Metabolizing Joy

I had therapy last week and my therapist talked about how she sees that I have actually METABOLIZED all of my difficult my feelings about everything that’s happened in my life these last few months. And how, when you do that, you end up free. Happy. This is healing. 

My therapist said something like: "Your practices work. You had the rug pulled out from under you and you did not fall apart. You're doing great."

The next day I decided to go to the conservatory and butterfly garden and when I stepped in there I realised - now I’m am metabolizing my joy. Getting grounded in it. Breathing in joy. Appreciating the miracle that is my life. Optimistic for the future. 

There is a part of me, which keeps getting smaller, who is waiting for this to be harder. This part of me is stunned at how I’ve moved on from my (only?) (first?) marriage. 

This is an old story about fear and how hanging onto things is the only way to value or honour them. 

That part of me is a little freaked out to see the rest of me living in a brand new story about how life is a gift and I don’t want to spend it being unhappy and holding onto things that don’t fit anymore. And how it doesn’t take away from how much I loved my life with my husband, to say that it’s in the past now. 

The truth is, most of the time I feel deeply happy right now. There is so much space in my life for my healing practices and Dream Work, and I have been creating all new routines and habits for creative magic, self care and joy.

This is creative dreaming. Being deeply present with your life, not avoiding the hard parts but also not getting stuck in them. Using what you have to create what you want.

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