Once in a while I think… I should check in with this “year long resistance project” I am doing, and then I feel a LOT of resistance to that idea, so I don’t.

The start of this project was amazing, the commitment and determination I felt was so energizing. That energy helped me explore more deeply and come up with really good little changes to make (little as in DO-ABLE) that made a huge difference.

I am nowhere near as resistant now, as I in January.

And, I am still going through a divorce. Now I understand why it’s called “going through” a divorce. It’s a lot to go through, and a lot of it has nothing to do with the relationship, it’s just a big life change. So some days I am going through as in struggling to get through and some days I am going through as in moving along the path.

And it’s all connected.

My sensitivities. The ways I get overwhelmed. The ways I respond when I am overwhelmed.

I’m starting to feel like I’ve been in a nervous system freeze response since the start of the pandemic, and I am coming out of if now.

So, some of my resistance is nervous system overwhelm. Which needs rest and restoration.

And some of it is my own fears and self doubt trying to stop me. Which needs presence, focus, intention, healing, and ACTION.

Life is so complicated. Our creative dreams ask us to be more alive, more engaged with all parts of our lives and this just makes a complicated thing more complicated.

AND more meaningful and fulfilling and joyful.

AND… am I writing all of this to avoid actually looking at my resistance? lol

Thinking about resistance is kind of like thinking AROUND resistance and the only way out is THROUGH.

So, resistance, let’s talk.

Resistance shows up as a snake.

Slippery, hard to hold onto (and ewww I don’t actually want to hold onto it) and changes it’s skin continually.

I spread a blanket out on the ground, and put out a picnic.

Let’s talk.

The snake is enjoying a cup of tea and a cookie. But it’s skin keeps changing, I can’t tell what it is.

I’m not one thing.

Sometimes I protect you. Sometimes I hold you back. Don’t try to understand me, focus on knowing your relationship with me.

So…

Be more still.

Really listen to myself.

HOW DOES IT FEEL?

Does it feel like I need to rest?

Does it feel like I need to do the thing I am resisting?

Does it feel like I need to do something else?

There are so many layers to our feelings.

So many ways our conditioned patterns pop up and interfere with us knowing our truth. And then whole new layers of conditioned patterns pop up and interfere with us acting on our truth, once we finally know it.

This is a work in progress.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I do a New Moon Intention Setting Call every month, which is open to all Dream Book members. There is also the New Moon Intention Setting Ritual Kit for people who are not in the membership.

When it comes to my new moon intention setting, some months I know exactly what I want to do next, and some months I have no clue.

But I DO IT every month. And in the process of reflection and meditation - it feels like the right intention finds me.

Our last new moon intention setting call was on April 5 (I try to do these a few days before the new moon so that people have a chance to use the replay before or on the new moon)

I just looked through my journal and… ever since that day I’ve been drowning in the opposite of my intention.

This is how it works sometimes.

I’m not failing.

Sometimes life just lifes.

Sometimes, more often actually, setting an intention clears the way for us to see what needs to change in order to have the thing we want.

And that can get really ugly.

Which is where I am right now.

And I’ve been here so many times I am not un-nerved by it. I was relieved to open my journal this morning, revisit my new moon intention journaling, and notice how I had the exact opposite of it.

Oh, ok, so THIS IS THE WORK.

I mean I tell this to people every day, and it’s still humbling each time I see it for myself. This is the work.

Most “next steps” in outer work, most changes we want to see in our lives, require “next steps” in inner work, to go deeper.

This is NOT because we are fucked up and need to change to be good enough to have our dreams!!! Because we are deeply and significantly impacted by the culture we grow up in, and our culture is a flaming trash bin. White supremacy, the patriarchy, colonialist capitalism - these systems are bad for all living things and they’ve impacted us all.

So, in these times, you need to get MORE curious about where you hold back from the things you want, you need to be MORE compassionate with the parts of you who don’t believe in you or your dreams.

You are not wrong for the places where you hold back.

You are not wrong for HAVING inner work to do, to get to where you want to be.

This is where I am today. Noticing how the inner work just got more clear.

The prompt I am working with:

How can I support ALL PARTS OF ME in being ready to do this thing I want to do?

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I’ve been showing up for my Creative Dream Practice, doing the alchemy processes, working with my dream… but not in the actual book that I had made for Dream Book.

Sometimes this happens.

