When your inner critic just won’t let you move forward.

forward

I care about my Magic Journaling Cards very much.

So much that while I’m working on them it’s really hard for me to feel like I’m good enough to do them justice.

Even though I know that done is better than perfect.

Even though I know that these cards, with all of their glorious imperfections, are going to help people to enjoy journaling more and get more of the juicy benefits of journaling (like emotional healing and transformation and dream manifestation).

Even though I know that I have more than enough experience teaching this stuff to be able to design the cards in such a way that they are magically helpful.

None of that matters to my inner critic.

The more I care about something, the harder it is for me to create it.

The stakes feel too high.

I have so much love for the thing, and expect so much from it, it’s like I just can’t be happy with how it’s turning out, no matter how good a job I do.

When I feel this way it’s a sign that I have handed the steering wheel over to my inner critic.

And that in these moments my job is NOT to try harder, or get better or take a break.

My job is to take back the steering wheel.

So that’s what I’ve been doing for the past few days.

If I were to keep working on the cards, I’d be putting this weird fighting-the-inner-critic-trying-to-prove-my-worth energy into this project.? (And trust me – people CAN feel it when you’re creating from that place and it WILL impact the success of your project.)

So instead I’m meeting with my inner critic and with the heart and soul of the cards project.

I’m transforming the fear and doubt and filling up on the qualities of my project, so that they can light the path to fruition.

People are always asking me how to get around the inner critic.

They want to know how to out-run it – which is impossible.

But you can heal it.? And then you can transform it.? And then you can do your great work and bring your creative dreams to life.

And then you start again with the next thing.

In my opinion, getting good at the inner work is the only path to success.? That’s why it’s the thing that I teach – because I want all of us to succeed.

(So if you’re struggling with your inner critic – come and learn how to transform it!)

And today – I’m back.

The steering wheel is firmly in my grip.

My inner critic has been transformed into an ally – he’s busy creating an energy atmosphere of flow, delight and ease for me to work in.

So – I’m working.

In fact I’ve got over 33 of the cards done (I’m not sure how big the deck is going to be – I don’t want to pick an arbitrary number, I just want to make sure it includes everything that it needs to be a magically helpful deck).

And today I want to get a bunch more done…

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When Inner Critics Attack

when inner critics attack

Yesterday I shared my Valentine’s gift with the world: the You Are Loved guided journal & mandala colouring book.? Happily, this has gone over so well, my web server has crashed repeatedly.

I know I create and share (and sell!) things all the time.

That doesn’t mean it’s easy for me.

It’s actually NOT easy for me to put my stuff (and myself!) out there.? For me to do this work for a living requires daily discipline for meeting with and transforming my inner critics.

My inner critics had a FIELD DAY with the self-love journal/colouring book project.

They hated almost everything about it and they were ridiculously mean in their reasons why this was a stupid thing for me to do.

It took A LOT of work for me to calm down.

I sent them love.? I listened to their complaints.? I negotiated.? I got all tense and afraid.? I did energy work and journaling.? I used the Un-Sticking Station in the Creative Dream Circle to transform them into helpful allies.

I spent a lot of time and energy giving them the time and attention and love they needed, so they could feel safe enough to settle down.

This work is a regular part of what I do when I launch new creative projects out into the world.

I wanted to make sure to share this part of the story because too often we focus on the shiny happy endings and dreams come true.? You may see that I put a lot of stuff out into the world and assume that this is all shiny happy fun for me.

This leaves you with this sense that “things just work” for other people and that if your dream doesn’t just magically come true on its own – that means you can’t have your dream.

This is EXACTLY what your inner critic wants you to think.? This kind of thinking stops dreams in their tracks.

Also – part of what makes inner critics so powerful is that we do tend to keep them hidden. They shrink in the light.

So I like to keep mine well-lit by sharing the truth about them.

Your inner critics freaking out is not a sign to stop.

Inner critics freak out.? That’s their job.? Your job is to go after your dreams anyway.

I know it’s hard.

And if you’re dealing with this I am sending you so much love…

But I’m also sending a firm reminder that you can’t STOP just because your inner critics freak out.

You have to take charge.? Do not wait for your inner critics to magically change on their own.

Unless, of course, you WANT to be miserable.

Your inner critics are scared wounded inner children who need love and healing.? They’ll freak out at the most awkward times.

