It was a Sunday afternoon and I was lying on my floor doing a puzzle.

Floor puzzling is a little awkward but I like lying on the floor. I keep the puzzle on a big piece of rigid insulation, and I can slide the whole thing under my bed when I’m done so it’s not in the way. Having a puzzle ready to slide out from under my bed is a little thing that brings me JOY.

My brain was all… shouldn’t you be doing something more useful?

And I thought… what’s more useful than doing what I want to be doing?

My brain felt like…. but you could be doing something that moves you forward? Like, get yourself set up for tomorrow, so you can move towards your goals?

But what goal is more important than literally doing what I want to be doing in this moment?

My brain would not let up… but where is this getting you?

It’s getting me to… exactly where I want to be! Literally! I am doing exactly what I want to do in this moment. There is nothing more.

I’ve noticed lately a new level of brain buzz like this, just buzzing away all the time.

I could also call it anxiety, which has been a really difficult perimenopause symptom for me. It’s so awkward to be in midlife and have your brain change how it works and not know how to deal with it.

AND

Is anxiety really what it is?

Or am I actually hearing myself in ways I didn’t used to? Am I becoming more aware of some of my previously unconscious inner dialogue? Was the brain always buzzing exactly like this and is it just that my awareness has grown?

Because that is how it feels. Like this brain buzz was so deep underground that it could control my behaviour without me even knowing it.

And now that  I am able to hear it clearly  - I can choose to not let it make decisions. Sometimes.

BUT

This means I need to move more slowly. To stop and listen to my own thoughts, and notice how they feel in my body and listen more deeply to… what do I really want? There are so many layers.

Because there is a part of me who just wants to work hard and earn… something. Approval. Worthiness. Acceptance. Security. I’ve done so much exploring of that in the last few years (When I did the Slow the fuck down! BE as powerful, creative + magnetic as you ARE classes) and there is still so much to explore.

There is also a part of me who loves taking action on behalf of the future I want to create.

Where and how these two parts intersect is so multilayered and complicated.

This is starting to feel like a fascinating part of mid-life. Shifting gears and priorities.

Except I am in that difficult part of midlife where I don’t actually know what the new priorities are.

Which is so weird.

I love what I am doing. I’m not sure about some of the admin and strategic parts of running an online business while the world is the way it currently is. But I love what I am doing.

I love where I live.

I love my little routines and hobbies.

And I am starting to think… just actively loving all these things I love and enjoying all the things I enjoy… what if this is enough?

What if it’s just a brain buzz that has me thinking that my “next phase” needs to be anything more than that?

I’ve been thinking this “going through a divorce and figuring out my new life” was going to lead to… something big and tangible. Honestly - something that would make pain of the divorce seem worthwhile.

Which - wow - now that I say that out loud to myself…

That’s a lot of pressure to put on myself for no reason at all, other than letting my ego be able to say “Oh that didn’t destroy me, I am much better off now”.

Wow, sitting with this and the layers of feelings it brings up…

Loving and enjoying my life feels like such a beautiful dream AND project - like in the outer work what kinds of things can I do help me love and enjoy my life more?

(I have recently started to feel ready to actually START some of the painting projects I had for around the house - I am excited to get more colour in here… but I have not felt ready for the physical act of painting. In the last few days I have started thinking about getting ready to do that this fall. So maybe this is a step towards that.)

I have shared a few times on group calls recently how right after my husband left me I felt a strong need to FIND NEW DREAMS. I felt like my future fell apart right in front of me and I needed something new to hold onto.

And over the last 2 years I have relaxed about that, and been more open to giving myself space to figure out what I want next and this is the next step with that… noticing where I am putting this pressure on my new life.

One of our members recently used the term cataclysmically subtle to describe things that are happening in her Dream Work practice.  

That’s is exactly how this feels.

(cataclysmic in a good way: as in creating huge sudden change that makes more space for your dreams)

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

Three Journal Prompts for when things are moving too slow:

What happens when you accept yourself where you are and the pace you are moving in?