Sometimes it’s resistance - because having it all ORGANIZED in the way we do in Dream Book gives you a sense of clarity and direction that can be scary at times.

Sometimes it’s not resistance, you’re just in a place on the path that’s less linear and structured.

Anyway, I opened up my Dream Book and it made sense - I could see why I hadn’t opened it in a while.

In the fall I had made pages for my new dreams, for the liminal space I figured I would be in for a while. Space for healing and self care and adjusting to the shock of my husband leaving. Dreams of giving myself the fall and winter to be in a cocoon of healing, and emerging in the spring ready to create my new life.

Not that I wanted to dictate the timing of my healing process, I wasn’t going to force myself out of the cocoon on any particular date - it’s just that’s how it felt to me at the time.

And now here I am, emerging from the cocoon. I mean, kind of.  I'm feeling inspired and motivated. I know so much more about what I want my new life to look like.

So here am - opening my Dream Book to get myself organized.

That doesn’t mean these past months I have been “off track” or anything.

I was just in a non-linear part of the path.

It’s ALL a part of it.

Even the times when you're just 100% IN RESISTANCE and not showing up - that's a part of it too. There is so much to wrestle with, and so many ways to work with our dreams.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I am capable of more than I know.

This is one of those mantras that has usually been true.

AND

Some of the times when I have MOST felt it are the times when I was actually the LEAST capable.

Like, there is a delusion that can set in and it can help us overcome a lot of shit.

Like "Oh I'll just put my art on Instagram and it will sell immediately!" and we use that courage to take a bunch of super brave steps.... and in the process we begin the journey of learning JUST HOW MUCH we have to do to actually sell the art.

It can feel like you've been defeated but actually, that courage and confidence helped get you to a place where you see how much you have to learn, which IS what will get you to a place of being able to do the thing.

So, I take some hope then, in the fact that I'm not sure how capable I feel right now.

And this mantra feels like a balm, reminding me of my truth.

We are always capable of our creative dreams. Our creative dreams CHOOSE us for a reason.

We won't always FEEL capable.

Learning to show up consistently. Having ways of working with your dream that work for where you're at (ie Dream Book!!). Making Creative Dreaming a HABIT. This all really helps us move through the feeling-less-capable times.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

 

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I am ready for my breakthrough.

It’s a little spooky how these mantras have been so RIGHT ON for me lately. Either bringing me the lessons/awareness I need, or just being the exact vibe I am already in.

I am ready for my breakthrough.

I feel like I HAD the breakthrough, but I am in this space of adjusting to it, and the adjustment feels HUGE.

I am ready for my breakthrough. This feels like a bit of a balm for the parts of me who are like “Am I though?”

The breakthrough is around how I want to describe Dream Book… and actually going back to my decision to re-name the membership to Dream Book and making a different decision.

It’s like how a few years ago I moved my bedroom downstairs and put my workspace upstairs. The upstairs loft is my favourite part of my condo and it felt so good to give that space to my creativity.

Until it started to feel URGENT that I give that space back to my bedroom. And it was this huge annoying job to actually move everything, but I did it. But now that it’s done it’s like WHOA. I needed this so much.

This doesn’t negate how right it felt to move my workspace upstairs when I did it.

We’re alive and changing and we get to keep making new choices.

So, I am making the choice to re-name the membership. Which doesn’t change anything about what’s happening inside - other than I also want to add Friday afternoon coaching calls.

It changes the sales page. It changes how I talk about it.

Which has always been the hardest part of my work for me. And over the years I have hired people to do this work FOR me, I’ve hired coaches and mentors to do it WITH me, and now I feel SO sure that I know the right way to do this. It feels so right.

AND

It’s just a big step.

So… I am READY for my breakthrough. I am ready to DO THE WORK of acting on it. I have been doing the work, and it’s FUCKING HARD so repeating the mantra I am ready for my breakthrough is really helping.

Because it feels true. This is hard AND I am ready to do it.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I am excited about what comes next.

Oh wow this one LANDS.

Divorce is an upheaval that has me re-thinking… everything. While also sending me deeper into the roots of my emotional reactions.

And it’s birthed TWO WHOLE NEW DREAMS so far!

One I already shared - getting an RV or camper or something and creating a tiny home-on-wheels and going on adventures with my cat Bear. This one needs planing, preparation, and money and I am working towards it slowly, savouring the process of dreaming about it.