They still deserve love because they are a part of you.

It’s like your dreams – all the things you want to do doing, the way you want to be living, the you you really want to be – live in the most amazing castle ever.

The inner critics are the sharks that live in the moat around the castle.? Their whole mission is to keep you from entering the castle.

Their mission is not fueled by anger or malice or anything – they’re just afraid of the changes that will happen once you enter the castle.? They simply don’t understand that you have the courage, integrity and wisdom to handle the changes.

So what are you going to do?

There are only two choices:

Run away and live forever in the Land Where No Dreams Come True
Figure out how to put the drawbridge down

Some people like to pretend that there is another choice, that you can somehow wait them out, and maybe tomorrow the inner critics will quiet down so they can have their creative play time.

These people are just in denial about living in the Land Where No Dreams Come True.

Yes, finding that drawbridge and putting it down really is hard work and it’s scary and doing it over and over again is a total pain in the ass.

But letting those sharks win is just stupid.? Your dreams are too important.

And the treasures that live in the castle are a gazillion times better than you think they are.

Sometimes my inner critics just freak out because they’re freaking out.

Sometimes they freak out because I am onto something that could change everything.

That was what was happening on Monday.

Now that I have made one small guided journal/colouring book, and now that I see that people really love it, I see this whole new path opening up:

BIG, DEEP, CRAZY MAGIC guided journals and colouring books.? A HUGE LIBRARY FULL OF THEM.

Once I get into the swing of creating these, I believe I can be doing one every month.? They’ll be available for sale on my website – and free for my darling Creative Dream Circle members.

Plus we’ll do live streaming video playdates to journal with them together!

The thought of this makes me want to dance and spray glitter all over everything.

Riding out the Inner Critic Freak-out on Monday, and taking the time to use the tools that work to transform the inner critics, means I get to this place: having a new idea, being inspired and excited and seeing that the path is clear ahead of me.

It means I can dive in to a new dream.? Totally worth doing the work of dealing with the inner critics!

If you’re a Creative Dream Circle member – you can use the tools in the Un-Sticking Station to deal with ANY inner critic attack.? It will lead you through the whole process of transforming your inner critic lovingly and effectively.

FREE Guided Journal + Mandala Coloring Book for Self-Love.

What it is: 15 pages of journal prompts and hand-drawn mandala coloring pages to explore and colour.

It’s a beam of creativity & love, from my heart to yours.

This book is designed for people who want to lead creatively abundant lives ? and do ?impossible? things, with ease & joy, every day.

Filled with journaling prompts, unique energy alchemy processes and hand-drawn healing mandala coloring pages, this book will lead you through the process of learning more about your (amazing!) self.

>>> CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD IT NOW.

There is magic in this book.

You activate that magic by playing with it.

Play in whatever way you want to play. Use whatever art supplies are fun for you: glitter pens, crayons, collage, etc.? There are no rules here.

The journaling prompts are tiny little diving boards, for you to dive off of into your own adventure – go off on tangents and explore whatever thoughts come up in the process.? They will lead you to amazing places.

The healing power of the mandala coloring pages is activated when you colour them in, lighting them up with your unique creative expression and ideas.? (If you want to explore mandalas further and draw your own, I?ve got an easy-peasy anyone-can-do-it How to Draw Mandalas Tutorial right here.)

My hope is that this book helps you to fall more deeply in love with your amazing self.

>>> CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD IT NOW.

If you like this book, I would sure appreciate it if you would SHARE this Guided Journal with Mandala Coloring Pages.

Use the Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest/email buttons above to post this on your networks or share with your friends.

If you REALLY like it, check out my full-length guided journals and journaling classes available inside the Creative Dream Circle.

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Procrastination and finding the easy way to do something hard

procrastination

I put off these two things for months:

Making my private sessions public (I had been doing private sessions all along, but had stopped offering it as a thing on my website a year and a half ago, so I was only working with people who had already been working with me before I took it off my website)
Making guided journals and colouring books.

At first, I had all sorts of reasons why I couldn’t do either of these things right now.

Reasonable reasons.? Excuses love to dress up as reasonable reasons!

And then I noticed that these reasonable reasons were actually keeping me from doing what I want to do.

And that putting these things off didn’t actually feel good.

So I decided to do them.

I tried to take control of the situation.? I made time in my schedule to work on these things.? I moved them up the priority list.

