(Journaling cutout from Dream Book)

I was doing the Dream Lab practice to meet with the soul of my dream and I couldn't hold it.

This is the basic practice I teach for Dream Work, I have done it daily for YEARS and today... I couldn't get into it.

As I tried, it felt like a wave went through me, all of the liquids in my body flowed to my feet.

What the heck? It felt like my body was at risk for a tsumani.

Why is it so hard for me to hold this dream?

This isn't usually a helpful kind of question. But it feels like the question I have right now.

This question likely can't lead to any helpful information for what to DO next but it could lead to more information about the inner work I need to do.

So: Why is it so hard for me to hold this dream?

Now I feel this uncomfortable sensation in my throat.

And I want to hide. Like I feel this strong burning desire to pull blankets over me.

My ear starts to hurt.

Everything feels foggy and dense. No answers anywhere.

See what I mean about this not being a helpful question?

OK let's try - what would help me be able to hold it?

Then my Dream Self (from another Dream Work practice we use in Dream Book) intervenes. "Honey, stop asking questions. BE WITH the process AS IT IS"

Oh, right.

However I am holding my dream right now is how I am holding my dream. I can only get "better" at it by practicing.

AND ALSO

Holding it more firmly is NOT better.

AUTHENTIC IS BEST

I have a lot of ambivalence. This is how it's showing up today.

I ask the happy fairy and the business bitch to join me.

I want to ask the happy fairy how she can hold the dream so well but then I see - she's not HOLDING it. She's BEING it. She's dancing and not thinking about any of this.

So I look over at the business bitch. She's sitting on the floor looking at spreadsheets. She's got a snack and she looks really happy.

They are both doing what they want to do.

So what am I doing?

Now my dream is a light in a jar sitting in front of me.

I am working through my shit.

I am staying clear about what I want next even when I have no clue how to get it and thinking about it stirs up A LOT of crap.

And then the answer comes and I now I know what to do next:

I need a new set of Alchemy Wheels - another practice from Dream Book, this one bridges Dream Work with Inner Work and Outer Work.

So that's what I'll do next.