A conversation between:
I want To Meditate
I Don't Want To Meditate (in italics)
So, I want to meditate. Like, I really want to meditate. I want to enjoy that feeling of meditation and then also have that spaciousness in my day that comes from meditation.
I want to just check my phone.
Check it for what? You already checked it.
Check it for what's new.
Nothing is new. It's 5 am. You already checked it. This is meditation time.
I just can't. I'd rather check an already-checked phone.
Can you tell me why?
Just so I can avoid everything?
Really? How so? How does not meditating avoid everything?
It's not just meditating I want to avoid. I want to avoid everything.
Like - fuck! There's too much happening.
Well, so much of it is good stuff though. Stuff that is happening because I put it into motion because I want to do it and now you feel overwhelmed by it?
Yeah. And if I could meditate for longer, then I'd have more of that mental clarity and just, that energy I need to do these things I want to do. This "avoiding meditation" makes everything else harder so then you just end up with more things you want to avoid.
You mean avoiding is not helping?
No, definitely not.
I thought it was helping. I thought avoiding was like taking a break.
No, taking a break is taking a break. And I don't think taking a break from meditation is really what you want. What do you want to take a break from?
Well, meditation is really a perfect break from overwhelm.
So.... can we try again?
Update: yup. We did it. Meditated for 30 minutes.