Yesterday I spent most of the day in pretty extreme self doubt.

I have lots of tools for this in the membership:

Self Doubt Relief

Alchemy Process for Self Doubt

Your Self Doubt Is Not Yours You Deserve To Believe In Yourself (that class is also available outside the membership - here

The Un-Sticking Station)

I used the tools and the self doubt didn’t pull me under like it was threatening to.

But it kept coming back.

The thing that REALLY frustrated me about it was that it felt just like it felt when first I started my business.

FIFTEEN YEARS AGO.

All of that “I don’t think I can really do this” and the enormity of all of the feelings around… not just failing with a business but not being able to do the things I feel called to do and live my life in a way that feels right and all the things that get sparked by that.

The way it feels in my body.

This is a feeling I never want to have again.

And it just… kept coming back.

It amazes me how deeply I want to never have certain feelings, even again. Even though I understand that our feelings are a form of inner knowing, even though I have years and years of experience of finding the gifts in the really hard feelings, even though I couldn’t have the life I have today had I not really faced that self doubt.

Even still. When that feeling comes all I want to do is run from it.

But running away is not creative dreaming.

WRESTLING is creative dreaming.

Being with the part of me who wants to run away. And the part of me who wants to face everything and heal. And the part of me who just wants to be “beyond” self doubt once and for all. And the part of me who doesn’t want to waste time with this and just wants to be making art.

Wrestling with this stuff is SO HARD and it’s easy to feel like you’re failing when you’re in it.

You’re not.

You’re succeeding because you’re wrestling with it.

HAVING self doubt is a sign that you are FAILING TO OBEY YOUR VOICE OF SELF DOUBT and dream within it’s parameters so you never do anything to trigger it.

This is why everyone should be in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership!

Wrestling with your dreams, on your own, is SO hard. We’ve all got so many blind spots working against us.

The membership gives you tools to wrestle more effectively but more important it gives you the support to keep going when you hit the really hard parts.

 Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Your dream is your soul trying to show you something... about yourself, your life and your future.

When we focus 100% on trying to MAKE IT HAPPEN you can lose sight of that.

You can end up putting a smaller part of yourself into the driver's seat in order to make it happen.

But your dream comes from the largest part of you. Your soul. And your soul has not been indoctrinated into a capitalist colonialist worldview in the way you have.

It's good to remember that the way you interpret your dream is influenced by the culture you live in which indoctrinated you into a certain set of values and beliefs.

And I use the word INTERPRET deliberately even though I know it's confusing.

Because I am still talking about creative dreams, the kinds of dreams you make real and not the kinds of dreams you have when you are asleep which are usually what we think of as dream interpretation.

But we interpret our creative dreams, too. Your dream really is your soul lighting up your path for you and saying "Go this way!"

So your dream is a message from your soul.

And you interpret that message through the lens of the culture you live in.

The culture you live in is actively causing so much harm and death to so many people and other living things.

Creative people are culture makers.

One of the things you are doing as you pursue your creative dreams is impacting culture. You contribute to creating a culture where this level of destruction and trauma would be unfathomable.

But you do it from within the belly of the beast.

We all are living inside this paradigm! None of us know ALL the ways this impacts our perspectives.

So, you need to step back from ACTING on behalf of your dream and do more LISTENING.

MORE What is my soul trying to show me?

LESS What do I want my dreams to be?

 Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

What if it's ok that I'm not great at the things I'm not great at?

I am noticing how I am always trying to figure out how to do these things better or more consistently... and I don’t seem to be getting any better or more consistent. 

And I noticed that I have been in this pattern for SO LONG.

And this makes sense! There are things we need to do that we’re not great at and tend to avoid.

But now I am noticing that I have been in this pattern WHILE assuming that one day I would be better at it.

AND YES practicing improves skill. The more you do a thing the better you get at it.

AND we need to balance that with understanding that we're better at some things and not-as-good at other things.

So I don’t have to continually push myself to be better at these things! I don’t have to keep trying to find ways…

What new ways might be possible if I accepted that I am as good at this task as I am ever going to be?

What changes then?

I mean this is kind of blowing my mind. I've never thought to explore... how would I do this if I was NOT trying to be better at it?

 Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I just found this journaling I did in September 2024.

I feel like I am wasting all of my time, going in circles, accomplishing nothing. 

Oh wow. That’s an interesting feeling! What’s going on there? Because… it looks to me like you’re working on a really interesting creative project. Where is this self doubt coming from?

It’s not self doubt! It’s…. I don’t know. Maybe self doubt?

What do you think it is?

I’m not doing enough, and of the things I am doing, I am not doing them well enough.

Ok that’s some self criticism. And a general lack of patience with the creative process. Do you agree with that?

I don’t know, am I criticizing myself or am I just being honest?

Ok WOW. No. This is absolutely TEXTBOOK self criticism, even the belief underneath that says I deserve the criticism.

What? You think you don’t deserve to be criticized?

Actually, no.

Why not?