The other one is brand new - I want to start making lino cut block prints. I did this in university and LOVED IT and always wanted to come back to it, but… life lifed. And it’s a lot to get into a whole new thing.

But recently the pieces all came together… I am making some new clothes for spring and bought solid coloured fabrics with the idea to get simple stamps to make patterns on them. Once I saw what is out there for block printing (I did this almost 30 years ago so the landscape has changed!) I got SO inspired. And then I remembered how it felt to hold those tools in my hands and carve out my drawings and it felt like coming home to a part of me that has been lost.

And then the idea just expanded and expanded.

I dug around in my “journals I bought and haven’t started yet drawer” and found a sketchbook and I am starting to sketch my ideas and getting ready to go ABSOLUTELY BONKERS with lino block printing. I am imagining eventually re-arranging the loft - again - to make space for a huge block printing table.

It’s making me feel SO ALIVE. SO EXCITED ABOUT MY FUTURE.

But AS ALWAYS, it’s our actual reactions to the mantras that matter. And we can react differently to the same mantra each time we use it! Each of those reactions can teach us something.

But I have had SO MANY FUCKING LESSONS coming at me lately, and it’s really nice to just sit here and FEEL EXCITED. This is healing, too.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I don’t know WHY today is so hard.

If I knew, would that make it easier?

Or is “I don’t know WHY this is so hard!” just stopping me from working through whatever is happening here?

Remembering: IT’S SIMPLE. JUST SHOW UP. WORK WITH WHAT IS THERE.

I have time to work on my dream and I feel stuck, broken-hearted and angry.

This is not how I want to feel while working on my dream, so I want to just put this all away and…

And what?

I don’t know.

So I am going to use the Journal Sheet for Taking Consistent Steps

Working through the sheet, a few things I notice:

My big dream feels so far away. For some reason I feel I can’t do this until I am divorced, not while “going through a divorce”.

My plan for today is a little vague, having a more sharply defined plan might have helped me turn this morning around really fast. I HAVE noticed this about myself before and i DO have a protocol where at the end of each day I check in with everything and LEAVE MYSELF A NOTE FOR THE NEXT DAY so I can pick up the threads and keep going, not feel like I am starting from scratch. Obviously, I didn’t do this yesterday.

I do feel completely unprepared for my list today though. And that feels like the main issue, so I am going over to the un-sticking station with that:

Hey, Completely Unprepared For My List Today, can we chat?

I see me, at my current age, kind of blurry but feeling like a deer in headlights.

Oh sweetie, here. Let’s cozy you up with a blanket and a cup of tea and a little snack.

She appreciates this, gives a big sigh and says “This isn’t where I thought I would be”

... but while this is happening, it feels like my NEW LIFE is trying to BURST IN. Like - break up the whole scene.

I check in with my deer-in-headlights self “Hey sweetheart, what do you think of my new life just bursting in like this?”

It feels so strong and bright and exciting. I feel drab in comparison to it.

I paused here, and made another cup of coffee. Soaking this in a bit. My old life, the version of me who is stunned by where I am now, is DRAB in comparison to what is in front of me.

This is important.

I also have been feeling desperate to cling to my old life. Which feels futile and when I really sit with those feelings, dig in deeper to find out where they are coming from - it’s just old programming. There’s nothing at the core of them that feels like truth.

This BRIGHTNESS feels like truth.

I’ve been exploring, more deeply than I ever have, the difference between my feelings and my soul - or what feels like my TRUTH. Which part of me has a broken heart? Which part of me is mapping out my new life? Which part do I want to follow?

I am trusting, more deeply than I ever have, my dreams. Every little desire. The way they light me up from the inside and feel like coming home.

I’ve had a new dream come to me over the last few days.

It’s something I used to do, and dreamed of doing more, and then… life happened. For the last few YEARS I’ve been thinking of doing it, in a more casual way, but it felt like A LOT to start something new… now suddenly it feels IMPORTANT and LIFE CHANGING.

There is this BOUNCY energy around it.

Do I trust the bounce?

I mean, obviously, I trusted my dreams and all the good energy about marrying my husband and…

So, do I keep trusting it?

There is this James Baldwin quote I just wrote out HUGE and put up in my living room:

Love brought you here.

If you trusted love this far,

Don’t panic now

When I remember that, I think of all of the growth and healing I experienced in my marriage, and how my husband did not take that from me when he left.

