In my journaling practice, I keep encountering this part of me who has been working very hard for a very long time to create safety for me.
It sees every potential pitfall in life and tries to guard against them.
So while I’m skipping towards the things I want, this part of me is trying to pull me back because it believes that avoiding pitfalls is more important than chasing dreams.
Meanwhile my wisest and most heart-connected self believes that I do need to be moving towards what feels true for me – pitfalls or not.? In a universe that is always expanding I can’t contract myself and my life for fear of getting hurt along the way.
Plus – getting hurt along the way is often a part of the process, and a place where I learn a lot.? So it’s really not something to be avoided.
This creates a tug-of-war in my inner world.
When I left my day job to be a full time dreamer, this part of me started working double overtime.
So I had to spend more time working with it, bringing in healing and love and calm to transform this part of me.? I didn’t want to obliterate it or pretend I didn’t have this huge knot in my stomach and slap a big “fake it till you make it” smile over it.
My aim was to love it and give it what it needed to settle down and be happy – to heal and transform it.? To take all the energy and power that the fear had and re-write it to do something more useful for me.
For me, dealing with this part of me was the hardest part of the change from employee to my own boss.? It mean facing my own worst fears and learning how to access more inner strength than I knew I had.
And now here I am again.
It’s definitely not as dramatic or intense right now, but as I have set new intentions for what I want to create in my life as I work through Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance, this part of me has been re-activated.
So when this part of me popped up in my journaling recently I was not very happy.
I felt exhausted and overwhelmed at the thought of working with this part of me again.? I wrote in my journal:
Oh shit. This is going to be a Big Job.
But you know what?? It’s not.
In the journal classes I teach, I show how to work with symbols and essence and how doing this opens up new possibilities.? It’s a way of dropping the story and getting to the heart of what’s actually happening and then changing it – which then changes the story in the outer world.
I created symbols for the thing I want and for safety and then looked at how they play together.? This is where it got really interesting.
They didn’t play nice.
The thing I want actually CLOBBERED the symbol for safety.? It didn’t trust safety, which startled me.
And safety wasn’t too thrilled about having to hang out with the thing I wanted either.
And then the symbols showed me the truth: There’s nothing wrong with the quality of safety but trying to CREATE safety is what fucks me up.
Because I am inherently safe.
(And so are you)
Trying to create safety means giving weight to the belief that I am small and separate from life, that the universe doesn’t care about me and that there are pitfalls to be avoided.
Obviously, in the physical world there are pitfalls to be avoided – that’s not what this is about.
This is about living from a sense of internal trust.
Trusting my dreams.
Trusting my self.
Trusting the process.
Trusting in meaning and purpose.
Trusting that there are no pitfalls to avoid because I can handle whatever comes my way.
Trusting that as long as I am allowing my intuition to lead me I’m always in the right place.
Trusting the mystery.
Remembering that I am already safe.
Trusting that I am safe allows me to relax into the process.
Trying to create safety holds me out of the process because I’m too busy trying to control the universe, which strengthens the belief that I am small and alone and powerless.? Not a recipe for creative dream success.
Back when I first left my job and was just getting settled in my new life as a dreamer I did need to coddle and soothe these fears – they were too big and agitated for me to just say “Hey, dude, chill out and trust the process”and working with them brought me the insights I needed to do the healing work that needed to be done at that time.
And that brought me to where I am now.
And now that I am on more stable ground a different approach is needed.
By meeting with the heart/soul/essence of how you’re feeling and bringing in love and healing it’s so much easier to see what, exactly, you need to move towards what you want.? (For Creative Dream Circle members – the video in the Un-Sticking Station leads you through this process)