*I'm not accepting any advice or helpful suggestions about anything in this post 😉 I trust myself and my partner to navigate all of this.
So this is happening today.
My husband is moving out of the Dream Loft.
We're not getting a divorce or even technically separating. We're Living Apart Together - which actually is a thing with a wikipedia page and everything.
He got an apartment that's a 20 minute walk from my place, and a 15 minute walk from the kids' mom's place.
There is a lot I can say about how we got here and I don't know which parts of this story I want to share yet.
I do know this: when you know what is right for you, you have to DO IT.
Even when your kids say "this is really weird"
Even when your friends and family don't understand.
Even when this is just not what people do.
For the last few years I've been stuck.
I don't have the right space for my work.
And we don't have the right space for our home.
In 2011, I bought my dream home - an all-open 2 storey loft condo with 2 floors of floor to ceiling south facing windows (so sunny!). Upstairs looks over downstairs, so while the upstairs bedroom feels separate from everything it's not actually private.
This was perfect for my single self. It was less than ideal when I got married and my husband moved in, but we thought it was temporary and we were in the honeymoon phase so it seemed fine....
Until it wasn't.
And in the last few years we've explored a lot of options for what to do about this, and none of them felt right.
This gives us space for the healing and growth we each need to do, to create the life we want next.
AND AND - when we spend time together, we will be more engaged and present with each other. Which we have NOT been doing this all winter. All the stress of everything had each of us withdrawing into our own coping mechanisms.
As one of my friends said "Going to each other's places for sleepovers might really spice things up!"
But, of course, sometimes this feels like a breakup.
Packing, dividing up our stuff, and all the feelings coming up and the arguments they spark.
The fears we both have, and we, or the other one, will feel happier apart and not want to continue the relationship.
There are moments when following your heart does lead to scary places and this is definitely one of them!
But this feels like we're doing this big change to create a way better relationship and future for both of us.
I love where this is headed.
By giving each other space, it feels like we create better conditions for connection.
We both feel it. A lot of change and growth is coming.
And I can't wait to set up my new creative work/play space this weekend.