Healing

I want to be MIRACULOUSLY productive.

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I want to be dazed and confused over how much I get done every day while still totally having fun and staying all zen and calm.

But I am not uber productive.

I’m not even always having fun or staying zen.

And it’s making me very cranky!?

Yesterday I posted a photo of taking a nap… I took that nap in the hopes that it would cure the cranky, which it did NOT.

productive

In the Creative Dream Incubator e-course this week we’re exploring the essence of our dreams.

Getting all sorts of sweet delicious clarity about the essence of my dream (which is the heart and soul of the dream – a living energy being who can help you make your dream real) is just making me hyper aware of the gap between where I am and where I want to be.

As long as you are growing as a person you’re going to come across that gap.

Being aware of it is a good thing, it helps you bridge it.

But being aware of it is also a sucky crankifying thing because dude – I want to be there but I am here.

I’m also noticing, when I get out of that “I AM CRANKY, THIS ISN’T FAIR, DAMNIT!” energy pattern, that all of the things I am wishing for are ways of being.

I want to FEEEEEL blissfully productive.? Which I can do, if I work on my inner relationship with productivity and untangle whatever is tangled there.

I want to FEEEEEEL happy and zen about being productive.? Which I can do, if I work on my inner relationships with the inner critics and fears that are keeping me from feeling that way.

I’m super cranky about this when I am in that space of wanting things to change on the OUTSIDE.

The crankiness melts when I remember that it’s all about what is happening on the INSIDE.

I love how each time I do the Creative Dream Incubator course it brings me new gifts and helps me move into a deeper connection with my inner truth.

The path is not easy, but the gifts are worth it.

We have one rule in this session of the Incubator – You’re Not Behind, Ever.? We’re committed to honouring our unique process and doing this together, but working at our own pace.? This means it’s not too late for YOU to join us 😉


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Owning Your Emotional Reactions

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This is from the Creative Dream Circle Policies & Guidelines, but I thought it would be helpful to share it out here, too.

Sometimes in life things happen that we don’t like!? Sometimes these things make us mad and frustrated and sad and, worst of all, they make us feel powerless.

You’re not powerless, ever.? You’re a creative genius.

Understanding a few things about owning your emotional reactions can help keep you from feeling (and acting!) powerless.

owning

There is no “one way” or “right way” to react to things.? A rogue volleyball may hit 2 different people in the face – one will laugh and walk away, the other will get angry and punch the thrower of the ball.? We’re all different.

How you react is not WRONG.? Ever.? Whatever you are feeling is legitimate.? How you react may be totally out of proportion to the thing that happened.? Still, you’re not wrong to feel how you feel.? The thing that happened triggered some other emotional reaction in you and small events can trigger BIG emotions.? Whatever you are feeling is legitimate.? Always.

But how you react is YOUR stuff.? It’s not about the person who did the thing that you are reacting to, it’s about what’s going on inside of you.

And what you do with your reaction is your responsibility.? Just because someone else did something that hurt you does not give you free reign to hurt others.? Being a jerk is being a jerk no matter how justified you feel in the moment.

Being a jerk about it is what happens when you are NOT owning your reaction.

If you’re reading this blog you are not likely the kind of person who enjoys hurting other people’s feelings.

While it may feel satisfying for just a split second to throw that barb at them, it’s not going to change how you feel PLUS you’re not going to feel great about how you handled it.

So now, on top of feeling the ick that you were feeling in the first place, you’re also feel shame about what you did.? And you can’t do anything to fix it because you’re not responsible – this jerk did this thing TO you.

Not a happy and empowered place to be.

When you own your reaction, you hold your power.

Usually, when we’re triggered by something and get upset, we just want the upset to GO AWAY, NOW and we try to get rid of it by blaming someone else for it.

Maybe that seems logical in some way.? But it doesn’t work.?

What works is to OWN your emotional reaction.

This doesn’t mean you are responsible for the event that happened.

This doesn’t mean that someone else didn’t make a mistake.

This doesn’t mean that you forgive them or agree with them or ever want to be in the same room as them again.

All it means is that you take responsibility for how you’re feeling right now.? And then you can take responsibility for changing how you’re feeling right now.

If you’re a member of the Creative Dream Circle – do this in the Un-Sticking Station.

You’ll be lovingly guided through a creative, soulful, empowered way to meet and transform uncomfortable feelings and get back into a happy and empowered state of being.

And do this as quickly as possible – the less time you spend stewing in the icks the better!

Other people can not and do not decide how you’re going to feel.

Only you can do that.? But only if you take responsibility for what’s going on inside you.

This goes for EVERY feeling you have.

The more sure and righteous you feel about how your feeling is someone else’s fault, the more urgent it is that you take responsibility for it.

There is good news here!

When you take responsibility for your reaction and do the healing work around whatever it is in you that got triggered – you’re not going to keep getting triggered!

When someone says “You’re a horrible person” the part of you that worries that this is true, or the part of you that neeeeeds external validation and approval will FREAK THE HECK OUT.

THAT is where your emotional reaction comes from – that stuff that is happening inside of you, not from the meanie who said the thing.

When you heal those frightened inner voices who worry about what others think then you stop caring what others think.

Then when someone says “You’re a horrible person” your reaction is “Hmmm, what a weird thing to say!” or “Gosh, this person must be in pain to be acting like such a jerk” or maybe you’ll laugh at the ridiculousness of that statement.

Getting triggered is a gift.

It shows you where you are carrying stories that are in need of healing.

Doing the inner work of dealing with the trigger steer you back into the center of your creative power.

I know the thought of sitting with that feeling is terrifying.

But the art of owning & transforming it is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

You don’t need to do it alone.

If you join the Creative Dream Circle you’ll get so many tools that help you transform your inner world – with creativity and heart and soul.? You can PLAY your way into healing.


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On wanting to hide, being FAR out of my comfort zone & what to do about it.

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I’m out of my comfort zone.

I’m feeling extra-sensitive and resistant today.? Like I’d like to just hide under the covers.

And hiding under the covers is OK, but indulging in decadent self-care is much better.? So yesterday I took a hot aromatherapy bath followed by a nap – in the middle of the day.

Taking a nap in a sunny sunny space feels so decadent to me – another reason why I love the floor to ceiling south windows upstairs in my sleep loft.? (And see those crystals hanging in the corner of the window?? They shoot rainbows downstairs into my studio.)

Indulgent self-care is different from hiding under the covers.

Self-care re-fuels.? Hiding avoids.? Self-care maintains connection to your inner power.? Hiding disconnects.

Today I’d like to just hide.

Because I’m feeling so far out of my comfort zone.

