Ouch. The pain of wanting a thing that is just out of reach.
There is so much shame in this feeling.
Like if I was good enough I'd already have the thing.
Like not having it is evidence of not deserving it.
And not having it is evidence that I will never have it.
This is where I was yesterday.
I'm doing Project Miracle this month and it's helped me be clearer than ever which feels like a miracle in itself right now.
And as I got more clear about what I want, I started to want it BIGGER. And as I started to want it bigger all the stuff that is in the way started to feel bigger too.
Yesterday this felt like:
- Tense jaw
- Shoulders painfully tight and up around my ears.
- Wanting to cry and distract myself and eat all the carbs.
- Feeling 100% sure that there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY to do this thing I want to do.
- Feeling 50% sure that this means I also can't keep doing the things I want to do that I am already doing, that everything is about to fall apart.
- Watching Netflix to try to avoid all of this
- Moody and frustrated and tired and not at all present with the people around me.
Yes, some of this is processing the shock of suddenly losing a friend. That's making everything else harder than usual, for sure.
But this is what happens for me every time I want to take new steps with my dreams.
That feeling that not having it is evidence of not deserving it.
That shame that somehow I have already failed because I don't have it.
These feelings come up like huge brick walls that are impossible to move through. Being with them feels impossible...
But AVOIDING them is actually what will make getting the thing impossible.
Dreaming is vulnerable AF.
In all of my years of coaching people with their dreams, I've never met a person who DIDN'T feel this way at some point.
It's the ability to sit with, process, and move through this feeling that allows you to move towards your dream.
This is the work.
Because as brutal as FEELING this feeling is, what's more brutal is that trying to AVOID this feeling WILL make the thing you want completely impossible.
Holding space for all these wildly conflicting feelings, tending to all of the parts in you who need healing while creating MORE space for the things you want... this is the work.
My work with the Creative Dream Incubator is not about helping you find a short cut to get to your dream while avoiding the hard parts. My work is provide tools + support for navigating the hard parts, because they are inevitable.
You can either pursue your dreams wholeheartedly.
Or you can avoid all these uncomfortable feelings.
You can't have both.
PS: It's not too late to join me in Project Miracle.