In December 2013 I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.

At this point though, the Circle is steadily growing and I’m not interested in the numbers. I’ve been more interested in exploring how to grow my capacity serve dreamers in bringing their dreams to life. And I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

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Yesterday I wrote about how JOY is a SUPERPOWER.

This is really the sweet spot for me – using what I teach to stretch and grow in new ways.? I am committed to my Circle member’s growth and so I need to be even more committed to my own growth.? If I’m not walking my talk my energy containers don’t work and the magic dries up.? That’s not an option for me.

So in last week’s update I was delighted to find that I already have what I really want, which is 1-2 new members in the Circle most days.? I do want to just marinate in the magic of that, but at the same time the universe is always expanding and we are a part of the universe so if we attempt to stop expanding it gets uncomfortable.? So I want to be fully present in the delight of being where I am while looking forward at what I am growing into next.

I’m going to use the Creative Dream Check-In Journal Prompts from last week for my update.

What happened in the last week?

I’ve been exceptionally happy thanks to my Love Your Life Project, as I prepare for the Love Your Life Creative Journal class.

And I remembered how quickly I grow into things and become comfortable with them.

Two weeks ago I got my bike (!) and everything was new.? I didn’t really know how to lock it.? I didn’t know where to find the best bike paths.? I wasn’t sure about riding in traffic.? I didn’t know how far I can ride – what if I get too tired to make it back home?? I didn’t know that if I rode in the rain while wearing my brand new jacket I just made, that I’d get home with a stripe of rain and gravel up my back.? I didn’t know how to install fenders or a basket.? I didn’t know what to do when I got my first flat.

And now: I know all of those things.? Holy crap!? I’m surprised at how quickly I’ve acclimated to being a cyclist but really – this is what happens when you do something every day and ask questions about the parts you don’t know about.

So I’m thinking about that, and about welcoming 1-2 new members into the Circle every day.? I’m going to acclimate to this and want to increase the flow.

2-3 sounds ok.? 3-4 sounds ok.? 4-5 makes me take a deep breath.? I’m probably not ready for 4-5? new members every single day.

Some quick math shows that 5 per day gets me to well over 1,000 by the end of this year, which is more than what I want.? So no wonder that feels uncomfortable.

It’s not that 4-5 people in a day is too much, when I’m running a class I can get 10 or more in a day.? And I like that!? It’s that 4-5 new people every single day, day after day, feels like too much, energy wise.? It’s too much continual shifting for me to be able to hold the container sturdy and steady.

More math shows that 3 new people a day, from now until the end of the year, would get me to 800.? And 3 is only 1 more than 2 so that’s really not much of a stretch and it feels perfectly comfortable.

Isn’t that funny?? Letting go of the goal brought me closer to the goal.

Last week’s update was all about surrender.? I was feeling so happy about where I am, and letting go of reaching for 800 felt like a relief.?? Now it feels like the 800 are flowing to me with ease and delight!

STICKING WITH IT IS THE BEST.? So much magic happens if you just don’t give up!? Last week I felt like I wanted to let go of my goal but I didn’t stop being in the process – that’s the important part, staying in the process.

Next question: How do I feel about this?

Pretty fucking great!

Except… except something feels kind of off about what I just wrote, the part about how “It’s too much continual shifting for me to be able to hold the container sturdy and steady.”

I do believe I am lying to myself!

Telling the whole truth about how you feel feels different than telling yourself stories that come from your limiting beliefs and fears and doubts and inner critics.

But those stories are so familiar it is SO EASY to go along with them.? Oh yes – I am easily overwhelmed and must hold back on my dreams in order to be safe.

Yes, that’s a lie.? I do know that safety is not created by holding back or playing small.? That kind of safety is an illusion your inner critic tries to fool you into.

So, it’s not true that 4-5 new people in the Circle every day is too much for me.? What does that mean?

When I feel into this story, I can see that its roots are being nourished by my inner critic – desperately trying to hold me back so I can have what it thinks is safe.

So I take this whole scenario and put it into a bubble of love.

And my inner critic puts down her gardening tools and lies down to take a nap.? The gardening tools sparkle and disappear.? The roots shrink up, the story breaks down.? This story can’t live in a bubble of love because it’s not true or loving.

All that remains is the kernel of truth: my inner critic is a worry-wart and she would worry less if I was playing small so she’s always going to encourage me to be smaller because she doesn’t like worrying, even though she is basically an Olympic gold winner at worrying.

And I am left with the truth: Right now I’d prefer 1-3 new members each day.? I don’t need to make up a story about why this is better than 4-5 new members, I can simply love my preference.

This is what I want and I get to have it! I don’t have to have a reason!

Next question: What do I need now?

As I said, I am ridiculously happy thanks to my Love Your Life Project, as I prepare for the Love Your Life Creative Journal class.? It feels like things are flowing.? I need continued permission to relax and enjoy the process.

What does my dream need now?

Well this is interesting.? Last week I shared this:

My dream is a sparkling stream running through a forest.? It?s happy and bubbling.? But it?s got this one boulder it would like to be removed.? Hmmm. What is the boulder?? (that part I?m just going to share in my update inside the Circle)

I’m still exploring that boulder.? What I’ve learned so far is that I don’t need to remove it from the stream.? I just need to move it to somewhere where it would be more useful.? I’m not sure if this means putting it into deeper water, or using it as a stepping stone.? Trusting the complete answer to come in time, but some really helpful ideas have come to me as I’ve been exploring so far.

Taking all of this into account, my next mission is:

Keep doing what I’ve been doing!

And keep exploring this stream/boulder thing to learn more about what this emerging story wants to tell me.

I’d like to have a stream of MIRACULOUS PRODUCTIVITY happen so I can get my stuff done quick and make some time to explore a new idea that came to me this week, about doing some small group coaching program, working only with teachers/coaches/healers/helper-peoples to strengthen their superpowers and help them help more people.

We’ll see what happens there.