I wish we had a relationship right now that honored that. But right now we’re not speaking (which I thought was best) and maybe a part of what is bothering me today is how unresolved so many things are.

Hmmmm. Not what I was expecting to find in my explorations today.

(Sitting with this for a bit)

OK, back to Completely Unprepared For My List Today….

She’s not so drab anymore! Sitting in a rainbow sweatshirt. sipping coffee. The sun is shining into the room. She’s holding a journal that says “WE GOT THIS”

(which feels like a miracle given where I started this week and how I was feeling about "I got this" as my mantra)

And we don’t feel unprepared for the list anymore, we are ready to dive in.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I wrote recently about being in that moment when you’re feeling like “I’ve tried this so many times already, why do I think I’ll succeed this time?” and how discouraging it is to try over and over and over.

I’m so lucky because I have the perspective of a creative dream coach, so I know that WE ALL go through this. So when I feel it, as hard as it is to feel, I know that it’s not just me, and it doesn’t mean anything about whether or not I will succeed.

So - I’ve been back at that place the last few days.

Which I know isn’t a sign that I have failed “too many times”.

It’s actually a sign that I am NOT in resistance, that I am not avoiding the hard stuff. I am staying with it, and learning what I can from it.

And also sometimes we really only need to feel our feelings to process them and move through them.

But in the case where you’ve been trying to do something and it’s not working - usually there is more to explore. Deeper inner work and shadow work can tell you more about why you’re not getting the results you want.

Like, maybe you need to just keep trying and learning as you do (this is how dreams work!)

OR maybe you need to make a change, and you can’t quite see it.

It’s hard to be able to listen clearly to our deepest inner truth, the part of us who DOES know how to do the things we feel called to do. This is why I teach that this must be an ongoing PRACTICE, because that makes that voice more accessible.

It’s just generally hard to hear that voice, but then when anything stressful is happening it gets even harder.

So, we’ve got to be patient. Keep finding ways to soothe all the discomfort that comes up, and keep showing up.

I have to say - I think I am in my own way right now.

I can’t see HOW. But this feeling of feeling stuck with this one thing is so FAMILIAR. And I’m like “Oh no I don’t want to be back here” so I want to run away from it.

I don’t share this stuff for empathy or to express my feelings.

I share it so that YOU feel less alone. Because I know, if you are genuinely going after the things you want, then you have these experiences too.

And I share it to say - you can feel this way and still get to where you want to be. And more importantly - you can USE these hard parts as FUEL and CLARITY.

That’s what they are here for.

Tools from the Dream Book membership that help:

The Un-Sticking Station! (I always suggest starting with that one)

Or - Video to Watch When You're Avoiding The Un-Sticking Station

Alchemy Process for Working with Self-Doubt

Self Doubt Relief

The Inner Critic Fix

Procrastination Cure

Alchemy Process for Working with Overwhelm

For When You're In Resistance

Alchemy Process for Working with Disappointment

Alchemy Process for Hearing your Intuition

Alchemy Process for Bolstering Your Sense of Courage

Alchemy Process for Coming Back To Yourself

Alchemy Process for Making Your Trust In Your Dream Bigger Than Your Fear

Yikes! I am Having A Lot Of Feelings!

Alchemy Process for removing the things that make it hard to know what you want

Feeling worthy of your dreams

Sitting With Uncomfortable Feelings

Exploring Resistance and Creative Flow

Taking The Inner Work Deeper (Shadow Work)

There are SO MANY WAYS to work with the hard parts. The only way to keep yourself stuck is to ignore your feelings.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

I’ve been doing deeper-than-usual dives into my inner work and into exploring… what are feelings, anyway?

Reading the latest scientific research about how and why the brain creates emotion in the body.

Looking at my own feelings through this lens.

And I keep coming back to what I have always known.

Our feelings matter. They are one of the senses we use to navigate our lives.

Like, imagine if our culture was afraid of sight. Like our eyes are dangerous and not to be trusted, so everyone goes around in blindfolds. People who are born blind are considered to be closer to God than everyone else.

And what if your blindfold slipped and you could see danger coming and tried to warn people and everyone just called you hysterical for believing your eyes?

That’s what happens to people who feel their feelings. And people who are better at suppressing their feelings are considered better, they will navigate our political and economic systems and be successful, in the most capitalist definition of success.

Our feelings are not EVERYTHING and they are not NOTHING.

