by this sweatshirt pattern which includes instructions for appliquéing whatever you want on the sweatshirt - like instead of sports teams that are usually there. How fun would it be to put affirmations or qualities you are working on on a sweatshirt? Slow the fuck down! Powerful, Creative, Magnetic.

I want that ALIVENESS and HEALING of really being in my creative flow. I have so many work projects I want to do, and I want SO MANY personal projects also ready to go.

OK so now I how HOW to "be where I am and appreciate the new possibilities that are opening up". Make more space for creative projects including having plans + materials ready to go.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

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Creative Dreaming while your world is falling apart

I woke up thinking about Creative Dreaming While Your World Is Falling Apart. This is the title of a guided journal I am imagining writing, and maybe I will one day.

Because I've been sharing my daily posts and maybe it seems like I am going on like nothing has happened, but I'm definitely not doing that.

Separation is emotionally volatile and I want to FEEL my feelings and process them and move THROUGH all of this, and not be stuck in it. AND I don't want my whole life to be this.

So - I focus on what I want to focus on when I am at my best. Mornings are my best time, I am SUCH a morning person. So I wake up, meditate, journal, get exercise, do my Dream Work, do my work work, work on creative projects.

Some days all of that inspires and energizes me and I stay pretty upbeat all day. BUT I am more tired than usual, my body is achy, I get overwhelmed more easily - there are all the signs of grief.

Some days I wear out my energy for the day early on.

So - after focusing on what I want to focus on first thing, then I focus on self care. What do I need? More water, nutrient dense foods, time with friends, time alone, journaling, feeling my feelings, hot epsom salt baths, lots of reading of things that feel helpful, stretching, re-arranging the Dream Loft - it does feel good to spread out.

It feels like a way of creating bubbles in my life that hold space for things. Holding space for my dreams and needs and creative projects while also holding space for grief and the process of separation. Of course the bubbles collide sometimes, but most of the time, this feels good - there is space for everything and over time, my new life will grow out of the separation process. This is easier to trust when I am showing up consistently for the dream work.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

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Meeting with the soul of my business

Today in my practice I am meeting with the soul of my business. I'm doing this as my daily practice right now as I get into "fall vibes" and am getting more focused on finishing the guided journal project, which also leads to a ton of other projects. And yes I need more money because of the divorce but I feel really calm and trusting about that part.

I am doing this as a daily practice to get more aligned with the soul of the Creative Dream Incubator to help me make the right decision because there are So Many Decisions to make about this project.

In my last post, the soul of my business asked me to make pro and con lists about a big decision, and those lists ended up being SO easy and SO helpful.

I decided: DO THE EASY THING RIGHT NOW.

I remembered: no one step is written in stone! I can do it the easy (I mean not easy but easiest) thing now and switch up to the other thing at any time.

So today what I want is: good vibes, for lack of a better term. I am doing creative work on the project (editing, which means editing artwork mostly, and sometimes re-drawing the journaling prompts if I can see a way to do it better). I want to be in the flow, loving what I am doing, and getting things done.

In the meeting with the soul of my business:

OMG so good!

The soul of my business appears with the boxes as it has been, but now it's a female figure and has wings and she steps out of the boxes and is just huge. She says "We are going to have some fun!"

My body starts to sway, I am really feeling this energy of being in the flow. I ask my questions about how to approach this project today and see the soul of the project: a campfire, but magic. It offers WARMTH for your creative dream process and WARMTH can be sometime different each time.

I stayed in the meditation a while, it all just felt so good.

And now I know what to do today.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

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Meeting with the soul of my business

Today in my practice I am meeting with the soul of my business.

Last week this was so good and it felt like a thing I need to do more regularly. I LOVE this recording, the first part of the meditation is soooo healing. I remember doing it that way because of all the stuff that gets sparked in working with our businesses, and it feels soooo good to use it.

It's similar to last week, a bunch of boxes piled together that are alive - like a box robot.

But it's bigger. The boxes are less chaotic.

It doesn't take a genius to see the boxes are representing the actual boxes in my home with my husband's things packed in them. And he's been picking up a car load every day after work and the pile is becoming less chaotic and I have more and more space. (By the time I post this the boxes will be gone and his furniture moved and I'll be in the process of making it "feel like mine" again)

The soul of my business - I am focusing on the head at the top of the boxes - is warm and loving and welcoming. It's happy to see me.