But then I wondered… what if being so far outside of my comfort zone was good?? I mean, haven’t I been working so hard on making the big changes that have put me here?

I do this (awesome!) thing in the Creative Dream Incubator e-course (starting January 28!) about transforming your comfort zone – because when you really look at it, a lot of things in there are NOT so comfortable, they’re just familiar.

The comfort zone is really more of a familiar zone.

Feeling more comfortable with familiar than you feel with what-you-actually-want is an energy pattern you can work on.

But insisting that this is the only place where you can be comfortable shuts down the process of being able to do that.? MASSIVELY dis-empowering.

Hmmm.? So I sat down here feeling out of my comfort zone and wondering how I could be OK with this.

Remembering that I put myself here helps.

Remembering that I am a powerful creator helps.

Remembering that I know how to take care of myself helps.

But I still feel uncomfortable…

So I’m diving into my feeling.? What is it?? Where is it?

Mostly in my chest, but it kind of radiates out.? I want to crawl into my skin, or out of my skin, maybe.? Yes – I want to crawl OUT of my skin because I feel TOO VULNERABLE.

Ah.? So I have a vulnerability hangover.

Makes sense, given what I have been working on.

And because vulnerability is a key part of how I teach, this is a good thing.

So.? I am outside of my comfort zone & this is a good thing.

How do I bring comfort to myself right here?

Well, I did start already.? I’m in a cozy seat in a cozy coffee shop.? I’ve got a warm, fresh coffee and all of my journaling tools.

I can talk to the part of me that feels freaked out and find out what she needs.

I can make a list of the most deeply nourishing self-care practices… what comes to mind off the bat is to work this weekend, and take a spa day on Monday (spas are too busy for me on weekends).

I can breathe a little deeper and a little slower.

I can remember about how excited I am about the dreams I am moving towards AKA the reason why I am out of my comfort zone.

I can imagine my comfort zone stretching to include these things that I really do want (with a tiny escape hatch so uncomfortable things can just slip out).

I feel a gazillion times better now.

I can even giggle about the irony of posting this on my blog – this is the exact thing I feel uncomfortable about.? Being vulnerable.? Sharing my actual as-it-happens truth.? To a rapidly growing audience.

The part of me that is terrified about being this vulnerable is calmed by the part of me who sees how much this honest sharing-of-the-process really helps other people feel less alone in their struggles along the path to creating their authentic lives.

AND it helps to counteract all that bullshit about how it should all be glitter and rainbows all the time.? And the ideas that if things aren’t easy you are doing something wrong.

What I am doing here is important.


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Playdate #2: The Center of Your Creative Power (Boundaries, Sovereignty & Harnessing the Power to Create Your World)

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I totally stretched my comfort zone this week with my first ever live streaming video.

And I loved it so much I want to do it again!? (And this morning it’s closing in on 1,600 views so it seems like you guys love it too!)
playdate2

In fact, I want to do a WEEKLY Playdate, until the next session of the Creative Dream Incubator e-Course starts inside the Creative Dream Circle (on January 28).? So here they are:

Creative Dream Journal Playdate #2: Tuesday, Jan 14 at 2PM (Central, North America).

Topic: The Center of Your Creative Power (Boundaries, Sovereignty & Harnessing the Power to Create Your World)

If you’re on Spreecast, click here to RSVP. ?If you’re not on Spreecast, it will show up on my blog on Tuesday morning – with a handy dandy countdown timer so you can see what time it’s starting in YOUR time zone.

Creative Dream Journal Playdate #3: Tuesday, Jan 21 at 2PM (Central, North America).

Topic: TBA

The Center of Your Creative Power (Boundaries, Sovereignty & Harnessing the Power to Create Your World) is something that I have a LOT to say about.? And it came up during our first playdate so I wanted to dive into it a little deeper with you guys.

Bring your journal and your dream – art supplies optional.

Hope to see YOU there!? If you missed Playdate #1 catch the replay here.


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A Glossary of Creative Dreaming

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Because successful creative dreaming requires a radically different approach than most things, I am creating a glossary of terms that helps to explain it all.

glossary

This is the START of the glossary of Creative Dreaming.? I’m going to be adding whole posts on some of these terms, and then linking back to them on this page.

Boundaries: one of the tools of sovereignty (see sovereignty, below).? Boundaries help you create space within which you can do the work of creative dreaming.

Healthy use of boundaries frees you up to create your unique life.? Unhealthy use of boundaries just cements you in whatever ego-patterns you are in.? Setting healthy boundaries stems from a healthy inner relationship with sovereignty (see sovereignty, below) .

Creative: your inherent nature.? You are here to create your life.

Creative dream: is any idea that lights you up… from wild life-changing adventures to the tiniest slice of joy.? The creative in Creative Dream speaks to how this is something that you are going to create in your world.

Creative Dreams are the breadcrumb trail your soul leaves for you, guiding you along the path to your authentic sparkling life.

Creative Dream Path: each path is unique, but it is rare to find one that is a straight, simple, well-defined path leading from Point A to Point Dream. ?It twists, it spirals, it leads you not to am outer destination, but into deeper alignment with your own self.

The thing about the Creative Dream Path is that YOU have to create it.? This is messy sometimes, that’s a part of the process.? We always seem to want it to be all clearly defined and already laid out for us – but if someone else laid it out for you, that makes it THEIR path, not yours.

Creative Dreamer: a person who hears the call of her soul, and responds. ?She is not satisfied with just dreaming, she knows she’s here to create her dreams in her world. ?A Creative Dreamer is deeply attuned to her inner world, she is creative and soulful.

Creative Genius: this term is sometimes used interchangeably with Creative Dreamer. ?Creative Genius is the magic within: tapping in the power of your soul, your creativity and your purpose.

EVERYBODY has Creative Genius within them, but many people choose to leave it dormant within them. ?A Creative Dreamer chooses to activate the Creative Genius within.

Creative Journaling: really different from art journaling!? This is about getting creative in your journal as a way of activating your inner creative genius.

It’s about creating your life, it’s not about making art, so it’s not just for artists!? Click here for my free Dreamtastic Creative Journals course.

Creative Soul Alchemy: is the process I have developed over the years, drawing from my training as a spiritual teacher, healer and counsellor, energy healer and intuitive development plus my personal explorations in bringing creative play into the healing/transforming process.? More about that here.

Inner Critic: those voices that say you can’t, you’re not good enough, no one cares about what you have to offer, it’s too hard anyway so why bother?

Like Stucks (see below for Stucks), the Inner Critic is a master at making their opinion appear like a Legitimate And Reasonable Unchangeable Fact.