They are one of the ways our brain processes our life.

Almost 7 months after my husband told me he was having a nervous breakdown and left me - I’ve had a lot of feelings I didn’t want to have.

But I gave them space. I haven’t made any of them THE TRUTH of anything. But I have let them exist, and not tried to squash them down or pretend they are not there.

And you know - they’ve shown me a lot. About my own beliefs, about my own actions, about what I want.

“Feelings” is so charged in our culture just because our culture is unnecessarily suspicious of them.

You don’t have to be.

I’m not saying believe and obey your feelings. Just give them some space.

Like, say you’re so angry with your ex-husband you want to firebomb his house. Don’t actually do it, but give your body space to actually express all of that rage.

There were moments in the last few months that I learned what the phrase “blind with rage” meant. I felt so much rage, I couldn’t see right.

I screamed into a pillow. I punched a pillow. I cried. (I hate it, but crying is how I express rage sometimes). I scribbled in my journals.

I discharged the energy and then I felt good.

Just like how animals in the wild will shake, after a close encounter with a predator. They are discharging the energy.

If you don’t do this, if you tell yourself you’re not that angry, or that it’s not ok to be angry, you’re only creating problems for yourself.

FEELINGS are not something I ever wanted to know about and certainly not a subject I ever imagined myself writing about, as a part of my creative work.

But if we don’t allow ourselves to feel our feelings in healthy ways - our dreams will be totally stuck.

It’s the only way.

Refusing to feel your feelings stunts your possibilities. And I don’t want that for you, or for anyone.

Use the Creative Dream Alchemy Library of Inner Work Practices for support. And the call on Working With Conflicting Feelings.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I got this.

I mean OMG YIKES.

Feeling like “I got this” is something I’ve been working on but I still only have the teeny tiniest tenuous grasp on in.

So it felt like a bit of a slap in the face to get it as my mantra.

Even though I know the Creative Dream Incubator doesn’t hand out slaps in the face.

And this is actually an invitation deeper into the work I’ve been doing.

And that my reaction is MY REACTION and tells me a lot about MY NEEDS actually.

So. I got this.

Sitting with it, it feels less like a slap in the face and more like an arrow to the chest.

The deeper down in me I go, the more I know this is true. There are all these places in me where I am ROCK SOLID in believing this.

But on the surface there is so much anxiety and doubt and all these places where I am looking outside of me at evidence that I DON’t got it.

Interesting that the evidence that I DON’T got it is outside of me, because… is anything outside of me even relevant?

I mean yes I need to navigate the external world, the culture and systems we live in. The outer world places a ton of obstacles in my way. That’s relevant to my dream.

But none of that is relevant to whether or not I GOT IT.

That’s 100% inside me.

One of the ways peri-menopause impacts me is anxiety. Not that I’ve never had anxiety in my life before, but I haven’t had it LIKE THIS. And some months I skip my period and get a few solid weeks of SUPE SUPER HIGH ANXIETY and this sucks.

It’s harder for me to feel I GOT IT when my anxiety is bad.

BUT ALSO

I think anxiety is a natural response to the current state of the world. And LOADS of people have anxiety.

And I want ALL the anxious people to still work with their dreams.

Because our dreams are our medicine, healing and growth and we deserve these things always but especially when things are hard.

So - can I be anxious AND feel I GOT THIS?

Well, yes. That’s just what I described feeling in response to this mantra.

How do I move forward confidently and bravely AND anxiously?

I can really notice how the more inward-focused parts of me trust myself and it’s the outer-focused parts of me who are more freaked out.

I can take EXTRA GOOD CARE of myself. Remembering specifically how exercise helps my anxiety AND how I tend to want to move less while in a lot of anxiety so there is that place where I do need to be a little strict/insistent about exercise.

Give myself TIME for the inner work and dream work. Meditation, journaling and sitting with my feelings helps me be with ALL of my feelings, not just the anxiety on the surface.

Move at the pace that works for my anxious self. Like, having meetings with my most brave self and my most anxious self so they can learn to work TOGETHER. No one steamrolling the other.

Two of our upcoming Dream Book calls will help with this, too:

Letting your dream come to you instead of chasing after it

Creating Self Care Protocols to support yourself in being the version of you who can do your dream

 

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

When you say you’ve tried everything and nothing works, what do you actually mean?

That you’ve tried all the things you know to try?

