I’ve been having regular meetings with courage, in preparation for the?Playdate with Courage on May 3.
While I’m not expecting myself to feel courageous by May 3, I do need to be able to weave a field of healing and transformation for the group and hold that space as I invite Courage in. ?So I keep meeting with Courage to build my relationship and connection with it.
Courage keeps showing up as a little boy.
Sometimes he’s playing baseball, wearing a helmet. ?Sometimes he’s wearing a superhero cape.
Today he’s wearing his cape, sitting down cross legged, arms crossed across his chest, a scowl on his face, aimed at me.
So I sat down, we’re sitting on concrete outside a school. ?Oh, this is where I went to elementary school. ?He’s showing me the story of when I stopped playing with him.
He’s showing me the stories of what could have happened, going into junior high and high school, had we stayed friends.
Which, of course, makes me think of what could be happening right now, if we were to rekindle our friendship.
I take a deep breath.
I want to say I’m sorry about that story of when I stopped playing with him but he knows. ?And actually he is sorrier than I am about it. ?That scowl isn’t so much a scowl, he’s sad.
He understands that I got scared and he wishes he could have found a way to stick by me anyway.
Then he says that later on, he did figure out how to stick by me anyway. ?Showing me the trajectory of my life I can see where he came back to me.
But he’s done all he can while hiding in the shadows like this. ?It’s time for me to do my part and claim Courage.
I don’t know what to do.
He shows me that of course I do know what to do. ?What would you tell yourself right now if you were your own client, he asks.
I’d bring this whole story into present time. ?I can’t claim seven year old courage, I need to claim thirty eight year old courage.
I bring us into the DreamLoft but no, that’s too uncomfortable.
We meet at Starbucks instead. ?I see myself sitting there, ready to meet Courage and now he’s an elephant, sitting the chair across from me.
I reach out and take his hands (hands? hoofs?). ?He transforms into me. ?A brighter stronger me, who floats through the table and merges with me.
I am Courageous.
I can feel that energy shift and can tell that there is Courage in me now. ?Of course, there always was, we all have Courage in us. ?But now I’m aware of it and making space for it.
I have a lot of energy work to do to acclimate to Courage and to create spaces in me, and my life, where it can live comfortably – so it has what it needs to do what it needs to do.
I have huge internal resistance to Courage. ?I can feel that part of me wanting to slow down this process, letting me know that I have more important things to do. ?And that Courage is boring, can’t we work on something more fun?
What does Courage do, inside of me?
It heads to the Department of Internal Steadiness and pours a solid concrete foundation for the whole department.
That feels very good. ?Even the parts of me who resist courage are pretty happy to have that new solid foundation for the Department, so they’re starting to appreciate that Courage may be helpful to have around.
ps: The May Courage Event is for Creative Dream Circle members, which you are welcome to join right?here. ?I?d love to have your courageous (or not-so courageous) self be a part of it!