Inner Critics need to be met with care because deep down inside – they’re not critics at all. ?They’re wounded inner children with huge helpful gifts to share, and with a little love and attention they become powerful allies on the Creative Dream Path.

Intuition: the voice of your inner wisdom. ?Learning how to connect with your intuition is a key skill for successful Creative Dreaming. ?You need the brilliant advice of your intuition wisdom to build your Creative Dream Path.

Obstacle: the Thing that’s in your way, making your dream seem impossible. ?Most common obstacles: time and money.

At the heart of EVERY obstacle is an opportunity. ?A Creative Dreamer knows that the obstacle is never a reason to delay… the obstacle is actually the way forward.

Resistance: the enemy of the Creative Dreamer. ?Resistance shows up as: being too busy, indulging in activities that don’t move you towards your dream, not making time for your dream, believe the things your inner critic says about how you can’t do it anyway or that you have to wait for something outside of you to change first.

Resistance happens when you’ve got a stuck or an inner critic stirring.

Sovereignty (AKA Living from the center of your creative power): is one of the least understood and most important keys to successful creative dreaming.

Everything I say on this page about your creative power applies only to you and your life. ?The second you attempt to create in someone else’s life, you cut yourself off from your power source.

Every. Single. Time. You think someone else should be doing something differently than how they are doing it, you are stepping out of the center of your creative power.

When you truly take responsibility for your path, it becomes natural to honour everyone else’s sovereignty. ?You understand that you have zero creative control over their lives, and you trust them to create their own unique path.? Our whole world is set up the opposite of sovereignty, which is why this can be so hard to understand.

But when you really get this, it’s a total life-changer because it leave you with no choice but to stand strong in the center of your own creative power.

Stuck:? inner obstacles: resistance, fear, procrastination, limiting beliefs, etc.? Hint: if you are not moving forward with your dreams – you’re stuck.

Stucks often try to convince you that they are legitimate. ?That the thing you are doing instead of moving forward with your dreams is actually something you need to be doing right now. ?That there will be time for dreaming later.

That is not true. ?The time is always now. ?Anything that truly needs to get done before you can have your dream will show up on your Creative Dream Path.

Transformation: changing states. ?A total transformation happens when you are working with it on all levels: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual – it happens inside of you, and that inner transformation impacts your outer world.? (It’s not directly about transforming your outer world.)? This is deep inner work and involves a certain level of letting go of control which can be very confusing.

So while you are in the process of transformation, feeling totally confused is a good sign, it means you are letting go of control and venturing into a new place.


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Being All Tangled Up About Selling My Art

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During our last Treasure-Mapping Adventure my intuition and my dreams gave me some clear information and guidance about what to do next.? They asked me to MAKE MORE ART and I agreed that this is a good idea!

My plan was to include an inspiring image of an inspiration card every week in my weekly email, (I already do that part) and to offer these cards for sale, individually or in groups (that’s the new part).

But I keep putting off actually doing this.

As you know, inner critics are VERY good at coming up with bullshit excuses that sound like reasonable reasons.

I have a lot of reasonable reasons why I just don’t have the time or energy to do this right now.

But when I remembered how I FELT when my intuition said to make this art (like my heart had tiny sparkling wings and was flying around, fueled by glee) I was sad because I realised that I had obviously fallen victim to believing bullshit excuses and putting my dream aside.

And I remembered that this happens every time I want to start doing something new, and that the fastest way to move through it is to turn around and face the uncomfortable feelings.

So I journaled about it:

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++[from my journal]

What is up? I know I want to do this.

Is that true?

I do want it, my heart wants it, my creativity wants it, my soul wants it (it is smiling about it).

Who doesn’t want it?

Perfectionist and scared little girl who doesn’t want to get hurt or be made fun of, which hurts.

She is sure this would be opening myself up to ridicule. How dare I call this “art”? It’s stupid and a 5 year old could make it. It’s an embarrassment to my education. It really does make me look ridiculous, to take my silly stuff as serious art that I can sell. It’s like letting everyone know that I have no taste or maturity or understanding of what art really is.

I think I’m better than the quality of the art I’m making right now. I want it to be better. Better, how? Better as in? more elegant, cleaner. Less play, more technical execution.

I have technical skills that I am not using!? But the thought of doing that makes my creativity shrivel up, and now it’s no fun to even think about it so I certainly don’t want to DO it.

I like making art to make art, to play, to express myself. Yes, but I want the self I express to be “better”.? More polished.

Even though the lack of polish is an important part of what I want to say with my art – that you don’t have to do anything to be “good enough” that you’ve already earned that just by being here.? I want to encourage more true heart-felt expression and less polishing, unless polishing makes your heart happy, then it’s fantastic and perfect.

People respond to the art I make for myself.? They respond to the energy and inspiration behind it, and the spirit of it – it has nothing to do with technical execution.

What would it take for me to be comfortable with this?? And not tighten up about it, just enjoy making art and put it out there?

I could remember that I’m not forcing anyone to buy it.? That there’s nothing wrong with making the offer.

I could remember that I feel so tangled up because I am being vulnerable – I am sharing my creative expression and creative spirit. It’s ok to feel vulnerable about that.

I could let it be tangly.

Could I?? I think the problem is that because of the tangles I tense up so the art doesn’t work the same, it’s not a true creative soulful expression, it’s distorted by lack of believing in myself.

Yes, that doesn’t work. But if I can accept that vulnerability is scary, can I do this anyway?

NO it’s tangled. I can’t think my way out of the tangle. I can talk to the tangle.

OK, hello tangle.

(nothing happens)

No, this isn’t going to work on its own. I am going to bring the tangle into the Field of Creative Soul Alchemy that we work with in the Creative Dream Circle.

OK, that’s better. The tangle is relaxing in the field. Now it’s sitting on a chaise lounge, reclined and happy. The tangle likes it in the field of Creative Soul Alchemy. That is kind of interesting, since the field is something I CREATED and the tangle is about appreciating my creations.

I do like my/your creations. I want to like them more. I want to feel supported in sharing them with the world. There is no support!

What kind of support?

I like this chaise lounge. I especially like that it is lounge-y. I like lounge-y support. Relaxed. Casual.

You want me to support you in relaxing?

Well, yes.

Well, yes, of course that makes sense. Being tense got you tangly.

Tangly isn’t all bad! That’s a part of the problem – you’re upset that I’m tangled instead of letting me be tangled.

(Tangle stretches out her arms behind her head and snuggles down deeper into the chaise)

OK, you are pretty adorable. If I am ok with letting the tangle be tangled, then what do I do?