And suddenly everything else in the whole world was so much more important than doing these things!

I was a procrastinating manic.

Everything about working on these things felt HARD.?

It felt scary and like I didn’t know how to do it and like everything is hopeless anyway so why bother?

Oh my.? No wonder I had been avoiding this for so long!

When I just can’t seem to do something the way I’m trying to do it, instead of giving up I set my sights on finding the easiest possible way in.?

Instead of going full speed ahead, what if I just stick my teeny tiny baby toe in the door towards doing this?

Ahhh.? Relief. And room to breathe.

Instead of diving head first into offering private sessions – I am offering a limited number of private sessions on my website.? This feels good.? A solid step, not an overwhelming leap.
Instead of diving into creating and selling my guided journals and colouring books, I am making a mini version and giving it away – my Valentine’s gift to you.

For the private sessions, I spent a lot of time exploring how to offer this in a way that feels good and nurturing and inspiring and sustainable for me.

This is also why I added custom art to these sessions (during the session I’ll make you a treasure map that outlines your transformational process and next steps).? That is an idea I have been playing with for years and I’m really happy to be taking this step with it.

It seems important to add that it doesn’t matter why I felt overwhelmed at the thought of putting these sessions out there on a permanent basis.

I love doing this work and I don’t know why taking this particular step freaked out my inner critics.? It’s more important to focus on am I sure I want to do this? and how can I do this in a way that feels good?

I’m highly sensitive and highly introverted and kind of weird and I get overwhelmed sometimes. It just happens.? Over the years I have found that it makes more sense to figure out a way to NOT feel overwhelmed, than it does to explore the overwhelm and try to figure out WHY it’s there (which opens up a Pandora’s Box of stuckness).

(If you’re a Creative Dream Circle member you can use the Un-Sticking Station to do this – un-sticking the stuck helps you find the way through)

For the journals, it’s kind of like I was DROWNING in ideas about what I can do with them.

I am imagining this being a huge series of books (they’ll be available for sale on my website, and Creative Dream Circle members will get them free).

With this many ideas, it’s really hard to know where it start.

But I kept sitting quietly with the essence of what I want to create, and one day it just dawned on me that Valentine’s Day is coming up and I could make the first one?a “mini” version about self-love and give it away as Valentine’s gifts instead of selling it.

This idea came with a GIGANTIC wave of relief.? Giving things away is a lot easier than selling them and it’s an ideal way to bring a new creative project to life.

(Your free Valentine’s guided journal and colouring book will be out later in the week.)

Once I got started making the freebie journal and colouring book, I got clearer on what I want to do next with the journals, and even have the first full journal underway – it’s called YOU GOT THIS, a journal about transforming doubt.

affirmation inspiration card

I love how taking that teeny tiny step gets you into movement and creative flow.

And now I am DOING these two things that I had been just DREAMING about for so long.

Think of the thing(s) you’d love to do that you are putting off.? Are there any teeny tiny super easy baby steps you can take today?

I want to be MIRACULOUSLY productive.

I want to be dazed and confused over how much I get done every day while still totally having fun and staying all zen and calm.

But I am not uber productive.

I’m not even always having fun or staying zen.

And it’s making me very cranky!?

Yesterday I posted a photo of taking a nap… I took that nap in the hopes that it would cure the cranky, which it did NOT.

productive

In the Creative Dream Incubator e-course this week we’re exploring the essence of our dreams.

Getting all sorts of sweet delicious clarity about the essence of my dream (which is the heart and soul of the dream – a living energy being who can help you make your dream real) is just making me hyper aware of the gap between where I am and where I want to be.

As long as you are growing as a person you’re going to come across that gap.

Being aware of it is a good thing, it helps you bridge it.

But being aware of it is also a sucky crankifying thing because dude – I want to be there but I am here.

I’m also noticing, when I get out of that “I AM CRANKY, THIS ISN’T FAIR, DAMNIT!” energy pattern, that all of the things I am wishing for are ways of being.

I want to FEEEEEL blissfully productive.? Which I can do, if I work on my inner relationship with productivity and untangle whatever is tangled there.

I want to FEEEEEEL happy and zen about being productive.? Which I can do, if I work on my inner relationships with the inner critics and fears that are keeping me from feeling that way.

