I’ve been really snippy lately – just?quick?to get frustrated when things don’t go right.
The holidays are a stressful time.
Most years I take great effort to avoid this and to create a really peaceful and happy end of the year – but?this year I just walked right into the madness of the holidays.
(Last year I even did a whole class on having a happy, calm and peaceful holiday season, which is now in the Creative Dream Circle?- at the beginning of the month I reminded the Circle members that it’s there if they need it but I didn’t think I needed it. ?Ha.)
I just walked downtown in the snow before sunrise – one of my treasured winter rituals which usually makes me feel so peaceful and happy.
But this morning I spent the whole walk following my negative thoughts around in sad, angry circles.
And then when I got to the coffee shop to work of course I couldn’t. ?I mean I can’t do the work I do from?that kind of headspace.
So I am asking my cranky feeling to meet with me and see if we can work this out.
Cranky feeling appears as a blue haired fairy. ?Her fairy wand is bent… actually when I look closer, she looks like she’s been on a bender.
Hey fairy, how are you doing?
How am I doing? How can anyone be expected to think with that horrible banging? ?What is that?
That’s the music in the coffee shop.
Well, yeah, but I’m sure the next song with be less bangy.
Let’s never come here again the sound system is wrong for my ears.
OK, I agree. ?But since we’re here now I’d like to be able to just get to work.
What else is bothering you?
Well everything is changing and I’m so scared. ?
The fairy bursts into tears.
Oh, I’m so sorry you’re feeling scared. ?How can I help?
[Fairy asks for something that I don’t want to share online]
Well, my intuition says yes.
But I say no!
Hmmm, can you remember some other times when my intuition said yes and you said no? ?Like when I bought the loft? ?You were terrified, remember?
And that worked out really well, right?
And then this bright light eclipses everything.
My heart softens.
I remember that I can trust my inner truth.
I look around for the fairy, she’s teeny tiny now, sitting?on the armrest of the chair. ?I pick her up and put her in the palm of my hand.
I want you to feel safe – more safe, more of the time. ?How can I do that?
I want you to be more aware of how much things are changing! You’re just?carrying on like you’re fine! ?
Well I guess I thought I was fine.
I want you to be more present with the change, so I can be fine too.
Oh, ok I see that. ?I’m sorry I haven’t been doing that for you. ?I love you, you know. ?I want to take care of you. I don’t want you to feel afraid.
Fairy sparkles for a few minutes, then flies into my heart.
Here’s what I got?from this:
Well, first – a healing. ?My heart is soft and sparkly and I’m not all cranky anymore.
But more importantly?I got a reminder that that small, scared parts of me are small and scared.
Small as in easy for me to not notice.
Scared as in really afraid of things that I think are “not a big deal”.
This is one of the ways that stuff like PMS is actually a gift – it makes those small things bigger and sharper and unavoidable.
We think we’re being crazy, getting so upset about something so insignificant.
But we’re not crazy.
The world we live in is crazy.
We do our best to cope and carry on like everything is fine, but?these?tender, vulnerable parts of us always remember that what’s happening out there in the world?is completely crazy.
And we need to tend to these tender, vulnerable parts of us so that they don’t get hard, so that we don’t get hard.
Because when we’re hard we disconnect from our inner gifts.
And when we’re disconnected from our gifts the whole world changes.
It gets harder and meaner. ?And we get harder and meaner in response. ?Or we get sad. ?Or we just shut down and get really quiet and small.
And suffice it to say, that path that doesn’t lead to your dream.
So as uncomfortable as it it so make space for the discomfort – what else are you going to do?
PS: Come back next?week – I’ll have free journaling + coloring pages for you to download.