Every Sunday in December I am writing about Visionary Visioning.? I?m creating this space for myself to step out of what?s happening around me, so I can explore what my greater vision is and how I can align my world with it.
I know, it’s not Sunday.? I did write (a lot!) about visioning on Sunday but it didn’t feel right to share it and today I just deleted it.
This is what I think happened:? I realised I’ve been to caught up in the day-to-day details of being with my dream, and I’d stopped looking at the bigger picture.? I lost the bigger picture which meant, even though I was happy with where I was, I lost my overall sense of direction about where I’m going next.? I noticed this, and I started exploring vision.? Tons of supercool stuff happened (see visioning posts 1-3).
At the same time: we had this Believing In Yourself Playdate in the Creative Dream Circle on Dec 3 that blew my mind – showing me all the places where I have been believing my own bullshit excuses.
So I’m making time to step back to look at the bigger picture and my whole world has been turned upside down with this extreme injection of clarity about where I don’t believe in myself and where I pretend that my own bullshit excuses are actually legitimate reasons to not do the things I actually do want to do.
Yes!? And I needed a few more days to sort through it all and be able to see where I am now.
Last week’s visioning post ended with this:
Last week I fell into a hole.? Then I dug myself out.? In the digging out I became stronger, surer and magically obtained a shovel.? Now I can use that shovel to start working on the deepening.
This week I?m going to explore the deepening.? I?m going to draw it out and journal about it and talk to it every day and see what it has to teach me.
And I?m going to read inspiring books about success ? different approaches to success and stories of people who succeeded.
So I explored the deepening.
I drew it and talked to it and it has a lot to teach me, mostly about how I have been moving in the exact wrong direction (well, there is no “wrong” but I have been doing in the direction opposite of the one I would like to be going in).? And I read some inspiring books about success – one filled with stories of people with big dreams who made them happen, and one about how to use our brains differently, to foster success.
And in the process of exploring all of this, I also found sparkling crystal clarity about what I want to do next.
I now have three specific (and so awesome they are scary!) things to work towards in 2013 that lead me to where I want to be in 2017.
Clarity is beautiful.? In a terrifying way.
Because now, well, I’d really have to believe in myself to go after these big dreams.
At one time, I was convinced I could never own my own home – it felt too expensive and too far away and like I’d never figure it out.
At one time, (at this point I did own my own home) I thought working at my day job part time and doing my dream part time was the best I could do – there was no way my dreams could earn what I want to earn.
I could go on and on – I live with TONS of things that used to be impossible for me (I bet you do, too).
My next steps:
My job right now is to draw on all of that.? Remember how many impossible dreams I have already made real and use that remembering as jet fuel to make these new impossible dreams real.
And to spend more time with the mind-blowing realisations I had during the Believing in Myself playdate.? Daily journaling and tea parties with the goddess of believing in myself.? And with all the sad, scared beings inside who want me to give up immediately.
I feel like I should admit that I am SICK AND TIRED of talking to these sad, scared beings inside.? I would really like to just lock them away in a room somewhere where I can never hear them, ever again.
I know that isn’t how it works.
Pushing them away only makes them come in closer.
Ignoring them only makes them louder.
Fighting them only makes them stronger.
Not dealing with them only makes all of your dreams 100% IMPOSSIBLE.
Love, gentleness and compassion are the only effective tools to use here.
And I am feeling really dangerously low on all of them.
Huh.? I suddenly feel better having admitted that, to myself.? And I love how truth always shines a light on what is possible.
And today, Christmas day, I am going to fill up on love, gentleness and compassion.? I am going to let go of all of this and mostly I am going to let go of how hard I have been resisting the fear and doubt these past few days.? I’m going to tell those sad, scared beings inside that today I am filling up on love, gentleness and compassion just for them.? (Oh how they love when I do things just for them)
I hope you are having a lovely holiday, or if this week isn’t a holiday week for you I hope you are having a lovely week.
You + Me + Your Dream = Magic. Let?s play together:
If 2013 is your year to make your dream real, I am here to help.
Yes! Let?s play! And giggle, and find secret passageways that lead you right to where you want to be.
Your 2013 is looking brighter already.