You are giving me space to grow, with regular visits like this.

Good! This is what I want. Not growth for growth's sake, but right-sizing.

I'm actually deeper and more expansive than you think. The growth I am speaking of is not just in one direction. Like it's not just about more followers or more money.

OK that's reassuring. It felt a little off to think you are focused on growing, because that is so toxic to have growth as the only goal. It's why the air has been smoky here for weeks and my lungs and throat hurt.

Right, so it's more "I am becoming more alive". Your visits nurture me in good ways.

These visits nurture me in good ways too. I have been experimenting creatively and exploring SO MUCH these last few years. My struggles with peri-menopause, looking at ancestral trauma and the ways capitalist culture impacts my "work ethic" and distorts my relationship with my own needs and really - who do I want to be while the world falls apart? This has been such important work for me. I appreciate the space you gave me to do all of this - actually I feel NURTURED by my business not just financially but in all ways. The ways I show up for Dream Book HELPS ME FIRST. I am so grateful to have this.

I've been growing in that time too. My potential has been expanding and deepening. And everything is getting more creative and free.

Creative and free. I love it. So my questions, about this journal, you know what I am thinking, right? Should "creative and free" be the qualities we follow to answer the questions? Because one option feels this way and one does not. BUT the one that does not - is it easier? Would it make more money? Do these things matter?

Now the robot has hands too, not just a head on a stack of boxes. It, though it feels like a she now, she raises her hands to shrug like "I don't know"

Is this a case where it's like - it doesn't matter which way I go?

It's not that it doesn't matter. It's just that it impacts YOU more than ME.

OK that's weird, isn't it though? Because I thought it would impact you - like I am building a path to a new future here, aren't I?

Yup, that happens either way. None of these decisions are FOREVER babe!!!!

So I can do what is easiest right now. OR I can do what feels most creative and free right now.

Yup! This is one for YOU to journal about. Make a pro and con list of each of them. In your imagination, really put yourself into each situation and see which way feels best. This is still a very early step in this new path, there's LOADS of time to re-configure as we go. It's more important that we DO SOMETHING than that we DO THE RIGHT THING. (Which you know, you tell this to people all the time)

OK will do!

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Meeting with the soul of my business Read More »

Meeting with the soul of my business

Today in my practice I am meeting with the soul of my business.

It’s fall! I’ve had so much going on in my life the last few weeks. Today I want to get back in there and get organized and…

I am not sure what to focus on.

So I want a meeting with the soul of my business to check in with everything and see what comes from that - hopefully a clear sense of where I should focus for the fall.

I wasn’t going to use the recording I was just going to wing it. I am so glad I DID use the recording!

I laid down on the floor and got into it and it felt really powerful.

The soul of my business is.. box like. Lots of boxes. Stacked. Unfolding. Opening. But glowing. Alive.

I want to say, a robot made of boxes?

I sit with it, stop trying to understand it and just be with it, and it’s like “I am unpacking and unfolding and stretching out to be my actual size”

The qualities of it are: power, magic, trust, divine creativity, growth, right-sizing

I feel comforted in it’s presence, like I can trust it. I feel honoured that it works with me, I also feel totally competent to partner with it. And like it understand my humanness and how business is not always my focus and of course that’s how it is. It’s the soul of my business’ job to be always focused on the business.

So, I guess I was feeling guilty, like I have been working IN the business but not connecting with it in this way, not looking at bigger picture stuff. But that feels ok now.

Onto the meeting:

As you know, I want to get focused! I have some ideas of how to do this, I think you know what they are? Can you read my mind?

Yes, you want to finish the Creative Dream Playbook and then look at the visioning kit and maybe new year kit, get those done before December.

Yeah, hearing it back from you it feels boring somehow. But I wanted to make some real progress on this guided journal thing, there are so many journals I want to make!

It’s not boring, these journals are good for the purpose of the business too - loads of people will never take a class with you but would use journals, we can help them in this way. But I get how it feels boring coming from me because this is not my work, it’s your work. Your work is sometimes kind of mundane, doing the physical stuff. My work is all energy.

Ummmm are we working together well? I just realized, maybe we’re not? I mean all the planets are in retrograde this is time to review relationships, right?

