My "post" pandemic, peri-menopause "I am too sensitive for this world", running-a-micro-business-in-late-stage-capitalism-while-the-climate-is-changing-in-terrifying-ways self has a harder time getting things organized than my pre-2016 self.
I did a whole therapy session last week outlining these differences, the events that happened that changed things for me, the things I learned and the ways I grew, and what I want to DO with all of this now.
I'm also feeling inspired from watching The Last Of US and thinking of all the different ways of living we can create post-collapse. Ten years ago, when I thought about the economy falling apart, I didn't know how I could contribute to re-building. I thought that all of my REAL skills, the work I do with the Creative Dream Incubator would be needed but not urgent and I might focus on making things, like sewing clothing for people out of salvaged materials.
But now I see how urgent it is that we, collectively, get better at listening to our inner truth and having the courage and capacity to live our values.
It will be the difference between dystopia and building a better world for everyone.
In 2016, in the aftermath of the election of Donald Trump, I started to learn what white supremacy really is and how it's functioning in our world today, and I pulled back from a lot of the work I was doing.
That's when I started to see it, how we needed new ways of doing things if we want a new world. I started to see how all of the training and development I put into growing my skills for this work was done from within extremely problematic ways of being. That the white supremacist, ableist, capitalist, colonialist ways of seeing the world that our culture was built on are just as present in healing circles and coaching programs as they are anywhere else. These are the invisible systems that hold up our culture and they will remain there until we learn to see them and work to tear them down.
I learned to start to see the ways my work was rooted in all of these things that I, myself, never wanted. It's like a fish not knowing what water is. We're swimming in it, and it takes work to cultivate an awareness of it.
So in 2016 I started to look for a better way to offer Creative Dream Coaching.
I still believed that getting better at LISTENING to own selves and having the tools, skills and support to be BRAVER in how we live our values is one of the things that is going to help save the world.
But some of the tools I learned for this work were about spiritual bypass even while I was consciously trying to not do that, some were about leaning unconsciously into privilege and calling it grace, many were ableist and all were appropriated, cherry-picked from other cultures and taken completely out of context.
From 2016 to 2019 I worked on finding better ways, and that culminated in the Dream Book program. Essentially, Dream Book helps you create a PRACTICE for Creative Dreaming to help you navigate the space between where you are and where you want to be.
While I've been thrilled, moved, healed and delighted to do this work every day with the people in Dream Book, I've been flailing around trying to figure out how I want the Creative Dream Incubator to show up outside of this program.
I mean, I pulled back in 2016. The internet was a different place back then. The world was a different place back then.
So diving back in to "being more visible online" has been tricky.
But, after all of this flailing, I am now feeling clear and somewhat sure about how I want to do this.
I've been writing a book. So far it's called
SHOW UP FOR YOUR CREATIVE DREAMS
CREATIVE DREAMING IS A PRACTICE
And who knows how many other names will come to me as I work on it and what name it will end up with.
It's about how we need to PRACTICE our creative dreams. Which includes practicing the healing and growth and creativity that gets us there.
And then how once we have a practice, that practice becomes a CONTAINER for healing, growth, creativity and magic.
Once we have a practice, that practices helps us access everything we need.
What I want to do is share this book as I write it.
In the past, when I would do any kind of free offering I had it all planned out in advance. I stepped into it feeling like I knew what it was and I knew what I was doing.
I want to do this different.
I want to be in the magic of it. And share as I go even though I don't know exactly WHERE I am going, I do trust the process.
When I say I've been writing a book - I mean by hand, drawing each page. It's a slow process but I am having so much fun and I can't wait to start sharing the drawings.
I'll start by sharing posts on Instagram and here on my blog. And then see where this takes us.