Because I’m doing my best, I’m in the process, I’m showing up and taking steps. What more could I do?

You are literally on the verge of taking a nap.

Yeah, because it’s exhausting to keep taking steps while I have you pushing against me, criticizing everything I do.

Suddenly I feel this in my body. Heavy. Achy.

++++++

Re-reading this, in June of 2025, is intense.

I do remember that feeling like... I was so critical of myself while also feeling like being kinder to myself wasn't the answer, GETTING MY SHIT TOGETHER was the answer.

This was a year after my husband left me suddenly. And 9 months after my step-son was released from three months in the hospital, after an equally sudden life-threatening illness.

Looking back, I think I did an amazing job of keeping it together but at the time, I remember how stressful everything was... and how I kept feeling like I was failing at everything.

But what's really amazing is that I don't relate to this, today.

My inner narrative has changed so dramatically. This thing where "if things are hard I automatically assume I'm doing something wrong" doesn't happen anymore.

I am so supportive and encouraging of myself.

"Oh honey yes, take a nap, you're tired" 

I've also done a LOT of deep-dive explorations into: if things are hard I automatically assume I'm doing something wrong.

There is so much, culturally, that causes us to blame ourselves for when things don't go well in our lives.

There is a narrative present in dominant culture, and REALLY present in the new age, new thought, holistic wellness, "live your best life" industries, that everything should always be perfect and if it isn't that's because we messed up.

It's part of the meritocracy which is a part of white supremacy, imperialism, colonialism and capitalism which are merged together into this big evil empire whose roots are in everything.

Including our brains.

So, looking back on this journaling from September 2024 - I see how much I've cleared it out of my own mind AND I see how I see it more clearly out in the world now.

Like I got out from under it...

SOMEWHAT.

Enough to see it more clearly than I was a year ago.

I cried while writing this.

Remembering how it felt to be in the clutches of this kind of self-blame thinking.

And thinking of how many people are in it.

And how we blame ourselves for "not doing better" when actually we're up against really hard stuff, and we're doing amazing, all things considered.

There's so much more to say about this.

But this is what I've got for today.

 Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

(I wrote this in April and just found it - so the "new" meditation I talk about is the one we do now 🙂

At our Marketing as a Creative + Spiritual Practice call, we did a new version of the meditation and I just loved it.

I had a pretty intense experience in the meditation.

And out of it came a realization about a different way to do something, a way that would make it easier for me.

And it felt like “Oh wow, this is the PERFECT idea! I’m so grateful for it!”

But later in the day I did remember- this idea has come to me NUMEROUS TIMES already.

In fact I was starting to do it just a few weeks ago and then I got off track with it.

I love that the idea KEEPS COMING BACK. Because it’s a good one.

OF COURSE I feel annoyed and discouraged about how many times I've had, and forgotten, this idea.

But I don't need to focus on that....

BECAUSE IT’S A PRACTICE.

I am practicing doing it and right now that practice looks like not doing it and forgetting all about it and then remembering and thinking of ways to do it that would make it easier for me to keep up with it.

So, I identified WHY I stopped doing it the last time.

I realized it makes sense I stopped doing it - because I had attached it to another task I do every week and it turns out, doubling the workload in that way makes it too much.

This should be a task I do separately.

So now I can try it this way, and see how this goes.

Getting an idea, and then implementing it “perfectly” as in, doing it “right” the first time and then sticking with it forever - IS NOT POSSIBLE.

Getting an idea, struggling to implement it in a way that really works for you, then dropping it and picking it back up and dropping it again and forgetting all about it - this is how it actually works.

It's not POSSIBLE to just implement every new idea you have on the way to your dream because... when you are creative dreaming you are constantly putting yourself in brand new territory.

When you are somewhere brand new, doing something brand new, there isn't a way to already know how to do it. You only already know how to do the things you already do!

Experimenting, exploring, learning, getting lost in resistance and doubt and fear... this is the way.

So, as long as we keep trying, keep practicing, keep processing our feelings about it and listening to our inner wisdom about what to try next… then we find OUR UNIQUE WAY of doing the thing.

So if you're fumbling and losing ideas and getting lost - CONGRATULATIONS! You're on your way.

 Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This feeling is a sticky cloud. It hangs around me, it moves with me, it's not heavy or anything but it's always there.

So I ask it...

Behind compared to what?

Compared to where I want to be.

Where do you want to be?

More present, more spacious, more creative.

Isn’t that available to you right here?

Yeah but…

But?

And the cloud disappears in a puff of smoke.

"I AM BEHIND" usually just means you're comparing yourself to some kind of externally imposed idea of who you are, where you should be, and what is actually possible for you.

These externally imposed ideas come out of dominant culture. (I started working on what might be a verrrrry long post about what dominant culture is, in relation to how it impacts us spiritually, creatively and with our dreams)

So these ideas aren't acknowledging you who really are. In a multitude of ways.

And I am behind suggests a linear path that doesn't exist.

