We are doing the 30 day journaling + meditation invitation for the month of August. An explanation of this project is here. For this challenge, I some mugs, notebooks, magnets and stickers with the "Slow the fuck down. BE as creative, powerful and magnetic as you ARE" written on them - they are here.
I have written and re-written this post so many times I have lost count.
Each post was a actually really good.
AND felt inadequate to express what I actually want to do with this project and I how I feel as I begin.
I don't remember being this challenged by a project in a very long time.
And so I am going to take the projects' advice: SLOW THE FUCK DOWN.
Don't try to share everything today.
Just share A thing.
A thing that's happening: I am feeling A LOT of resistance to doing this.
Sometimes resistance can hide in reasonable-sounding reasons why "this just isn't the right time".
And sometimes it shows up as inner critic self doubt attacks. Or just - getting so stressed and crabby that you throw the whole thing away.
This resistance is a natural part of all dreams, all creative pursuits, and all healing processes.
Right now, the resistance is manifesting as EXTREMELY stiff shoulders (my therapist once told me that is often a sign of struggling with oppressive systems that are pushing us down. And yes that's how it feels, I am pushing up against a lot of very powerful invisible things here) and an EXTREMELY crabby mind.
Trying to calm my mind enough to write clearly is very effort-FULL which is really the opposite of the whole vibe I am going for here.
A lot of feelings are going to come up in this process.
Accepting that your process IS unfolding in the right way for you while honouring all of the feelings that come up are important parts of this work.
Without them, you just skate around your blind spots.
So - today I am honouring my feeling about not wanting to do this.
AND honouring my feelings about how I WANTED to start this, and my feelings about how that just isn't happening.
And, deeper down inside, listening to that part of me that knows this is exactly the perfect way to start.