That you’ve tried all the things you are interested in trying?

Because, even if I don’t know you, I do know that you have not tried ALL the things. That’s just not possible.

I say this because this morning I sure feel like I have tried all the things!!

But, if I am honest with myself, I have actually been extremely choosy about which things I try.

As we should be!

OF COURSE I don’t advocate for doing a ton of shit you don’t want to do.

AND your dream is here to grow you. It’s going to stretch you. Some parts are going to be uncomfortable.

So it’s like I have spent a lot of time looking for the most comfortable to do the thing I want to do, and now it’s time to… just do it.

Do the work I have not wanted to do.

But this brings up a quandry.

Creative Dreaming is NOT about working your ass off, or following someone else’s, or society’s, rules about “how you should do things”

There are huge swaths of grey area here. Like, there are ways to make an annoying task less annoying. There are a million productivity hacks out there.

But before exploring those, we need to be with the parts of us who don’t want to do the thing. Listen to them.

We need to validate our actual experience.

There are no hacks for this.

But if you just go with the hacks and ignore what parts of your own self are telling you about why they don’t want to do the thing… well, ugh. That can lead to productivity, for some people, sure. But at the cost of wholeness.

So when I talk about making an annoying task less annoying, I want to stay VERY FAR AWAY from productivity life hacks, lying to myself about how I feel and what I want, or any form of bribing myself to do things I do not want to do.

How can I GENUINELY make it FEEL RIGHT to do these things?

Maybe there are hard things to be done. Maybe some parts are uncomfortable. But does it FEEL RIGHT? Am I acting in alignment with my own values?

Am I really listening to myself about HOW to proceed?

That is an especially tricky question to answer when we don’t know how to do the thing we want to do because we haven’t done it before. So we have to leave space for experimenting and learning.

But if we keep making space for our actual feelings, and listening to the parts of us who don’t want to do the things, we do find answers.

I have come to a place where I know - it’s time to do some of the things I have been avoiding.

I even feel somewhat energized to figure out a plan for how to do them. To get some help to move out of my comfort zone.

This is the part that is so hard to put into words because it's entirely non-linear.

But when you STAY WITH IT you do WORK THROUGH IT. Even though it often doesn't look like WORKING THROUGH until you've already worked through.

So - keep showing up!

 

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And when this happens it is SO EASY to get distracted and not do anything.

But I know I need to keep taking steps.

But I know if I take steps while feeling this way, there won’t be any ZING, you know?

And I don’t want to do ZING-less things.

So I am going into the Un-Sticking Station and meeting with the fear.

Awww, fear shows up as a starfish, but a very heavy starfish who is stuck to the bottom of the ocean.

I sit down beside her, she feels like a her. For some reason, I pet her. (Do you remember? I used to have a cat named Starfish, he was an epic cat, though I only had him for the last year of his life)

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so afraid and stuck.

I don’t feel stuck. I like the weight of the ocean holding me down. I want to be down.

Oh, ok. What do you like about being down?

I don’t have to do anything. Don’t even need an excuse.

So, you want to be kind of frozen?

Yeah. Frozen. Still. Weighed down. Just… well I know these words sound like “stuck” but it’s not that. I like it. I want it.

Right, it feels like a freeze nervous system response, which can be a relief. Like, it’s protective.

Yes, the weight of the ocean feels protective.

OK I’m so glad you feel protected! I love that for you and I don’t want you to NOT feel protected. I would like to look at ways to feel more lively, alive and creative WHILE ALSO feeling safe. What do you think about that?

It makes me think of being on the beach, at the surface. In the sunshine. The freedom of that. That feels good.

OK, so when I said “I’m sorry you feel afraid and stuck” and you said you don’t feel stuck - do you feel afraid? Maybe I was misinterpreting you completely?

Well, I was feeling like I wanted to be frozen. Just, not think and not do and not feel. I don’t know if I was afraid.

OK. And now that you are thinking of being on the beach in the sunshine?

That feels better.

Ummmm hi. Over here! (a little… I don’t know, some kind of bug is waving at me)

Oh! Hi, bug.

I’m afraid! I’m very afraid! (Maybe it’s an actual crab, which is funny because I was saying I feel crabby today)

Oh honey I’m sorry. Come here. Do you want a hug? What can I do to help?

Bug comes closer and I see he (he seems like a he)is shaking, so I wrap him up all snug in a blanket and hold him.

