I've been staying in bed and meditating for 30 minutes before getting up, which usually means I wake up feeling quite calm and centered and clear about what I want to do with my day...
Not today. Today, even post-meditation, I just can't shake that desperation of wanting a thing I can't have.
After two months of being North America's covid hotspot, Winnipeg's third wave has peaked. New cases are down which is a relief except our hospitals are still overflowing and there is such a backlog of medical issues, we are really not out of the woods.
Nevertheless, we are opening back up. Because our conservative government doesn't know how to do anything except put money ahead of people's health and wellbeing.
All this to say, I CAN go to a coffee shop as of Saturday. And next Tuesday is 2 weeks since my second vaccine shot.
But that's not feeling helpful to me, on Thursday morning.
So here I am, sitting at a picnic table in the park with my laptop, which is my attempt to give myself the next best thing.
I made a lavender iced latte, which melted in the heat on my bike ride here and now is just watery cold coffee. It's the time of year when the trees are dripping sap and everything is sticky. It feels like bugs are actually getting stuck on my legs.
A lot has changed for me in this last year, but I still believe in the magic and wisdom of DESIRE and MAKING WISHES and FOLLOWING OUR DREAMS WITH EVERYTHING WE HAVE.
That wish to drink iced coffee on a coffee shop patio is about:
space-making for my creative process
When I look at it that way, I can find other ways to get some of these things. And some of them are just inaccessible right now.
Stability is the thing that's been the hardest for me to call in over these last 15 months.
I mean, the world changed. It feels like it happened overnight, but I can remember watching the pandemic unfold in China and then Italy while knowing that our health system isn't better than theirs as that feeling of inevitability slowly swooped in. It's hard to call in the quality of stability when the world just fucking CHANGED and we can't just change it back.
Obviously, a lot has happened in my life as well. My husband isn't living with me anymore. Having the space and quiet of living alone IS what I need right now, AND it is incredibly disorienting the way my home has changed. Our relationship is actually stronger right now than it was, AND I miss him a lot of the time. AND we know for sure living together in the Dream Loft is not an option, so we are creating a new vision together.
I'm lucky that the Creative Dream Incubator hasn't really changed. I'm LOVING my work in Dream Book and am fueled by it all the time. I'm lucky and privileged that my income stayed steady even as I was distracted as fuck and nowhere near as productive as I used to be.
And that's what I wanted to write about: Privilege and dreams and changing the world.
Because what about the people who have NEVER had the kind of stability that I took for granted until the last year? The stability which is such a helpful ingredient for being brave and bold enough to pursue your dreams?
A world where the most privileged have the most access to their dreams looks like.... the world we live in today.
A world where white supremacy and the patriarchy rule.
A world of increasing wealth inequity. I mean how do we not collectively see how psychotic it is to have individuals hoarding more money than our brains can fathom while others starve in the streets?
A world where fighting for a liveable future for all is actually a fight. And we're loosing that fight.
A world where, here in Canada, we've now found over 1,200 children's bodies buried in unmarked graves at former residential school grounds and settler Canadians are in shock even though we've known since 2015 that the number is closer to 6,000.
A world where slavery exists.
A world where gangs really are the best option for a lot of kids.
A world where we joke about rape. And we judge women for "sleeping their way to the top" instead of jailing the men who abuse their power to force women to choose between sleeping with them or not moving up the ladder at all.
I could go on but you know what I mean.
Our culture is sick. And I believe our dreams can help us heal it.
Because working with your dream connects you more deeply to your true self.
Your dream will push you to heal your wounds that keep you stuck in the unhealthy coping mechanisms that contribute to more disharmony in your life and in the world around you.
Your dream will help you grow into your true gifts and power and we need EVERYBODY'S true gifts and power to heal our culture and create a better one.
A lot of us privileged folks in the Live Your Best Life Industry are looking at ways to do this and wondering.... How do we increase accessibility and inclusivity in our spaces?
These are well meaning questions but they are not going to lead to the kinds of answers that make a difference.
Accessibility and inclusivity are NOT how we build a world where we ALL have access to our dreams.
Since 2015 I have been struggling with the incredible amount of privilege in the Live Your Best Live industry, and my own participation and contribution to that. I have made changes in my work to make it more accessible - not just financially but energy and time wise by creating a deeper, sturdier container.
That's not enough. It's nowhere near enough.
It's still a form of inviting "others" to the table when what is needed is to tear the table apart and build something new that includes everyone, from the ground up.
I mean, anyone in the New Age world looking at ways to be more inclusive and accessible, myself included - and even with the understanding that we've all got good intentions - is laughable.
This whole industry is built on cultural appropriation and theft. We are really going to now open the doors to be more inclusive and invite the people we stole from, to feel more comfortable to come in and buy back what we stole?
It's the same way Canadians are now pointing the fingers at the churches and employees of residential schools instead of looking at how we, ourselves, benefit from residential schools TODAY and how we can, RIGHT NOW TODAY, tear down this system, which continues to kill Indigenous children.
Your dream wants you to BE who are here to BE.
I know a part of who I am here to BE is a kind hearted person who won't stand for genocide. Not in my own country and not anywhere else in the world.
This includes facing a lot of uncomfortable truths.
Both about yourself, and the places where you hold back and follow your inner critic instead of your inner truth, and also about the outer world.
We can't change anything that we can't be with.
And once we can BE WITH the uncomfortable truths, change is not as far away as it feels right now.
So stay with it.
Personally, in our own lives and collectively, in the world. This is the work.