It’s just above zero and I took a 20 minute bike ride to meet a friend for coffee. I’m wearing all things I made: a hoodie dress, puffer vest and trench coat. I am cozy, warm and colourful (once I take off my coat).

Sewing has been such an important form of creative self expression and creative self care for me for the last two years. 

One of the first things I did when my husband left me was sew this trench coat. I already had the pattern and fabric sitting there, and I remember deciding to really dive in. Working through all of the details of it were a really nice distraction from the stress. And watching it come together was so satisfying.

Then, I was feeling like with so much changing in my life… I wanted new clothes. I was becoming a new version of myself and this version didn’t want to only wear my old self’s clothing, it wanted some new things.

My pace slowly picked up that year, and for this last year I have been on what can only be described as a sewing BINGE. I’ve averaged almost one new thing every week.

And this includes BIG projects: a winter coat, two raincoats, a nightgown with sewn-in ultra comfy bralette, two hooded robes and three elaborate ruffled dresses, jeans, cargo pants - and also lots of small projects like t-shirts, sweatpants, hoodies and simple dresses.

And now, putting on clothes I made just feels… healing. I created these things with careful thought to my comfort and needs and self-expression.

Yes, my life fell apart. Yes, a marriage is a dream and sometimes dreams fall apart. I didn’t choose to be in the process of creating a whole new life while also struggling with perimenopause while the world descends into fascism all around me, but here I am.

I was lucky enough to grow up with a mom who sewed a lot of my clothes. I have had a dream of sewing all of my clothes since I as 16 years old and made myself a very simple dress that I LOVED. Two years later I decided to choose to go to university for fashion design, but that actually leaves very little space to sew your own clothes. 

But I was in my late 30s before I was consistently sewing clothes for myself that I loved. It took that long before I had the combination of time, space, equipment and money to throw at this. 

And since then, I have only gotten better at it. Each new project helps me better understand what works for me, so these days, and for the last eight years at least, I don’t make a lot of duds. Before that - it wasn’t that uncommon to spend the time and money on a fabric and pattern and have the garment be kind of (or a lot!) disappointing.

Creativity is generative. When we can find the smallest ways in, being in the process will grow us and change everything.

Fashion is an arena where it’s hard to find really SMALL ways in, and In hindsight of course I could have looked for ways to start smaller which probably would have made it easier to get to the bigger project of consistently sewing garments that turn out like I’d hoped much sooner.  

I am happy with my journey as it was AND looking to learn from it.

For the things I want to do next: where can I find smaller ways in, so I can get into the generative healing qualities of being in the creative process sooner?

 

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