It’s hard right now

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This morning I:

  • painted for 20 minutes
  • meditated for 20 minutes
  • journaled for 20 minutes
  • did my regular Dream Work practice in Dream Book

... just to feel somewhat awake and present and ready to begin my day.

It's hard right now.

When my husband moved out and I re-claimed the whole Dream Loft as my creative/dream/magical self care space, I felt this... well, it was a huge breath of fresh air. After so long NOT having the alone time or creative space I needed, suddenly I had all I could want of each.

It was freeing. Catching up on alone time after starving for it for so long was healing and rejuvenating and at first it felt like everything is possible....


Here I am now. All caught up. Grounded in this new phase of my life where my husband lives a 6 minute bike ride away.

Learning how to balance my need for alone time and creative time and peace and quiet with my wish to have a rich and nourishing marriage with this person I love - without my highly sensitive needs getting squashed. And without his very-different-from-mine needs getting squashed either.

Sitting with all of the questions that this brings up.

Not rushing to find the answers.

But REALLY EXCITED about the couples therapist I did find who I trust to be a good guide for this journey.

But the way I'm feeling right now isn't about that. I think.

It feels like the weight of the pandemic.

With the end (maybe?) in sight it's actually natural for it to NOT feel like a relief, it's actually natural for the pandemic overwhelm to get heavier. Sometimes the end being in sight just reminds us of all we've lost.

I read yesterday that overdoses are up EIGHTY SEVEN PERCENT in 2020, compared to 2019. And I think of my friend who died and how devastating that was and imagining that devastation happening to EIGHTY SEVEN PERCENT more people than usual.

I mean, not that there should ever be a usual amount. We could have a society that actually takes care of everyone. (By the way, if you are Canadian - please use this form to email your MP about universal basic income for all Canadians. My amazing MP, Leah Gazan, is making some headway with this and needs support.)

I got my first shot of the vaccine.

It feels surreal but I'm wondering - will this be any good against the new variants? Will this actually change things? Or will this summer be WORSE than last summer, if we can't socialize outside safely because of how contagious the new variants are? (I am NOT looking for answer here)

A few weeks ago a friend invited me for brunch.

We rode our bikes to Starbucks for coffee and sandwiches, then rode to a park nearby that I always forget about - garbage hill. Literally just an old dump turned into a hill. He brought fruit and yogurt and we sat on separate benches at the top of the hill and had a long talk.

I was smiling about it for days.

Telling everyone about this magical bunch we had. Because it just FELT SO GOOD to be out with a friend again.

This week I am meeting another friend for coffee. A coffee shop opened up almost right next door to me - which has been a dream come true for some time! So my friend and I are going to check it out, and bring out coffee + treats back to my place (I've got some chairs on my patio for outdoor visiting).

These little things are everything right now. And they're not enough.

That's just where we are.

It's HARD to feel hopeful that this thing is about to end.

The other thing that's helping me through is my creative dreams.

Even though, as my list above shows, it takes A LOT to get into the zone so I can connect with my dreams - once I get there it's like the weight of the pandemic is GONE.

I feel creative and free and I'm making things I love and I'm excited about sharing and everything feels so easy.

This moments don't last like they used to.

But they are worth the work it takes to get there.

We have to keep showing up for our dreams, it's the only way to create a better future.

I have a lot I want to say about this, about how our dreams are needed now more than ever as the world is in such transition. And how your dream isn't just about you and how many others it will help heal and inspire.

But I don't quite have the words yet.

I did a podcast interview earlier this week. I will share a link once it's out because it was a really great conversation with a really inspiring woman I am sure you will want to meet.

But one of the things we spoke about is how the professional (artist, writer, dreamer, anything) is different from the amateur.

The amateur waits for inspiration.

The professional shows up and gets to work.

Sometimes it's easy to get to work and sometimes it's hard.

And it's always worth it.

This is really the core of what I do in Dream Book - I give people new ways to show up and get to work on their dreams.

With support + encouragement to build a right-fit practice of showing up and getting to work.

A right-fit practice means you find PLEASURABLE and DOABLE ways to get into it and get the GENERATIVE effects of it.

It builds you up. It grows you. And it puts you in an entirely different position with your dreams.

Your dream wants to help heal you. That's what it's here for. Let it in.

It\'s hard right now

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