Once in a while I think… I should check in with this “year long resistance project” I am doing, and then I feel a LOT of resistance to that idea, so I don’t.

The start of this project was amazing, the commitment and determination I felt was so energizing. That energy helped me explore more deeply and come up with really good little changes to make (little as in DO-ABLE) that made a huge difference.

I am nowhere near as resistant now, as I in January.

And, I am still going through a divorce. Now I understand why it’s called “going through” a divorce. It’s a lot to go through, and a lot of it has nothing to do with the relationship, it’s just a big life change. So some days I am going through as in struggling to get through and some days I am going through as in moving along the path.

And it’s all connected.

My sensitivities. The ways I get overwhelmed. The ways I respond when I am overwhelmed.

I’m starting to feel like I’ve been in a nervous system freeze response since the start of the pandemic, and I am coming out of if now.

So, some of my resistance is nervous system overwhelm. Which needs rest and restoration.

And some of it is my own fears and self doubt trying to stop me. Which needs presence, focus, intention, healing, and ACTION.

Life is so complicated. Our creative dreams ask us to be more alive, more engaged with all parts of our lives and this just makes a complicated thing more complicated.

AND more meaningful and fulfilling and joyful.

AND… am I writing all of this to avoid actually looking at my resistance? lol

Thinking about resistance is kind of like thinking AROUND resistance and the only way out is THROUGH.

So, resistance, let’s talk.

Resistance shows up as a snake.

Slippery, hard to hold onto (and ewww I don’t actually want to hold onto it) and changes it’s skin continually.

I spread a blanket out on the ground, and put out a picnic.

Let’s talk.

The snake is enjoying a cup of tea and a cookie. But it’s skin keeps changing, I can’t tell what it is.

I’m not one thing.

Sometimes I protect you. Sometimes I hold you back. Don’t try to understand me, focus on knowing your relationship with me.

So…

Be more still.

Really listen to myself.

HOW DOES IT FEEL?

Does it feel like I need to rest?

Does it feel like I need to do the thing I am resisting?

Does it feel like I need to do something else?

There are so many layers to our feelings.

So many ways our conditioned patterns pop up and interfere with us knowing our truth. And then whole new layers of conditioned patterns pop up and interfere with us acting on our truth, once we finally know it.

This is a work in progress.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I do a New Moon Intention Setting Call every month, which is open to all Dream Book members. There is also the New Moon Intention Setting Ritual Kit for people who are not in the membership.

When it comes to my new moon intention setting, some months I know exactly what I want to do next, and some months I have no clue.

But I DO IT every month. And in the process of reflection and meditation - it feels like the right intention finds me.

Our last new moon intention setting call was on April 5 (I try to do these a few days before the new moon so that people have a chance to use the replay before or on the new moon)

I just looked through my journal and… ever since that day I’ve been drowning in the opposite of my intention.

This is how it works sometimes.

I’m not failing.

Sometimes life just lifes.

Sometimes, more often actually, setting an intention clears the way for us to see what needs to change in order to have the thing we want.

And that can get really ugly.

Which is where I am right now.

And I’ve been here so many times I am not un-nerved by it. I was relieved to open my journal this morning, revisit my new moon intention journaling, and notice how I had the exact opposite of it.

Oh, ok, so THIS IS THE WORK.

I mean I tell this to people every day, and it’s still humbling each time I see it for myself. This is the work.

Most “next steps” in outer work, most changes we want to see in our lives, require “next steps” in inner work, to go deeper.

This is NOT because we are fucked up and need to change to be good enough to have our dreams!!! Because we are deeply and significantly impacted by the culture we grow up in, and our culture is a flaming trash bin. White supremacy, the patriarchy, colonialist capitalism - these systems are bad for all living things and they’ve impacted us all.

So, in these times, you need to get MORE curious about where you hold back from the things you want, you need to be MORE compassionate with the parts of you who don’t believe in you or your dreams.

You are not wrong for the places where you hold back.

You are not wrong for HAVING inner work to do, to get to where you want to be.

This is where I am today. Noticing how the inner work just got more clear.

The prompt I am working with:

How can I support ALL PARTS OF ME in being ready to do this thing I want to do?

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I’ve been showing up for my Creative Dream Practice, doing the alchemy processes, working with my dream… but not in the actual book that I had made for Dream Book.

Sometimes this happens.

Sometimes it’s resistance - because having it all ORGANIZED in the way we do in Dream Book gives you a sense of clarity and direction that can be scary at times.

Sometimes it’s not resistance, you’re just in a place on the path that’s less linear and structured.

Anyway, I opened up my Dream Book and it made sense - I could see why I hadn’t opened it in a while.

In the fall I had made pages for my new dreams, for the liminal space I figured I would be in for a while. Space for healing and self care and adjusting to the shock of my husband leaving. Dreams of giving myself the fall and winter to be in a cocoon of healing, and emerging in the spring ready to create my new life.

