In a meditation on one of our Co-Dreaming calls recently, I asked the soul of my dream about an invitation that had come to me and my dream showed me a closed door, with a strong “push it away” energy.
And yet I thought… well is that a clear “no” or is it just my resistance?
Which is maybe/sometimes a good question to ask.
The question I didn’t ask is “Why don’t I trust my inner wisdom?” Because I have a convoluted relationship with the kind of invitation this was and I didn’t want my unresolved feelings to get in the way of something that could be good for me.
Which is fair enough. Self awareness needs to include awareness of your own bullshit and self-sabotaging mechanisms, not necessarily to get rid of them but to understand yourself and your needs. What is going on in you, that you want to close the door to the things you actually do want? What is going on in you, that you don’t always know what you want? And what do these parts of you need? This is a part of the work of creative dreaming and the easy answer is rarely the helpful answer.
So I decided to proceed with this invitation, despite the soul of my dream offering me a closed door.
One week later, I wish I’d listened.
This invitation was about collaborating to create something that would help people. Something I would enjoy doing!
They were asking me to do a workshop for a part of an online summit... but the further we got in the process the more it was actually all about the numbers. They didn't seem to care about the quality of what I could bring to the summit (but to be fair, maybe that part would have come later?) they were focused on how many people are on my email list who will sign up for their email list in order to participate in the summit.
Which isn't something I do - I am not going to encourage you to sign up for someone else's email list when I don't know them and have no idea about their integrity or values or how they do business.
The part that really confused me is that as they were talking numbers, is that they were talking HUGE numbers.
And I was like "Why do you STILL NEED MORE if you have such huge numbers already?"
And I don't know about this particular person but this is the spell of capitalism and consumerism that most people are under! MORE is the only direction to go in.
So was it WEIRD of me to not want to move forward with an opportunity to put my work in front of LOADS of new people?
Yes… that's what most people would say.
And don’t I still need to survive in late stage capitalism, with it’s fascism and inflation making that harder by the day? Yes.
Don't I need for my work to make money? YES.
But do I need to betray my values to do it?
Fuck no.
And if that makes me weird, then good.
Last year I added a Late Stage Capitalism update to my Creative With Money program in the Creative Dream Incubator membership. One of the things we look at in there is… WHAT IS ENOUGH?
Capitalism has this MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE spell of us. New age spirituality is deeply hooked into it too with ideas of “infinite abundance”. All of our wellness and wellbeing and healing industries exist INSIDE capitalism’s spell and reinforce it’s ideologies.
(Not every person working in these fields, but the fields in general)
And so all of these things that are supposed to help heal us are just helping us cope with being cogs in the capitalist machine and/or helping us try to get as high as we can in capitalism’s pyramid schemes.
The real abundance is HAVING ENOUGH.
Which means knowing what that is for you! It's not always MORE.
The real abundance is having your WEIRDEST dreams, not necessarily your biggest dreams.
The real abundance is feeling safe to be your full authentic self, even the weird parts.
The real abundance is DEEPLY WILDLY TRUSTING YOURSELF to handle what comes and take care of yourself without betraying yourself.
Your weirdest dreams have so much to teach you.
The places where you are weird are just the places where you don't conform to who the world thinks you should be. In such a messed up world - THIS IS GOOD!!!!
When we can make more space for that weirdness, we can learn more about our selves, find more of our inner gifts and medicine, and be more powerful in our lives.
Dreaming WEIRDER is a 1 hour alchemy meditation + journaling healing circle for exploring all of this. It's happening Oct 1 in the Creative Dream Incubator Coaching Membership.
Members: Get the call details here.
Or find out more about the membership here. (You can join for just 1 month to do the WEIRD healing circle with us!)