Make. Art. Anyway.

Make. Art. Anyway.

Get into the joy of it, remember how you feel once you’re REALLY into it. Art your way into that place instead of waiting to be there when you start!

MAKE BAD ART. Find your trust that you’ll come up with something, don’t try to make it be something from the start. You’re controlling the edges and shape of it too much, and not giving it enough room to breathe. Just hold the intention of creating something to share, don’t try to control it so much!

Well, but I am pretty sure I can sell cards. I don’t know if I can sell other things, so why make other things, if I am specifically making things for other people, doesn’t it make sense to make what I know they want?

Just because you don’t know what you can sell, does not mean you should be limited to what you do know you can sell, do you hear for completely ridiculous that sentence is?

You know you can’t limit yourself only to what you already know, that’s insanity and small thinking.. that is dream killing!

I know you don’t want to do that.

No, you’re right. I want to experiment and try things and in the process learn things.

It’s your approach that needs to loosen up.

(As the tangle says this, she stretches and untangles, then curls back up in the tangle and I see that it’s not knotted as tightly as I thought)

Your job is to pay attention to how you’re feeling, and stay connected.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So that was yesterday. Today I decided to share my journaling, so I’m typing it into my wordpress box.

I’ve got an inner critic screaming that this is ridiculously personal and I should not be sharing it here.

I know that I have clients who struggle with this very thing.? And if I can’t model how I work through this stuff, I can’t be effective as a mentor.

If I only show the shiny side of being on the other side of processing all of this and feeling comfortable and HAPPY about selling my art (and I know I will be there soon), well that actually hinders more than it helps others.

And if I only show my struggles after I’m successfully through them, all I’m demonstrating is a lack of faith in my own process.

I know I’ll get through this.? I’ve done it hundreds of time already.? I’ll do it hundreds of times more.

I’m reminding that voice that I know that so deeply that I can share the messiness while I’m in it.

I really wanted to end this post with an image of the art that I made and now have ready to sell.

The truth is, writing this out and getting it ready for public sharing may be the biggest step I can take with this today (I’m writing this on Sunday morning, and planning to post it on my blog Monday morning).

I’m curled up on my yellow couch, looking over at my art table which is an absolute explosion of colour and pattern and gorgeous creative chaos.

I understand where I’ve been going off the rails with what I’ve been creating.? I have my mission, to pay attention to how I’m feeling, and stay connected.

So, instead, I’ll share a photo of my creative chaos.

Creative Journaling

And a promise to write an update to this as I work through it.


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The woman who is a goddess who is a galaxy

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A lot of what I teach is about getting to know the heart and soul of your dream, which is perfect and whole and complete and real right here right now, because developing this inner relationship with your dream opens up whole new worlds of possibility.

A dream is really anything you want to do.? Anything you feel inspired about.? Anything you wish you had.

I have a gazillion dreams.? Each one of them is a real, live thing – energetically.? Each one of them has a heart and a soul and a personality.

These energy beings hold the blueprints for the perfect unfolding of the dream here on earth.? Working with them makes everything a gazillion percent easier.

So, I get to know the heart and soul of EVERYTHING that I want to do.

____________________________________________________________________

Right now there are a whole bunch of things I want to do in my business.? Each one is it’s own dream, but the dreams play together in the playground of my business.

The biggest one is: creating smooth systems that incorporate all the things I want to do.

I used to see smooth systems as a roller-coaster type thing – a support structure that created the conditions for the adventure of being on the roller coaster.

And that worked, while it worked.? Now I’ve got too many moving parts.? It’s like my little roller coaster cart is so full of toys that there’s no room to play with them!

Dreams grow and evolve just like we do.

Now smooth systems is woman who is a goddess who is a galaxy.

There are planets and moons.? Milky ways.? Stars and sparkle.

And there is the endless dance and flow.? Each element doing its own dance and then this infinite kaleidoscope of a pattern coming out of the interactions between everything.

Freedom and flow and gravity and pull.? Creativity and magic.

Beauty.? The universe of my business.

The woman who is a goddess who is a galaxy sits at the center of this (which is everywhere) and sings silently with delight.? All of the motion of the dance comes from the silent song in her heart.

Once in a while she brings a new planet to life, on her finger, and then flicks it out into her galaxy where it finds it’s perfect place to dance it’s perfect dance.

She sees all the secret invisible ways that all things are connected.

She holds it all in harmony.? In her silent song.

I’m getting to know her and learning how to work with her and with the ever-changing rhythms of the galaxy.

She says they’re not changing at all!? She says that everything has it’s own rhythm.? I need to see the individual dances and be present with the individual dances and PLAY with the individual dances and stop worrying about the larger dance that they all dance together.

She says that what I’ve been trying to do is CONTROL the larger dance and that’s not how it works and that’s why I’ve been getting stuck.

This makes me nervous. I want the larger dance to look and be and feel a certain way.

She says – it’s time to take off the training wheels, sweetie.

And I get this flash of – I don’t know, something.? Seeing a new perspective. Internal transformation.

If I am controlling the larger dance I am LIMITING the larger dance in the name of “feeling safe” which is bullshit anyway.

Oh.

Whoa.

Ha! I sat down here to write (I am in a coffee shop and forgot my little travel journal bag with pens, so I couldn’t put this in my journal like I usually would so I thought – why not put it here then?) out a meeting/plan to figure out how to get this larger dance dancing the way I want it to.

What I got instead feels like an invitation to JOY and DELIGHT and POSSIBILITY and PLAY.

I’m watching the obstacles crumble and a sparkling new path emerge.

Suddenly everything feels easy and clear.? Dancing with the individual dances seems so obvious now.

Trying to control the infinite kaleidoscope of a pattern coming out of the interactions between everything seems ridiculous now!?

No wonder I kept getting all overwhelmed trying to do what felt a huge huge huge huge impossible job. ?Because that was never my job to do.

This is the kind of sparkling transformation/shift/healing you can expect during next week’s Treasure-Mapping Tele-Circle.? I highly highly recommend it!

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[The magic of disappointment] Canceling my retreat.

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This is kind of a long story but I am hoping that you’ll read it.

There IS a lot of magic in disappointment and there is a lot of power in following your creative impulse even when you don’t get what you (thought you) wanted.

But the magical stories of disappointment are rare because we live in a world that shouts about success from every rooftop while carefully sweeping failure under the rug.

This skews your perception of what success actually is (it actually isn’t anything that you can measure with a number). And it skews your perception of what it takes to bring a dream to life.? These two skews leave you kind of screwed!

My story starts in January of this year.