I’m super cranky about this when I am in that space of wanting things to change on the OUTSIDE.

The crankiness melts when I remember that it’s all about what is happening on the INSIDE.

I love how each time I do the Creative Dream Incubator course it brings me new gifts and helps me move into a deeper connection with my inner truth.

The path is not easy, but the gifts are worth it.

We have one rule in this session of the Incubator – You’re Not Behind, Ever.? We’re committed to honouring our unique process and doing this together, but working at our own pace.? This means it’s not too late for YOU to join us 😉

Being All Tangled Up About Selling My Art

During our last Treasure-Mapping Adventure my intuition and my dreams gave me some clear information and guidance about what to do next.? They asked me to MAKE MORE ART and I agreed that this is a good idea!

My plan was to include an inspiring image of an inspiration card every week in my weekly email, (I already do that part) and to offer these cards for sale, individually or in groups (that’s the new part).

But I keep putting off actually doing this.

As you know, inner critics are VERY good at coming up with bullshit excuses that sound like reasonable reasons.

I have a lot of reasonable reasons why I just don’t have the time or energy to do this right now.

But when I remembered how I FELT when my intuition said to make this art (like my heart had tiny sparkling wings and was flying around, fueled by glee) I was sad because I realised that I had obviously fallen victim to believing bullshit excuses and putting my dream aside.

And I remembered that this happens every time I want to start doing something new, and that the fastest way to move through it is to turn around and face the uncomfortable feelings.

So I journaled about it:

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++[from my journal]

What is up? I know I want to do this.

Is that true?

I do want it, my heart wants it, my creativity wants it, my soul wants it (it is smiling about it).

Who doesn’t want it?

Perfectionist and scared little girl who doesn’t want to get hurt or be made fun of, which hurts.

She is sure this would be opening myself up to ridicule. How dare I call this “art”? It’s stupid and a 5 year old could make it. It’s an embarrassment to my education. It really does make me look ridiculous, to take my silly stuff as serious art that I can sell. It’s like letting everyone know that I have no taste or maturity or understanding of what art really is.

I think I’m better than the quality of the art I’m making right now. I want it to be better. Better, how? Better as in? more elegant, cleaner. Less play, more technical execution.

I have technical skills that I am not using!? But the thought of doing that makes my creativity shrivel up, and now it’s no fun to even think about it so I certainly don’t want to DO it.

I like making art to make art, to play, to express myself. Yes, but I want the self I express to be “better”.? More polished.

Even though the lack of polish is an important part of what I want to say with my art – that you don’t have to do anything to be “good enough” that you’ve already earned that just by being here.? I want to encourage more true heart-felt expression and less polishing, unless polishing makes your heart happy, then it’s fantastic and perfect.

People respond to the art I make for myself.? They respond to the energy and inspiration behind it, and the spirit of it – it has nothing to do with technical execution.

What would it take for me to be comfortable with this?? And not tighten up about it, just enjoy making art and put it out there?

I could remember that I’m not forcing anyone to buy it.? That there’s nothing wrong with making the offer.

I could remember that I feel so tangled up because I am being vulnerable – I am sharing my creative expression and creative spirit. It’s ok to feel vulnerable about that.

I could let it be tangly.

Could I?? I think the problem is that because of the tangles I tense up so the art doesn’t work the same, it’s not a true creative soulful expression, it’s distorted by lack of believing in myself.

Yes, that doesn’t work. But if I can accept that vulnerability is scary, can I do this anyway?

NO it’s tangled. I can’t think my way out of the tangle. I can talk to the tangle.

OK, hello tangle.

(nothing happens)

No, this isn’t going to work on its own. I am going to bring the tangle into the Field of Creative Soul Alchemy that we work with in the Creative Dream Circle.

OK, that’s better. The tangle is relaxing in the field. Now it’s sitting on a chaise lounge, reclined and happy. The tangle likes it in the field of Creative Soul Alchemy. That is kind of interesting, since the field is something I CREATED and the tangle is about appreciating my creations.

I do like my/your creations. I want to like them more. I want to feel supported in sharing them with the world. There is no support!

What kind of support?

I like this chaise lounge. I especially like that it is lounge-y. I like lounge-y support. Relaxed. Casual.

You want me to support you in relaxing?

Well, yes.

Well, yes, of course that makes sense. Being tense got you tangly.