We could be working better together. You have had a lot of other things on your mind and also you’ve slipped a bit into that “I have to do this all by myself” thing and when you’re in that thing, I can only do what I can do. The way you felt in the meditation, that’s partnering with me. More of that would be good.

So if I was partnering with you, what would that look like?

A daily meeting to acclimate our energies - mostly to acclimate you to me, so that your actions (you are the only one who can do the physical work!) are coming more from my energy.

OK whoa.

I mean yes that’s what I teach with Dream Book and the Dream Lab but WHOA I just heard it in a new way.

 

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Meeting with the soul of my business Read More »

This is my mom, at one of my creativity workshops, SIXTEEN YEARS AGO

This is my mom, at one of my creativity workshops, SIXTEEN YEARS AGO(!)

I remember this workshop, I put it on as a fundraiser. There were maybe 25 people there who paid $20 each so we raised $500.

I had been doing my workshops for a little while, and what I mostly remember about this one is that I felt more free and sure of myself by putting this on a fundraiser.

Like - if I'm not making money from it, then it's ok for me to do this work that lights me up. And it did light me up! I loved this workshop - and look at the smile on my mom's face!

That was 16 years ago.

I have been making my living from the work that lights me up for the last 12.5 years.

It took a lot of little baby steps to get here. But also it took really being with that part of me who felt I didn't deserve to make money in this way and figuring out how to believe in more.

For a long time, I felt like this was on me. My own self doubt. My own limiting beliefs. My own failure to heal.

As I worked my way through it I was excited to help others do the same and that’s where I focused… But after all these years of doing this work I see it more clearly now.

It was never on me.

And your “limiting beliefs” and self doubt are not on you.

It’s dominant culture.

We literally have to be so afraid of dying of poverty that we will take any job we can get, in order for our current economic system to work.

We have to be willing to work at jobs we don’t like in order to support our families and pay for our lives.

We doubt our inner truth because the world is telling us things we know aren't true, and inviting they are.

We feel wrong inside because the world is telling us to live in a way that doesn't feel right inside.

And it’s from within that system that we dream of something better.

So of course the system impacts HOW we dream.

Another facet of this system is the meritocracy. The idea that we all have what we deserve. 

When one person amasses enough money to actually care for and feed the whole planet but chooses to hoard it for themselves, the system says this person is a success and deserves to just suck that much money out of the economy so it’s not available for anyone else, it’s no longer in circulation. And when another person dies of exposure on the streets, the system says that person made poor choices and deserved what they got.

And individualism. The focus on YOU as the source of your success but also as the source of your problems.

The system holds so many values that are at odds with reality and are largely unquestioned because they live in the subconscious of our culture, and in each of our minds.

When I feel doubt about my ability to make money doing what lights me up - IE when I feel that I do not DESERVE to be my actual self and live my life in a way that feels true for me - I am drawing on all of this.

This is how the system wants me to feel, because otherwise I wouldn’t participate in it and it needs our participation.

The system is white supremacist colonialist capitalism.

I’m looking back on this photo and remembering this creativity workshop I did 16 years ago and how it felt to offer my work in a way that felt fulfilling to me and how it felt like I had no way to do that as my way of living, that it could only ever be this side thing….

I’m thinking of how far I’ve come, how much freedom and space I have been able to create for myself to live my life in a way that feels true for me.

But it feels like I have just carved out this little bubble somewhere within the system, I'm still participating in it enough to support my life.

I am not actually outside the system.

So now I am thinking: what does it look like to dream from outside of the system?

To deeply understand ALL of the values of dominant culture* that have been engrained in me, to clear space to think and dream and create not at all connected to any of that.

This is very much inspired by the conversations we’ve been having in Co-Dreaming (these are the free classes I do on Mondays), and last week’s call speaking of transcendence - not just ignoring and pretending away the problems with spiritual bypass but seeing them clearly while seeing through them to the REAL truth of what human life is…

And then dreaming up new ways of living, from that place.

 

*This is not just about racism and capitalism. It includes the patriarchy, ableism (in terms of physical and mental health and neurodivergance and fat phobia), heteronormativity, anti-trans, and classist anti-poor values. It’s a way of not seeing all humans as human in order to justify greed and land and power grabs.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

This is my mom, at one of my creativity workshops, SIXTEEN YEARS AGO Read More »

Holding space for conflicting feelings

First of all, Working With Conflicting Feelings is a class we are doing on Sept 20! (Dream Book members, details are here)

When I plan calls, I am working with the soul of the Creative Dream Incubator and the feedback I'm getting from people about where they're at and what would be helpful.