I was running a session of the Creative Dream Incubator e-course and playing along, exploring what was happening in my inner world, looking for new dreams that were ready to come to life.

And the dream that came to me was: Creative Dream Retreats.? I saw myself leading life-changing dream-growing retreats in beautiful, nourishing, creative spaces around the world.

The essence of the dream was about adventure and discovery and spaciousness and glee.? The dream was beautiful and it was also all kinds of stuck.

Week after week I wrestled with my doubts, fears and inner saboteurs.? Week after week I followed along through my Creative Dream Incubator, gently un-sticking the stuck, activating the magic and learning how to give my dream what it needed to grow.

And then Chris Zydel, one of my creative heroes, began appearing in my dreams – like, the dreams I had while I was sleeping.

So Chris and I got together to explore why this was happening, maybe it was a sign?? Maybe we had something to share with each other? We talked about what we were working on, but couldn’t find any message or reason why she kept showing up in my dreams.

We were about to end our call when I said “Well, since I’ve got you here, maybe you can give me some pointers?? I’ve been working on putting together a retreat and I’m stuck….”

And it all snapped into place.

Chris talked her Creative Juices Arts studio, which solved ALL of my stucks about the retreat – where to have it that was inspiring and had the right space for creative explorations but was also in an interesting place where there were other things to do too… everything was perfect, down to the massive amounts of art supplies and a delicious caterer.

And we both kind of lit up with the idea of doing a Creative Genius Retreat together.

I started telling some of my clients and friends and had so many “Ohmigosh YES I am so totally coming!” responses that I didn’t promote it very much because it seemed like it was already sold out.

I happily went through my year, knowing I’d be leading this AMAZING life-changing dream-growing retreat in a gorgeously inspiring space.

Except, well, all of those “Ohmigosh YES I am so totally coming!” responses didn’t translate into actual registrations.

The timing was off.? Things came up.

And this fall we realised – the retreat wasn’t going to happen.

And you know what?? I didn’t feel sad or disappointed.

I felt a little confused because of the amazing response I had, but mostly it just felt right.

I’ve shared this story often, that when I first started doing creativity workshops I often had events where no one showed up.? And it was horribly disappointing back then.

But today? This is just one retreat, not doing it doesn’t impact my business.? No, I didn’t feel disappointed.

I felt proud.

Proud that I honoured my creative impulse.? Proud that I worked through the stuck parts.? Proud that I put it out there.

I took a big step and I learned some stuff and now I know more about how to take the next step.? This is how it works.

And underneath that, I felt glee.

Because I’d already bought my plane ticket to San Francisco for crazycheap because I had a voucher that expired earlier this year.? Which means I’m still getting my adventure and my creative retreat.? I’m getting the essence of my dream in a different package.

In the video I made about The Magic of Disappointment I talked about how feeling disappointment helps you to see how very much you still want the thing, and you can use that desire to move yourself towards it.? In this situation, the magic of non-disappointment is showing me that this wasn’t really what I wanted.?

The truth is, and for some reason I couldn’t admit this to myself before – right now I? just want to go on amazing creative retreats by myself.

Because every day I’m supporting my people through the inner transformation that creates outer change… retreating on my own replenishes me so I can keep doing that.

Following your creative dream and working through the stucks does NOT guarantee that you get exactly what you wanted.

Your dream is wise!? It will bring you somewhere new.? Somewhere a little more aligned with your unique creative soul.

Sometimes, somewhere you didn’t even know you wanted to go to.

Having things not work out does not mean that you failed, ever.

The only way to fail is by giving up before you start.

inspiration cards

Something magic will happen every time you take a step towards trusting your dream.

Fear of failing stops us from doing that.

And it’s stupid.

Because, like I said in the beginning, our perceptions of success and failure are skewed.

You are a success for being brave enough to claim your dream.

You are a success every time you follow your creative impulse.

You are a success every time you put it out there.? And each time you do – you’ll learn something about how to do it differently next time.

So every time you take a creative risk you deserve to be celebrated.

Just like I am celebrating cancelling the Creative Genius Retreat, and going on to California on my own.

I still get to have my own Creative Genius Retreat.? I still get to have a totally amazing time.

My flight leaves first thing tomorrow morning and I am very happy.

Expect to see lots of happy photos from my creative retreat on my Instagram and Facebook over the weekend.

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The Not Good Enough Monster

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Yesterday we had our check-in call for the Creative Dream Breakthrough.? We got together just to share where we’re at in our breakthrough process, explore what’s happening beneath the surface and offer each other support and encouragement.

It was going really well, then the Not Good Enough Monster showed up.

Yelling about how you have to get it right perfect, the first time every time.

That you’re never doing quite good enough.

That you’re never trying quite hard enough.

That you should have done better.? You should be doing better.

We gave him some cocoa and some toys and art supplies and reminders of how exquisitely perfect and worthy we all are, and how worthiness is something we are, not something we earn.

He calmed down.

Then last night I realised that my Not Good Enough Monster has been Quietly Out Of Control.

Quiet enough that I don’t notice that he’s there.? But silently and steadily insisting that I should be handling things better.? The problem with quiet is that it’s insidious enough that I don’t fight back.

And I started to see how much the Not Good Enough Monster has been colouring my whole life.

You see, yesterday I got angry.

The truth is, getting mad, and then honouring my anger by explaining why I was angry and asking for things to change made the situation better.

But the monster insists that I should now feel guilty about being angry, and then extra-guilty about how getting angry got me what I wanted.

I should be more evolved than that.? I should be so fucking magical that things just go my way without me ever having to engage with difficult-to-engage-with people.? I should be so wise that I can navigate through impossibly frustrating situations without getting impossibly frustrated.

I should be doing better.

While we’re at it, I should be eating healthier and walking more and have better clothes and make more money and be a better friend.

So, I am giving my Not Good Enough Monster a hug.? And putting him in the back seat.

Not Good Enough Monsters just want what’s best for us.? Underneath their words, they are sweet and lovable and deserve a cookie.

But they are not our wise and sparkling selves.? They are not our Creative Genius.

They should not be driving the bus.

 

creative inspiration cardPS: You?re all signed up for the FREE Creative Dream Coaching Circle next Monday, right?

This is a chance to get answers to your questions, get help dissolving obstacles and to simply fill up on love, magic and creative dream superfuel.

Sign up today!

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Sometimes a wrong turn is the only way to find the right path

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This week has been frustrating, all around. A special kind of frustration – the kind where you are doing exactly what you want to be doing and yet it feels off.

This is the thing about creative dreaming – in creating your dream as a real live thing you have to do things you have never done before. Which means you can’t know how it’s going to go ahead of time. ?