… And, at the same time, accept the dreams you have for where you wish you were? 

What happens when you try to hold all of it together?

I know. I hate these questions. AND. They are the absolute best journal prompts for when things are moving too slow.

There are things I want to be doing.

I HAD started making good process on creative projects and was feeling amazing.

Now, everything is moving at a snail's pace and it is PISSING ME OFF!

So I am trying to gather up the patience to sit with the stucks. (Using the Un-Sticking Station practice from the membership)

And I am working through the stucks much more slowly than I ever have.

Maybe it’s the state of the world, or that I am in the final stages of getting a divorce or maybe I'm just 51 and this is what happens.... or something else.

And I think I tend move through the stucks slower so I can really notice what’s happening, understand it more deeply, and be able to share what I learn there to help guide others through their stucks. That's a part of my work, and something that just happens naturally, I am not TRYING to slow down and really notice every shitty thing about being stuck!

Accepting that I am stuck is NOT easy.

It’s more natural to be frustrated with the stuck.

But I do know that being frustrated doesn’t tend to solve anything so I am practicing acceptance.

And in the times when I can accept it, new possibilities spring up around… there may be entirely different ways to DO THE THING than what I can see when I am moving more quickly or lost in frustration about not being able to move quickly.

Slowing down may actually help me get there faster which I know is not uncommon when it comes to our creative dreams AND I have a hard time trusting it.

When things are moving too slow, trying to find the way to speed them up as fast as possible will generally make everything worse.

There's the solution you can see out of frustration and resistance to slowing down....

And then there's the solution you can see when you are still and quiet and really listening to yourself.

It's worth the time it takes to find that second one.

You need to stop judging things for being "too slow" before you can speed them up.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

On Fridays I do these "Dream Status Report" prompts to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path.

There are journaling sheets for doing this! These are available for everyone, not just membership members. Download them here.

This week was a roller coaster.

I sat down feeling like "Oh I'm in such a good place I don't even need to do this this week" but when I DID do it anyway...I learned something really good.

Actually I am in such a good place partly because I was in such a bad place for part of this week.

Making space for my "unusually high levels" of anxiety helped me get to a better place. And helped me see - oh there is nothing unusual or wrong about the amount of anxiety I feel about the state of the world. And it's not all anxiety, there is so much grief and rage and sadness.

So, I learned, AGAIN, that being where I am and making space for my actual feelings and validating my actual feelings helps me get closer to where I want to be.

My dream is so thrilled and grateful for the creative steps I've been taking in the "BEING the artist that I AM project". And for all of the sewing I am doing - it's saying that ALL creativity is really important and helping move me in the right direction.

I think I do the thing that everyone does - I discount the things that come easy for me. My dream is reminding me that they really matter. NO act of creativity is wasted.

So my focus for next week is: make more space for creativity in all ways.

(This includes painting random colours when I feel upset because that's another thing I learned this week, painting random colours when I am upset is SOOTHING)

Co-Dreaming/Co-Working call is today! I hope to see you there!

We'll start with a short meditation for connecting with the soul of your dream (like the Dream Lab) and then have time for whatever you want to do - planning next week, working on your projects, sharing your updates, talking about something that is stuck with your dreams or just hanging out in the magic of the group.

Call details are here. Replay will be there a few hours after we're done today.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

Our dreams are not about trying to grab our piece of the pie before someone else gets it.

But we don't dream in a vacuum and we dream in the world as it is.... and dominant culture absolutely wants us operating out of fear of not getting our piece of the pie.

But we could live differently and our dreams do show us the way there.

Since A Better World is Possible: Showing Up For The Future You Want To Create (get the replay here) there has been a real shift in how I see this.

Over and over, as we talked through our complicated layers of feelings about everything that is happening and everything that we want to have happen... we kept coming to this place where what we wanted for ourselves, we want for everyone.