This call just seemed helpful in these wild times, but now things have changed in my life in a way that I am consistently holding space for conflicting feelings for myself, and am so happy to be doing this in a group later on this month.

So today in my practice I am naming all of the feelings I am feeling:

Noticing their shape and texture and where they are in my body. Being curious about where and how they intersect.

One of the shitty things about holding space for our feelings is having to actually feel them.

This is not actually that bad in reality, but our minds make up so many stories about how awful it is to feel a feeling, that it becomes so hard to stay with it.

What if a feeling is just a feeling? What if we let it express how it wants to?

It's the HOLDING IN, especially with conflicting feelings that keep hitting up against each other inside us like a pinball, that is harmful.

Human emotion is so rich. Letting it be what it is creates space inside us for new possibilities, which helps with the work outside of us.

As I drew out my feelings in my journal and explored what they were doing in my body, everything started to feel more calm. This is emotional alchemy.

Today I am feeling:

  • Hopeful: a light in my heart shining out (which can sometimes dim a lot depending on what other feelings are floating around it, but it's always there)
  • Rage: sharp edges, burning hot
  • A tiny spark of optimism
  • A pool of sadness it feels like it might be infinitely deep
  • More rage, but this rage is melting into sadness
  • Excitement for the future: a star that bounces around offering healing to everything it touches
  • My trust in perfect timing: just kind of floating out there
  • Inspiration and creative magic: sparkling around, it's actually permeating everything when I look close enough
  • My trust in emotional alchemy is a foundation to rest on
  • My faith in myself and the process of life: a field of wildflowers in bloom
  • Swirls of confusion: mostly swirling in my brain but flow throughout my body too
  • Bits of hurt feelings: small but with sharp edges, floating around and sometimes bumping into things and causing everyone pain

Apart from the obvious external obstacles, it's not being able to be with our feelings that holds us back the most.

AND of course, it's BECAUSE of the external stuff that being with our feelings can be so hard!!!! The more childhood trauma you had, the crueler the world has been to you, the more sensitive you are, the harder it is to make space for your feelings.

I say that to say - it's not your personal failing that this work is hard. You haven't done anything wrong.

You live in a culture that makes it harder than it needs to be, to feel your feelings.

So even just thinking about this is really brave work.

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Holding space for conflicting feelings Read More »

Outer Work + Feeling Hopeful For Our Future

I didn't do much in my practice today, a quick check-in with my Dream Book (which I am still LOVING having it together with my planner, so I checked in with both to see how I'm doing with my plans for the week) and then I felt ready to GET TO WORK on the guided journal project.

I see the end in sight and really want to get there ASAP.

But I did keep thinking about our Co-Dreaming call on Monday and how hopeful I felt at the end, and what we can do to feel optimistic about our future - like the future of humanity.

It takes a lot of work to feel optimistic about ourselves and our own lives, but that work is necessary for any dream work to happen. So how do we translate that to the world? I did a bunch of writing about it, which is not ready to share, but it's coming 🙂

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Outer Work + Feeling Hopeful For Our Future Read More »

Radiating the qualities: Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice

I wanted to draw the Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice practice. The ball of light and all the things it radiates out into the world.

And I wanted to leave space to keep adding things, keep sitting with this idea/question: what is it that I am offering?

I am in LOVE with all the ways this practices has changed how I do things in my business. That I now share my daily posts openly on my blog. That I now do a free call on Mondays. I feel like I am inviting people in to the world of the Creative Dream Incubator and giving them enough so they can know if they want to come in further, I don't have to promote things.

Not that promoting, or selling, are wrong! This just feels more aligned and sustainable for me right now. And that's what approaching marketing as a creative and spiritual practice will lead you to - what is aligned and right and doable for YOU as well as what delights your people.

Can't wait for next week's Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice call to keep exploring!

Come dream with us
Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Note: This is a post about my daily practice with my Creative Dreams - in these posts I often link to the tools, courses and processes I use which are only available to Dream Book members. If you're not a member, find out more + join us here.

Radiating the qualities: Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice Read More »