Wobbles + Stuckness. This week in my practice.

This is my weekly update from Grow Your Depth, Nurture Your Brilliance.? Every Friday I? post my answers to these same questions (with a different “bonus” question, based on what we’ve been exploring that week) and invite the Circle members to share their responses too.? Answering these same questions helps us to track our journey – healing and transformation are difficult things to track because when done right, you feel so at home in your new way of being that you forget how things used to be.? But when this practice is done consistently over time, it shows not only how far you’ve come – but how far you’re able to go next.

My intention shows up as:

It’s the same bright light from last week, but it’s further away this week, so it’s like it’s not shining as brightly, but I know that it actually is shining just as bright.

It didn’t move away from me, I moved away from it.? It’s always here for me.

I am Growing My Depth.? This week my practice was:

Wobbly.

This is especially disappointing since last week it felt so stable and strong.? But this week I had a lot of resistance to showing up for my journal every day.

Journaling about why I was avoiding my journal was helpful.

But I just couldn’t get myself into the flow with it for most of this week.

Though I did start reading a book about sales, and doing lots of exploring and brainstorming around my beliefs about selling and sales and where they could use some transformation.? Which of course spills over into my beliefs of what is really possible for me.

And sometimes always(?) when I start to explore something new, resistance creeps in.

When I was working with my resistance in the Un-Sticking Station it showed up as oil covering me.? And I did energy clearing to clean off the oil, but that actually made me sad.? I wanted the oil there.? I wanted resistance to slow me down.? I wanted to curl up in it and hide.

Plus, self doubt continues to show up in different ways.

So I’m working with all of this slowly, reminding myself that this is a part of the process.? Last week I said I would make an inspiration card to remind me to welcome whatever shows up, even when it’s so different from what I’d hoped would show up that I don’t want to look at it at all, and here it is:

It does make me smile to see it, but a part of me still wishes I could find a way to close the door on the things I don’t want.? Opening the door to growing my depth means opening the door.? Wide.? And welcoming whatever I find inside me.? I’m getting there.

Also: emotional trickery!

Over and over this week I thought I was feeling one thing, but exploring it showed that I was feeling something else.? Like I thought I was doubting my creative voice but really I was lonely.? I thought I was worried about money but really I was tired.

Not my favourite week for inner work!

But then in the Creative Genius Mojo-Dojo I got a really beautiful message: It just feels wonky because you are in the process of change.? Keep going.

I meditated on that and could see how it’s true and all of the wonkiness felt less wonky.? I got back in touch with my excitement for what I am creating.

I am Nurturing My Brilliance.? This week things in my outer world were:

All that resistance to my journaling practice certainly did impact me in the outer world.

Everything in my life flows so much better when I am creatively and deeply engaged with my inner work.

So I feel sad and frustrated about this.? While the week started really happy and good (since last week was so great) as it went on the resistance took over.

Meanwhile, skating on the river continues to rock my world.

But on this snowy night, the ice was covered in so much snow I couldn’t see the cracks, and I hit one and fell really hard.? I’m ok, but needed to take a skating break for a few days – which coincided with some colder/windier weather so taking a break for a few days is not the worst thing.? (Fingers crossed to be able to get back on the ice tonight)

I did start a new project and make progress on old projects. This is actually kind of a big deal but I’m not ready to talk about it yet.

I took good care of myself. Yoga, baths, enough sleep, meditation, time with friends, eating really well.? Besides from the wonkiness, I do feel good.

And the sad situation I was writing about last week dissipated – after doing some energy work to separate it from me I woke up one morning feeling like it was in the past.? And then it stopped feeling sad and I feel like I’ve accepted it for what it is.? Very grateful for this.

I used to play Plants vs Zombies on my iPad.? Not that much, but certainly almost every day.? I deleted the app this week and felt that discomfort of not having a thing I usually do when I want to take a break.? I’m replacing it with reading and just actually taking a break – sitting and doing nothing for a bit.

So good stuff happened – but somehow overall I just felt stuck/stalled this week.

It feels important that I remember:

Cause and effect.? When I stop showing up for the magic the magic stops showing up for me.

And that I am always free to make a different choice.

Now I need:

Well writing this out shows me that I need to be firmer with myself about showing up for my practice.? I want to do the things that bring me the life I want.

My intention needs:

My intention asked me to start doing something new this week, and I’m doing it.? A new morning ritual of connecting with the essence of the thing I’m working on to help me enter the day in a state of deep connection with the purpose behind the thing.

I love this!? I feel so much calmer and sure-er and more connected to my deepest purpose, all day.

I love this even though I think this was also a big contributor to feeling wonky this week – because it put me more firmly in the process of change.

My intention needs me to keep doing this, and to be open to how this may change everything else.

Each week we have an extra journaling prompt, usually based on the new?Grow Your Depth Nurture Your Brilliance content from that week.

This week we’re exploring the importance of being in the unknown.? How do you react when faced with the unknown?? How would you like to react and what might help you with that?

I don’t react very well.? I mean – that’s kind of what this week was all about for me.? I get wonky, I resist my practice.? I feel stuck when I’m not necessarily stuck at all – I’m just in the unknown.? Which means I judge the unknown and hold it up to standards which probably have nothing to do with it because I don’t take the time to find out what it is first.

I’m uncomfortable with the unknown.

I also know that it’s the only way to get to somewhere new.? I am deeply committed to growing my depth and how could that possibly happen without being in the unknown?? So shifting my relationship with the unknown feels important.

I would like to welcome it.? I would like to remember sooner that “Oh yeah this is unknown which means I don’t know which means I can hold off of judging things because it’s not necessarily wrong that I am in this place, feeling this way.”? I always get there, but I would like to get there sooner.

I would love to be excited about the unknown – to see it as an adventure to explore.? What would help me to do that?? I’m going to have to give that one some time.


 

Your Next Steps: A journaling + meditation class to help you be more CLEAR and SURE of your next steps
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