Tangly isn’t all bad! That’s a part of the problem – you’re upset that I’m tangled instead of letting me be tangled.

(Tangle stretches out her arms behind her head and snuggles down deeper into the chaise)

OK, you are pretty adorable. If I am ok with letting the tangle be tangled, then what do I do?

Make. Art. Anyway.

Get into the joy of it, remember how you feel once you’re REALLY into it. Art your way into that place instead of waiting to be there when you start!

MAKE BAD ART. Find your trust that you’ll come up with something, don’t try to make it be something from the start. You’re controlling the edges and shape of it too much, and not giving it enough room to breathe. Just hold the intention of creating something to share, don’t try to control it so much!

Well, but I am pretty sure I can sell cards. I don’t know if I can sell other things, so why make other things, if I am specifically making things for other people, doesn’t it make sense to make what I know they want?

Just because you don’t know what you can sell, does not mean you should be limited to what you do know you can sell, do you hear for completely ridiculous that sentence is?

You know you can’t limit yourself only to what you already know, that’s insanity and small thinking.. that is dream killing!

I know you don’t want to do that.

No, you’re right. I want to experiment and try things and in the process learn things.

It’s your approach that needs to loosen up.

(As the tangle says this, she stretches and untangles, then curls back up in the tangle and I see that it’s not knotted as tightly as I thought)

Your job is to pay attention to how you’re feeling, and stay connected.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So that was yesterday. Today I decided to share my journaling, so I’m typing it into my wordpress box.

I’ve got an inner critic screaming that this is ridiculously personal and I should not be sharing it here.

I know that I have clients who struggle with this very thing.? And if I can’t model how I work through this stuff, I can’t be effective as a mentor.

If I only show the shiny side of being on the other side of processing all of this and feeling comfortable and HAPPY about selling my art (and I know I will be there soon), well that actually hinders more than it helps others.

And if I only show my struggles after I’m successfully through them, all I’m demonstrating is a lack of faith in my own process.

I know I’ll get through this.? I’ve done it hundreds of time already.? I’ll do it hundreds of times more.

I’m reminding that voice that I know that so deeply that I can share the messiness while I’m in it.

I really wanted to end this post with an image of the art that I made and now have ready to sell.

The truth is, writing this out and getting it ready for public sharing may be the biggest step I can take with this today (I’m writing this on Sunday morning, and planning to post it on my blog Monday morning).

I’m curled up on my yellow couch, looking over at my art table which is an absolute explosion of colour and pattern and gorgeous creative chaos.

I understand where I’ve been going off the rails with what I’ve been creating.? I have my mission, to pay attention to how I’m feeling, and stay connected.

So, instead, I’ll share a photo of my creative chaos.

Creative Journaling

And a promise to write an update to this as I work through it.

Creative Journaling: Do I have To Do It Every Day?

Today’s post is a Dreamtastic Creative Journals? post.? Dreamtastic is an ongoing (free!) e-course about using your journal as a tool for transformation, healing and dream-growing.

Today’s question:

Does journaling at the same time daily work better? Is it OK to journal only a few times per week?

There are NO rules to Creative Dream Journaling.? Or, well, there is one rule: do what feels right for YOU.

Remember that Creative Dream Journaling is about being engaged in the inner process of bringing your dream to life, so the more you do it, the more helpful it’s going to be.

But, since this is an inner process – approach is everything.

If your inner drill Sargent is forcing you to do this every day, you may have a hard time finding the magic in it.

And if you’re doing it when you’re truly inspired this can be a deeply helpful and transformative process even if you aren’t making time for it every day.

If you’re having a hard time making time for your Creative Dream Journal practice, explore why.

Are you you living in your excuses about why you’re not doing it?
How can you make this more fun + inviting for you?
Where can you make your journaling practice SIMPLER so that it’s EASIER to keep up with it?

Or you can explore this in more depth.

Usually rules like this “If I don’t do this every day that means I’m not doing it right and I failed” do not come from your creative genius – they come from your inner critics disguised as your inner perfectionist.

It’s saying if you can’t do it perfectly you’re better off not doing it at all.

That’s not true.

Ten minutes of truly enjoying playing in your journal, once a month, is FAR better than holding yourself to some bullshit standard of perfection.

And here’s the magic part:

Just thinking about all of this counts as your practice.