This is who we actually are.

But we can easily get stuck in fear and not focus on that.

And with the state of the world as it is, of course we get stuck in fear and trauma.

And during that call we did made space to just... be with it. To share our layers of complicated feelings about everything and witness other people's layers and see how we're all in this together in our own way.

And when we do that it becomes so much more obvious that what we want for ourselves, we want for everyone.

And so our dreams aren't about competition. There is no race or pressure.

There is creativity. And deep listening. And space making. And love. And believing our values about what is right and wrong.

Our creative dreams really can show us how a better world is possible. In so many ways.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

This is something I have been reminding myself A LOT in my practice.

My dreams are coming into sharper focus. I feel like I am dreaming bigger again after a long season of... healing, reflecting, listening, nourishing... filling the well.

So now that I am starting to set my sights on some goals I keep noticing that I am starting to PRESSURE MYSELF TO MOVE FASTER.

MAKE THIS ALL HAPPEN. TODAY! OR AT LEAST THIS WEEK.

But one thing I have learned from this period of healing and growth is...

When I trust my dreams I don’t put pressure on them

When I trust myself I don’t put pressure on me.

I CAN TRUSTH MY DREAMS.

I CAN TRUST MYSELF.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

The other day I did the 10 minute Dream Lab alchemy meditation.

After the beginning part where I was filled with creativity, light and knowing - I could NOT stay focused on the meditation.

My mind kept drifting off to this new idea I have been exploring about a program to do in 2026 in the membership. I started getting really excited about what I could do with it.

Every once in a while I remembered I was in a guided meditation and that I wasn’t listening to it at all.

Then I got to the quiet part for the dream meeting and noticed how good it felt to be exploring this idea.

Creative practice is generative.

Spiritual practice is generative.

Creative Dream practice (which is both creative and spiritual practice) is generative.

You go into it with a seed of an idea and it can quickly spout into something unexpected.

I went into it to meet my “overall big dream” but this is where it took me: this project that totally supports the dream.

It’s not a failing that I didn’t follow through on the meditation like I’d planned.

It’s actually a sign… this is the thing to look at right now, these are your next steps.

There needs to be space in your practice for the generative nature of it to show up.

You make space for this by remembering that ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU DO SHOW UP.

What happens once you’re there might look really different from how you thought it would/should and sometimes that sucks.. but sometimes that can be a very good thing.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

On Fridays I do these "Dream Status Report" prompts to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path.

There are journaling sheets for doing this! These are available for everyone, not just membership members. Download them here.

Looking back on this week I am just so happy and grateful.

My dreams feel clear in a new way, I feel connected to them in a new way. Working with our dreams can't always feel this way (we have to keep showing up for the hard parts and boring parts) but DAMN I am happy to be in a place where it is this way right now!!!

I talk a lot about how your dream isn't something outside of you to chase after, it's an inner calling. It's INSIDE.

This week I experienced that in an entirely new way. Like I feel it in a new way, that I moved deeper into myself and got in touch with this dream in a new way.

I keep thinking of the word SUNK, like I sunk deeper into myself but sinking isn't the right vibe because it feels more like growing. I freaking love it.

I am learning that, all these years in to exploring my creativity and my dreams and my self... that there is still SO MUCH to discover. I can still surprise myself.

I also learned, and I really want to hold into this, that when I am in overwhelm I tend to pull back as much as possible from the world....but going out, in the right ways, is actually energizing. I've been volunteering, going to art events and protests and this is SO ENLIVENING.

It's actually a restorative practice to get out and enjoy the world!

(When I do it in the right ways, which is still to think about my needs and sensitivities.)

But since the end of my marriage almost 2 years ago, and maybe even more like since the start of the pandemic in 2020, "going out" in any way has just felt harder. Like I need a big reserve of energy to deal with the world and I just don't always have it. And it's not like I've been a shut in for the last 5 years, but I "stayed home" a lot more than I ever have in my life. And that is changing now.