This is how it goes:

You’re inspired -> You act on it -> You learn stuff -> That feeds the next inspiration

But this is how we all seem to want it to go:

You’re inspired -> You act on it -> Everything is PERFECT BLISS – > Happily Ever After

Somewhere in leaping towards PERFECT BLISS and landing on YOU LEARN STUFF there is a world of pain.

It didn’t go the way you’d hoped.? Maybe your idea sucks.? Maybe you suck.? Maybe everything is impossible.? Who cares about dreams anyway?

But it just feels like a world of pain.

It’s actually a world of information.

Information about what does, and does not work.? Information about how to try it differently next time.? Real life information that helps you build your real life dream.

(Real life as opposed to DREAMS OF PERFECT BLISS.)

Your fantasy is not going to happen.

You’ll never just be handed the key to your dream.

Or a map that shows you how to get there without messy, painful detours.

Dreams come true through this messy process of:

  1. acting on inspiration
  2. having things go way differently that you thought they would/should
  3. being upset about that
  4. getting over it
  5. finding the gems in the experience
  6. letting that inspire the next step.

And so on and so on.

The people who live their dreams engage with that messy process.

I just wrote all of that to remind myself.

This was one of those messy weeks where I was doing a bunch of PERFECT BLISS kind of things and what I got was a pile of life lessons.

Andrea Schroeder

That’s me this morning (bedhead and all!) with one of my custom made Creative Soul Alchemy cards – a perfect bliss activity if there ever was one.

I learned A LOT.

And this morning I am remembering the magic of how letting go of how you thought it should be creates space for it be what it is.? And life, what it is, is beautiful.

PS: In case you missed it: You’re Invited! To a whole summer of healing + art-making with me, online. Click here for deets.

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Conversation With My Inner Critic: Not Believing In Yourself Is The Worst Feeling In The World

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I wrote this on Monday, before sharing my new Creative Soul Alchemy Batter Tastings. ?I want to share it because I know a lot of people read my blog who want to be doing similar things to what I am doing, and I want to paint an honest picture of what it takes for me to be, and stay, connected to my creative genius, and be actively putting myself, and my ideas, out there.

Often we look at people who are “doing it” and assume it must be easy for her.

Which is not only not true, it puts you in the position of it’s not easy for me so I guess it’s not possible.

Which is bullshit.

And, which is why, even though it’s really uncomfortable for me to share so honestly and so publicly – it’s really the only way for me to be effective in my job of helping creatives bring their dreams to life.? So here goes:

I am tense achy sore cranky frustrated.

I lit some candles, sprayed some magic sprays, rang a bell and did a healing on the dream loft to lift the energy enough so I can breathe again. ?But I still feel 100% crappy, just down from %1000 crappy a few minutes ago.

It’s time to shift this, so I am having a Creative Soul Alchemy session with my inner critic. ??As always my inner critic speaks in?italics.

_______________________________________________________________

So here I am, ?sitting on my yoga ball, in my newly re-arranged workspace, with my two BIG tables pushed together to create a GIANT table.

Well that’s dumb. ?You re-arranged your space to do this new thing and no one’s going to buy it! ?How’s it going to feel to have to move everything back because you failed?

You know, even if no one buys new thing #1 I know lots of people are going to participate in that other thing this summer, which will require a GIANT table for GIANT art-making.

You’re such a fucking pollyanna it’s so stupid! ?This is why you get you heart broken so much, you know. ?If you would just…

Just stop hoping? ?And dreaming? ?I can’t do that. ?I AM GOING TO BE ME. ?That is final.

I know, and it’s terrifying.

Can you tell me what is scary right now?

No one is going to want your new thing.

I understand that you think that, and that’s cool. ?But why is it SUCH a big problem? ?I don’t remember feeling this scared or stressed out in a long time. ?I’m not sure why this particular thing is so scary.

Because the price is wrong.

The price is not wrong. ?I think you know that.

You’re right. ?The price is not wrong. ?But no one will pay this price for this product/service.

It’s cool that you think that, I’m still confused about why it’s such a huge problem. ?You don’t think anyone will buy anything. ?And this is just a batter tasting, to see how it goes. ?If no one buys then I know it doesn’t work as a thing-to-sell and I move on.

This is awful because the price has to be even higher for the real thing than for the batter tasting, to be sustainable. ?And no one pays that much money for art! ?And your Creative Soul Alchemy cards are life-alteringly gorgeous, like on a SOUL LEVEL. ?Like, Creative Soul Alchemy is what they actually are! ?This is needed! ?And it’s going to fail! ?I’m not sad for you as much as I am sad for the world that it’s going to miss out on this. ?Also kind of sad for you but I know you’ll still make the cards for yourself so that’s good.

So there are 2 things there:

  1. the idea that no one pays for art
  2. immense immense love for the cards

Let’s start with #2.

I didn’t?realise?how much love you have for the cards! ?I?appreciate?that so much! ?Suddenly I feel less tense and stressed out. ?I feel grateful for everything that has happend in my life, that brought me here to this idea and feeling ready to bring this idea to life.

But it’s not ready, that’s the thing.

So what would it take for it to be ready?

That’s impossible.

And that’s how we know that you are believing a lie. ?Nothing is impossible, there is always a way. ?I think we should address that thing that is sitting just beneath this conversation: the idea that people don’t buy art. ?You understand that this is absurd, right?

Let me explain. ?I know people buy art. ?And for millions, not hundreds. ?Or at least thousands. ?But the kind of people who want your art don’t buy art.

You can hear how ludicrous that is, right? ?Let’s think back to the love you have for this project. ?Let that love be a bubble of sparkles. ?Take the idea that no one wants to pay for this thing and put it in the bubble. ?What happens?

The idea that no one wants to pay for this thing shows up as a dusty deck of cards that no one wanted. ?When I put it into the bubble the dust goes away (because of all the glitter) and it turns out the bubble is full of tiny people who run over, like RUN over to take the cards. ?Then they hug the cards and you can see tiny red hearts coming out of them. ?They love the cards. ?They get it.

Yes. ?There’s the shift. ?So what is true now?

There there are people who will love the cards. ?There are people who will get it, see the value in it, and be so so so so SO thrilled to get their own custom made deck of magic.

I only have space for 8 batter tasters. ?And if that goes as I hope it will and I start to do this regularly, there is still a very limited about of these that I am going to be able to create each month. ?If you take that number, and compare it to the number of people in the world – how likely is it that there are enough people out there that will want it?

Very. ?It’s just a matter of finding them.

Right. And we can work on that part.

Right.

So I feel better, do you feel better?

