Last week I shared a story about feeling resentful.
So later on I sat with my glowing red ember.
You can’t heal anything that you can’t be with.
And it turns out I have a long history of not being with this glowing red ember, and I don’t really know how to be with it.
So I start by asking it what it wants.
It wants space.? Space to glow red and hot.? But BIG space, and PRIVATE space, so that she can glow as red and hot as she likes and she won’t hurt anyone.
Like a cave?
Yes, like a cave.? A cave that no one can come in.
No one? Ever? I love that you don’t want to hurt anyone but I would sure love to come and visit you, if that’s ok with you.
Oh yes! I would love visitors!? I just don’t want anyone to wander into the cave not knowing that I am here, and get burned.
So many if we set up a little checkpoint to let people know you’re here, so they can be careful?
Yes, I like that.
I sit down along the walls of the cave.? The glowing red ember is glowing in the center of the cave.
Is this enough room?
Yes, I like this.? I really like having space to glow.
I kept you buried for a long time, and you didn’t have space to glow, right?
Well, I was still still glowing.? It’s just that the dirt glowed.? Here, when I have more space, the air glows.? I really like it when the air glows.
Hmmm.? A little ironic that my resentment is not resentful towards me for burying her.
Oh gosh no, I love you.? I’m here to help.
Something deep inside me shifted when I realised that, and I sat with it for a few days.
I always love when my clients feel resentful about something because resentment tends to come from deep self-care.? Resentment speaks up for you when you’re not doing the best job of speaking up for yourself.
So I was feeling resentful about how much time I put into creating my classes and how much time the new Mandala class was going to take.? Which is weird, because I LOVE creating classes and I LOVE that this is my job and I am GRATEFUL.
But, apparently, also resentful.
When I gave BOTH my love of what I’m doing and resentment towards what I’m doing space to exist and be three things became very clear:
- I am not unhappy with what I’m doing.? I’m very happy actually.
- There is this other thing I want to be doing too.
- It would be easy for me to make space to do BOTH things.? In fact, the other thing I want to do will fuel and nurture the classes, and vice versa.
The red glowing ember is glowing happily.
It just wanted me to be doing more things I could love doing.