In reality, when it comes to creative dreaming, you can feel completely stuck one day and be moving a million miles an hour the next day.

Where you are in this moment is not relevant to anything.

Journal Prompts for when you feel behind:

Where do you want to be?

Why do you want to be there, and not here? You really need to be articulate this clearly.

What does the path between here and there look like?

Are you acknowledging how far you've already come?

Is there something you are doing that is slowing you down and do you feel ready to stop doing it?

Is there a chance that the pace you're moving at is the right pace?

Do you trust yourself to get there in the right time?

Are you showing up in the ways you want to show up?

One of the cardinal rules of Creative Dreaming is that the path will not look like you think it will.

We are *always* wrong about what it will take to get to our dream.

A L W A Y S

Are you judging your process based on your (incorrect!) preconceived notions of what you thought the path would look like?

Are you judging your process based on how you see other people doing it? (AKA comparing your insides to their outsides?)

Are you acknowledging how brave you are for showing up at all?

What does this part of you who feels behind really need from you?

(Beyond you "being there already".... what does it REALLY need? Safety? Approval? Love? Validation?)

Embracing your process and being proud of your progress is a thing that comes with practice.

Just like every other part of Creative Dreaming!

This is why we practice together every day in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I just asked myself “Where was I last week, anyway?”

It’s Monday morning and I am doing my new Monday morning routine, sitting in my favourite cafe, going through things I wrote last week and putting it into blog posts for next week.

This week the pickings are a bit slim.

And I’m feeling this LONGING for more journaling, meditation and writing time.

And I’m wondering… where was I last week anyway? Why wasn’t I doing more of this?

Oh right. It’s the week I “launched” the Journaling Kit for Existential Dread. I didn’t do a “real” “internet launch” but it was a LOT of Outer Work to get all the pieces in place to put it out there.

Weeks when I do a LOT of Outer Work I tend to do less Dream Work and Inner Work.

But it was the prior weeks of more Dream Work and Inner Work that led to the burst of productivity in the Outer Work.

And then I miss the magic of Dream Work and Inner Work and shift the balance over to those.

Then I start to feel like I am not making enough process in the Outer Work and shift back.

It’s not like I find some perfect balance every day, or every week.

Creative Dream Incubator Members: we have whole libraries of practices and classes for Dream Work, Inner Work and Outer Work and some classes on how to use Creative Dream Alchemy to bring it all together.

 Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

My dream sent me this message and... it's just as simple statement of truth but it LANDED like exactly the healing I needed in that moment.

It took away all the pressure I was feeling, that I hadn't realized I was putting on myself.

And it felt me feeling proud of myself for being exactly where I am.

This happened during one of our Co-Working/Co-Dreaming calls where we start the call with the Dream Lab meditation, for calling in the soul of your dream.

In all of my years of doing this work I've found that LISTENING to your dream in this way works so much better than any visualization or “manifesting exercise”.

Like - your dream doesn't really need you to try to force it into existence with your willpower. It needs you to slow down and listen to what it's trying to show you.

Your dream is a teacher and a guide and a part of your soul. Not a prize that the universe owes you.

When you really listen to it - your dream can send you THE RIGHT MESSAGE at the right time.

And some days it will land in a way gives you exactly what you need, even when you didn't know what you needed.

The internet is full of helpful memes. There is a lot of good advice to be found in a lot of places.

But the RIGHT IDEA landing AT THE RIGHT TIME and IN THE RIGHT WAY is a completely different ballgame.

And this is what your own dream can offer you that nothing else ever can.

I HIGHLY recommend this one as a daily-ish practice.

Creative Dream Incubator members: find it here.

There are 2 versions of the Dream Lab - one is 10 minutes long (with an 8 minute meditation and 2 minutes of music to take some notes in your journal after) and the other is 20 minutes long - just meditation. And there's a workbook for exploring the soul of your dream more deeply.

 Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

Do I close myself off from receiving when I am overwhelmed in an effort to keep myself safe?

And does this actually do anything to create more safety?

When did I learn to equate lack of change with safety?

What if staying open to change is the most dynamic, creative, safe and pleasurable way to live my life?

These questions came out of my meditation with the soul of my dream, using the Dream Lab practice which helps you explore the soul of your dream and understand all that it has to offer you.

This get really trippy sometimes!

Today my dream wanted me to see all of these layers of … stuff… that I put between me and it. And how they’re not serving any REAL purpose. They don’t even protect me from the things I would like to be protected from, they just make it harder for me to have what I want.

As a creative - I feel pretty alone in this.

I look around at how other creatives share their work and I don’t see anyone else struggling with it the way I do.

I am comparing their outsides to my insides.

As a coach - I know it’s pretty much universal.

It’s such a gift to me, to be able to see so deeply into other people’s process and after doing this for so many years, I see all the ways that we are the same.

The ways we betray ourselves to feel safe are cultural. 

They are learned, they are not an inherent part of being alive.

We can unlearn them.

This is why we PRACTICE.

 Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.