Update 23: Working Through a Big Fear

I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.

(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, it?s less about the numbers and more about growing my capacity to serve dreamers everywhere in bringing their dreams to life.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

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working through a big fear

Last week I shared how I couldn’t share last week’s update here, that my dream and I were feeling too exposed and needed a smaller, more sheltered space. So I posted it inside the Creative Dream Circle instead.

And OMG! When Circle members joined me in sharing updates last week it was amazing! I want to keep doing that and inviting them to join me in the weekly updates, which is such a helpful habit to have when you’re in the process of bringing a dream to life.

So, me feeling awkward and unsure about how to share the update last week ended up creating this beautiful new thing in the Circle. I love that.

From now on I’m going to write the updates for inside the Circle. Then I can edit my updates as much as I need to, before posting them here on my blog. Some weeks I may edit nothing, some weeks I may edit everything or re-write things or whatever feels right.

This creates a new container of safety for me as I grow my dream.

In my many travels to Portland, Oregon I was really struck by how BIG the trees are, much bigger than trees in Winnipeg, Canada. It being so rainy and damp, those trees must have some happy root systems.

Imagine taking one of those tress into the desert and planting it in the sand with no rainy dampness.

It would be too big, too heavy. It would fall over because the sand couldn’t support the roots so the roots couldn’t support the tree.

It’s like that with dreams and safety. Dreams need to be planted in safe ground in order to be stable enough to support big growth. And each dream needs it’s own kind of safety, so you have to learn about what your unique dream needs.

Sometimes I forget that every time I want to take my dreams to the next level, I need to re-adjust my safety levels (among other things).

This week got off to a really rough start.

On Monday my fears and inner critics totally took over. I completely believed that I CAN’T do this, that I don’t have the capacity. I’m too sensitive. Underneath that fear was a lot of sadness and pain about doing it all on my own and not feeling big/strong/brave enough.

The fear was not that I won’t reach my goal, the fear is that I’ll be totally burnt out and overwhelmed. Like I am small and this dream is big and the demands of my growing business will crush me. I felt completely helpless.

Once I journaled about it and cried about it and took a hot aromatherapy bath, I could see that this is good because this means I found the edge of my capacity. Last week when I felt uncomfortable about sharing my update on my blog, that was about capacity, about wanting to shrink in a bit and stop feeling so exposed. But I felt confused and foggy about it.

Even though facing your feelings isn’t fun, it’s always easier to shift something that you are clear on. Which means shining a light into the fog to figure out what is REALLY going on.

So that’s what I did in Monday, I found the me who believes that she’ll get totally burnt out and overwhelmed, and is terrified about it. Then I took her into the Un-Sticking Station in the Creative Dream Circle and spent a LOT of time with her there, learning more about where she lives and what she needs, which is safety.

As I filled her world with safety, her world changed.

She had been living inside this old castle. Well, not a castle exactly. It’s like it was supposed to be a castle, but really it was this tiny space, with tall tall tall tall grey stone walls, but grass as the floor and sky as the ceiling. She couldn’t see out because of the walls, which she thought she needed for safety. But really they were just limiting her possibilities.

As I filled her energy body with safety a window opened up and she could see all the cool stuff happening out in the meadow outside the wall. Then we discovered the miracle of how much support there is for her out there and how safe it really is to step into a bigger dream – how actually it’s safer than staying in the smaller dream.

And with that done, the walls were gone and she had this amazing new world to play in.

And suddenly everything seemed easy and obvious.

I set up my business to be primarily a coaching practice, with regular classes. Classes having 50 people maximum and coaching happening with 1 person at a time. I had systems that supported this.

Suddenly I saw how creating the Circle and lowering the price of everything and having more people and offering less one-on-one support changed my business model. So of course my systems need to change with it!

After spending so much time crying about not having the capacity to do this, I actually laughed about how simple it would be to solve the capacity problem by switching to new systems which will support growth and actually make everything better for EVERYONE as more people join the circle.

And there are LOTS of delightful options for right-fit systems I can use as my business grows.

But I couldn’t see that before because of this part of me hiding behind that giant stone wall.

Figuring this out makes the path in front of me feel smooth and clear and sunny.

So that feels good.? And I am excited about moving forward and switching some of my systems.


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