Being in resistance to doing it counts as your practice.

It’s all a part of it.

I got the sweetest email last week, from a woman who has been receiving my emails for three months and hasn’t done anything with them.

She was feeling kind of guilty, like she should be DOING SOMETHING with this fabulous information + inspiration I was sending out.? She felt overwhelmed and like maybe she was sabotaging herself…

And then one day she sat down and this just came out:

And she said:

Today this came from within me… no planning, no reason it simply came forth and it felt amazing.? So thank you, the seeds you’ve planted are sprouting and as a keen gardener I am going to learn all I can to support this dream within me.

Those three months of resistance were a part of the process.

Those three months were important!? That was the incubation period.? That’s what it took to get to that place of spontaneous creativity and connecting with her dream.

You may need three months or two days or ten years.

Because this is inner work, we simply can’t apply outer rules to it.

So when you’re wondering how often to journal – look inside for the answer.

The Not Good Enough Monster

Yesterday we had our check-in call for the Creative Dream Breakthrough.? We got together just to share where we’re at in our breakthrough process, explore what’s happening beneath the surface and offer each other support and encouragement.

It was going really well, then the Not Good Enough Monster showed up.

Yelling about how you have to get it ~~right~~ perfect, ~~the first time~~ every time.

That you’re never doing quite good enough.

That you’re never trying quite hard enough.

That you should have done better.? You should be doing better.

We gave him some cocoa and some toys and art supplies and reminders of how exquisitely perfect and worthy we all are, and how worthiness is something we are, not something we earn.

He calmed down.

Then last night I realised that my Not Good Enough Monster has been Quietly Out Of Control.

Quiet enough that I don’t notice that he’s there.? But silently and steadily insisting that I should be handling things better.? The problem with quiet is that it’s insidious enough that I don’t fight back.

And I started to see how much the Not Good Enough Monster has been colouring my whole life.

You see, yesterday I got angry.

The truth is, getting mad, and then honouring my anger by explaining why I was angry and asking for things to change made the situation better.

But the monster insists that I should now feel guilty about being angry, and then extra-guilty about how getting angry got me what I wanted.

I should be more evolved than that.? I should be so fucking magical that things just go my way without me ever having to engage with difficult-to-engage-with people.? I should be so wise that I can navigate through impossibly frustrating situations without getting impossibly frustrated.

I should be doing better.

While we’re at it, I should be eating healthier and walking more and have better clothes and make more money and be a better friend.

So, I am giving my Not Good Enough Monster a hug.? And putting him in the back seat.

Not Good Enough Monsters just want what’s best for us.? Underneath their words, they are sweet and lovable and deserve a cookie.

But they are not our wise and sparkling selves.? They are not our Creative Genius.

They should not be driving the bus.

PS: You?re all signed up for the FREE Creative Dream Coaching Circle next Monday, right?

This is a chance to get answers to your questions, get help dissolving obstacles and to simply fill up on love, magic and creative dream superfuel.

Conversation With My Inner Critic: Not Believing In Yourself Is The Worst Feeling In The World

I wrote this on Monday, before sharing my new Creative Soul Alchemy Batter Tastings. ?I want to share it because I know a lot of people read my blog who want to be doing similar things to what I am doing, and I want to paint an honest picture of what it takes for me to be, and stay, connected to my creative genius, and be actively putting myself, and my ideas, out there.

Often we look at people who are “doing it” and assume it must be easy for her.

Which is not only not true, it puts you in the position of it’s not easy for me so I guess it’s not possible.

Which is bullshit.

And, which is why, even though it’s really uncomfortable for me to share so honestly and so publicly – it’s really the only way for me to be effective in my job of helping creatives bring their dreams to life.? So here goes:

I am tense achy sore cranky frustrated.

I lit some candles, sprayed some magic sprays, rang a bell and did a healing on the dream loft to lift the energy enough so I can breathe again. ?But I still feel 100% crappy, just down from %1000 crappy a few minutes ago.

It’s time to shift this, so I am having a Creative Soul Alchemy session with my inner critic. ??As always my inner critic speaks in?italics.

_______________________________________________________________

So here I am, ?sitting on my yoga ball, in my newly re-arranged workspace, with my two BIG tables pushed together to create a GIANT table.

Well that’s dumb. ?You re-arranged your space to do this new thing and no one’s going to buy it! ?How’s it going to feel to have to move everything back because you failed?