And especially, to get out for art and culture and activist activities REALLY feeds my soul and increases my energy.

I am just in a really good place and going to enjoy it.

Next week the focus is to sit with all of this new clarity I found this week about how I want to BE the artist I AM - and look at what it means about my next steps.

Co-Dreaming/Co-Working call is today! I hope to see you there!

We'll start with a short meditation for connecting with the soul of your dream (like the Dream Lab) and then have time for whatever you want to do - planning next week, working on your projects, sharing your updates, talking about something that is stuck with your dreams or just hanging out in the magic of the group.

Call details are here. Replay will be there a few hours after we're done today.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

On our July New Moon call I had an intense experience that I shared on the call - that powerful future self that we call in in the alchemy meditation turned around, looked at me, and in her eyes, I was an octopus.

She was kind of disgusted by "all of my grabby tentacles" and wanted me to STOP GRABBING AT EVERYTHING.

And I had this sensation that I would sink so deep into my own life and my own process... if I wasn't "grabbing at everything".

And it was an intense sensation in my whole body. A call to let go of a whole bunch of things.

And I'm still sitting with it.

And feeling this call to go deeper into my own life.

And RESISTING THE CALL also.

And noticing all of the feelings that come up in this tug-of-war.

So I'm just sitting with all of it. Holding space for myself to go deeper into my life while also holding space for all of the resistance and discomfort in that.

Honestly, "grabbing at things" and focusing outside of me is just easier some days!

And with all of the hard stuff happening everywhere, it's no wonder we choose the easy path... sometimes. (While remembering that it doesn't actually lead to where we want to be)

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

I know lot of people will think I should paint this down to the baseboards.

I also know it’s an important spiritual practice, for artists, to not give a shit what people think of our work.

I love it like this. I feel like I have white walls, but a galaxy ripped through time and space to appear right there.

What anyone else might think is irrelevant. You can’t listen to your true creative callings AND listen to the world’s opinion of your work. You do have to choose.

A big part of my mission with the Creative Dream Incubator is to encourage you to listen to AND TRUST your creative callings.

No matter what anyone else thinks.

And I am really working on doing on myself, too.

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

Take a smaller step.

I can’t say how many times this has been my advice for people.

The big steps are usually impossible!

Small steps are the only way.

And yet I keep getting SO tripped up in my feelings about how impossible the big steps feel and how insignificant the little steps feel. It’s a big one to work with!

This year one of the things I am doing is exploring how to BE the artist that I AM. It felt important to me to do this without pressure, so I am mostly making art in sketchbooks. In December I went through my art supplies and pulled out all of the sketchbooks with empty pages and made a pile of them so fill up this year.

Plus I am making more art in my regular journals.

But, this voice inside kept saying… at some point the art needs to come out of books.

But OMG that stirs up all of the monsters. Not about making art on paper.. I have plenty of good art paper to burn through before the “Oh but good art paper is so expensive we can’t just keep buying it” monsters enter the chat… it’s about "but what comes next?"... there is only so much art I can put on my own wall, so this is, indirectly but directly enough to stir the monsters, a step towards showing and/or selling art.

Then, I was clearing out a drawer in my kitchen and found a little stacks of watercolour squares I had cut out, maybe 6”. Not perfect squares by any means. I thought.. this is a good little step! I put the squares on my table. 

Then, today, I was crabby, distracted, tired, hungry, and not getting much done.

So I turned on some music and got out my paints and just started playing.

OMG.

FREEDOM.

The big step of making art that has meaning or purpose or is being shown somewhere is TOO BIG.

This tiny step of covering these imperfect little squares with random blobs of paint is so freeing.

And who knows where it could lead?

I think we all put the cart before the horse in so many ways all the time.

I know I do. This little step today felt like putting the horse before the cart for once and then the horse turned into a unicorn who can take me anywhere.

UPDATE: I wrote this a few days ago and have been living with the partially painted squares on my desk.