Yes. ?I can’t wait!

So let’s do a blessing for all the people that the Creative Soul Alchemy cards are for.

OK.

{do blessing together}

_______________________________________________________________

And there it is. ?I feel ready to put this thing out tomorrow. (which is now yesterday)

That conversation is only the last in a long line of conversations and healing sessions I do with my inner critic(s).

I say that to make it very very clear for you: feeling like you can’t do something doesn’t mean you can’t do it. ?It just means you have to work on the inner stuff first.

PS: Creative Soul Alchemy Card Batter Tastings are available here.

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Permission to change.

By / /

My creative journal kit has been in overdrive lately as I’ve been mapping out new plans.

I am taking 2 classes starting in April, 2 transformational classes that I am both super excited about and totally ready for.? They are providing me with the structure and support I need to make some really big changes in my life and my business.

And there is this part of me that is all geeeeeeeez, again?? You just changed everything, not that long ago.

Yup, I did.? And yup, I am doing it again.

Actually, that change led to this change.? Every change leads you to the next change.

There is this insane idea in our culture, that we’re supposed to do something once, and it’s done.

This is not how anything actually works, though.

And this idea actually makes it harder to start, because while it’s telling you that you have to get it right the first time it’s activating your inner perfectionist.

Perfectionism kills creativity.

Plus – how can you know the right way to do it if you’ve never done it before?

That’s IMPOSSIBLE.

Creativity is flow and joy and trying things in an atmosphere of delight and letting your work, and your self, evolve.

Learning as you go.? Building as you go.? Growing as you go.

It takes the pressure off right now and it makes much bigger dreams possible, because each new thing builds on the last.

With each new thing you’ve got a stronger connection to your vast internal resources, so your possibilities become larger.

Change is the best!? Change is magic!? Change is INEVITABLE, it’s the only thing in our world that actually stays the same.

And yet, here I am, writing this post to myself to convince myself that it’s ok to change.

  • Reminding myself that the “what will people think?” voice is not a voice that knows how to lead me to where I want to be.
  • Reminding myself that the “holy CRAP this is so awesome!” voice has always led me to somewhere really amazing.
  • Reminding myself that I am ready for this next step.? If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here, at the starting point of this new journey.

Deep breath.

One of the crazy/beautiful things about my work is that I am always in this container of transformation with my clients.? As I do the work of supporting their dreams in coming to life my dreams are supported in the process.

Taking classes and working with mentors creates this gorgeous smooth supportive space where you can get what you need, to create what you want in your life.

Teaching classes and being a mentor speeds that process up.? They say you should teach what you need to learn.? What I love is teaching what I want to learn.? Helping others grow in the exact same ways that I want to grow.? There is so much beauty in that.? And as long as I am actively engaged in this kind of work, my dreams will be actively growing

Any place where I fight change stunts that growth and that is actually more uncomfortable than the uncomfortable parts of change.

So in conclusion,

Change: Bring it on!

Consider this your permission slip to change anything and everything you want to change.? If you want to share your thoughts on change, join the conversation on the Creative Dream Incubator Facebook.


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Things I Know (Dialogue with my inner worry-wort)

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When I’m a little dazed and confused, it’s always helpful to write out a list of things I know.? This is a random list of what I know today:

1. All Signs Point To YES.? Just because this new thing is a “way bigger deal” than anything I’ve done before, my inner critics are convinced it can’t succeed.? But nothing has actually happened that suggests this isn’t going to go exactly as planned.

2. I am clearly exceeding my current limit for what I feel comfortable receiving.? I have been here before and it has never meant anything other than it’s time to expand my limit.

3. My intuition is clear. My intuition has never led me astray.? Following my intuition has always proven to be safe.

4. I don’t have to see it to know it’s there.

5. I have so many options it’s ridiculous.? There is always a way.? And I have so many tools for finding ways!? I have The Best Tools, actually.

6. The work I’m doing right now lights me up like nothing else.? I’m definitely on the right path.

7. My mission is much bigger than me.? (The top of my head tingled when I wrote that.)? The support for me mission is also bigger than me.

In light of all this, sweet tiny part of me who worries, are you sure the worry is needed?? It’s ok to take a break if you want, I’ve got this.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I need to worry!? What if no one is worrying?!? What will happen when things start to go wrong if I wasn’t worrying in advance!! Disaster!? I wouldn’t be able to fit all the worry into the time left! And then what?!?!?!

Yeah, and then what?

I wouldn’t worry all the worry!

I know, but what would happen if you didn’t worry ALL the worry?

[No response for a while, she just looks kind of stumped and confused.]

If there is too much un-worried worry, doesn’t it fall to the ground and ruin everything?

I don’t think so sweetie, has that ever happened?

I don’t know.? I just want to be READY!? When disaster strikes I don’t want to be surprised, I want to be ready.

Do you think worrying in advance is the best way to get ready?

Yes?

Yes?

Yes!? Worry makes you look at other options!

But worry isn’t the only thing that makes me look at other options.? What about the Creative Dream HOLYdays we do every month in the Circle?? So many options, ideas and possibilities come out of those, much more than worrying has ever created.

Oh my gosh! Worry might not be the best tool!? The HOLYdays DO give you the best ideas.

You don’t have to worry about whether or not you’ve been using the right tool, sweetie. See worry actually makes it harder to move forward because it’s got kind of a heavy vibe.? Worry slows things down which I think you like because it feels safer to you to slow things down.

If I was cataloging all the ideas, possibilities and options instead of worrying I think that would be more helpful.? I could respond faster in an emergency.? And… well, you’re right that I do feel safer when you are moving slower and I could still slow you down by showing you the catalogs.

Huh.? I am very inspired by my little worry-wort!

I’d love to create this catalog!

I do have journals upon journals filled with this stuff but if I put it into a binder where I can organise everything that actually would be very helpful.

Excited! I’m off to get a latte and get started cataloging my many options, possibilities and ideas.

If you're ready to make your dream real, I am here to help. Click here for my Creative Dream Incubator.

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Creative Flow. Why Aren’t You Here Yet?

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So I continue to work on this project.

My heart is full:

DELIGHT? in the magic of this project

CARE for all the little details

GRATITUDE for being offered something that is on a scale far, far beyond the level I’ve been working on

LOVE for the project itself and how it’s going to help people

And still. Progress is beautiful and slow. MADDENINGLY SLOW.

Hmmmm.? Seeing that there in black and white I feel I should add: it’s probably not slow at all.? It’s more like I WANT IT TO BE RACING CAR FAST.

