Hello Overwhelm

overwhelm

Overwhelm is moving so fast I can’t really see it.? But I can tell that it feels actually kind of happy, like there are a lot of different possibilities dancing in it.

Huh, this is interesting – I feel overwhelmed, and yet overwhelm feels like dancing.? What?

Deep breath.? I just want to meet myself where I am.? I don’t have to make sense of where I am.? My feelings don’t have to make sense, they are valid just as they are.

OK, I am confused because I feel overwhelmed but overwhelm seems to feel happy.? So why can’t I just feel happy?

Overwhelm is a juggling act that is moving so fast I can’t see exactly what is happening.? I worry that things will get lost in the juggling.

Overwhelm trusts itself to handle everything.

So does that mean I don’t trust myself to handle everything?

No, I guess I don’t.? Because I am worried about dropping things.? And I’m worried about not dropping things, but exhausting myself in the process.? I’m worried about not doing my best work.? I’m worried about making the wrong decision.? I’m worried that people will be upset that I am not doing things they way that they want me to do things.

Take each of those worries, and times by the four major projects that each need to be done RIGHT NOW.? And then throw in the 2 projects that I really want to be doing.

Yeah, I see why I feel overwhelmed.

I am so curious!? Why is overwhelm happy and dancing?

(more sitting with it)

I see it more clearly now, it looks like a whirling dirvish (Sufi dancer).? This isn’t the best photo, but this is where I saw whirling dirvishes, inside an old hamman, in Istanbul:

istanbul - sultanahmet

How amazing is this?? I LOVED the whirling dirvishes.? I totally remember that night, they were not spinning out of control.? More like spinning in ecstasy.

All these projects, all these decisions, all these worries, this is what I’m dancing with right now.

The more things I am dancing with, the more potential the dance contains.? It’s a good thing.

That’s why overwhelm feels happy.? Potential and possibilities and creating wonderful new things.? Dancing new dreams into life.

Ummmm, so I don’t actually feel overwhelmed at all.

It’s just my fears and inner critics get stirred up by new things, so they are stirred up, and they made up a story about overwhelm (!) ?The purpose of the story is to slow me down and keep me where I am.

Holy crap!? My whole life I have been easily overwhelmed and I feel that starting to unravel right now.

  • I don’t actually feel overwhelmed if I do one thing at a time.
  • I don’t actually feel overwhelmed when I am trusting myself.
  • II don’t actually feel overwhelmed if I being present and emotionally honest with myself.

Most of the times when I have felt overwhelmed, really I was just believing a bullshit story that my fears and inner critics were telling me.

So what does that mean?? What do I do with this?? How does knowing this change what’s happening for me right now?

  • The many projects on my plate feel a little more fun and a little less daunting.
  • I’m remembering how much I love my work and am grateful for these projects.
  • I have more permission to take the time I need to get things done.
  • I’m remembering that things usually take less time than I think they will.? Um, except for the times when things take more time than I think they will.? The more important thing to remember here is that the timing really isn’t up to me.
  • It feels easy to approach my Creative Genius Planning Session for this week from a spirit of curiosity and trust and to find a way to make it all work.
  • I still have more questions than answers, but instead of that feeling frustrating and scary it feels like a natural part of growing and creating.? And it gets to suck and feel frustrating sometimes but that doesn’t have to throw the whole dance off it’s rhythm.
  • I trust myself to do my best.
  • My stomach isn’t all in knots anymore.

So now I’m feeling like my insides were just re-arranged, so I will stop there for tonight, and come back to this tomorrow in my Creative Genius Planning Session.

These stories I’ve been sharing, of meeting with resistance and overwhelm and procrastination are my notes from my trips to the Un-Sticking Station in the Creative Dream Circle – notes from the intuitive healing process.


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