One year ago, I wrote a year in review for 2014 where I explored how I wanted to feel and what I wanted to have accomplished by the end of this year.
At that time, I had this clear and specific goal for what I wanted to do with my business, though pursuing that goal in 2014 led me to discover that I didn’t actually want it.
But when I look back at that year in review I wrote before the year started, I can see that I got all of the things that I REALLY wanted – all of the inner things that I had hoped reaching my goal would bring me.
Which is the perfect example of how your dream is a lighthouse that is leading you home.
Pursing that dream didn’t lead me to getting what I wanted on the outside, but it did lead me to feeling the way I want to feel and experiencing my life and business in the way that I want to experience them.
So it did get to me to exactly where I wanted to be.
I learned to trust myself to take care of myself, in a deeper way.? I can’t really put this one into words to explain how this feels.? Kind of like living on more solid ground.?
I trust myself to take care of myself, to do the things that fill me up and light me up and not feel like I need to deplete myself or do stuff I don’t want to do, in exchange for money or exchange for anything else.
I feel (finally!) integrated in the way of living that I know is right for me – to put self-care first, to keep the well full so I can do my best quality work.? And to trust this to sustain me, even when this looks like lots of picnics and bike rides and not a lot of work happening.
As a person raised in a home full of perfectionism and workaholism, this is quite revolutionary.
I feel quiet and peaceful on the inside.? Like my sense of inner peace grew to take up more space this year.
I turned forty. I stopped colouring my grey hair.? I traded my car for a bike.? I had adventures.? I deepened by creative practices.? I returned to a daily yoga practice.? I went from sewing sometimes, to sewing ALL of my clothes.? I started some big art projects and settled more fully into living in the dream loft and filling it up with my art.
And, obviously, I filled a few journals.
I’m really living the way I want to live and I can’t explain how grateful I am for this.
I mean, I’m still cranky some days.? I get angry and lonely and sad and frustrated and afraid.? Things happened that broke my heart and made me stop believing in myself.
And I deal with the crap and come back to center faster and faster.
And each time I work through that process, I am actually becoming more grounded in my center and so I have come to love and appreciate the cranky times for the un-describable gifts they contain.
In light of all of this, the fact that I didn’t reach my income goal for 2014 seems pretty small.
And the fact that my creative business did generate enough income for me to live the way I want to live in all senses of that and not just in the sense of being able to buy tons of crap, feels pretty fucking amazing.? It feels like success.
Financially – I didn’t go into debt.? I increased my savings – by a small amount, but still.? I’m calling it a win.
And the last few months of this year brought me to what I want for next year: Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance.
I am wildly inspired and deeply terrified as I venture into this new project, which I have found is the exact place I want to be when creating something new – coming from my established strengths while stretching into new territory.
And deeply grateful for the Creative Dream Incubator which holds and sustains it all.? And deeply deeply grateful to each of you.
Wishing you all the best in 2015.