Something amazing is coming to life here and it needs whatever time it needs to do that.? And I know that is true about every single thing that comes to life but that doesn’t change how annoyed I am with this for being so slow.

And *pouf* my Creativity Fairy Godmother appears right beside my laptop.

Oh honey, you know, right?? You know that your annoyance is actually slowing things down?

Yeah, I know.? But it’s how I feel!

Oh of course!? We would never tell you to feel differently than how you feel!? But, well, you know better than to try to push and work on a thing that you are annoyed with while you are annoyed, right?? I mean you’re not exactly a beginner …

Right.? If I am annoyed my attention naturally wants to be going to taking care of the annoyance.? Instead I am trying to force my attention to remain on the project, which is the source of the annoyance and YIKES yes I am compounding the annoyance and turning it into a bounder which blocks creative flow.

Yes sweetie Creative Flow is Flowing. That’s what it does.

And here I am – throwing boulders in its way while demanding it to show up faster.

Right so, would now be a good time to stop doing that?? You’ve got that lovely soup waiting for you at home. What if you go home, enjoy some soup, and take care of your annoyance before coming back to this project?

And *pouf* a little devil appears on the other side of my laptop.

Hello – are you my annoyance?

Hello yes!

What do you want to tell me?

There is a reason why I’m here.? I’m annoyed that you are trying to rush – you’re playing into that old people-pleasing pattern of yours and it SUCKS.? I HATE IT.

Ohmygosh!? I totally didn’t see that.? But you are so right, I did slip into that old pattern and I can see why.

Yeah I can see why to – it doesn’t take a genius.? And seeing WHY doesn’t change anything.? I want you to change something!

(Little devil actually pushes me out of the people-pleasing pattern and I can feel everything shift)

Wow, thanks for the push.? Now I can see so much clearer.? I actually do want to finish this quickly, that is my truth not just my people-pleasing pattern.? That’s funny, my people-pleasing pattern and my truth both want the same thing, I’m not sur that is ever happened before.

We both want the same thing, we just need to take a different approach.

My truth is that I want this to come together quickly and I know better than to think I am in control of the timeline.

And the little devil and my Creativity Fairy Godmother are gone.? It’s just me and my project and everything seems kind of sunny.? My project looks apologetic, like it didn’t mean to annoy me or to throw me into that old people-pleasing pattern.? My project loves me like I love it.

I think I will go home and have some soup for lunch and take a little break and come back to this later.

If you're ready to make your dream real, I am here to help. Click here for my Creative Dream Incubator.

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I Am Stuck.

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Recently I was offered a really incredible opportunity.? (No, I can’t give any details.)

In order to move forward with this opportunity, I have to create something.? I create things all the time – so no biggie, right?

Ha.

The first draft was no biggie actually.? The enormity of the project hadn’t quite sunk in yet, I was super excited and so I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote.? And what I wrote is pretty good.? It’s nowhere near what I want it to be and what I know it can be, but it’s a great start.

And here I am, with a weekend free to work on this and I. Am. Stuck.

So, hello there stuck.? Can we talk?

Yeah, I guess, I mean sure but it’s kind of hard for me to talk.

Why is that?

Well, I’m stuck!? I’m crammed into this space that is too small for me.

Oh, can I help?

Maybe.? I don’t know.? It’s probably easier to just stay stuck.? I can curl up in here and never leave.

Really, is that what you want?

(pause)

No, I don’t know. Yes. I want that right now, getting out just seems so hard!? But I don’t like the idea of ALWAYS being here.? I want to have the option to leave.

That makes sense.? How can we give you the option to leave?

Well, just understanding HOW to get out.? Oh!? I could stop trying to go straight ahead and inside go sideways.? Maybe that is how?

Yeah, it seems like you could kind of roll sideways and get out of there.

(Stuck rolls sideways and gets out of there.? The feeling of stuckness inside of me lessons noticeably but doesn’t totally disappear. Stuck just looks at me, then curls up in a ball right beside the small container he had been stuck in)

Ah, so now I can see that we’re in a meadow at the edge of a forest and you, dear stuck, are a bunny!? And you were stuck in a barrel.

I went in there looking for a safe space because it was dark and rainy and scary out.

That makes sense.

So now what?? Now I feel free, I’m out of the barrel, but I want to stay right beside it because I may need to jump back in which means I may get stuck in there again.? I don’t want to go hopping around in the forest, it’s scary out there!

I know.

Like that project you are working on – that is terrifying!? I want to go nowhere near there.? And if you go near it, I will jump back in the barrel.

Well I understand your fear but I don’t want to let you hold me hostage.? Not only do I really want to do this because I think it will be fun (omg! do you remember last week when writing was fun?) I want to do this because it’s going to help so many people.

Oh, yeah,? It’s hard to remember the good parts when the scary parts are so big.

So why are the scary parts big right now?

Because you’re out of the flow.? You’re looking at where you’ve gone off-track in order to bring the project on-track.? Looking at the off-track parts wakes up fear and doubt and makes the good parts shrink.? It’s not that it’s wrong that there are some off-track parts – that’s a natural part of the creative process.? It’s more like you’ve got to just focus on on-track.? I don’t know – start over fresh instead of editing?

Start over fresh instead of editing. Oh that feels like a pit in my stomach, like I’ll never finish if I do that.

Sometimes you have found a lot of freedom in that approach.? Everything you wrote is still there, you can grab parts of it but put it together fresh. Actually I think you’ve done that with every major thing you’ve ever done.

Yeah, maybe.? And this feels different.? The timeline for one.? Not seeing the whole scope of the project for two.

No, those things are not so different. Sweetie, remember the good parts!? Remember the fun and how amazing and helpful this will be!? KISS!? KISS! (Keep It Simple Sweetie)

Simple.? I could stand to simplify this whole thing.? OK yes. I feel a little less stuck now.

And I want to go hop around in the forest!

(Bunny hops off.? I kind of lean against the barrel and a snake slithers out.)

Oh!

(Snake does not respond.? It just stares at me.? This is the part of me that Does Not Believe And Never Will.? I see a pile of hay lying on the ground and take a tiny bottle of love, comfort and peace and pour it on the hay, creating a nest of love, comfort and peace for the snake.? Snake curls up in the center of the nest.)

Yeah, I can do this.

I am taking the fact that this is a HUGE DEAL and putting that in the barrel.

I am taking the timeline and putting that in the barrel.

I am sealing up the barrel.

I am taking the fact that I am really excited about this project and putting in a heart-shaped locket and putting that around my neck.

I am taking how helpful and useful this is going to be and spinning it into yarn and knitting myself a soft, soft hat out of it and putting it on my head.

Yeah, I can do this.

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