Not that I wanted to dictate the timing of my healing process, I wasn’t going to force myself out of the cocoon on any particular date - it’s just that’s how it felt to me at the time.

And now here I am, emerging from the cocoon. I mean, kind of.  I'm feeling inspired and motivated. I know so much more about what I want my new life to look like.

So here am - opening my Dream Book to get myself organized.

That doesn’t mean these past months I have been “off track” or anything.

I was just in a non-linear part of the path.

It’s ALL a part of it.

Even the times when you're just 100% IN RESISTANCE and not showing up - that's a part of it too. There is so much to wrestle with, and so many ways to work with our dreams.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I am capable of more than I know.

This is one of those mantras that has usually been true.

AND

Some of the times when I have MOST felt it are the times when I was actually the LEAST capable.

Like, there is a delusion that can set in and it can help us overcome a lot of shit.

Like "Oh I'll just put my art on Instagram and it will sell immediately!" and we use that courage to take a bunch of super brave steps.... and in the process we begin the journey of learning JUST HOW MUCH we have to do to actually sell the art.

It can feel like you've been defeated but actually, that courage and confidence helped get you to a place where you see how much you have to learn, which IS what will get you to a place of being able to do the thing.

So, I take some hope then, in the fact that I'm not sure how capable I feel right now.

And this mantra feels like a balm, reminding me of my truth.

We are always capable of our creative dreams. Our creative dreams CHOOSE us for a reason.

We won't always FEEL capable.

Learning to show up consistently. Having ways of working with your dream that work for where you're at (ie Dream Book!!). Making Creative Dreaming a HABIT. This all really helps us move through the feeling-less-capable times.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I am ready for my breakthrough.

It’s a little spooky how these mantras have been so RIGHT ON for me lately. Either bringing me the lessons/awareness I need, or just being the exact vibe I am already in.

I am ready for my breakthrough.

I feel like I HAD the breakthrough, but I am in this space of adjusting to it, and the adjustment feels HUGE.

I am ready for my breakthrough. This feels like a bit of a balm for the parts of me who are like “Am I though?”

The breakthrough is around how I want to describe Dream Book… and actually going back to my decision to re-name the membership to Dream Book and making a different decision.

It’s like how a few years ago I moved my bedroom downstairs and put my workspace upstairs. The upstairs loft is my favourite part of my condo and it felt so good to give that space to my creativity.

Until it started to feel URGENT that I give that space back to my bedroom. And it was this huge annoying job to actually move everything, but I did it. But now that it’s done it’s like WHOA. I needed this so much.

This doesn’t negate how right it felt to move my workspace upstairs when I did it.

We’re alive and changing and we get to keep making new choices.

So, I am making the choice to re-name the membership. Which doesn’t change anything about what’s happening inside - other than I also want to add Friday afternoon coaching calls.

It changes the sales page. It changes how I talk about it.

Which has always been the hardest part of my work for me. And over the years I have hired people to do this work FOR me, I’ve hired coaches and mentors to do it WITH me, and now I feel SO sure that I know the right way to do this. It feels so right.

AND

It’s just a big step.

So… I am READY for my breakthrough. I am ready to DO THE WORK of acting on it. I have been doing the work, and it’s FUCKING HARD so repeating the mantra I am ready for my breakthrough is really helping.

Because it feels true. This is hard AND I am ready to do it.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I am excited about what comes next.

Oh wow this one LANDS.

Divorce is an upheaval that has me re-thinking… everything. While also sending me deeper into the roots of my emotional reactions.

And it’s birthed TWO WHOLE NEW DREAMS so far!

One I already shared - getting an RV or camper or something and creating a tiny home-on-wheels and going on adventures with my cat Bear. This one needs planing, preparation, and money and I am working towards it slowly, savouring the process of dreaming about it.

The other one is brand new - I want to start making lino cut block prints. I did this in university and LOVED IT and always wanted to come back to it, but… life lifed. And it’s a lot to get into a whole new thing.

But recently the pieces all came together… I am making some new clothes for spring and bought solid coloured fabrics with the idea to get simple stamps to make patterns on them. Once I saw what is out there for block printing (I did this almost 30 years ago so the landscape has changed!) I got SO inspired. And then I remembered how it felt to hold those tools in my hands and carve out my drawings and it felt like coming home to a part of me that has been lost.

And then the idea just expanded and expanded.

I dug around in my “journals I bought and haven’t started yet drawer” and found a sketchbook and I am starting to sketch my ideas and getting ready to go ABSOLUTELY BONKERS with lino block printing. I am imagining eventually re-arranging the loft - again - to make space for a huge block printing table.

It’s making me feel SO ALIVE. SO EXCITED ABOUT MY FUTURE.

But AS ALWAYS, it’s our actual reactions to the mantras that matter. And we can react differently to the same mantra each time we use it! Each of those reactions can teach us something.

But I have had SO MANY FUCKING LESSONS coming at me lately, and it’s really nice to just sit here and FEEL EXCITED. This is healing, too.

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.