The thing I’m so grateful for about the divorce I didn’t ask for and how grieving is a part of dreaming [Dream Status Report]

I am siting down to do my Dream Status Report for this week to check in with myself and my dreams and what I need and what my dreams need, for the coming week.

Doing this, consistently over time, IS MAGIC.... this is where your dream becomes REALITY. This is where you stop and notice: How am I showing up? Is this working for me? What else might be needed? This is where we figure things out!! There is so much we can learn by witnessing our own process.

AND... Consistency is hard for most of us these days! So - I try to do this on Sundays, and write about it here, to remind you to also take a few minutes to check in with yourself and your dreams.

I'm really sick this weekend.

I went to the doctor this morning and have some prescriptions so this should turn around in a few days.

But I don't feel capable to do my Dream Status Report. I looked through some things I've written and found this I wrote and then wasn't sure when to share, about my favourite part of getting divorced (even though I didn't choose the divorce or even see it coming).

Which is about grief which is such a big part of living, and dreaming, right now.

And then I was thinking about me being so sick is kind of the same. I didn't choose or invite this. But here I am. So - do I want to BE WITH my life as it happens or do I want to pick and choose when I'll accept and engage with life? Which did give me some different ideas for things to do while really sick - besides watching shows and just waiting to feel better.

So here is that post:

My favourite thing that happened because of my divorce is that I totally changed how I speak to myself.

I SO OFTEN say to myself “You’re doing great girl you got this!” and “I am so freaking proud of you” and stuff like that. Like, SO OFTEN. I give myself so much love, support and encouragement all day long and I just love it.

In the wake of the divorce, I learned to partner myself in a new way.

I learned to treat myself the way I wanted to be treated, even though I thought I WAS doing that already, but in the horribleness of all the stuff that comes up in a divorce, and in the harrowing and brave work of metabolizing all of that, I saw all the places where I sacrificed myself more clearly. And I no longer tolerate that kind of behaviour from myself. It just lands different.

This is the magic of grief.

Grief is a portal and a doorway and an invitation to a kind of healing and growth that we almost never feel ready for.

Our culture teaches us to hold back our grief, to contain it and control it and get over it ASAP.

Indigenous cultures who know how to live in tune with life respect and honour grief and let it take up the space it needs. This is how we should be living.

When my ex-husband blind sighted me with the news I had a lot of feelings at once, but I remember my dominant thought was “I don’t want this to change me.”

I felt like the grief and shock and sadness and anger was so big, it was going to swallow me whole and there was no way I could come out of that the same person and I was afraid of who I would become. I didn't choose this and didn't want to step into it.

It took a while before I felt ready to trust the grieving process. But once I did. WHOA.

Giving myself over to the grieving process actually helped me receive all the things I had wanted from that marriage, in the divorce. it's WILD.

Why am I talking about divorce and how does this relate to our dreams?

Marriage is a dream. And some dreams die. And to the extent that you can allow the grieving process - they become compost for the next thing.

We don’t see a lot of that in our culture, and that’s a part of where I think my “I don’t want this to change me” thought came from. A lot of people become bitter after a divorce. When I thought “I don’t want this to change me” that’s what I was thinking of, I didn’t want to disparage a person I had once valued enough to marry. I didn’t want to become cynical. And mostly, I didn’t want to let go of the dream of what I thought I had.

But that was three years ago. These days I am amazed by everything that I let go of and how little of it had anything to do with that relationship.

I have this whole new relationship with myself that I absolutely wouldn’t have had without the divorce.

I have this whole new LIFE that I wouldn’t have had without the divorce. It doesn’t look that different from the outside but it FEELS so different to me. I have new dreams. I am settling into my post-menopausal self and so grateful for the freedom I have. I didn’t feel encumbered in my marriage, but it is PALPABLE, how much freer I feel now.

With aging parents, I know I have more Big Griefs ahead of me.

And we talk about climate grief on our calls, we’re all feeling that. There are a lot of different griefs about all the ways the world has changed.

Grieving does feel like a part of living through these times.

And we can try to stay away from the pain of it or we can dive in and trust it to change us in ways that we will appreciate in the end.

I appreciate finding, re-reading, and finally sharing this post today. It's giving me a better perspective on being sick right now.

Where are you this week? What's happening with your dreams? I'd love to hear your updates in the forum.

And please reach out when you're not sure what to do with your dreams. I want to help!

Dreaming WEIRDER 1 hour alchemy meditation + journaling healing circle was last week - Get the call details here.