Update 31: Searching For Clarity

I set a big goal for my business for 2014: to welcome 800 dreamers into my Creative Dream Circle. And to do this not by getting super pushy about selling – but to do this with heart and soul and creativity and joy and LOVE.(you can read my original post about this here)

At this point though, I’m not interested in the numbers. I’ve been more interested in exploring how to grow my capacity serve dreamers in bringing their dreams to life. And now I want to explore more about how I want this all to work for me, and how I want to feel inside it.

In support of this goal, I am writing weekly updates on Fridays, for all of 2014. This is where I’ll share the story of all the ups and downs of bringing a big dream to life.

Creative Dream Update Questions Part 1:
My dream is:
I want it because:
When I have it I will feel:

Part 2 is 4 questions to ask yourself every week, plus a mission statement?
What happened in the last week?
How do I feel about this?
What do I need now?
What does my dream need now? Taking all of this into account, my next mission is:


When I started this year- long update series, I wanted to share the real, ongoing story of holding a big dream steadily over time.

Part of that real ongoing story includes the parts where I don’t want to hold the big dream anymore, I want to pick up something smaller.? I also wanted to share the truth of how some days I’m not sure what I want.

Inner critics are always trying to erode our dreams, so there’s that. But there’s also the fact that the more you work with a dream, the more it changes. The better you get to know it the more you learn about what you really want.

All this to share the truth that if you feel lost with your dreams: that’s ok.? Doesn’t mean you won’t get there.? The only way you can fail is if you give up.

My dream is: right now what I really want in relation to this dream is to feel better about how I’m putting this out there, to put it out there clearly and in a ridiculously inspiring way.

I want it because: my current lack of clarity is a TANGLE and tangles are uncomfortable. Untangling tangles makes more space inside for joy and creativity and delight.

When I have it I will feel: more aligned with my inner truth, more powerful in my life, more clear about my mission.

What happened in the last week?

A lot!? A lot is changing right now.

I did decide to increase the price of the Creative Dream Circle, though I am still working out the details of when and by how much.? I wrote recently about how honesty and integrity need to be the foundation of your work and it no longer feels in integrity to offer such a low price for so many classes.

It was a GREAT idea to do this earlier this year, to create an opportunity for people to join at a lower cost, but that this is not the right way to move forward with this.? And I can’t be doing things that feel wrong and expect that to lead me to things that feel good!

And it stopped feeling right to do the weekly free videos – though these were never a part of the Creative Dream Circle they were a part of my work schedule.

Right now I’m giving lots and lots of space in my schedule for integrating new ideas of how I want to present my work.

Marketing is how you shine your light and your message out into the world.? While I’ve gotten a million times better with this than I used to be, I still have a long way to go.? I know I don’t define clearly enough how I can help.

And this means people who like my work and have the exact problems that I can help them with are only getting tiny snippets of help from my freebies instead of joining the Circle and getting deep-down full-on transformation of their problem.

I’ve struggled with this mainly because I help people do things that they think are impossible.? So when I say I can help you ___ and you don’t believe that’s possible so you don’t really hear me.? And I get frustrated and don’t know what to do to communicate more clearly.? It’s like I’m holding up a ball of magic and offering it, and explaining what it’s like on the side that is facing me.? But over on your side, the ball of magic it looks entirely different, so there’s this disconnect.

That struggle is changing like all struggles do when you approach them with presence, love and creativity.

And right now I’m giving most of my time to exploring and integration new ways of presenting my work and my ideas.? Ways that make it clearer so that the people who are looking for help can find it more easily.? In other words, I’m clarifying my marketing message.

Anywhere where things are not crystal clear is a place that you can hide in.

Being in the murky parts and cleaning them up is deeply uncomfortable.? But it also fuels your soul in this really delicious way because the truth is you don’t need places to hide, it’s safe to be seen and shine bright.

(That is one of the theme that came up in this week’s Group Coaching Call For Healers/Teachers/Coaches/Helper-People.? How we all seem to be terrified of visibility and yet there is no evidence that it’s going to harm us.)

Another thing I’m noticing this week is about my private coaching.? As I created the Circle I started to see new possibilities for my business, to shift out of one-on-one work and shift into creating this community and offering deeply transformative classes and freeing up my schedule by not working with so many people one-on-one.

It’s true that I really really love having time freedom and not having a whole bunch of things scheduled.

But in noticing how much I value time freedom I kind of forgot how much I value doing this deeper work with people individually.? This week I’m noticing how happy I am when a new client signs up for a session, or when an old one comes back.? I’m noticing how I feel light and inspired and happy when I hang up the phone from a session.? I’m really happy to be doing this work with people.

How do I feel about this? I feel like I am definitely on the right track and I like how quickly I’m moving forward.

What do I need now? As always, self-care and daily creative-spiritual practice for time to explore and integrate how these shifts in perspective impact my inner and outer worlds.? The path to your dream us inside of you much more than it’s outside of you.? I’m learning a lot about marketing right now but if I don’t take time to really integrate and implement (in my own unique way, which can only happen after integration) what I’m learning it’s not going to help me with my dream.? So it means taking lots and lots and lots of time to think about this stuff.

What does my dream need now? I get this image that my dream is at a dance. It’s having a great time dancing and it understands that right now I need to be curled up on the floor with my journals.? This speaks to how my dream can grow larger than me. How I really can stay home, curled up with my journals, while the Circle holds space for transformation and magic for the members.

Taking all of this into account, my next mission is to: keep doing exactly what I’ve been doing. I am getting some really great help with my marketing, I’m making great progress on clarifying my story and my message and will be making my way through re-writing most of my website.

This also means is lots of bike rides and journaling as I give myself space to settle into new ways of seeing things.

I don’t know where to put this part, so I am putting it here:

I wrote this update, and then was kind of cranky about it.? I was going to get it ready to put in the Creative Dream Circle and didn’t do it because I felt cranky, so instead I made some art.

And then it dawned on me: this isn’t my “big dream” anymore.

It’s something I want, it feels like a business goal that I will meet – maybe not this year but as long as I keep working/playing at it I’ll get there.? It feels like I have all the pieces now.

I feel happy about this, it just doesn’t feel like a dream (a dream being something that I desire desire desire and feel all lit up about and how when I have it I’ll be more ME).? Mostly – I’m not super excited to keep talking about it.

I LOVE AND ADORE everything that happens INSIDE the Circle.? That is an absolute dream come true and I feel so grateful for it and so happy to do the work of supporting it.? I guess I’m feeling like I don’t want to be focused on growing the numbers.

The dream shifting and now that I’ve added this to the update, I don’t feel cranky about it anymore.? I am interested to find out where this goes next.

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