You know, even if no one buys new thing #1 I know lots of people are going to participate in that other thing this summer, which will require a GIANT table for GIANT art-making.

You’re such a fucking pollyanna it’s so stupid! ?This is why you get you heart broken so much, you know. ?If you would just…

Just stop hoping? ?And dreaming? ?I can’t do that. ?I AM GOING TO BE ME. ?That is final.

I know, and it’s terrifying.

Can you tell me what is scary right now?

No one is going to want your new thing.

I understand that you think that, and that’s cool. ?But why is it SUCH a big problem? ?I don’t remember feeling this scared or stressed out in a long time. ?I’m not sure why this particular thing is so scary.

Because the price is wrong.

The price is not wrong. ?I think you know that.

You’re right. ?The price is not wrong. ?But no one will pay this price for this product/service.

It’s cool that you think that, I’m still confused about why it’s such a huge problem. ?You don’t think anyone will buy anything. ?And this is just a batter tasting, to see how it goes. ?If no one buys then I know it doesn’t work as a thing-to-sell and I move on.

This is awful because the price has to be even higher for the real thing than for the batter tasting, to be sustainable. ?And no one pays that much money for art! ?And your Creative Soul Alchemy cards are life-alteringly gorgeous, like on a SOUL LEVEL. ?Like, Creative Soul Alchemy is what they actually are! ?This is needed! ?And it’s going to fail! ?I’m not sad for you as much as I am sad for the world that it’s going to miss out on this. ?Also kind of sad for you but I know you’ll still make the cards for yourself so that’s good.

So there are 2 things there:

the idea that no one pays for art
immense immense love for the cards

Let’s start with #2.

I didn’t?realise?how much love you have for the cards! ?I?appreciate?that so much! ?Suddenly I feel less tense and stressed out. ?I feel grateful for everything that has happend in my life, that brought me here to this idea and feeling ready to bring this idea to life.

But it’s not ready, that’s the thing.

So what would it take for it to be ready?

That’s impossible.

And that’s how we know that you are believing a lie. ?Nothing is impossible, there is always a way. ?I think we should address that thing that is sitting just beneath this conversation: the idea that people don’t buy art. ?You understand that this is absurd, right?

Let me explain. ?I know people buy art. ?And for millions, not hundreds. ?Or at least thousands. ?But the kind of people who want your art don’t buy art.

You can hear how ludicrous that is, right? ?Let’s think back to the love you have for this project. ?Let that love be a bubble of sparkles. ?Take the idea that no one wants to pay for this thing and put it in the bubble. ?What happens?

The idea that no one wants to pay for this thing shows up as a dusty deck of cards that no one wanted. ?When I put it into the bubble the dust goes away (because of all the glitter) and it turns out the bubble is full of tiny people who run over, like RUN over to take the cards. ?Then they hug the cards and you can see tiny red hearts coming out of them. ?They love the cards. ?They get it.

Yes. ?There’s the shift. ?So what is true now?

There there are people who will love the cards. ?There are people who will get it, see the value in it, and be so so so so SO thrilled to get their own custom made deck of magic.

I only have space for 8 batter tasters. ?And if that goes as I hope it will and I start to do this regularly, there is still a very limited about of these that I am going to be able to create each month. ?If you take that number, and compare it to the number of people in the world – how likely is it that there are enough people out there that will want it?

Very. ?It’s just a matter of finding them.

Right. And we can work on that part.

Right.

So I feel better, do you feel better?

Yes. ?I can’t wait!

So let’s do a blessing for all the people that the Creative Soul Alchemy cards are for.

OK.

{do blessing together}

_______________________________________________________________

And there it is. ?I feel ready to put this thing out tomorrow. (which is now yesterday)

That conversation is only the last in a long line of conversations and healing sessions I do with my inner critic(s).

I say that to make it very very clear for you: feeling like you can’t do something doesn’t mean you can’t do it. ?It just means you have to work on the inner stuff first.

PS: Creative Soul Alchemy Card Batter Tastings are available here.

Your Inner Critic Just Wants to Keep You Safe

I am sharing a photo on my blog every day for the month of August, as a part of Susannah Conway?s August Break.

I saw this pink hard hat at the costume store and knew I had to have it.? I have an inner critic who likes to collect safety gear.