So, I get afraid and go into a freeze response. I am mostly in freeze, but a small part of me is still very much filled with fear.

Now I see three versions of me. One frozen, one afraid, and one - well, me. Present self me. Me wanting to sort through this and move forward.

Fearful self: I am so sorry you feel this way. I see you are almost having a panic attack you are so scared. And I want you to know - you don’t have to feel this way. We have sources of comfort and soothing available. What do you need?

Reminders that it will be ok. Rest, no rushing.

A new part of me appears. The part that wants to obliterate fear.

My fearful self hides behind me for protection.

The part of me that wants to obliterate fear feels dangerous. Like, I think she’s holding a fire gun. Is that what it’s called? It shoots fire. She wants to burn everything down, starting with my fearful self.

OK WHOA. We’re not burning down any of our selves.

My angry self bursts into tears. “But I want to protect my joy by destroying everything that makes me unhappy”

Well I LOVE that sentiment but girl, we can’t destroy parts of US, right? You see that?

I don’t want to be afraid about any of this. I want to feel POWERFUL about it. I want to feel CREATIVE and FREE and like I GOT THIS.

Oh I love that! Yes I think we all want to feel that way and I love the PASSION you bring to this process. Can you put down your weapons though? Can we find a supportive way to help our fearful self not be afraid?

My angry self puts her hands on my fearful self’s shoulders. “Snap out of it. We’re too good for this! We’re too BIG to want to be SMALL and AFRAID. And look around! The world is beautiful! Life is a miracle! There is art to make!”

My fearful self considers this.

And then I wish for a magic wand that brings everyone into present time because my fearful self feels very young and like she doesn’t have options or means to empower herself.

I twirl the wand around and it circles us all and sparkles fall out of it.

We all sit down in a circle, holding hands.

I carry all of these different selves with me but I always have the power to choose who I want to be.

Especially by not denying any parts of me, by giving them space to feel and express AND ALSO have appropriate boundaries.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.

This is the mantra I got in this week’s Dream Book journaling + alchemy kit: I make space for my dream in my daily life.

Well this one hits like a bomb of tangled feelings. For a few minutes I sit with this growing discomfort growling in my chest.

I was in a good mood before I picked my kit for this week, now I’m crabby.

What gives?

It feels like SO MUCH WORK to get to the life I want next. And I’m tired.

OK, what does this feeling need?

A hug. A mug of tea. Maybe a cookie. Validation. An offer to rest.

She just waves all this away.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever”

Yeah, yeah, whatever? What does that mean?

You’re just doing all the things you do.

You mean, trying my best to take care of my feelings?

[Big sigh and eye roll.]

OK so you’re a teenager.

[Big sigh.] I just want to HAVE this, not WORK FOR this. I don’t want to have to believe in myself or trust the process. I want it given to me.

A give her a big hug.

Yeah, I get it. You don’t feel you have the skills for any of this because… you don’t! You are my teenaged self, and you don’t have the emotional intelligence to even understand what’s going on behind your feelings.

You think having your life look how you want will make you feel the way you want. You have so much learning ahead of you.

And then I think about all the learning that has happened for me since I was a teenager.

And I try to bring ALL PARTS OF ME into the present moment.

My almost-50 year old self actually DOES want to work for this. I don’t consider it WORK I consider it CREATING and it’s what I am here for. I DO believe in myself and I DO trust the process.

What does my CURRENT PRESENT SELF think of this mantra?

It is a bit… “well there is a lot to do before I can really have this thing”.

I mean - I could go out and buy an RV tomorrow on credit. But I want this to NOT create financial stress. I want to be set up for it. I want it to be easy. And I know travel will take some focus, and I need space for that - like to be ahead in my work and have stronger systems and... I want to feel READY. And getting ready is a process.

So…

“I make space for my dream in my daily life”

Makes me REALLY aware of the space between where I am and where I want to be.

And I don’t feel very at peace with that today.

That’s how it is sometimes.

 

Dream Book members:

Come to the forum to share your thoughts or start a conversation about whatever you're working with.

Get your next Dream Book lesson or get a weekly journaling + alchemy kit.

Go the Library of Creative Dream Alchemy to find a practice that fits for where you are or use the Dream Lab if you're not sure where to start.

Check out the calendar of upcoming calls. Make a plan to join us live or catch a replay.