The ideas are coalescing, germinating, merging together to form "super ideas".

When I first thought about about... what does it look like to BE the artist that I AM... I started with what it looks like for me. How it feels. What the routines and systems of it are. What I should DO to BE the artist that I AM.

But now, with these imperfect little squares on my desk, I am starting to to see what it LOOK LIKE outside of me and it actually feels like fireworks exploding in my chest.

More to come!

(But slowly)

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

On Fridays I do these "Dream Status Report" prompts to help me have more clarity, momentum and groundedness on my path.

There are journaling sheets for doing this! These are available for everyone, not just membership members. Download them here.

Answering these same prompts every week is magic.

This week I added a new one to how it will FEEL to have my dream: MORE ALIVE.

Which just feels so affirming of all the things I am working on - I do feel alive now, and appreciate feeling alive, and can see how this project will help me feel even more alive.

This week we had cooler temperatures (for summer) which was such a relief - I had so much more energy. I saw a friend and said "I am really living my life!!!"

This week I volunteered for an organization I used to volunteer for, and haven't had the energy to do so in a long time, so getting back to it felt great. And hanging out with other people who care about the things I care about felt so good too.

Looking back on what I did, I feel a lack of pressure.

So much of my work with my dreams this year has been re-establishing my routines and structures and figuring out... how do I take care of myself properly while showing up for my dreams? This feels so complicated in mid-life with all of the physical and mental health challenges of fluctuating hormone levels.

But this week I feel like... I am doing such a good job of supporting myself to keep showing that I really deeply trust I will keep showing up and so... no pressure. Some weeks it may feel like nothing happens and som weeks it may feel like a lot happens and it doesn't really matter how the outer outcomes and coming in, as long as I have this steadiness in how I am showing up.

My dream needs more structure.

The Dream Lab meetings this week have been pointing to it and I've been slowly learning what this means.

Again with the no pressure and newfound levels of patience. A few new moon calls ago the message I got was to remember that there are MANY STEPS on a path and to focus on the ones right in front of me because I keep looking too far ahead and tripping myself up.

It's taking a while but I feel like I am really doing that. Enjoying the tiny steps, understanding that they don't get me exactly where I want to be immediately - but I am moving towards it and I am trusting the process.

Trusting the process has felt really hard for a long time.

There was a time where my perimenopause symptoms felt debilitating and then the divorce I didn't see coming on top of that made the ground beneath me feel really uncertain.

But it's almost 2 years since my husband left and 1 year since I went on hormonal birth control (not for everyone but it makes a huge difference for me at this point) and this year I've been focusing on BEING the artist I know I AM now.

Which, when I started this in January, I knew nothing about. And now, half a year into making more space for art and just giving myself time to sink into... what do I want now... things are shifting and nothing concrete yet but I have this delicious ability to trust the process right now.

And as I've been appreciating this I've also been thinking about how we don't need to trust the process we just need to stay in it. And that we cannot always be in a place where trusting the process is even possible. But being in one of the places where that trust is accessible - I am just appreciating the heck out of it.

Co-Dreaming/Co-Working call is today!

We'll start with a short meditation for connecting with the soul of your dream (like the Dream Lab) and then have time for whatever you want to do - planning next week, working on your projects, sharing your updates, talking about something that is stuck with your dreams or just hanging out in the magic of the group.

Call details are here. Replay will be there a few hours after we're done today.

 

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!

When you feel panicked and like you need to figure this out right away, you need to TAKE ACTION right away - that’s a sign to take a breath. That is a sign to NOT figure anything or or take any action at all.

Use the I’m Too Upset To Do This meditation to sit with the sensation of urgency in your body. (or the other Un-Sticking meditations if something come out of that that needs more work)

Pressure is not a tool for creative dreaming.

(note to self)

Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership members:

Come to the forum to share your Dream Status Report or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

If you're not a member - find out more + join us here!