As I said at the end of my Who do you think you are? post from last week, Debbie Doubter and I have more work to do.
But she’s not showing up as Debbie Downer anymore, the voice of self-doubt became more subtle and insidious over the weekend.
And I’ve just been trying to swim away from it, but it just follows me everywhere I go.? It hasn’t been fun.
I’ve been avoiding my practice and resisting my work with Grow Your Depth because it feels like facing this self-doubt this is the next thing I have to do on that path and I don’t feel ready.? I don’t feel strong enough or sure enough.
I don’t feel ready and I’ve been letting that stop me even though I know that we never feel ready.
And waiting until you’re “ready” is just a way of avoiding the journey.
I don’t want to avoid this journey.? I trust my intention for Grow Your Depth, I trust that this process is bringing me exactly what I need.
It’s just that so much has changed already.? It’s working, and that’s scary sometimes.
Hmmm.? Until I sat down to start journaling with self doubt, I didn’t realise that I’ve been letting self-doubt slow me down because I am afraid because things have been going so well.
Like, my problem is not even about self-doubt, I just need a little space to adjust.
My intentions for Grow Your Depth were about wanting to have more fun, make new friends, feel more grounded in my daily practices and in how I run my business, be more creatively inspired and engaged and a secret “impossible dream”.
Clearly, I was ready to have these things because they’re coming in much faster than I thought they could.? Even the impossible stuff.? I was more ready than I thought I was.
Isn’t that interesting, now the self doubt feels like just a smokescreen.
Just a tiny voice who wanted to say “Hey, can we slow down a bit and give me a chance to integrate to where we are now?” but didn’t know how to say that.? Or I didn’t know how to hear it.
But now that I do hear it: Yes, we can slow down a bit.
Yes, I can give myself space to accept the gifts that are coming in now.? And focus on appreciating where I am now.? And look at my next steps without pushing myself to take them as fast as I can.