Every month I do a new moon alchemy circle + creative coaching call. During the June call I had this huge realisation...
I have a pattern of choosing "the easiest and/or simplest thing" instead of "the thing that will help me reach my goals".
Like, I had NO CLUE I was doing this. I see myself as a person who pursues her dreams and goals wholeheartedly.
I felt really uncomfortable to see it, to notice where my own self concept is not allowing me to see what I am actually doing.
(We're ALL doing this, all the time btw 😉
This is why it's so important that we not force ourselves to heal or grow or to push ourselves into any kind of mould of who we think we are supposed to be.
The Live Your Best Life Industry is full of this! It's all about deciding what "living your best life" means and then shoving yourself into that shape. It’s violent and it’s dangerous. And it ignores just how hard it is to REALLY know what you want. And the fact that we you grow and change, so do your desires.
As an aside - so many people come into Dream Book feeling vulnerable and ashamed because they don't know what their dream is. I know I feel it too sometimes! But the idea that we're supposed to always know what we want is BULLSHIT. We're NOT supposed to always know what we want. The process of exploring is vital. Staying in a place of KNOWING and being CERTAIN means staying in a place of STAGNATION. Being wiling to not know, being willing to explore and grow... that's where the magic happens.
Magic, healing, growth - they all REQUIRE vulnerability and uncertainly and willingness to explore and be open. Spiritual belief systems that treat the universe like a giant vending machine that grants your wishes if you wish right bypass all of the magic, healing and growth that are actually possible for you.
But let me get back to my story.
So I explored this new pattern of mine where I choose "the simple thing" over "the thing that would help me reach my goal."
I know it's possible to just "change your mind" about a thing and instantly shift your perspective and your actions and your outcomes.
I also know that that approach can be nothing more than shoving yourself into your ego-created ideas of who you should be and what you should want. That's not what I want for myself.
So I explored GENTLY. Staying open, curious and loving. I used the tools I teach in Dream Book. I made space to just BE WITH the pattern, exploring my feelings about it, getting to know it. Not trying to CHANGE it.
Anything that is not your truth will unravel and dissolve or change into something true - when you give it your love and attention.
This is why I think the Inner Work and Dream Work NEED to be a daily, or regular, practice for anyone who is wholeheartedly pursuing their dreams. And the further you are along the path the more you need to practice 😉
And when you are doing this work you don’t even always realize or understand how everything is interconnected. You pull at at one tiny thread and it can unravel and change your whole life.
Because at the same time all of the stuff happen in terms of me moving my business which I thought was just a simple choice to use one piece of software instead of another one...
But now that I am in the process of moving, now that I am building a whole new home for my work, I’m starting to understand where the tools I have been using have been holding me back... because of that choice to keep my systems SIMPLE.
Like I am stunned by how much I have been held back by the tools I've been using. I am stunned by how much I have given my power away without even knowing it.
And in all of this surprise and shock I'm also feeling so much joy, so much ALIVENESS and so much freedom.
A LOT of energy has just been freed up for me, in the transformation of this pattern. I feel wildly energized which is really helpful because I have so much work to do getting this new site set up.
This is NOT to say that everyone who uses simple tools like the ones I've been using is being held back!!!
There are EXTREMELY GOOD REASONS to choose simple tools. And you can absolutely succeed in any way you choose to using any tool you choose! I wholeheartedly believe that.
But - I had an UNCONSCIOUS pattern of choosing easy/simple over effective. So my decision making process was impacted by this in ways I couldn't see.
So - for where I am now - with an eight year old membership site and a new course where I hold DEEP space for DEEP work - in an ongoing way (Dream Book baby!!!!) these are not the right tools for me.
Or another way I can look at it is - I am ready to step into my NEXT LEVEL of how I offer my work.
When I think of it in this way I don't feel shame or embarrassment about not having seen this pattern sooner, I just feel excited to let it go now.
You just NEVER KNOW what kind of changes will be sparked by doing the Inner Work.
So this is why I am I advocate and create and hold space for people to do this work in a wholehearted and CONSISTENT way.
We don’t know what we don’t know.
WE don't see out own blind spots anywhere near as well as we think we do.
And the further along we go on the path the more we start to think we DO know what we don't know - and that stops us from learning!
So that’s why we need to keep practicing, keep exploring, because there’s so much more for us.